We want to be with a single bi-female.
But we know there are more couples looking for single bi-females then single bi-females looking for couples.So I asked him if he would like to be with a couple,as long as the couple know we only wanted the girls to play and the guys to watch.He said No.I ask why,and he said it was his male pride.I asked how dose his male pride fit in when the girls are the only ones playing and the guys
watch.He said that he dose not know but that it dose.So please help me understand.I do not want him to do something he is not ready for.I just want to understand.
Thank you all.
But we know there are more couples looking for single bi-females then single bi-females looking for couples.So I asked him if he would like to be with a couple,as long as the couple know we only wanted the girls to play and the guys to watch.He said No.I ask why,and he said it was his male pride.I asked how dose his male pride fit in when the girls are the only ones playing and the guys
watch.He said that he dose not know but that it dose.So please help me understand.I do not want him to do something he is not ready for.I just want to understand.
Thank you all.
I don't get it. A chance to watch two beautiful girls play? Seems like a no brainer to me. Perhaps he's afraid that he'll get an erection with another guy in the room. SOme guys are very much against that.
Maybe he is afraid he will be intimidated into doing something he is not ready for. Sounds like he needs lots of reassurance and to find the right couple. Maybe he wouldn't be opposed to getting to know another couple before anything happened so he felt more comfortable.
Just my 2 sense.
Just my 2 sense.
First, you must consider the age of your husband. Young men are very competetive until it comes to sex. Male pride is also a sign of insecurity - it is real.
Second, he is not ready for another man to see you naked and engaged in sex with anyone - him, another woman or another man for sure.
Third, your having sex with the woman, and her mate and your husband calmly watching is a bit unnatural. Men like to watch women have sex together and not join in, but watching without at least having their cocks out is asking too much. Think about it - your husband might want to jerk off while he watches, he might not want the other guy to jerk off watching you, he might not want you to compare cocks of guys jerking off while you watch.
Fourth, it might not end with the two guys just watching ( and perhaps jerking off ), the other guy might want to join in, or your husband might want to join in but not want the other guy to do the same.
We have found that swinging is an evolutionary thing for us. What we thought we wanted out of the lifestyle four years ago has changed and we expect it to change even more. Lauri has gone from no bi-curiosity to bi-curious to bi (albeit passively enjoying).
One thing you might consider is making friends with an older/more experienced swinging couple who can be your mentors. Remember, swinging is something to be shared by both of you. You need to respect each others limits. And swinging is evolutionary.
Good hunting,
Charles
Second, he is not ready for another man to see you naked and engaged in sex with anyone - him, another woman or another man for sure.
Third, your having sex with the woman, and her mate and your husband calmly watching is a bit unnatural. Men like to watch women have sex together and not join in, but watching without at least having their cocks out is asking too much. Think about it - your husband might want to jerk off while he watches, he might not want the other guy to jerk off watching you, he might not want you to compare cocks of guys jerking off while you watch.
Fourth, it might not end with the two guys just watching ( and perhaps jerking off ), the other guy might want to join in, or your husband might want to join in but not want the other guy to do the same.
We have found that swinging is an evolutionary thing for us. What we thought we wanted out of the lifestyle four years ago has changed and we expect it to change even more. Lauri has gone from no bi-curiosity to bi-curious to bi (albeit passively enjoying).
One thing you might consider is making friends with an older/more experienced swinging couple who can be your mentors. Remember, swinging is something to be shared by both of you. You need to respect each others limits. And swinging is evolutionary.
Good hunting,
Charles
I have absolutely no problem watching my wife be pleasured by male or female however, her rule is everyone plays or no one plays now on couples we have met with and played with before that isn't always a hard fast rule but her feeling is she is not going to let one sided play happen when we first meet with a cpl as this makes it look like one or the other is "dragging" the other.
Thanks to all your replys.
I can understand now.
:z
I can understand now.
:z
For just my two cent worth we both play or no play I mean there are always exceptions to the rules well there is only one cpl that we do sepreate with but have played with together in the past and stillplay together as well the thing I belive is that the men of the couples dont really try to befriend each other you never know after they become friends or at least more comfortable he could be ok with it.
It's confidence and insecurity, plain and simple. Male pride seems to work the opposite from what I've seen. We're proud of our wives and want people to give them a test drive. Once they finish and they are smiling, we're even more proud. "Ahhh, another satisfied customer...and that's MY girl..."
If a man is going to swing with his wife, he needs to get over the fact that he will often meet men with bigger dicks, who can stay hard longer, who can cum multiple times, who have better bodies, who are more charming, who might be better looking, who might be more experienced, etc., etc. If not, he won't give her the best because he is too insecure.
Once a man understands that he may not be the best at everything but she loves him MORE because he wants her to be happy and he is willing to do most anything to achieve that, he will have much more fun in the lifestyle.
Of course, if he thinks you'll be running off with the first nekid male that comes by then the relationship needs work overall.
If a man is going to swing with his wife, he needs to get over the fact that he will often meet men with bigger dicks, who can stay hard longer, who can cum multiple times, who have better bodies, who are more charming, who might be better looking, who might be more experienced, etc., etc. If not, he won't give her the best because he is too insecure.
Once a man understands that he may not be the best at everything but she loves him MORE because he wants her to be happy and he is willing to do most anything to achieve that, he will have much more fun in the lifestyle.
Of course, if he thinks you'll be running off with the first nekid male that comes by then the relationship needs work overall.
:v I have to be honest.. and this is My POV...
It would seem if you can find a single F to join you.. He is happy, anything else, He is against.. Every man has the fantasy of a 3some with 2 females... The key here is If you are willing to go for more, or try new things and he isnt...
I have seen this the other way, with the Male doing all the planning and dragging the Female along, but this seems the exact opposite... Are you both sure this is a LIFESTYLE you want to explore.. Any exploration in this as a couple requires you to agree on the same things and do a little give and take.
Please, If you get anything from this post, Get this... If you start without this being for your MUTUAL enjoyment.. This will not work out.. and in the end it will cause you many more problems than you EVER need
It would seem if you can find a single F to join you.. He is happy, anything else, He is against.. Every man has the fantasy of a 3some with 2 females... The key here is If you are willing to go for more, or try new things and he isnt...
I have seen this the other way, with the Male doing all the planning and dragging the Female along, but this seems the exact opposite... Are you both sure this is a LIFESTYLE you want to explore.. Any exploration in this as a couple requires you to agree on the same things and do a little give and take.
Please, If you get anything from this post, Get this... If you start without this being for your MUTUAL enjoyment.. This will not work out.. and in the end it will cause you many more problems than you EVER need
First: We were childhood sweethearts. (At the age of 12.) We are best friends. We have been together for 10 years,been married for 8 years.For the ten years we have only be with each other.Before we were togrther I had been with 5 men (I do mean men.When I was a teen,I went out with men : 18 to 23.) Before we were togrther he had been with 7 girls.I was with one woman and Chris was there but we had to stop before we got started.(she only when down on me and Chris was watshing but then I told him to go down on her,so he did.Then we had to stop because someone was try to come in the room.We were at a house party.This is why we are here.
Second: We are in the same place regarding swinging.I only want to be with another woman.I do not want to be with another man.(We both are not ready to have another man with us.)I just thought it would be easyer to fine a couple to do what we want.Then to find a single female.Because every where I go everyone is saying the samething " There are not as many single females looking for coupls as there is couples looking for single females."Please reread the post.It saids that We want to be with a single bi-female..... I only want the women to play and the men to watch......
Third: Nothing can get in the way of our marraige.We would never leave each other.We have been through too much together.At 18 we got back together and we had our frist miscarrage.At 19 we had our frist son and our son and I almost die and we had our second miscarrage and was told by a DR. that I could not have any more children.For 4 year we had sex maybe once a month because it hart to have sex.(When we had sex it was over real fast because he did not want to hurt me.)He never steped out on me.He never thought to step out on me.at 23 we had our second son.What ever was wrong with me was gone because it did not hart to have sex any more.At 25 we had our daughter and I almost die having her.For the past 2 years we have wild sex almost every night.After having kids we finely got our sex life back.Now if only I can get my body back. LOL <(That is a joke Chris loves my body)
Chris is the best man out there for me.I should know because I have been looking for a husband since I was 16.All the men I went out with only cared about themselves and what they could get.Chis cares about me and trys to give me everything I want.THAT IS WHY WE ARE HERE.Because he is trying to give me what I want.He is the type of person that would give you the would if he could.
Just so you know we as a couple have researched the swingers lifstyle for a year before we as a couple decieded to join the swingers lifestyle.
We wrote this together.I just typed it .
Candy & Chris
Second: We are in the same place regarding swinging.I only want to be with another woman.I do not want to be with another man.(We both are not ready to have another man with us.)I just thought it would be easyer to fine a couple to do what we want.Then to find a single female.Because every where I go everyone is saying the samething " There are not as many single females looking for coupls as there is couples looking for single females."Please reread the post.It saids that We want to be with a single bi-female..... I only want the women to play and the men to watch......
Third: Nothing can get in the way of our marraige.We would never leave each other.We have been through too much together.At 18 we got back together and we had our frist miscarrage.At 19 we had our frist son and our son and I almost die and we had our second miscarrage and was told by a DR. that I could not have any more children.For 4 year we had sex maybe once a month because it hart to have sex.(When we had sex it was over real fast because he did not want to hurt me.)He never steped out on me.He never thought to step out on me.at 23 we had our second son.What ever was wrong with me was gone because it did not hart to have sex any more.At 25 we had our daughter and I almost die having her.For the past 2 years we have wild sex almost every night.After having kids we finely got our sex life back.Now if only I can get my body back. LOL <(That is a joke Chris loves my body)
Chris is the best man out there for me.I should know because I have been looking for a husband since I was 16.All the men I went out with only cared about themselves and what they could get.Chis cares about me and trys to give me everything I want.THAT IS WHY WE ARE HERE.Because he is trying to give me what I want.He is the type of person that would give you the would if he could.
Just so you know we as a couple have researched the swingers lifstyle for a year before we as a couple decieded to join the swingers lifestyle.
We wrote this together.I just typed it .
Candy & Chris
:h It's sounds to me that he feels as that if you find someone who pleasures you more or better then he can then you won't want him any longer. It also sound as if he has some very deep insecurity problems and he may even feel that you are the only thing he has that is truely HIS. He doesn't want to share you unless it's under his RULES. In my opinion you have a very tough fight ahead of you, the only thing you can do (again in my opinion) is meet a couple get to know them, well, and then see how he feels about the four of you playing or even watching the two women go after each other.
Best of Luck
Best of Luck
Well it seems to me from reading your post is that you had no problem with him joining in on your first experience. As we are both str8 we do not have the problems that you are experiencing, but you both realize that this could very well happen. What you need to realize is that just as easy as you had him join in it could happen with a couple and it would not be fair to say that your man can join but the other can not . As we are full swap we do agree that we all play or no one plays , as what you are wanting to happen is for the ladies to play and the men have no fun, that would be like us saying one could play but not the other, this would not be fair either. Remember this lifestyle is so that all can have fun not just half of us. If all you want is the girl play then why would you allow him to join in, what you are saying to me is you both want to play with a lady and do not want another man involed. Look at this way if a cpl was to invite you to join them and tell you it is ok if your husband watched but he would not be allowed to join in what would you say.
and I belive you misread what people where sayin are you sure this is the right lifestyle for you apperntly you have been trough alot in your lives together but that doesnt mean that you two will never split i belive the divorce rate is at a all time high of 64% so never say never i think you two should sit down and talk about everything you want and expect out of this lifestyle and then think about it from another person point of view
being in the life style u will meet alot of people that are looking for different things in different ways . most have some kinda of rules . but there is a few wives that can play on their own without the hubby around . but please remeber that most couples do it with each other cause they enjoy watching each other enjoy themselves with another person .
the life style is for people to explore thier fantasies . the couples are very open and honest about what they want and dont want and they want to meet people who are looking for what they are look ing for . the more rules u have the harder it will be to find the friends you are looking for . dont ever do anything u dont want to do . or make your hubby do something he isnt ready for . it willonly back fire . but i think it would be helpful if u pampered your husband a bit . to let him know u love him . and u are happy with what he has to offer you . him not wantitng another man around at all shows some jealous issues . and it might be a good idea to talk about that . even if u are only wanting to be with women u still should talk about any kinda of problems like that . him being young he is new to this stuff and might not understand how swingers see and think and feel about this kinda of stuff . swingers are very open and treat sex and the body different then normal straight people . ill give u an ex. if he takes u to a reg bar iam sure he has to fight off the other guys that are trying tomake their move on you . the other guys are normally rude and pushy and all of that . at swingers parties they are not like that . its more of a loving and shareing way . they arent trying to put the moves on you in a disrespectful way at all .
the best thing i can think of since u dont want any guy around is to put your profile up on all the girl sites looking for other girls . you will find alot more ladies looking for what u are looking for thier then on swingers sites . cause ill tell u they are hard to find on swingers sites . but then what u are looking for is girl on girl and then u will run into the problem of your man wanting to be there . just like he doesnt want other men around . alot of the ladies looking for other ladies dont want men around . so the same thing that your hubby is not wanting from couples . guess what yall are a couple . and alot of single ladies only looking for other ladies is going to see yall as a couple and are going to have aproblem with your hubby wanting to be there . like i said the more rules u have the harder it is to find what u want .
i am in no way telling u to change your rules or anything like that . so please dont take what i am saying the wrong way . u will find what u want . but it will just take longer and u will have less picking to choose from . what been u find the ones u are looking for it will be worth the wait .
i really liked the idea that someone said , it was to find a couple that has been in the life style for a while and let them help yall meet new people . at the club we go to they have couples that greet and help newbies find some friends. and just because u arent looking to play with couples doesnt mean u can t meet new people and hang out and go to parties with couples .
we love meeting new friends . and we love to invite people to the club and hang out with them . and help them meet new friends . once u meet new friends u will feel better and more relaxed . when u go to clubs u just tell the people what u are looking for and if they arent it then so be it . no harm done . i really think u should talk to your husband about why he feels so strong about the other guys not being around . cause that will cause problems being in the life style . dont be judemental towards what he says but listen to him really good . and i think if he was friends with other guys in the life style that might help him feel more relaxed . but if nto then please dont push him . its not worth it .
i have always been into ladies and not men . it is so hard finding single ladies that we both can click with . so we found it easier to find a couple that was looking for what we are looking for . i dont mind light touching and stuff like that . but i am not looking to play with another hubby . so we make sure its ok that way . only girl on girl and then each finsihs with their own mate . . well i gave u every idea that i can think of to help yall . so good luck . and have fun .
naughty dreams
freaky kitty
the life style is for people to explore thier fantasies . the couples are very open and honest about what they want and dont want and they want to meet people who are looking for what they are look ing for . the more rules u have the harder it will be to find the friends you are looking for . dont ever do anything u dont want to do . or make your hubby do something he isnt ready for . it willonly back fire . but i think it would be helpful if u pampered your husband a bit . to let him know u love him . and u are happy with what he has to offer you . him not wantitng another man around at all shows some jealous issues . and it might be a good idea to talk about that . even if u are only wanting to be with women u still should talk about any kinda of problems like that . him being young he is new to this stuff and might not understand how swingers see and think and feel about this kinda of stuff . swingers are very open and treat sex and the body different then normal straight people . ill give u an ex. if he takes u to a reg bar iam sure he has to fight off the other guys that are trying tomake their move on you . the other guys are normally rude and pushy and all of that . at swingers parties they are not like that . its more of a loving and shareing way . they arent trying to put the moves on you in a disrespectful way at all .
the best thing i can think of since u dont want any guy around is to put your profile up on all the girl sites looking for other girls . you will find alot more ladies looking for what u are looking for thier then on swingers sites . cause ill tell u they are hard to find on swingers sites . but then what u are looking for is girl on girl and then u will run into the problem of your man wanting to be there . just like he doesnt want other men around . alot of the ladies looking for other ladies dont want men around . so the same thing that your hubby is not wanting from couples . guess what yall are a couple . and alot of single ladies only looking for other ladies is going to see yall as a couple and are going to have aproblem with your hubby wanting to be there . like i said the more rules u have the harder it is to find what u want .
i am in no way telling u to change your rules or anything like that . so please dont take what i am saying the wrong way . u will find what u want . but it will just take longer and u will have less picking to choose from . what been u find the ones u are looking for it will be worth the wait .
i really liked the idea that someone said , it was to find a couple that has been in the life style for a while and let them help yall meet new people . at the club we go to they have couples that greet and help newbies find some friends. and just because u arent looking to play with couples doesnt mean u can t meet new people and hang out and go to parties with couples .
we love meeting new friends . and we love to invite people to the club and hang out with them . and help them meet new friends . once u meet new friends u will feel better and more relaxed . when u go to clubs u just tell the people what u are looking for and if they arent it then so be it . no harm done . i really think u should talk to your husband about why he feels so strong about the other guys not being around . cause that will cause problems being in the life style . dont be judemental towards what he says but listen to him really good . and i think if he was friends with other guys in the life style that might help him feel more relaxed . but if nto then please dont push him . its not worth it .
i have always been into ladies and not men . it is so hard finding single ladies that we both can click with . so we found it easier to find a couple that was looking for what we are looking for . i dont mind light touching and stuff like that . but i am not looking to play with another hubby . so we make sure its ok that way . only girl on girl and then each finsihs with their own mate . . well i gave u every idea that i can think of to help yall . so good luck . and have fun .
naughty dreams
freaky kitty