Swingers on Swingular - Swingers Forum - Why are people afraid to give out their email address

I was just wondering what peoples thoughts are on giving out their email address to people on the site ? Yes, I know the old arguments about spamming etc etc, but the reality of it is this. It's just sometimes so time consuming to send someone a message then sign out and then a little later (sometimes moments) you get notified thru your regular email that you have a message at the site,, so now you go back to the site sign in and reply to your message. After replying you sign out and once again that person replies to your last messageand you have to return to the site to log in and retreive it. They just refuse to use the regular email address you have provided them, what do they think your gonna do with it ? I mean afterall its just an address for email, its not your home address. Has anyone ever heard of BLOCKING unwanted mail ? Its so easy to block unwanted emails from those that choose ignore your wishes to not continue eamailing. Anyway what is everyone's thoughts on this

Among other things, blocking the unwanted emails only keeps you from *seeing* the emails from people you block. It doesn't protect you much beyond that - for example, if you have my email address, even once I block you, other programs (viruses) can still pull my address off your machine, and send emails to me (spam and other viruses) - and they can send it *from* a totally different email address.

That's only an example...there are lots of reasons we choose not to give our email address to someone without having gotten to know them. It may sound extreme or paranoid, but these days, you can't be too careful. These are real threats, and they can have awful consequences.

In your example, you mentioned sending someone a note here, signing out, then getting a note in your 'regular' email saying Swingular had a new email, and so on...

Well, two things might help:
1. Try not to sign out right away. Especially if you see someone's online here, and you know you just wrote them, hang out. Maybe they'll answer right away.
2. I think you can set things up here so that you don't get external notification of emails, no?

Anyway, good luck

well here is ours kittynwoo@yahoo just stop by and say hello

The possibility of virus's shouldn't be a problem. Responsible people all have virus programs on their computers. I have given my email address out for over 15 years and have never had a problem.

Niceguy...

...I *am* responsible...in fact, I've been using computers and email for nearly 25 years now, without problems relating to 'malware'. I use all sorts of utilities to keep things in shape. I have 9 computers in the house, and can't really afford to have issues.

Yet, even though I know full well what I'm doing and how to do it, I also understand very well how things work - something I can't say for many others who rely on their machines daily.

Sure, these says most everyone is at least aware they should use antivirus programs (though some foolishly still don't)...but that's really only scratching the surface. Of all the machines I've ever worked on (and that's quite a lot), 95% suffer from the same problem(s), all of which almost directly stem from what I call "indiscriminate usage". Of course, they all say "But I have an antivirus..."

If you see no problem giving your email address freely, good for you. I don't recommend it, personally or professionally (and yes, I am actually paid to know what I'm doing with this stuff).

Best of luck.

ULUV,

As I've already pointed out, 'catching something' directly (from attachments, in the example you gave), isn't by far the only problem with indiscriminate usgae of a machine. Another example: Twice now, when we gave people our email address, they insisted on putting it in a publisly-viewable list with many others - in the "To" field of an email. Even though we specifically asked NOT to be added to a mailing list, now our email has been 'distributed' to all the other people's machines that appear on that "To" list. (There is a website explaining the problem with this: http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/u/usebcc.htm ).

Each of those machines can now be infected - through no act of ours, or even the person we initially gave our address to - and wind up sending us trouble. Now, in fact, it's entirely up to a potentially unknown group of people...and what if one of them in turn does the same thing? Suddenly, you see the potential for hundreds (thousands?) of machines to have your email address in them. What if even one of them doesn't use AV software?

People need to learn more if they're going to give advice.

As for giving out email addresses; I agree completely with Kinbaku, it's a mtter of choice - respect it.

Also, what about the two suggestions I gave earlier? The originator of the thread suddenly didn't seem interested in potential solutions, only in being irritated because people won't share what he thinks they should. Hmmm.

Not to offend anyone, just trying to point something out. Best to everyone.

Of course the answer could be much more simple than people are making it out to be. One must also consider that some people only have work email, which means that if they give you their email they are exposing a part of themselves to their professional life that they may not be comfortable with. Or it may be that their personal email is shared by their entire family (kids included). Or they might have even used their real name for their email address. Yes, they can set up an anonymous email account through Google, Hotmail, Yahoo, etc, but maybe just maybe they haven't because being in the lifestyle is a part time thing, not a dedicated constant effort that requires a separate email address when this site provides such a service. Just some random thoughts.

-SG

Quote: Posted By: FOREVERUS Reply posted on:
May 6, 2007 - 7:05 pm
Rather than an email address, why not use one of the many instant messaging programs . yahoo, msm, icq or some other chat program, That is how we do it with couples of intrest. We do use one email only for the lifestyle ....

just a thought

:i

Absolutely agree with this, it is much easier to chat than the back and forth e-mail.

Ron

It seems to us, that some people are just to lazy and do not wish to have to log in or out of anything. If you setup icons for the things you want access to more quickly that will help. Otherwise you are just complaining. People have a right to feel as safe as the need to be or not.

This is a forum for expressing opinions and not arguing SNS2N1, so I am not going to respond to everyone's opinion. Opinions are like assholes...everyone has one. No offense to anyone ! I gave my opinion so now let everyone else give theirs, obviously its a matter of choice

CAPENICEGUY...

I have no problem at all with your opinion, or your expressing it. However, you should keep in mind that - when you 'express' things that just don't stand to reason (i.e. your theories about giving out email addresses being harmless) - you do stand the risk of rebuttal.

When you ridicule those of us whose *choice* it is not to give out an email address, you genuinely invite a contradiction. Sorry, but you made it seem as if people were somehow wrong for having a preference. You also went further, implying the obvious answer was to BLOCK people's emails - a solution that just doesn't work, as I pointed out.

You started the thread, apparently to invite opinions. I gave mine. Yes, everyone's got them, but they're all different. Some are based in fact and reality, while others are completely misinformed.

Am I to be ostracized because I'm knowledgable enough to actually provide an informed response to your solicitation?

I responded directly to both your issues (logging on/off and the external notification emails). Even though I gave perfectly legitimate responses to the two issues you mentioned, you completely ignored both. Then you proceeded to second-guess my expertise ("The possibility of virus's shouldn't be a problem. Responsible people all have virus programs on their computers. I have given my email address out for over 15 years and have never had a problem).

I've explained how - factually, in detail, and with reference - it *IS* a problem...and now you're claiming I'm arguing?

Nice. I suppose I should apologize for actually knowing what the hell I'm talking about, too.

Y'know, it would be different if I'd said "You're all idiots" or something like that. I didn't. I pointed out a flaw in your rationale, I explained in detail, and I provided corroboration.

In short, I responded to your inquiry.

Be careful what you ask for. And don't get upset if the input you asked for doesn't agree with your opinion.

May I say something here that is not directly addressing the initial thread but something relevant to anything said on the internet. People can only see your words not your facial expression or intonation of your speach. They cannot see body language or facial expressions. All of these things make a difference as to how people interpret what someone says, when they are face to face. None of these indicators are present here... People should, therefore, be mindful of what people cannot interpret in what you say on here, or on the net in general, and should choose words and speach paterns that will be more communicative and less confrontational. There is almost nothing that is all, never or forever. There may be almost anything that can be almost or maybe.. The other side of this coin is as a reader what do I think this person meant. Picking at words will only cause confusion. If someone says always maybe they mean most of the time in their experience. It is, is another IS or IS ALWAYS denotes absolutes but is this person trying to say that from their perspective it seems that it IS ALWAY; i.e., most of the time .... Forums are for communication not bickering.... and miscommunicating because we do not try to understand someones view. ABSOLUTES are one of the only things that are absolutely not correct.

Ohhh...I forgot to mention:

How very timely things can be sometimes....just recently, on another website (for swingers), I had given a new contact our email address. I did this at his request (a single male), so he could send pictures. He did...

...what he sent was an email that - I really could only guess why - was forwarded not less than 16 times. Apparently, our new found friend has been very busy.

Now, I'm sure you've all seen the emails where the subject line is FWD:FWD:FWD:RE: (etc, etc...) I've never realized anyone could be thoughtless enough to simply forward an email with pics to us, when the same email has been forwarded to 16 other people. And it's all right there, "in the clear" so to speak, in his email.

Now, think about this: Here's a guy who is telling us he's sincerely interested in her, how he's only interested in making friends and not the typical wham-bam kinda thing. Funny, he seems to cover a lotta ground for someone so sincere. All in the past week or so, I might add.

It gets better: at some point...I don't know, maybe he's got two machines and was bouncing pics between them, or whatever...he's also unwittingly included a different email address for himself (which, by the way, told us right away he's not been honest about his name). He's put his own, 'real' email address in there as well!

But that's not the part that really relates to the subject of this thread. What does relate is the issue of emails, making rounds you can't even imagine, because of one careless person. I made the mistake of trusting this person - and imagine my horror when I saw how careful he was with the other 16 people's info in there...what if some were completely unaware he was doing that? I bet they are!

And now, HE'S GOT OUR EMAIL ADDRESS!!! How many of his emails to others will have our address in it?

Ever hear of 'social engineering'? Well, if you haven't, do some research. This is how talented computer people can take a little shred of info about you from here, and a little from there, and next thing you know, your private affairs aren't so private. Sure, we're only talking about swinging sites, right? But, didn't someone above mention work email? Tell me no one ever got the two mixed up - or that no one ever forwarded your email - the one you sent in total confidence - to their work address, intentionally or unwittingly!!

Of the 16 email addresses right there in his email, 13 were Yahoo email addresses...now, it's a hop, skip and jump over to their profiles - and now I know even more about the people our friend listed in his email. Interesting to see who all he's been in touch with.

Ohhh, by the way? Two of them were crossdressers, says so right there in their Yahoo profiles.

What if that somehow found its way to where someone worked?

I'll tell you what, I know how these people - the 'social engineers' - go about finding out all sorts of stuff. It so happens I'm not into messing with people like that, or I could have a field day with this stuff. I'm not interested in it, but what if I were? Someone who was a real low-life could start contacting these people, saying things like "I know you've been in touch with X"...or they try to play a confidence game, by dropping names picked up from various sources: "Hey Jimmy told me you're..." after seeing an email from "James" so-and-so. There are countless variations, but these people are relentless - and they're not stupid!

Think it doesn't happen? Think again. Every word of what I say above is absolutely true. May not sound like much until you consider all the possible ways it could be exploited. And it happened, just about the time I took interest in this thread.

So, I hope this little story helps illustrate my point. I hope it helps answer the original question; *This* is why people are reluctant to give out email addresses. And, maybe they damn well should be.

I'm not afraid: [email protected]

For me? How about a spam/bulk mailbox that gets 2000-4000 junk emails a week. Everything from get viagra or other drugs online or loose weight(neither of with I need) to enlarge you penis and nigerian or phishing scams(also not needed) I've won the British lottery at least 30 times. I should be worth millions by now..lol. I thought I was giving my email out to real people.. so that is my reason for not just handing my email out to people I don't really know.

Well, I see Valance has to speak his mind...

We've had our differences before, and once again you've shown your true colors. I should've known way back, when you established yourself as one of these "Macs can't get viruses" geniuses. The facts didn't agree with you then, and they don't now - and yes, I can prove it.

As for my advice being 'outmoded'...again, every word I wrote above is true. If you think it's outmoded to be concerned that people take others' *private* information and make it public, then most people would say your opinion is crucially underinformed. Many would say you're also incredibly rude. They'd also say you're part of the problem.

I wonder how many of the 16 people in the email I got would think of it as 'outmoded' that I'm concerned about this person spreading their information - especially without their knowledge.

I'm perfectly content with people *reading* this, then making up their own minds about my advice. They don't need you telling them what's outmoded. In fact, several have already offered their thanks, here in the forum and in emails. So, apparently, not everyone thinks it's outmoded or paranoid.

I never said there's any way to stop it - in fact, what I've said all along is quite the opposite. Social engineering is a big threat - and no *competent* Systems Administrator would represent it as anything else. People either learn to be more careful with private information, or they face the consequences (which, in many cases, can be life-changing).

I did note that, with the exception of parroting someone else's idea, you really don't offer much in the way of helpful advice. Funny, one would think you ("...as Systems Administrator(s)...") could do better.

This is the second time you've made disparaging comments directed at me, simply because I know what I'm talking about, and don't go in for all the cryptic IT crap that your type spews. Please stop attacking me simply because I'm smarter than you. No one here invited you to attack me, and it's totally uncalled for.

The originator of this thread asked for opinions, and I gave mine. It happens that a lot of informed people agree with mine. If you've got an opinion that's on the topic, by all means.

But it would be nice if you could make a point that wasn't simply to malign mine. Come up with something that stands on its own merit, rather than attempting to establish merit from nothing more than attacking my comments.

Finally, in all of the time I've been associated with computers, I've never once referred to them as "KEWL". It just sounds childish. Really.

Enough.

Valance "SNS: You whine like a bad bearing. Constant and irritating.

Don't like my input? Suck it up buttercup. You'll get over it."

Swingular Forum Policies:

"4. If you can't defend your opinion without resorting to name calling and personal insults, you don't belong here."

Interesting, the level of intellect displayed once someone realizes they're wrong...