Recently a suggestion was made that we as a group need to educate and police ourselves as a group in this our chosen lifestyle (thats swinging for all us simple folk) .
In order to do this effectively wouldnt there have to be some set of rules that everyone would be expected to adhere to? What would those rules be? how would they be created and ratified? would swingers from their respective states send represntatives to a central location to vote on these rules(oops now we get into politics) ? If you were teaching a new person (regarless of marital status or gender) the rules about swinging what would you teach them first?
I really would love to hear as much as possible from you guys.
richard
In order to do this effectively wouldnt there have to be some set of rules that everyone would be expected to adhere to? What would those rules be? how would they be created and ratified? would swingers from their respective states send represntatives to a central location to vote on these rules(oops now we get into politics) ? If you were teaching a new person (regarless of marital status or gender) the rules about swinging what would you teach them first?
I really would love to hear as much as possible from you guys.
richard
Policing ourselves, can it be done? NO!
Advice for a newbie, LOL! I would say "RUN, run away as fast as you can!"
Seriously the first thing I would say to a new person/couple is "What ever you think swinging is, its not."
I think that with each couple comes different rules, as well as with each different scenario. How can you have a set precedence with as many different types of people that are even on this site alone? Let alone in the lifestyle.
I have often wondered why swingers would even have rules, I think the lifestyle is about the moment and with each moment you should take it as it comes. But that's just my opinion.
To set ground rules is to invite anarchy. Why bother?, a person either has respect, or they don't period. For every rule you could come up with someone could justify breaking it.
My 2 cents.
~K~
Advice for a newbie, LOL! I would say "RUN, run away as fast as you can!"
Seriously the first thing I would say to a new person/couple is "What ever you think swinging is, its not."
I think that with each couple comes different rules, as well as with each different scenario. How can you have a set precedence with as many different types of people that are even on this site alone? Let alone in the lifestyle.
I have often wondered why swingers would even have rules, I think the lifestyle is about the moment and with each moment you should take it as it comes. But that's just my opinion.
To set ground rules is to invite anarchy. Why bother?, a person either has respect, or they don't period. For every rule you could come up with someone could justify breaking it.
My 2 cents.
~K~
CNT- there should be rules because otherwise you have experiences like yours at a recent party where you were groped by a total stranger.
There are many men and women who think the lifestyle means that you can grab, grope, fondle, molest anyone you choose because you are a swinger. Some folks have no sense of boundaries or basic polite behavior. You wanna grab me, at least introduce yourself first.
No means no. Some folks can't grasp that. Some folks think no means keep on pushing and maybe they'll get what they want.
There are people who stoop so low as to drug people at parties. Yes, it happens. I know several people that this has happened to. While I can't prove it, I believe it has happened to us. Dude, if you gotta drug people to get them to play - you have issues. Serious ones.
Some would say that common sense dictates that there should be no rules. Others will tell you that by experience, some are lacking in common sense and need the rules. How likely they would be to abide by them is a different issue.
I'm not saying this to be rude but I'm not sure Cedar City is a hotbed of swinging. You can find parties and the like nearly every weekend here. Most people play nice, but there are some who don't and have literally been blackballed from many events due to their poor behavior.
I'm far too nice and need to work on my "fuck off and die skills" instead of politely turning someone away 50 times a night. No, I'm not a drop dead stunner, but I do get hit on. I do like to play. Yet a few people who I have turned down more than once and cannot take the hint have no labeled me a prude.
The funny thing is, I am not a prude. (would a prude even be in the lifestyle??) Prudes do not engage in the activities I engage in. I'm selective. I'm cautious. And I am a lot of fucking fun. Pun intended
I just have to laugh though at the person calling me a prude. We played once. It was less than stellar and I'm not going back for seconds. If that makes me a prude rather than someone who isn't into lame sex, so be it. HAHAHA
Anyway, back on topic. Rules should be understood for everyone in the lifestyle and couples should feel free to set rules for their own experiences.
Just my humble opinion.
Ali
There are many men and women who think the lifestyle means that you can grab, grope, fondle, molest anyone you choose because you are a swinger. Some folks have no sense of boundaries or basic polite behavior. You wanna grab me, at least introduce yourself first.
No means no. Some folks can't grasp that. Some folks think no means keep on pushing and maybe they'll get what they want.
There are people who stoop so low as to drug people at parties. Yes, it happens. I know several people that this has happened to. While I can't prove it, I believe it has happened to us. Dude, if you gotta drug people to get them to play - you have issues. Serious ones.
Some would say that common sense dictates that there should be no rules. Others will tell you that by experience, some are lacking in common sense and need the rules. How likely they would be to abide by them is a different issue.
I'm not saying this to be rude but I'm not sure Cedar City is a hotbed of swinging. You can find parties and the like nearly every weekend here. Most people play nice, but there are some who don't and have literally been blackballed from many events due to their poor behavior.
I'm far too nice and need to work on my "fuck off and die skills" instead of politely turning someone away 50 times a night. No, I'm not a drop dead stunner, but I do get hit on. I do like to play. Yet a few people who I have turned down more than once and cannot take the hint have no labeled me a prude.
The funny thing is, I am not a prude. (would a prude even be in the lifestyle??) Prudes do not engage in the activities I engage in. I'm selective. I'm cautious. And I am a lot of fucking fun. Pun intended
I just have to laugh though at the person calling me a prude. We played once. It was less than stellar and I'm not going back for seconds. If that makes me a prude rather than someone who isn't into lame sex, so be it. HAHAHA
Anyway, back on topic. Rules should be understood for everyone in the lifestyle and couples should feel free to set rules for their own experiences.
Just my humble opinion.
Ali
policing should be easy the same rules(laws) apply just because my wife and I have decided to have sex with other peopole does not mean we are open game for any thing to go on.if a person recives an unwanted grope the person groping is still guilty of sexual battery,and if i am not mistaken a felony in most if not all states.ask first,no is no.oh by the way i volonteer to be the swingers policeman.
Phil
Phil
Just because you are a "Swinger" does not, nor every has given anyone that right to be aggresive sexually IN ANYWAY. Even the prostitute deserves respect and consideration (other then money - LOL) and all the current laws still apply if you are violated. Even being a concealed weapons carrier helps, should you need this for your protection - then I think NO would mean NO - LOL
One simple word need apply, "RESPECT" Other then that I think the recent posting under "Lifestyle Questions" from Nelson of UTAHPLEASURES says what is needed.
It is titled: Are you new to swinging? If so read on!
http://www.swingular.com/post.php?action=view&PID=3316&TID=8
This is an awesome post and something EVERYONE rather new or old to the lifestyle should read. Then we can police ourselves with that common understanding and "RESPECT"
One simple word need apply, "RESPECT" Other then that I think the recent posting under "Lifestyle Questions" from Nelson of UTAHPLEASURES says what is needed.
It is titled: Are you new to swinging? If so read on!
http://www.swingular.com/post.php?action=view&PID=3316&TID=8
This is an awesome post and something EVERYONE rather new or old to the lifestyle should read. Then we can police ourselves with that common understanding and "RESPECT"
PET,
Your right, we are not in the hotbed of swinging, we are in the wasteland!!LOL!!
Honestly I thought I would have to worry more about being groped, or roofied (I don't even know how to spell it) by a MAN at a swinger party, this is why I said rules would do no good, if you don't have respect, you don't have respect, plain and simple. Whether you are gay or straight, single or married, swinger or prude, male or female, disrespectful people are just selfish assholes who probably don't have any respect for themselves, so how can they respect anyone else?
I have read all the rules to swing by, and the post from UTAHPLEASURES about swinging and what good does it do if the other party hasn't read it, or simply doesn't care?
Even in the "vanilla" dating world people get groped, drugged, and even raped. The people who would commit these atrocities would do it anyway, swinger or not.
I have been groped by females at straight clubs, and by men, women tend to me WAY more aggressive. A few weeks back at our local club, (here in small-ville!!) The bouncer groped me, who do you tell to kick the bouncer out? Hes a bouncer and still NO RESPECT. (I think maybe I just attract these kinds of people, is there a word for that? How about loser-magnet!!)
They have laws for this, as HIGHWAY1 has pointed out, in Utah touching someone on the breasts, buttocks, privates, or other, is a second degree felony in this state, PERIOD. It doesn't have anything to do with gender, marital status, religious preference, age, or sexual preference. And yet, It happens everyday.
What good would rules do? If people wont even obey LAWS? Seriously? Most couples have a set of rules, but yet there always happens to be someone that thinks they don't apply to them, or doesn't care enough to ask.
~K~
Your right, we are not in the hotbed of swinging, we are in the wasteland!!LOL!!
Honestly I thought I would have to worry more about being groped, or roofied (I don't even know how to spell it) by a MAN at a swinger party, this is why I said rules would do no good, if you don't have respect, you don't have respect, plain and simple. Whether you are gay or straight, single or married, swinger or prude, male or female, disrespectful people are just selfish assholes who probably don't have any respect for themselves, so how can they respect anyone else?
I have read all the rules to swing by, and the post from UTAHPLEASURES about swinging and what good does it do if the other party hasn't read it, or simply doesn't care?
Even in the "vanilla" dating world people get groped, drugged, and even raped. The people who would commit these atrocities would do it anyway, swinger or not.
I have been groped by females at straight clubs, and by men, women tend to me WAY more aggressive. A few weeks back at our local club, (here in small-ville!!) The bouncer groped me, who do you tell to kick the bouncer out? Hes a bouncer and still NO RESPECT. (I think maybe I just attract these kinds of people, is there a word for that? How about loser-magnet!!)
They have laws for this, as HIGHWAY1 has pointed out, in Utah touching someone on the breasts, buttocks, privates, or other, is a second degree felony in this state, PERIOD. It doesn't have anything to do with gender, marital status, religious preference, age, or sexual preference. And yet, It happens everyday.
What good would rules do? If people wont even obey LAWS? Seriously? Most couples have a set of rules, but yet there always happens to be someone that thinks they don't apply to them, or doesn't care enough to ask.
~K~
Since swinging is an alternate lifestyle....not vanilla or "normal" we don't go by the normal rules of society. We are all individuals comming with our own set of rules and our one perception of what swinging is, even if we've been in the lifestyle for 10...20 years. There is a real rule that is supposed to be sacroscant.... NO MEANS NO with no explanation required. That can be applied to almost any situation that comes up. Bad breath, body odor, no teeth, ugly...in your opinion, too fat or too skinny, facial hair, body hair, racial preferences, language preferences, hair style, clothing, where they live...too close or too distant or the wrong side of the tracks...Bi not Bi, dirty, circumcised, uncircumsised... Everyone has there own preferences. Not that all of these preferences are bad to some they are just preferences. The lifestyle is about fun fantasy and preference..... NO MEANS NO and Therefore Yes means fun for those who want it.
What rules beyond NO means NO does one need. Pretty much covers all situations. Beyond that being civil, courteous and non provoking is all that one needs IMHO.
What rules beyond NO means NO does one need. Pretty much covers all situations. Beyond that being civil, courteous and non provoking is all that one needs IMHO.
if we have to police ourselves then why should we have to pay??
Pay for what? Huh?
T4REAL-
I do think these people should be outed. But to do so in this forum or others might possibly be grounds for a defamation suit would it not? I've warned people via email and in person. I have no fear of retaliation. They've been blackballed from most events here. Nobody wants them around. There are others here who can back up my allegations and add their own. All real experiences, all substantiated.
It's difficult though. Will warnings come off as just that or as someone with an axe to grind? I have no axe to grind, just want no further association with the persons that slipped a mickey in my drink.
*sigh*
Asshole people can sure mess up things for the nice ones...
T4REAL-
I do think these people should be outed. But to do so in this forum or others might possibly be grounds for a defamation suit would it not? I've warned people via email and in person. I have no fear of retaliation. They've been blackballed from most events here. Nobody wants them around. There are others here who can back up my allegations and add their own. All real experiences, all substantiated.
It's difficult though. Will warnings come off as just that or as someone with an axe to grind? I have no axe to grind, just want no further association with the persons that slipped a mickey in my drink.
*sigh*
Asshole people can sure mess up things for the nice ones...
**This community is a primal animal zoo focused on solely on self . . . so why would it surprise people that others become animalistic?**
So people shouldn't be surprised when they have their drinks spiked at parties or are served "special" tainted punch?
We shouldn't be surprised that predatory men and women are a rape waiting to happen?
We shouldn't be surprised when people aren't even remotely respectful of others and view them only as something that exists only to be their persinal cum dumpster?
Honestly, I am surprised. I know evil exists in all walks of life, but I had truly hoped that this might be different.
I've met some wonderful people and made new friends. But I've also met some people that quite frankly, scare the hell out of me.
PS... you still owe me an email. I'm still waiting...
Ali
So people shouldn't be surprised when they have their drinks spiked at parties or are served "special" tainted punch?
We shouldn't be surprised that predatory men and women are a rape waiting to happen?
We shouldn't be surprised when people aren't even remotely respectful of others and view them only as something that exists only to be their persinal cum dumpster?
Honestly, I am surprised. I know evil exists in all walks of life, but I had truly hoped that this might be different.
I've met some wonderful people and made new friends. But I've also met some people that quite frankly, scare the hell out of me.
PS... you still owe me an email. I'm still waiting...
Ali
T4--
I understand. But it's frustrating to know that many people don't know about these predatory people. And there really is now way to let everyone else know. In the meantime, there are new victims. Nothing stops them from walking into a situation that is unsafe.
It'd be great if there was a way to publicly warn everyone about the predators. Until then, we all just have to keep talking to others in an effort to inform and educate.
I understand. But it's frustrating to know that many people don't know about these predatory people. And there really is now way to let everyone else know. In the meantime, there are new victims. Nothing stops them from walking into a situation that is unsafe.
It'd be great if there was a way to publicly warn everyone about the predators. Until then, we all just have to keep talking to others in an effort to inform and educate.
thats all we need is more rules !!!!!!
(( you can't fix stupid ))
k & a
(( you can't fix stupid ))
k & a
INGER - I think it depends what you are considering moral, sex is sex, in my opinion, it is neither moral nor immoral, it is a physical act that is very pleasurable. Things I consider immoral is dishonesty, cruelness, hatefulness all of which do exist in the lifestyle, but at a similar and maybe even lower rate than the general population.
Being from UT, my guess is you were at one point part of the predominant faith here and that still has some impact on your views of morality, whether it is personal beliefs or the fear of being outed to family and friends and how they may judge you.
I think the only rule we need to worry about is the no means no, stick to that and everything works out fine.....usually. Be prepared for some people who are gonna break it though, esp considering the amount of drinking that is involved, that always clouds judgement and makes no seem less no-ish to some people. You may need to put your "dick" hat on and be blunt as some people don't voice no's very well either.
Being from UT, my guess is you were at one point part of the predominant faith here and that still has some impact on your views of morality, whether it is personal beliefs or the fear of being outed to family and friends and how they may judge you.
I think the only rule we need to worry about is the no means no, stick to that and everything works out fine.....usually. Be prepared for some people who are gonna break it though, esp considering the amount of drinking that is involved, that always clouds judgement and makes no seem less no-ish to some people. You may need to put your "dick" hat on and be blunt as some people don't voice no's very well either.
A motion is now on the table: Develope the first rule for those in this lifestyle.
It is a nice thought that folks would follow rules and guidelines, but not very practical. If, when they can be seen speeding in a neighborhood, running stop signs and lights, what gives you the idea they will be responsible enough to follow rules for a swinging life style? But, it is a nice thought that people could do so.
Oleman,
I'm going to disagree with you.
I speed now and then. I don't always wear my seatbelt (law here). I might even steal a grape from the supermarket when doing my grocery shopping.
But when it comes to other people, respecting them, respecting their boundaries, I am very attentive to the rules, spoken and unspoken.
I have been violated. I would never turn around and treat another in a way that I know is harmful or degrading.
I would think it is very reasonable to assume that people act like decent human beings. Swingers or not..
Ali
I'm going to disagree with you.
I speed now and then. I don't always wear my seatbelt (law here). I might even steal a grape from the supermarket when doing my grocery shopping.
But when it comes to other people, respecting them, respecting their boundaries, I am very attentive to the rules, spoken and unspoken.
I have been violated. I would never turn around and treat another in a way that I know is harmful or degrading.
I would think it is very reasonable to assume that people act like decent human beings. Swingers or not..
Ali
Ok I like this b/c we like to go to parties we had some problem with some guy