Swingers Forum - weight approperate

just to let u know it is common for most guy to get that response due to our weight people will not give any one a chase if weight is an issue. they do not wanna meet and give a chance they would rather say we like u but hubby is not what we r looking for.

to me that is very shitty on the couple to say that they should not look at weight they should give anyone a chance and meet first beforeand go from there every one can always use friends even if they r not what they r looking for in sex. It is there lose they did not want you both

wyatt and alicia

It might not be a weight issue. I know that my husband and I aren't actively looking for another couple. We would prefer a single female or a couple that the female can play alone...now before I have people freaking out on me, I know that most couples don't play like that, and thats fine!! We have told the couples that we have talked to that we would have to see what happend when the time to "play" arrived.

Maybe the people you are talking to just aren't being honest with you about what they are really looking for. Try to make it clear to them that you DON'T play alone. And if they still have a problem with it then you don't want to play with them any ways. And maybe you will just make some great friends out of the process...ya never know.

Best of luck!!

Mrs. Lookn

thanks guys we really appreciate everything that was said

Especially around the Holidays! Happy Holidays everyone! Eat Drink and be merry hehehehe
A MONGA!!!!!! ...you only live once

TWO more things to say ; one wish you two were in Texas . She would like to be with him .
two GOOD GRIEF YOU CALL THE A BELLY? it hasnt even grown yet........lol

Well good luck you two and for sex sake dont let the ignorance of others make you miss out on some great friends and fun.


Papa Smurf and Smurfette

and we 2nd that

k & a

OK...I think someone mentioned it, but the whole idea of a single female joining a couple is a wonderful thought...BUT like Kristy Lynn said..."He can have soem strange but god forbid she gets some" this has been my contention for many posts and threads on this site...We have met so many couples that will not allow a man to play with the lady because:

1.) His dick is bigger than the husbands
2.) He could not handle watching someone fuck his wife, but he can fuck another woman NO WORRIES
3.) She is haoppy with the penis he has (this is usually followed with number 2)
4.) he is basically insecure and is afraid someone would make her feel good and she would leave him...

EASY solution...Men...It is a fact that larger penises are different...but it is also a fact that SKILLS play a huge role...a GOOD 6 incher is FAR better than a lousy 8 incher...Ladies, are we wrong?

There are men who are secure in who they are and those who are not...Just like women...It has nothing to do with anythign but penis envy....

As to weight...Come now...he is NOT that big...if he was growing a belly...it would be a bud...not a belly...LOL

Moral of the story? LEARN HOW TO BE A LOVER...NOT A EJACULATOR!!!!!!!!!

Finally, why is it that everyone has a hard time finding single ladies? We have NEVER had a problem with it....YES we write to 10 to get one response, but there is not a shortage of single women...The shortage is in QUALITY single men....

Perhaps another aspect of the problem is people have this whole Ken and Barbie fantasy thing....Well...Who wants to be Ken or Barbie? They have NO GENITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway...Let the shot storm begin....

SEXYCOUPLEFORFUN I already responded to you privately (I hope you got it), but I just wanted to say again, there's more to the lifestyle than JUST screwing. A lot of great friendships are to be had here. Ok, some people are attracted to some things, some to others, but "Ken and Barbie" don't really exist. We as humans are inherently flawed. Sometimes the beauty is in the imperfections themselves. Be friends with all you can, and bump uglies with the ones you really take a shining to, but above all, BE FRIENDS... It doesn't hurt anyone. It really doesn't.

I've read all of the posts here and maybe people are a bit jaded in what they think they see when they look at pictures on web sites. I don't think pictures do anyone justice but sometimes they can be a gateway into a persons personality. But I digress... I'm no little guy but I never seem to have trouble getting positive responces from the ladies, both on web sites or at the clubs. I'm also not the "Gad About Gaddis" either. I'm quite quite and reserved and very laid back and over 270 but I even get propositioned by ladies at socials and always or almost always get positive answers when I contact people. True only about 25% of letter get answered but that, considering what I've seen in various forums, is a good return. Most get less than 10% from polls on forums. We do get quite a few emails from single men wanting to get with an old lady of 54, my wife, but I really expect that. We also get a number of emails from single women who want B as well..... But then we get the occasional email from a sick blind woman who would like to get together with me!.... LOL. I may have been good looking when I was young but I wouldn't say that I am bait for anyone no less a couple or single female.

I guess what I've been trying to say is that what you say, how you say it and if your computer does NOT refuse to work with the cam when you enter the room, then people will probably respond well to people..... Or maybe we're just selective as to whom we contact, in the first place.

xplorr
we will be back in NC in June to ride the B R Park Way would love to meet. We went to a Club at a Hotel while up this past June called carolina swingers in Winston Salem it was a blast.

We think most of you are way over reacting to the weight thing. Im 50 now, should be 20 pounds lighter, thinning hair, and what I have left is gray now. People have turned us down because the woman wasn't attracted to me. Ok, so thats how it goes. Thats nature. They all love my thin sexy wife though. I don't say "hell, its their loss." I don't look at it like that at all.
People are attracted to what they are attracted to and thats just how it is. No matter what you look like someone will think your sexy. My wife sure as hell didn't marry me because of money. Lol!
Fact is, most people won't meet someone 50 over either. But, instead of getting mad and complaining about it we just find other ways to have fun. Its definately not hard to find guys who want her! Lol! She definately is NOT attracted to all of them though. Like she says, "would they want to fuck a 300 pound woman?" She doesn't like big guys and complains about my weight. People will want what they want, thats how it is.

I'm not much for replying to these things but felt I wanted to put in my 2 cents worth. Who, (male or female), wouldn't want Ken and Barbie for playmates??? Unfourtunately I/we don't live in a perfect world, just accress the street from Walgreens. (Get the pun??) Pam and I got into this lifestyle 5 yrs ago after she decided to do something about her weight. She spent a little over a year loosing over 165 pounds. She felt good about herself and thought she would enjoy this lifestyle. For awhie we did meet a number of great people but for a number of reasons, (job relocation, etc), have lost touch with them. After moving to FL we began our search for friends and........ but for the last 3+ years to no avail. Yes we are "over the hill" but... still alive. Seems that most, (not all), are looking for that elusive Ken and Barbie, not real people. WAKE UP... We are not in Hollwood. Sure, we have our flaws, maybe more than others, but we are still fun. Sure there is the obvious remains from a major weight loss but we are still fun. BTW, some of the best sex I have ever had, (aside from my Pammy), was with a BBW. OK, so it wasn't a perfect body but so far I haven't seen that one, YET. Still looking though. And YES, I have been with some knockouts also. Sex was ok but......... So, is it a weight thing??? Is it an age thing??? Is it ego??? Is it pride??? Is it fear??? Guess that question has way too many questions to be answered, at least honestly. Again, just my 2 cents worth. Rick

First off I am the one that is not the ken, she is the barbie and a half. I have always been a large person today I am 61 300 and the truth is that I spend about six days a week inthe gym and work out three times as much as my very sext lady and if you dont know me dont judge.

That is for all the psuedo swingers that view the body as an object. Whether male or female the jist of the life style is that it is a "LIFESTYLE" we are all going to look at what attracts us but the truth is that we both have had incredible time with people that did not look like Barbie or Ken. The real people in this world far out number those few. Health is a personal issue and as a nurse I have been witness to some very sexy individuals that were not healthy. Take life everyday as if it were the last and quit looking at the skin deep issues. pleasure is pleasure and it dont matter who you are and you can ask a couple of priest i know there is always something pleasure brings to us all.

We got in the lifestyle because there is more than just a body to enjoy, someof our best meetings have become longterms friends as well.

Just be comfortable with yourself and confident and that is all that matters.

Hey I am a fatty and my wife is a hotty and she still loves me, FAT BOYS NEED LOVIN' 2!

Wayne & Stephanie

We have run into the same thing so don't worry about it. We have also met some people that it doesn't matter if you are overweight and have had a wonderful time. Hubby has also had weight loss surgery for health reasons and has lost 36 lbs. in about 5 weeks. Even with that aside we had someone turn us down when he was thin said he didn't have enough meat on his bones. Sometimes you just can't win. Maybe some of these couples are the same couples that never meet anyway. Good luck to you I'm sure you will meet someone eventually. It has been my experience that this seems to be a numbers game. You just have to keep sending messages and eventually you will meet some good couples and hit it off.

As a larger man I have found it to be a really good thing when people turn me down because I am overweight. it weeds out the people that are not into friendships I have some very pretty, sexy, hot, hottie, type lady friends because they took the time to get to know me for who I am and some of them refer to me as the teddy bear type some of them like to cuddle, etcc... its all good to me

We have been in the lifestyle together for 10 years now and couples not being up front about just wanting to play with the wife alone has always been a problem with us. We let people know upfront we only play together.

Now on the weight subject...We advertise ourselves unashamedly about being a BBW/BHM couple. We also let people know if its Ken and Barbie they want they need to move on down to the next profile. We have played with HWP couples as well as with Big Beautiful Couples like ourselves. The HWP couples we have played with in the past have been amazed at our level of inhibition and sensuality. In short it was an eye opener for them...Big people can be very sexual.

One thing we have noticed is that lifestyle web sites, magazines and clubs seem to perpetuate the Barbie and Ken mystique. How often on a swinger web site have you seen a BBW, BHM of even a BBC on their front page? The same goes for magazines and advertising for clubs and lifestyle conventions and events. Even here on Swingular we have yet to see even a featured member that is a person or couple of size. In our humble opionion it's something swingers media needs to address.

Our whole take on the topic is this...If your mind is so closed that you can not see beyond exteriors then its your loss.

We started a Yahoo group called Big Beautiful Couples and Ladies a couple years ago with the idea that if membership grew large enough maybe organizing an event similar to Lifestyles or Hedonism II. Though the membership is small we still have the passion for the idea of a convention with Big Beautiful People as the primary attendees. We are still checking to see if there is a similar group here on Swingular and if not we'll be getting it rocking and rolling.

If we want people in the lifestyle to be more accepting of size (both women & men) we have to learn to be our own best advocates.

Have an erotic day

Howie & Susie

Hate to be truthful but it is an issue.

Well since so much of an issue has been brought to light about seemingly over-weight couples, how about playing Devil's advocate, and stating that it is also very likely if not probable, that there exists those individuals that may be of the opinion that couples or individuals can be too fit and too lean, and that would constitute a "turn-off" as well?

There is somebody/couple for all of us, and certainly plenty of the fat AND lean to go around. Honestly...why do people get hung up on such trivial issues?

~Mr. Thought

I've been called a devil, yet I've been called an angel; does it really matter? The point is to each their own. We all gravitate towards what attracts us. I simply think that a little objectivity would be most ideal (hence the phrase "devil's advocate)

~J

i gotta add to this again...everyone has their tastes when it comes to the size of a man or a woman..i honestly have found out this....someone can be a bit large with a great additude and be hot...and a hot looking person(man or woman) with a bad additude..well ugly on the inside makes you ugly on the outside too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Erik

Everyone has their own sexual tastes. Preferences can range from blonde and blue-eyed, tall dark and handsome, petite, burly, muscular, hair length and age etc.. If weight is a category they have a specific preference for, then it shouldn't be taken personally if they decide you're not what they're looking for. And of course, there is the "elusive single female syndrome".

I think there is fun to be had outside of whatever your specific fantasy is and trying new things is what its all about. If it isn't going to click, no worries, there are other couples to meet and we can all move on to find a better fit for our tastes. Many fish in the sea. No hard feelings.

Well put CNKISS.

In our opinion, being open minded has nothing to do with sexual preference. Neither of us likes spinach and we probably never will, so don't try and make us! LOL Not everyone will like everyone, its just the facts. Don't we all remember how hard it was to find someone we liked enough to feel comfortable having sex with? Now you have to try and get FOUR people comfortable. If we don't click with another couple, oh well. We are here for the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Just enjoy being out, with each other, surrounded by sexy people.

Well said CNKISS,

I need to understand this , me becoming open minded , is me changing my preferences for physical attraction which includes body type. I commend those of you who have posted actual pictures of yourselves. I am still pissed at those of you who wasted my time with fake pictures. I could have rejected you by email which would be easier.

And this is to the Devil ........ someone saying someone is too fit is usually pretty out of shape, where is the common interest here. There is none. So why should we expect to go to bed together. And yes people in shape do get rejected and discriminated against but in a more quiet way.

We like playtimeorlando's challenge and we think we'll lay the very same one down...Look at our profile and if you think we'd peak your interest email us.

BTW PTO it's to damn bad we are on opposite coasts we'd party with you two anytime.

I've read all posts on this forum and pretty much agree with what all has said. We've realized thru our experience and meeting a lot of different ppl in this lifestyle ppl's looks change as we get to know them better....whether intimately or otherwise. We've been down to Vegas during the LIFESTYLE COnvention (which if you havent yet gone to that, OMG, you haveta go) and so we have seen every type, and at one of those convention there truly is someone for everyone. Anyhow, ...our level of attraction changes with people that we get to know better. I think it is that way for most. We have yet to meet a couple that is soley into just how someone might look, I mean maybe at first ppl only look at looks and then get to know the person based on the fact that they are hot, BUT can you stay attracted to a person just because they are hot, but dont know how to have fun?? OR there isnt anyone home upstairs? or.......they have absolutely a BLAH personality?? Can you really just take em to bed based on the fact that they are just super hot.....? As we get to know couples we are interested in, our attraction to them either goes up.....or it just doesnt go anywhere. We haveta have a connection with the other couple past the initial attraction to them, we have to beable to have fun with them, have things in commen, they must have a personality, and have some commen sense about life, we like to be able to laugh together, and be comfortable enough with them to just sit in a room and visit about anything or just sit there and chill. IF we dont have that sorda connection with the other couple then it doesnt matter how hot you are.....it just isnt goin there, and if we do have a awesome connection with you then it doesnt matter if you are the Ken and Barbie if we have fun, then we hava fun......Thats just our views on it.
Now, I would be kidding everyone if I were to say that looks play no part in it......looks do play some part in whether or not we initiate an interest in a couple, but it isnt the most important thing to us. Besides, most would agree, you just can not fully judge someone on how they look by looking at pictures on a profile. YOu get a pretty good idea, but meeting in person is much better, and then take it from there.
We've always tried to look at like this.....we are on Swingular because we like to meet ppl that are open like we are, and are like minded, and that have the same sexual desires as we do, however......having open minded friends to hang out with, and to have some flirty fun with is what its about for us. We've been lucky to meet couples that feel the same way as we do....we just like to have fun no matter what you may look like, if there is things in commen, and a connection for having a good time then who knows where it will go from there.

Usually, I am not very active in the forums, but I feel that I need to respond to this particular thread.

We think that the majority of the people in the lifestyle today do not understand the background of the term "swingers". It is simply "Hedonism". Enjoying every physical aspect that one can. If an individual or couple decides to limit themselves to HWP, then that is their collective choice. We should not look down upon them no matter what. These people have set their collective limits and must live with them. That is the whole principle of our lifestyle. INDIVIDAUL/COLLECTIVE CHOICE.

As the husband of a very BBW, I believe that there are folks out there for everyone. If there are people that restrict themselves too much, then they are bound for endless searches and will miss out on meeting alot of great friends and lovers.

I urge everyone to look beyond the physical appearance of their potential "playmates" and see the true beauty that lies within every individual within "OUR LIFESTYLE".

LOBO

Hey, ya gotta go with what feels right. If you aren't attracted to someone you shouldn't feel you need to fake it to be "pc" or whatever. We're both fit and work out an hour every weekday to stay that way while watching what we eat with one or two meals a week that are free from restrictions. We make our own food to take to lunch at work so we won't go out for fast food, etc.

It might sound like a lot to some people, but to us it's not, and it leaves us healthy and looking good. We do it because it makes US look good to US. It stands to reason that if we look good to ourselves that people of similar proportions are more likely to look good to us as well.

But hey, that's not always the case.

I can tell you that four years ago, I was about 20-25 pounds overweight and out of shape. It took a year to fix, but it was worth it. Anyone can do it, they just have to make it a priority!

We're polite to everyone, but we are attracted to who we are attracted to and aren't going to pretend otherwise to make other people feel better or something silly like that. Heck, there are plenty of folks who aren't interested in us for whatever reason, and we don't sweat them for who they are attracted to either.

Yeah, notice that she isn't OPENING the fridge!

Robb

Thats pretty funny. 25 hours haha

There is a difference between someone spending 25 hours a week at the gym unhappily trying to reach an unattainable goal and someone who is obviously into the hobby and lifestyle of body building. PITMOMMY, you guys kick ass - just please don't kick mine!!!

well I know this is going to start a shit storm.

But we look at it like this

1..sexstarved husbands and he's running the show.
2..he wants some strange pussy,but god forbid she gets any.
3..then you have the real swingers that could careless either way.

personally to us whats good for him is good for her.
you know who you are, so don't kidd yourself.
and as beening height and weight proportionate
thats rare for most swingers.
my hubby's a voyuer he rather watch then play,
you can kinda say he likes sloppy seconds LOL

kristylynn

As always when the weight issue comes up. Those that DONT have a weight issue are the ones who "dont understand why all the fuss" or the first to make light of the subject.

Oh well life is what it is. LIFE.
Noone in this world was made to be the same ,hence different races,cultures,personalities,heights,wieghts,choices.

straightupnow has posted "We think most of you are way over reacting to the weight thing"
and then later in the post they say " She definately is NOT attracted to all of them though. Like she says, "would they want to fuck a 300 pound woman?" She doesn't like big guys and complains about my weight."

Hmmm sounds like an issue AND/OR A PREFERENCE to me and others!

shekki the term "shallow" is used only because most people cant think of a better word to use, so they use a word that is common and easy.

btw ever wonder why some people are "overweight"? before turning them down?
How about being like my cousin.5' 3" tall and he weights 295 lbs. and for those of you that are into the body fat thing his is 3.8 %.....you can see his ribs and his fingers look like twigs.

I have often wondered why some people are overweight and some stay "hwp" no matter what they do or eat.I have been doing some research on the subject.
Part of what i have found is that some people start a gym program and when they start gaining weight instead of losing they quit ,because they havent had the correct instruction for the right way to use the gym for losing weight then toning up.
Most that do go to gyms also know that muscle is heaveir than fat,next time your at the gym and you see someone working out that is overweight tryiing to lose weight dont ridicule them offer them a helping hand or advice.
I have started going to a gym nearby and after hearing the fees trainers charge i cant afford them. Another couple across the way saw us (coed gym)and watched us for about a week. They came over and asked if they could "spot us"? We chatted a short bit and we told them we were trying to lose weight and tone up. They told us we were doing it wrong then they told/helped us to do it right. We have become friends and have found out that they are in the lifestyle as well. We wont play with each other but we are friends and they do come over once in awhile .
He has a weight problem but she is 5'4" and has never weighed more than 115 lbs in her life.

point is they are part of the HWP group and instead of ridiculing or shunning us they are helping us lose weight the right way.

If more people acted this way then maybe we wouldnt be considered the most overweight country in the world.

I know i got a little off topic here, but after meeting this couple i thought that this was worth sharing.

We tryout couples by way of their personality in their profile and plan to stay that way even after we lose weight.

Someone in an earlier post said "people can be pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside"
that is true......we only look for the people that are pretty on the inside regardless of their outside looks.


ok i am done with my rant and this post was never meant to be this long.
Have a nice day!

Papa Smurf

I have to respectfully disagree. PITMOMMY's abs are to die for! OK, Maybe as a guy, I'm just jealous that her abs are nicer than mine. LOL

Way to go PITMOMMY!

Christian

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Then Don "De Libertine" said...
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Well, like age, lifestyle, hygiene and other physical attributes, weight is subject to an individual's taste. We are all unique in what we desire and while some do not mind overweight people, some do. Should we fault them? One should think not. We should just find those we are most compatible with.

I am a bigger guy (230) and I do not expect any woman to "get" with me just because they show interest in being friends. The sex part of this is a reward that comes after both parties have established where they stand in the meeting or friendship. Just because we are all "Swingers" doesn't mean we lack taste. Swingers couple are single people X 2 in regard to sex. Meaning as a single you don't look for any ole piece of ass that comes along. You try and find what you consider a hottie. Same goes if you are looking as a couple. Can you be friends without fucking??? SURE! Can you be friends you are not attracted to??? YES!!!! I say again... Suck up and drive on. There's a couple out there for you. Keep diggin :-)

-D-

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probably going to get flamed for this, o well.

bottom line is that the whole lifestyle is finding playmates that there is some chemistry, some type of connection. and because the nature of the lifestyle is to enjoy sex with others, its very nature is that it will be largely based upon physical attraction. granted, personality also comes in to play. but trying to persue something when there are no sparks is akin to talking one for the team.

i accept the fact that i am not the ideal playmate for some, hell, for that matter, most. but i would rather not waste my time trying to convince someone that i have a great personality to please consider fucking me. instead, i want to spend my time finding that person that i do make a connection with.

now, i do think it is pretty crass of people to try and get a couple to play separately because they are attracted to one but not the other. however, there are couples that can and do play separately and often times will indicate that in their profiles. and if they dont, then i think it is inappropriate to suggest it.

Oh my hell, people! Look in the mirror. Are you fat, unattractive, too skinny, too hairy, not hairy enough, are you stinky, how about missing several teeth? Are you too boisterous or even too shy? What ever the case, take a good hard look at yourself. Are you contacting a couple that has nothing in common with you? And then you act surprised when you get a response like

In my eyes it makes total sense to set standards for yourselves. There are some people that are genuinely attracted only to a very athletic form just as there are people that can't get enough BBW. There are also people that enjoy a variety of builds and find an appeal in the "normal person" look. Some people legitimately can't get turned on by anyone with more than 5% body fat, whereas I am a sucker for nice eyes and a sense of humor (the rest is gravy IMO). Diff'rent strokes and all that. It should go without saying that physical attraction is a huge part of the lifestyle. Anyone who says otherwise is daft.

If someone is simply looking for a good fuck with a very specific body-type in mind, that is their prerogative. It's their genitals and their sex-drive. If someone is looking for a polyamorous relationship, that is fine in my book as well. It's their potential drama-bomb to defuse. The most that anyone can ask for is the utmost honesty in your profile and in meeting. Being duplicitous is being an asshole and honesty truly is the best policy. We're all adults here and should at least give the other members here the benefit of the doubt as such. Let people know what you want. Let them know what you have to offer.

Honesty is integral to this lifestyle, and word spreads fast when you don't use it. If someone says they play only as a couple, do not give them the illusion you want to meet up as a couple and then approach them about playing apart. Respect their rules and don't waste their time because you probably won't like it when someone disrespects and wastes your own.

If you aren't attracted to someone who is making advances let them know that you're not interested. Don't be a dick. If someone is not your personality type or body type simply let them know that it's not "there" for you and don't elaborate. Make it a rule to not elaborate. Let them accept your answer at face value.

If you are not attracted to someone treat them in a civil manner. Again, we are all adults here (or should be just in case someone snagged their daddy's Visa). Treat the other members as such. Insults are integral to being an asshole, and nobody likes *that* kind of asshole. Leave the "Saved By The Bell" bullshit in your head because high school should be over for you. Just because someone is not your body type does not mean you should treat them with any less courtesy than you would expect back from someone who would reject you. This is something I've seen occur while watching Swingular's chat and to a lesser degree and in passing at parties. The person that's not physically attractive today, given a bit of time, could very well become either the fox that will never play with you and is vindictive, or the bombshell that blows your mind in bed depending on how you treat them initially and after a rejection if that becomes a factor.

If you get rejected in a courteous and respectful manner, accept it for what it is. The nice thing about swinging is that there are plenty of other prospects to be found immediately after a rejection.

In short; Everyone deserves a shot at being treated as a person, not necessarily as a fuck-buddy.

P.S. AMPUSSY : Older couples that take care of themselves are hot. They tend to know exactly what they want when it's time to play.

--Steve

Some people just don't understand that it is rather difficult to drive a railroad spike with a tack hammer

We as well agree with Alaskan_Grown and how thought out that was and stated as well, great thoughts and points! (wow does that mean we agree with TEQUILAROSE then - LOL - will we get a lot of hate mail too because we agree with "D" - LMAO)

DON, (Mr. TR), The Dark Side was defeated.

Wouldnt it be more appropriate to just "SUCCUMB" or better yet be seduced?