Swingular - Swingers

Swingers Forum - When No Thank You Becomes A Restraining Order

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You see a profile... and all you can think is -Wow - he is/she is/they are exactly what I'm fantasizing about!! Exactly what I'm hoping for!! You send off an e-mail and wait. A response! A nice response
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Don said...</div>
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<b>DEVIANTE</b>,

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TELL THEM. It is up to them to deal with rejection not you. Just as you have to when people reject you.
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<b>-D-</b>
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Don...

Thank you for your advice... for sure.

I do, really.

Te
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Don said...</div>
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<b>DEVIANTE</b>,

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I hope you don't think I was being short or curt with you. I just mean that you shouldn't let someone else's issues ruin your good time. I wish you guys the best. :-)
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<b>-D-</b>
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Not in any way Don :) Thank you..... I think you two Rock!

So? How do you two deal with this? Blunt? Direct? Do people get pissy with you?

~Te
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Don said...</div>
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<b>DEVIANTE</b>,

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We've done it both direct and left hints. Direct is the best way. If they are mature, they can handle it.
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<b>-D-</b>
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Think of it this way...

Would you rather just get ignored and left wondering, or would you rather be told by another couple, "no thanks" or "sorry, but I don't think that we are a good match"? If you are like we are, (and as I think that most people in the lifestyle are) you would probably rather know, one way or the other, than to be left wondering.

Sometimes people in the lifestyle tell you why they don't think you are a good match, most often they don't, and even more often, they won't say anything at all. You shouldn't take it personally, after all, it is the other couple that has the problem with their busy schedules, family concerns, sick children, sick parents, sick pets, college finals, any of a thousand reasons why they feel that they aren't in a position to take the time to meet with you.

When it is the other way around, And for whatever reason you can't or don't want to meet another couple, I would think that they would appreciate knowing that it isn't going to work out to get together with them.

Now, just to clarify, I am not talking about scheduling a meeting with another couple and then cancelling on them without good cause. I am a firm believer that you should make a firm decision whether or not to meet a couple based upon their profile, their pictures, maybe talking with both of them on the phone, etc. and then keeping your commitment. Before you commit to meet is the time to decide if there is chemistry, and the potential for getting together and seeing where things end up, and it is the time to decide not to meet, or continue to move forward.

If you feel that it just isn't happening for one or the other of you, it is better just to be honest and let the other couple know that you just aren't feeling the chemistry, that you are really busy right now, or whatever the reason is. I am sure that they will appreciate your being upfront and honest with them, just as you would appreciate if another couple was upfront and honest with you.

I agree that when everything clicks, it is amazing, and it makes all of the hassle worth while, that is part of the intrigue of the lifestyle, you never know what is going to happen.

Good luck, I hope that you find what you are looking for!

Cruisers
Ok, People's 2 cents in these forums are probably not worth much after the first page or so, but I am putting this out there not only to offer our personal policy as help, but so others here will understand us a little better before they write us. How many times have you heard someone say "They might like someone if they would only get to know them one on one"? We only meet people at parties for the first time. We do not do one on one. At least if we don't click, there are other people around for you to try and relate to so you do not feel your night was a complete loss.

This throws alot of rejection our way due to the fact that we advise everyone that want to meet us at one of these parties to try to talk to others attending the same party that they are interested in if they honestly are looking for something to happen. This does however, take the pressure off us, and them to do anything beyond getting to know each other. It also helps people to know that we are not rejecting them without getting to know them, we are rejecting one on one's before meeting them at a party.

We will meet people one on one after the party if there happened to be a special click there, and find that the meeting then is not going to be a waste due to the fact we are already comfortable. Sex is not only more likely, but also more enjoyable as there is no pressure at that point to determine whether to deny or accept the interest. The Interest is already thee at that point. Now we can concentrate on each other and the part of the lifestyle we like best. FUN!! :z