Swingers on Swingular - Swingers Forum - Vanilla friends / lifestyle

Question for everyone...

We have some very close vanilla friends that we have been
friends with for more around 4 years now. She wants to let
them know about our lifestyle..
I on the other hand, don't think it is a good idea.

I would hate to see this end a great friendship.

What would be your advise.

"Maeglin Felagund"

We have yet to have a vanilla friendship convert into a non-friendship due to the disclosure of our personal swinging habits.

In fact...most are intrigued, although not especially interested in participating for themselves.

Good luck!

~J~

I have several non-lifestyle friends (I wouldn't exactly call them vanilla) who know of my lifestyle choices.... they're interested and often times, impressed with the open nature of it all.

-Te

People tend to fear what they do not understand. You better keep in mind that good or bad it will change your friendship. Consider that most will disrespect you, our "vanilla" friends already dont respect our relationship because they know its not "conventional" so, tread lightly.
I think its perfectly OK to keep a secret from your friends, they dont pay your bills, who cares, we all keep secrets from our friends. (Unless you want to recruit them, and then that's a whole other subject!!)

~K~

CLASSY ....... where is the recruiting table? I want to sign up!

I agree with some of the above.

Take it case by case. Some people outside will understand, some will not. You just need to weigh it by how much you would miss the relationship if you lost it and what the goal is by letting them know.

-K_T

Just as we would never tell my ex about my personal life we would never reveal our lifestyle to those not already in it. the reasons along with the obvoious "its none of their business" are actually straight forward. Primarily it is to protect the privacy of my children and to ensure that they grow up without having to face the stigma of "your parents are weird" from friends and neighbors and possible harrassment from our inlaws about our lifestyle.

I am offended by the "recruitment" comments that I have seen in this and other forums. I know that many are posted as a joke but seriously people, this lifestyle is one that unless a marraige is very strong and the communication is totally open and honest can be detrimental to a relatioship not to mention a family. Of all those who read this opinion I ask this question. If your spouse had never wanted to be part of the "swinging" lifestyle or wanted out of it for whatever reason what would you do?

Richard

We have told some of our close friends about our lifestyle and everyone has been ok with it. But seriously there really is no reason that anyone other than you and your partner and the people you play with needs to know about your choice as an adult to participate in this lifestyle. That is the benefit of being an adult, you get to make your own decisions with relatively no need to explain yourself to people who may or may not approve of your actions. If you are really worried about ruining the friendship why say anything, it is none of their business.

Ms BC2K7

I think that participation in a lifestyle that would be difficult for some people to grasp, let alone understand, imposes upon us certain obligations. One of those obligations is to consider the effect that knowledge of our lifestyle might have upon those around us. Out of respect for their sensitivities we do not share our swinging lifestyle with our children, our siblings, our parents and most of our vanilla friends.

However we also have vanilla friends that after a time and a few hints have risen to the bait and we have come clean. The results can be fantastic.

There is no single answer to every situation in the world of human interaction. But under no circumstances should we feel obliged to explain ourselves when such an explaination might cause hurt and do no good.

There is a reason that there are secrets. Swinging is a good reason for a secret.

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It has to be case by case.....there are very good friends of ours/mine that I wouldn't tell in a million years, and there are some that they wouldn't care and may even want to jump in! LOL! However, we feel that what we do with our own personal lives is our business, and we look at this lifestyle as not really a life-style we don't live, eat, breath and sleep this way of life as I am sure most of you don't either this is more a lifestyle that we occassionaly have fun with and regardless whether or not we are actively having sexual relations with a couple we would still have them as friends. SO, we figure we don't go sharing what we did in our own bedroom together with our vanilla or lifestyle friends so why would we share the fact that sometimes we add some "spice" to our sexual fun. Its none of their beezwax!!!! It may change your mind, or effect your decision more if your vanilla friends and the lifestyle may collide at some point......then it becomes sorta awkward but thats when you haveta trust what you feel you need to do.
GOOD LUCK

I will admit that some good points have been made here but lets talk reality. In florida and alot of other states if you have children and your lifestyle becomes public knowedge there is a better than even chance that you will get a vist from either local law enforcement OR the department of children and families. there is also a better than even chance that if you have children and your swinging lifestyle becomes public that your children WILL BE TAKEN FROM YOU and you will have to fight just to get them back.

All of this could possibly happen just because you were too selfish to put your children first by KEEPING YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT.

while I have your attention I want to address the word "Vanilla" as its being used. I can tell you that while my parents were alive they were completely monogamous and from what I have been told by family friends their was nothing vanilla about their love life. Just because you do not subscribe to this lifestyle doesnt mean your vanilla. It just means that you have found something so completely fullfilling that you dont want or need to look elsewhere.

Richard

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I think that if you don't make it a big deal then it won't be a problem. There are friends who you feel comfortable talking about sex with and there are others who don't even want to hear the word. Obviously, you wouldn't tell the latter about the lifestyle. You also wouldn't want to start the conversation with "there's something I need to tell you" I feel that in an instance like that your friend would be uncomfortable and probably thing that you were subtly coming on the them. If it come out in a conversation then fine... otherwise treat it like any other issue dealing with your sex life - don't ask, don't tell.

We had some friends who we thought would be interested in the lifestyle and we never figured out if it was appropriate, how or when. So while we were debating the merits of asking them or not we ran into them at a party, the dilema as solved and we all had a great time.

Bob