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<b>VALENCEPARADIGM,</b>
<span style="float: left; margin-left:0.2cm; margin-right:0.2cm;"><a href="profile.php?memberid=93bb7c7f-46d3-b2c8-c304-a356efca938c" target="_blank"><img src="photos/t/196213843450b1545491c4TEQUILAROSE.jpg" alt="The Don" width=130 height=180></a></span>
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I think cheating is when you have an understanding (commitment), whether it be vows or any other form of consentual agreement that you both strictly adhere to and one or both of you violate the agreement without the other persons consent or knowledge.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. If I have an agreement with my wife that we only have sex with other people when she and I are doing it together and I decide to try and hook-up with some poor bastard's wife on the sly.... that is cheating! However, if my wife is with me and she says, "I wanna see you fuck that guy's wife while I fuck him." I see no cheating involved. Dishonesty is what makes cheating possible. The word "cheat" implies breaking rules. It's when one of you break rules. It's simple.
Do we think it's wrong? Yes. Should we tell someone else that they should refrain from it? No. Why? you may ask. Because it's none of our damn business. I hope that helped shed light on our perspective. I think we all have to live with the choices we make. I think anyone that wants to cheat is going to be drawn to that site. Anyone else is going to ignore it. To try and get everyone to ignore it based on your view it also wrong in my book. However, I do see the argument that some would have with flooding this site with cheater coming from the other one. I haven't made up my mind on that part yet.
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<font face="brush script MT" size="6"><b>-Don-</b></font>
<i>"Sic vis pacem, para bellum" </i>
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<b>VALENCEPARADIGM,</b>
<span style="float: left; margin-left:0.2cm; margin-right:0.2cm;"><a href="profile.php?memberid=93bb7c7f-46d3-b2c8-c304-a356efca938c" target="_blank"><img src="photos/t/196213843450b1545491c4TEQUILAROSE.jpg" alt="The Don" width=130 height=180></a></span>
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I think cheating is when you have an understanding (commitment), whether it be vows or any other form of consentual agreement that you both strictly adhere to and one or both of you violate the agreement without the other persons consent or knowledge.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. If I have an agreement with my wife that we only have sex with other people when she and I are doing it together and I decide to try and hook-up with some poor bastard's wife on the sly.... that is cheating! However, if my wife is with me and she says, "I wanna see you fuck that guy's wife while I fuck him." I see no cheating involved. Dishonesty is what makes cheating possible. The word "cheat" implies breaking rules. It's when one of you break rules. It's simple.
Do we think it's wrong? Yes. Should we tell someone else that they should refrain from it? No. Why? you may ask. Because it's none of our damn business. I hope that helped shed light on our perspective. I think we all have to live with the choices we make. I think anyone that wants to cheat is going to be drawn to that site. Anyone else is going to ignore it. To try and get everyone to ignore it based on your view it also wrong in my book. However, I do see the argument that some would have with flooding this site with cheater coming from the other one. I haven't made up my mind on that part yet.
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<font face="brush script MT" size="6"><b>-Don-</b></font>
<i>"Sic vis pacem, para bellum" </i>
<center><font size="-3" color="gold">Note: Best if viewed with Microsoft Internet Explorer version 7</font></center></p></div>
VP....
Don is correct - it's as simple as 'breaking' rules that you've agreed on.
When you are dealing with a swinger type lifestyle, it's easy for those lines to be blurred a bit. I believe this is because society has defined 'cheating' as sex with others. We, as more open individuals, understand that it's not about sex at all. Rather, it's about attachment.
It's very, very easy to cross those lines because for many individuals sex is a physical way to develop attachment. As a couple you can think you've discussed everything under the sun until something occurs where one partner believes the other crossed the line. This is where you hope you've developed the communication skills necessary to be able to redefine that line.
A personal example:
At one point in my sexual exploration, I found myself fascinated with broadcasting myself on cam. My ex knew and approved... however one day he discovered that instead of broadcasting to a wide group of people, I'd cam'd with a guy, one-on-one. I thought nothing of it, however he was uncomfortable. We discussed it and re-defined both of our views on cam to cam masturbation. Okay - it didn't come (no pun intended...
without some hurt feelings on both sides and some heartfelt discussion. But, we worked through it.
If you were cruising and perusing this (or any other sex/swinger/cheater) site and your love didn't know? Its an act of omission that most women would probably not tolerate. Especially a woman not in the lifestyle. This would be viewed as cheating. I have said it in the past and I'm sure I'll say it again..... "I'd rather you fucked her than have that kind of a friendship baby." I have one ex who never really understood this concept... oh wait - that's why he's my ex.... <snicker>
That said... I do hope you have the opportunity to develop a relationship with a like-minded woman. Enjoying the lifestyle with a partner can be intense, fun and rocks most peoples world.... simply amazing. Swinging is not the 'be all' and 'do all' of my life, but it sure as hell makes it interesting!
Ciao,
Te
Don is correct - it's as simple as 'breaking' rules that you've agreed on.
When you are dealing with a swinger type lifestyle, it's easy for those lines to be blurred a bit. I believe this is because society has defined 'cheating' as sex with others. We, as more open individuals, understand that it's not about sex at all. Rather, it's about attachment.
It's very, very easy to cross those lines because for many individuals sex is a physical way to develop attachment. As a couple you can think you've discussed everything under the sun until something occurs where one partner believes the other crossed the line. This is where you hope you've developed the communication skills necessary to be able to redefine that line.
A personal example:
At one point in my sexual exploration, I found myself fascinated with broadcasting myself on cam. My ex knew and approved... however one day he discovered that instead of broadcasting to a wide group of people, I'd cam'd with a guy, one-on-one. I thought nothing of it, however he was uncomfortable. We discussed it and re-defined both of our views on cam to cam masturbation. Okay - it didn't come (no pun intended...
without some hurt feelings on both sides and some heartfelt discussion. But, we worked through it. If you were cruising and perusing this (or any other sex/swinger/cheater) site and your love didn't know? Its an act of omission that most women would probably not tolerate. Especially a woman not in the lifestyle. This would be viewed as cheating. I have said it in the past and I'm sure I'll say it again..... "I'd rather you fucked her than have that kind of a friendship baby." I have one ex who never really understood this concept... oh wait - that's why he's my ex.... <snicker>
That said... I do hope you have the opportunity to develop a relationship with a like-minded woman. Enjoying the lifestyle with a partner can be intense, fun and rocks most peoples world.... simply amazing. Swinging is not the 'be all' and 'do all' of my life, but it sure as hell makes it interesting!
Ciao,
Te
I wrote this somewhere else...but hopefully it fits here.
"Fidelity.
What is it?
Most of you (some of you) might think I'm gonna come off as a hypocrite on this one. But please, bear with me.
Fidelity is a key issue with me in relationships. It's one of the only lines that exist that is an instant kill switch. I've been in relationships where I've had to pull that switch and watch the bodies fall. Then again, I look at the insane stance I take in my "Sexual Play" life.
Swingers.
Kink that plays with submissives.
Dangerous, flirtatious chat.
Both Domme and I have regular communication with past lovers.
Yet...faithful.
How does that make sense you ask?
Even when "Swinging" or involved in Kink "play" we always play together. Our communications are open. And in the end it all comes down to one very simple thing.
Trust.
So where does that leave Fidelity?
As a personal choice between two consenting adults."
That's my line...hope it helps!
-Mr. K_T
"Fidelity.
What is it?
Most of you (some of you) might think I'm gonna come off as a hypocrite on this one. But please, bear with me.
Fidelity is a key issue with me in relationships. It's one of the only lines that exist that is an instant kill switch. I've been in relationships where I've had to pull that switch and watch the bodies fall. Then again, I look at the insane stance I take in my "Sexual Play" life.
Swingers.
Kink that plays with submissives.
Dangerous, flirtatious chat.
Both Domme and I have regular communication with past lovers.
Yet...faithful.
How does that make sense you ask?
Even when "Swinging" or involved in Kink "play" we always play together. Our communications are open. And in the end it all comes down to one very simple thing.
Trust.
So where does that leave Fidelity?
As a personal choice between two consenting adults."
That's my line...hope it helps!
-Mr. K_T
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<b>KINBAKU THEATER,</b>
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Very well said my good man.
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<font face="brush script MT" size="6"><b>-Don-</b></font>
<i>"Sic vis pacem, para bellum" </i>
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<center><font size="-3" color="gold">Note: Best if viewed with Microsoft Internet Explorer version 7</font></center>
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<b>KINBAKU THEATER,</b>
<span style="float: left; margin-left:0.2cm; margin-right:0.2cm;"><a href="profile.php?memberid=93bb7c7f-46d3-b2c8-c304-a356efca938c" target="_blank"><img src="photos/t/196213843450b1545491c4TEQUILAROSE.jpg" alt="The Don" width=130 height=180></a></span>
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Very well said my good man.
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<font face="brush script MT" size="6"><b>-Don-</b></font>
<i>"Sic vis pacem, para bellum" </i>
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<center><font size="-3" color="gold">Note: Best if viewed with Microsoft Internet Explorer version 7</font></center>
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I tend to agree with all here in the idea that
Valence said:
Is it the intent? The fact that he's online here talking instead of maybe discussing with his wife why he's unhappy? Or does it have to be more than that? Like say having cyber/cam sex with someone here?
Where is the point where you would consider this man (or me for that matter...) a "cheater"?
ms sunshine says:
In my opinion, it is very much the intent that makes something like that cheating. i agree with everyone else about the whole dishonesty thing also. but if you ask me, just the fact that a man, or woman for that matter, is on a site like this does not make them a cheater. it is the fact that he is unhappy in his relationship, and even if nothing ever happens beyond the realms of the website, he is here looking and wishing....the intent. it is his feelings about the relationship, or lack thereof, combined with his dishonesty that would make him a "cheater"
now, if someone came to this site with the knowledge of their committed partner and was here only for the friendships of like-minded individuals that would not be what i call cheating.
as far as the whole situation of "breaking the news" to a new love.....i would say sooner rather than later. but not TOO soon. so....good luck
Is it the intent? The fact that he's online here talking instead of maybe discussing with his wife why he's unhappy? Or does it have to be more than that? Like say having cyber/cam sex with someone here?
Where is the point where you would consider this man (or me for that matter...) a "cheater"?
ms sunshine says:
In my opinion, it is very much the intent that makes something like that cheating. i agree with everyone else about the whole dishonesty thing also. but if you ask me, just the fact that a man, or woman for that matter, is on a site like this does not make them a cheater. it is the fact that he is unhappy in his relationship, and even if nothing ever happens beyond the realms of the website, he is here looking and wishing....the intent. it is his feelings about the relationship, or lack thereof, combined with his dishonesty that would make him a "cheater"
now, if someone came to this site with the knowledge of their committed partner and was here only for the friendships of like-minded individuals that would not be what i call cheating.
as far as the whole situation of "breaking the news" to a new love.....i would say sooner rather than later. but not TOO soon. so....good luck
If there is dishonest intent then we have cheating. Dishonest in the sense that if there is any agreement, includes any vowels that have not been negated by agreed consent...
If the consent is a totally open relationship, then it's very difficult to have cheating....UNLESS the intent is to leave the present relationship or the promise, to a new party, to leave the current relationship for the new one.
Maybe the words is should be intent beyond consent. So dishonest intent = cheating IMHO. Just my dollar three eighty seven's worth..
Ray
If the consent is a totally open relationship, then it's very difficult to have cheating....UNLESS the intent is to leave the present relationship or the promise, to a new party, to leave the current relationship for the new one.
Maybe the words is should be intent beyond consent. So dishonest intent = cheating IMHO. Just my dollar three eighty seven's worth..
Ray