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IS IT A MUST OR IS IT A PROBLEM??? ME AND MY HUSBAND BEEN ON THIS SITE SINCE APRIL 29,2006 AND MOST OF THE TIME THE RESPONCE IS FOR US AS A COUPLE -- BUT NOTICE WHEN WE RESPOND AND START A GOOD LONG CONVERSATION IT TURNED OUT TO BE THEY WANT ME TO JOIN AND NOT HIM... IS IT BECAUSE HE A LITTLE OVER WEIGHT 245lbs ----- the questions is ???? people that are a little over weight ARE THEY NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN ALSO ...... WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 21 YEARS AND PLAN TO STAY THAT WAY FOR EVER ........ P.S IF SOMEBODY HAS AN ANSWER FOR US PLEASE LET US KNOW



THANKS RHONDA & REGAN SEXYCOUPLEFORFUN
just to let u know it is common for most guy to get that response due to our weight people will not give any one a chase if weight is an issue. they do not wanna meet and give a chance they would rather say we like u but hubby is not what we r looking for.

to me that is very shitty on the couple to say that they should not look at weight they should give anyone a chance and meet first beforeand go from there every one can always use friends even if they r not what they r looking for in sex. It is there lose they did not want you both

wyatt and alicia
It might not be a weight issue. I know that my husband and I aren't actively looking for another couple. We would prefer a single female or a couple that the female can play alone...now before I have people freaking out on me, I know that most couples don't play like that, and thats fine!! We have told the couples that we have talked to that we would have to see what happend when the time to "play" arrived.

Maybe the people you are talking to just aren't being honest with you about what they are really looking for. Try to make it clear to them that you DON'T play alone. And if they still have a problem with it then you don't want to play with them any ways. And maybe you will just make some great friends out of the process...ya never know.

Best of luck!!

Mrs. Lookn
It might not be a weight issue. I know that my husband and I aren't actively looking for another couple. We would prefer a single female or a couple that the female can play alone...now before I have people freaking out on me, I know that most couples don't play like that, and thats fine!! We have told the couples that we have talked to that we would have to see what happend when the time to "play" arrived.

Maybe the people you are talking to just aren't being honest with you about what they are really looking for. Try to make it clear to them that you DON'T play alone. And if they still have a problem with it then you don't want to play with them any ways. And maybe you will just make some great friends out of the process...ya never know.

Best of luck!!

Mrs. Lookn
i don't think that the weight is the reason. i think a lot of (not all) couples are looking for the elusive single female. there is alot of nice couples out there that don't judge people only on weight. i think you have just not found the right couple yet. good luck. william
thanks guys we really appreciate everything that was said
we both have a few extra pounds & can't help feel that we get no responces
sometime because of it, but if it the the case thats their problem not ours.
Especially around the Holidays! Happy Holidays everyone! Eat Drink and be merry hehehehe
A MONGA!!!!!! ...you only live once :)
I ( male) have read the replies and have this to quote from a recent email.


" you are HOT!!! my wife and i both want to be with you. Any way you could leave your FAT husband at home and come play with a real couple?"

That is an exerpt from a recent email. Me i am 5'6" tall and 248 lbs. My stomach is large and hard as any sixpack abs.
The email we received was from a couple that doesnt know I know them . They only live about 12 miles from us.
He is 5'8" tall and 280 lbs (roughly). He has a larger stomach than I do....lol
We had both talked about contacting them to see if they would be interested in playing BUT, since their email to us......i think NOT!

So isnt that the pot calling the kettle black?...lol

Anyway if weight is an issue then why isnt dick size or pussy tightness?....sound childish?
YES!


My better half has said that the best sex she ever had and the biggest dick she ever had was both with overweight guys. ( The best sex she ever had wasnt with me?? ?? waaaaaaaa....)

So to those that dont go for people because of their weight i say YOUR LOSS!!!! NOT OURS!!!

Dont feel down because people dont like your size......there are a LOT of women that LOVE big men(dont mean dick size either) and a LOT of men that LOVE big women.

So keep your head up when you find the right people you will have a blast again and again and....


Laters
Papa Smurf and Smurfette
TWO more things to say ; one wish you two were in Texas . She would like to be with him .
two GOOD GRIEF YOU CALL THE A BELLY? it hasnt even grown yet........lol

Well good luck you two and for sex sake dont let the ignorance of others make you miss out on some great friends and fun.


Papa Smurf and Smurfette
We have browsed your profile many times, and have no problem with either of you. But like so many others on here, you are too far away. We would love to hook up sometime.
and we 2nd that

k & a
Many people on this site are shallow.The FIRST thing they look at are the photos.If one or both of the couple are overweight they move on.Particularly if the guy is overweight.
Seems guys don't mind if the woman is a little "cuddly"but God forbid the guy has some fat on him.
Despite what people say in their profiles about personality or "friends first"they are looking for sex and if the photos don't appeal to then then you can forget it.

Reading some of the posts here,I am surprised at some of the comments about what people have said in their messages to others.Thankfully nothing like that has ever happened to us,but the people concerned should be reported and removed from the site
OK...I think someone mentioned it, but the whole idea of a single female joining a couple is a wonderful thought...BUT like Kristy Lynn said..."He can have soem strange but god forbid she gets some" this has been my contention for many posts and threads on this site...We have met so many couples that will not allow a man to play with the lady because:

1.) His dick is bigger than the husbands
2.) He could not handle watching someone fuck his wife, but he can fuck another woman NO WORRIES
3.) She is haoppy with the penis he has (this is usually followed with number 2)
4.) he is basically insecure and is afraid someone would make her feel good and she would leave him...

EASY solution...Men...It is a fact that larger penises are different...but it is also a fact that SKILLS play a huge role...a GOOD 6 incher is FAR better than a lousy 8 incher...Ladies, are we wrong?

There are men who are secure in who they are and those who are not...Just like women...It has nothing to do with anythign but penis envy....

As to weight...Come now...he is NOT that big...if he was growing a belly...it would be a bud...not a belly...LOL

Moral of the story? LEARN HOW TO BE A LOVER...NOT A EJACULATOR!!!!!!!!!

Finally, why is it that everyone has a hard time finding single ladies? We have NEVER had a problem with it....YES we write to 10 to get one response, but there is not a shortage of single women...The shortage is in QUALITY single men....

Perhaps another aspect of the problem is people have this whole Ken and Barbie fantasy thing....Well...Who wants to be Ken or Barbie? They have NO GENITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway...Let the shot storm begin....
Ok we gotta get in on this.

Well as you all can see and Know Pat is a Big guy. We always look for fun and friend ship first for us BUT a NICE FUCK IS ALWAYS FUN ALSO. We have been from one end of this to the other. We have gotten the well we like the girl but not the guy thing also and ya that sucks!

One year ago and 13 days Pat had weight loss surgery as most also know but it was not for looks ya a bit of it but He or I had a few very big health issues that are completely gone now and I will be here to Fuck and Love my wife for a long time lol! :) Also to take care of my family most inportant of all! I am not shy if you ask I was over 350 lbs two years ago pre op I was 312 I am now at 225/230 and my goal is 180.

We have mailed some of you guys in this post and would enjoy meeting all of you. We think vain fake people just suck to be blunt.
We hope some of you guys in this post will take another look at us and know we are real and maybe want to meet some time. Weather at a club over dinner or just a meet for a drink. Even better take a ride on the Bikes.

You guys just keep enjoying the life and Fuck the fake vain People!

Our Two Cent
Traci and Pat
SEXYCOUPLEFORFUN I already responded to you privately (I hope you got it), but I just wanted to say again, there's more to the lifestyle than JUST screwing. A lot of great friendships are to be had here. Ok, some people are attracted to some things, some to others, but "Ken and Barbie" don't really exist. We as humans are inherently flawed. Sometimes the beauty is in the imperfections themselves. Be friends with all you can, and bump uglies with the ones you really take a shining to, but above all, BE FRIENDS... It doesn't hurt anyone. It really doesn't.
WTF is HWP anyway? What about a body builder who is 5' 7" and weighs 250 lbs? Is that person HWP????

It's all subjective man....
I've read all of the posts here and maybe people are a bit jaded in what they think they see when they look at pictures on web sites. I don't think pictures do anyone justice but sometimes they can be a gateway into a persons personality. But I digress... I'm no little guy but I never seem to have trouble getting positive responces from the ladies, both on web sites or at the clubs. I'm also not the "Gad About Gaddis" either. I'm quite quite and reserved and very laid back and over 270 but I even get propositioned by ladies at socials and always or almost always get positive answers when I contact people. True only about 25% of letter get answered but that, considering what I've seen in various forums, is a good return. Most get less than 10% from polls on forums. We do get quite a few emails from single men wanting to get with an old lady of 54, my wife, but I really expect that. We also get a number of emails from single women who want B as well..... But then we get the occasional email from a sick blind woman who would like to get together with me!.... LOL. I may have been good looking when I was young but I wouldn't say that I am bait for anyone no less a couple or single female.

I guess what I've been trying to say is that what you say, how you say it and if your computer does NOT refuse to work with the cam when you enter the room, then people will probably respond well to people..... Or maybe we're just selective as to whom we contact, in the first place.
XPLORR...No wonder you get many e-mails about her...She is amazing...and your profile nailed it (pun intended)...She does look closer to 35 than 55...WOW...Don't be hard on yourself either...you are well maintained....
xplorr
we will be back in NC in June to ride the B R Park Way would love to meet. We went to a Club at a Hotel while up this past June called carolina swingers in Winston Salem it was a blast.
SEXYCOUPLEFORFUN... don't fret about it. You look good! :)

T (her)
We think most of you are way over reacting to the weight thing. Im 50 now, should be 20 pounds lighter, thinning hair, and what I have left is gray now. People have turned us down because the woman wasn't attracted to me. Ok, so thats how it goes. Thats nature. They all love my thin sexy wife though. I don't say "hell, its their loss." I don't look at it like that at all.
People are attracted to what they are attracted to and thats just how it is. No matter what you look like someone will think your sexy. My wife sure as hell didn't marry me because of money. Lol!
Fact is, most people won't meet someone 50 over either. But, instead of getting mad and complaining about it we just find other ways to have fun. Its definately not hard to find guys who want her! Lol! She definately is NOT attracted to all of them though. Like she says, "would they want to fuck a 300 pound woman?" She doesn't like big guys and complains about my weight. People will want what they want, thats how it is.
Well said str8up, being over 50 my hubby knows the response from some of those "HWP" fanatics. But, he reminds me of that show where Kathy Bates is driving the big station wagon turning into a parking spot only to be out manuvered by the two trick blonds in the beatle then she rams them and pushes them forward out of the stall only to remind the little trickies that she is older and has more insurance. Well not sure about the insurance but definately sure about the assurance. when your built for comfort and not for speed you pretty much are in the game for the long hall these guys usually finish last... long after Ken/Barbie "HWP" has gone to the kitchen for drinks leaving the finish work to those of us who understand that it is all in the cute way we get on and then attend to the getting off ....not in the cute way they look when they get on to get off.

just a thought

R&N
I'm not much for replying to these things but felt I wanted to put in my 2 cents worth. Who, (male or female), wouldn't want Ken and Barbie for playmates??? Unfourtunately I/we don't live in a perfect world, just accress the street from Walgreens. (Get the pun??) Pam and I got into this lifestyle 5 yrs ago after she decided to do something about her weight. She spent a little over a year loosing over 165 pounds. She felt good about herself and thought she would enjoy this lifestyle. For awhie we did meet a number of great people but for a number of reasons, (job relocation, etc), have lost touch with them. After moving to FL we began our search for friends and........ but for the last 3+ years to no avail. Yes we are "over the hill" but... still alive. Seems that most, (not all), are looking for that elusive Ken and Barbie, not real people. WAKE UP... We are not in Hollwood. Sure, we have our flaws, maybe more than others, but we are still fun. Sure there is the obvious remains from a major weight loss but we are still fun. BTW, some of the best sex I have ever had, (aside from my Pammy), was with a BBW. OK, so it wasn't a perfect body but so far I haven't seen that one, YET. Still looking though. And YES, I have been with some knockouts also. Sex was ok but......... So, is it a weight thing??? Is it an age thing??? Is it ego??? Is it pride??? Is it fear??? Guess that question has way too many questions to be answered, at least honestly. Again, just my 2 cents worth. Rick
Rick well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Traci and I still look forward to meeting you both also.

Hope she knows just how special she is :)
Traci and Pat
First off I am the one that is not the ken, she is the barbie and a half. I have always been a large person today I am 61 300 and the truth is that I spend about six days a week inthe gym and work out three times as much as my very sext lady and if you dont know me dont judge.

That is for all the psuedo swingers that view the body as an object. Whether male or female the jist of the life style is that it is a "LIFESTYLE" we are all going to look at what attracts us but the truth is that we both have had incredible time with people that did not look like Barbie or Ken. The real people in this world far out number those few. Health is a personal issue and as a nurse I have been witness to some very sexy individuals that were not healthy. Take life everyday as if it were the last and quit looking at the skin deep issues. pleasure is pleasure and it dont matter who you are and you can ask a couple of priest i know there is always something pleasure brings to us all.

We got in the lifestyle because there is more than just a body to enjoy, someof our best meetings have become longterms friends as well.
to all comments they all help out alot we thank everybody for what they said in the fourm



thanks to all rhonda and regan we love you all sexycoupleforfun
Just be comfortable with yourself and confident and that is all that matters.

Hey I am a fatty and my wife is a hotty and she still loves me, FAT BOYS NEED LOVIN' 2!

Wayne & Stephanie
Everybody is all hung up on this weight issue...we've found (being an overweight couple) that it doesn't matter who you're trying to get to know, there are bigger ppl that don't even respond. We know we're not what most are looking for, and pretty much don't waste our time trying to find skinnie-minnies to associate with. Having said that, and emailing only ppl who are not perfect, we only get a response once in a blue moon. And even more discouraging is "IF" we actually get to do any chatting, we only chat once or twice before we never hear from them again. PPL have a tendancy to be inconsiderate...for whatever reason, and you just have to look past it and keep on trying. You're not going to be a perfect match for most everyone you talk with....but the kicker is, neither are they. Don't lose hope, and good luck with your search. Like alot of ppl have said, you are an attractive cpl, and you will eventually find someone that is right for you.

B & F
We have run into the same thing so don't worry about it. We have also met some people that it doesn't matter if you are overweight and have had a wonderful time. Hubby has also had weight loss surgery for health reasons and has lost 36 lbs. in about 5 weeks. Even with that aside we had someone turn us down when he was thin said he didn't have enough meat on his bones. Sometimes you just can't win. Maybe some of these couples are the same couples that never meet anyway. Good luck to you I'm sure you will meet someone eventually. It has been my experience that this seems to be a numbers game. You just have to keep sending messages and eventually you will meet some good couples and hit it off.
I (him) think we should all get together and have an orgy with blindfolds and get a kick out of those that are vain when they realize that the best sex they ever had was with those that they would never give the chance to even be friends........


if nothing else WE would have a great time!


Papa Smurf
As a larger man I have found it to be a really good thing when people turn me down because I am overweight. it weeds out the people that are not into friendships I have some very pretty, sexy, hot, hottie, type lady friends because they took the time to get to know me for who I am and some of them refer to me as the teddy bear type some of them like to cuddle, etcc... its all good to me
We look at this problem this a way. A lot of cpls are just looking for a single lady, but contact couple who have overweight husband and say they just want to play with the wife. Some couple will play separate, but we play as a couple and have been for many years. What we tell them is we both play or neither of us play. Getting to the point of just cooling it in the lifestyle. Husband is getting very dishearted with the whole thing. Not able to find anyone in our area is a big problem. This group gives us hope. We look forward to reading the forums and finding answers to our problems from others experences. Living in Ky in the SOUTHERN PART OF THE BIBLE BELT makes it hard to find others in the lifestyle to get together with. It seams that all the fun is happening either in Utah or Fl. We need to get sometyhing going in the middle. We have ranted enough for you. Feels like we know alot of you just by your answers in the forums. Take care.

Eddie and Cotton
We have been in the lifestyle together for 10 years now and couples not being up front about just wanting to play with the wife alone has always been a problem with us. We let people know upfront we only play together.

Now on the weight subject...We advertise ourselves unashamedly about being a BBW/BHM couple. We also let people know if its Ken and Barbie they want they need to move on down to the next profile. We have played with HWP couples as well as with Big Beautiful Couples like ourselves. The HWP couples we have played with in the past have been amazed at our level of inhibition and sensuality. In short it was an eye opener for them...Big people can be very sexual.

One thing we have noticed is that lifestyle web sites, magazines and clubs seem to perpetuate the Barbie and Ken mystique. How often on a swinger web site have you seen a BBW, BHM of even a BBC on their front page? The same goes for magazines and advertising for clubs and lifestyle conventions and events. Even here on Swingular we have yet to see even a featured member that is a person or couple of size. In our humble opionion it's something swingers media needs to address.

Our whole take on the topic is this...If your mind is so closed that you can not see beyond exteriors then its your loss.

We started a Yahoo group called Big Beautiful Couples and Ladies a couple years ago with the idea that if membership grew large enough maybe organizing an event similar to Lifestyles or Hedonism II. Though the membership is small we still have the passion for the idea of a convention with Big Beautiful People as the primary attendees. We are still checking to see if there is a similar group here on Swingular and if not we'll be getting it rocking and rolling.

If we want people in the lifestyle to be more accepting of size (both women & men) we have to learn to be our own best advocates.

Have an erotic day

Howie & Susie
Why is considered "shallow" if an "in shape" couple doesn't want to play with "out of shape" people? I guess we're also shallow if we prefer non smokers.

R+J
Hate to be truthful but it is an issue.
Nice bodies Shekki , woohoo
Well since so much of an issue has been brought to light about seemingly over-weight couples, how about playing Devil's advocate, and stating that it is also very likely if not probable, that there exists those individuals that may be of the opinion that couples or individuals can be too fit and too lean, and that would constitute a "turn-off" as well?

There is somebody/couple for all of us, and certainly plenty of the fat AND lean to go around. Honestly...why do people get hung up on such trivial issues?

~Mr. Thought
What a great reply, are you the devil?
I've been called a devil, yet I've been called an angel; does it really matter? The point is to each their own. We all gravitate towards what attracts us. I simply think that a little objectivity would be most ideal (hence the phrase "devil's advocate)

~J
Let us play devils advocate on the side of size.

If you claim to be "open minded" then how can you exclude people of size that may be compatible with you?

And just to add fuel to the fire...How can you claim it "trivial" when size is the only form of prejudice that is still acceptable in our society?

What you trivialize is a daily battle for some.

Have an erotic day

Howie & Susie
i gotta add to this again...everyone has their tastes when it comes to the size of a man or a woman..i honestly have found out this....someone can be a bit large with a great additude and be hot...and a hot looking person(man or woman) with a bad additude..well ugly on the inside makes you ugly on the outside too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Erik
Your so right on all of your responces, I think all of the barbies and kens just want to look at each other, and not have good sex. My husband is 6ft 2 about 260 and looks great a lot of muscle and a lot of that muscle is in the right place. So lets hear it for all the big men and women, Im sure they love good sex and know how to preform too.
Everyone has their own sexual tastes. Preferences can range from blonde and blue-eyed, tall dark and handsome, petite, burly, muscular, hair length and age etc.. If weight is a category they have a specific preference for, then it shouldn't be taken personally if they decide you're not what they're looking for. And of course, there is the "elusive single female syndrome".

I think there is fun to be had outside of whatever your specific fantasy is and trying new things is what its all about. If it isn't going to click, no worries, there are other couples to meet and we can all move on to find a better fit for our tastes. Many fish in the sea. No hard feelings.
Ya know, these threads come up all the time, looks, age, weight, etc etc etc, and the same things get said, and quite frankly, it sounds like sour grapes alot of the time.

So a couple or half of a couple does not find you attractive for whatever reason, and if they are very attractive, and maybe you are too _____ (old, fat, short, grey, wrinkly, ugly, have a third arm growing out of your forehead whatever, fill in the blank) then they get labled as shallow...........

Why is it that guys who have BBW fetishes aren't labled as shallow? Aren't they just looking for a particular type and and exclude those who do not fit that type? What is the difference?

And why is it, that other guys like to assume that it is the confidence of the in shape good looking male that is making it so the woman won't have sex with the old fat guys(can't handle watching his wife etc etc etc you all have heard the statements)? Are they trying to make themselves feel better about some rejection? Guess what, everybody gets shot down from time to time, even the hotties....this is all about attraction, physical mostly, cause we (collectivley as swingers) have already found somebody we connect with emotionally and mentally (we married them!) and we are looking for some good dirty fun. we are not looking to get married to everyone we meet!!

Swingular does not have the 12 points of long term relationship compatibility testing...they have pictures, height, weight, age, etc.....hmmm wonder why that is?
Well put CNKISS.

In our opinion, being open minded has nothing to do with sexual preference. Neither of us likes spinach and we probably never will, so don't try and make us! LOL Not everyone will like everyone, its just the facts. Don't we all remember how hard it was to find someone we liked enough to feel comfortable having sex with? Now you have to try and get FOUR people comfortable. If we don't click with another couple, oh well. We are here for the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Just enjoy being out, with each other, surrounded by sexy people.
well check out profile if intrested email us
Well said CNKISS,

I need to understand this , me becoming open minded , is me changing my preferences for physical attraction which includes body type. I commend those of you who have posted actual pictures of yourselves. I am still pissed at those of you who wasted my time with fake pictures. I could have rejected you by email which would be easier.

And this is to the Devil ........ someone saying someone is too fit is usually pretty out of shape, where is the common interest here. There is none. So why should we expect to go to bed together. And yes people in shape do get rejected and discriminated against but in a more quiet way.
Yeah I guess we could all harp on all the guys who refuse to be bisexual (me included) as well, cause all of us guys who don't wanna ride the balogna (baloney) poney or participate in sword fighting are just narrow minded and don't have the confidence, or maybe it is OK for those hot wives to wanna fuck guys but she does not have the confidence to watch him get the hot beef enema........

yeah, guess what, if you think that sounds ridiculous I think the thread is every bit as ridiculous...the spinach analogy was great...cept I like spinach so does that make me bi or full blown queer?
We like playtimeorlando's challenge and we think we'll lay the very same one down...Look at our profile and if you think we'd peak your interest email us.

BTW PTO it's to damn bad we are on opposite coasts we'd party with you two anytime.
Ok I may have been harsh in my prior post, but only cuz the subject does hit home.

What it comes down too for any one is atraction. We are all atracted to diff type shapes and sizes. We have played and enjoyed diff types and we have some friends only of diff types and we have some that maybe some day or night when it just feels right for us all we will hook up.

So as a heavy guy I would like to say to those that take the time to stay very fit and heathy yall rock! Its not easy in this day and age of fast food and long work days to do so.

For those of us with some extra weight you are just as great for the same reasons as above.

Please always be social in any situation at a party or a Club. If you are not sexualy atracted just putt it as nice as ya can and make each other still feel welcome to be in the lifestyle.

One thing we all share is the Lifestyle a common bond like no other group we can share the one we love the most with another. This takes great love in each other and for each other.

Thanks
Pat of Pat and Traci aka tnpoforlando
I've read all posts on this forum and pretty much agree with what all has said. We've realized thru our experience and meeting a lot of different ppl in this lifestyle ppl's looks change as we get to know them better....whether intimately or otherwise. We've been down to Vegas during the LIFESTYLE COnvention (which if you havent yet gone to that, OMG, you haveta go) and so we have seen every type, and at one of those convention there truly is someone for everyone. Anyhow, ...our level of attraction changes with people that we get to know better. I think it is that way for most. We have yet to meet a couple that is soley into just how someone might look, I mean maybe at first ppl only look at looks and then get to know the person based on the fact that they are hot, BUT can you stay attracted to a person just because they are hot, but dont know how to have fun?? OR there isnt anyone home upstairs? or.......they have absolutely a BLAH personality?? Can you really just take em to bed based on the fact that they are just super hot.....? As we get to know couples we are interested in, our attraction to them either goes up.....or it just doesnt go anywhere. We haveta have a connection with the other couple past the initial attraction to them, we have to beable to have fun with them, have things in commen, they must have a personality, and have some commen sense about life, we like to be able to laugh together, and be comfortable enough with them to just sit in a room and visit about anything or just sit there and chill. IF we dont have that sorda connection with the other couple then it doesnt matter how hot you are.....it just isnt goin there, and if we do have a awesome connection with you then it doesnt matter if you are the Ken and Barbie if we have fun, then we hava fun......Thats just our views on it.
Now, I would be kidding everyone if I were to say that looks play no part in it......looks do play some part in whether or not we initiate an interest in a couple, but it isnt the most important thing to us. Besides, most would agree, you just can not fully judge someone on how they look by looking at pictures on a profile. YOu get a pretty good idea, but meeting in person is much better, and then take it from there.
We've always tried to look at like this.....we are on Swingular because we like to meet ppl that are open like we are, and are like minded, and that have the same sexual desires as we do, however......having open minded friends to hang out with, and to have some flirty fun with is what its about for us. We've been lucky to meet couples that feel the same way as we do....we just like to have fun no matter what you may look like, if there is things in commen, and a connection for having a good time then who knows where it will go from there.
In the lifestyle there are two groups. One group that is very much into the fantasy. If the body shape is not what they fantasize about then you won't get the time of day from them. The other group is open minded and will try to have a friendship with just about anyone.


The majority of people whether they admit it or not have a notion in their head about height and weight. What I mean is that if you give them a height then they have a range in mind that they feel they would be attracted to. With men who can easily go past the 200# mark most can be very intimating for people of less weight even if you remove lack of attraction as an issue.

just have patience and ignore the rude people that make negative comments.
Usually, I am not very active in the forums, but I feel that I need to respond to this particular thread.

We think that the majority of the people in the lifestyle today do not understand the background of the term "swingers". It is simply "Hedonism". Enjoying every physical aspect that one can. If an individual or couple decides to limit themselves to HWP, then that is their collective choice. We should not look down upon them no matter what. These people have set their collective limits and must live with them. That is the whole principle of our lifestyle. INDIVIDAUL/COLLECTIVE CHOICE.

As the husband of a very BBW, I believe that there are folks out there for everyone. If there are people that restrict themselves too much, then they are bound for endless searches and will miss out on meeting alot of great friends and lovers.

I urge everyone to look beyond the physical appearance of their potential "playmates" and see the true beauty that lies within every individual within "OUR LIFESTYLE".

LOBO
AMEN
Hey, ya gotta go with what feels right. If you aren't attracted to someone you shouldn't feel you need to fake it to be "pc" or whatever. We're both fit and work out an hour every weekday to stay that way while watching what we eat with one or two meals a week that are free from restrictions. We make our own food to take to lunch at work so we won't go out for fast food, etc.

It might sound like a lot to some people, but to us it's not, and it leaves us healthy and looking good. We do it because it makes US look good to US. It stands to reason that if we look good to ourselves that people of similar proportions are more likely to look good to us as well. ;)

But hey, that's not always the case.

I can tell you that four years ago, I was about 20-25 pounds overweight and out of shape. It took a year to fix, but it was worth it. Anyone can do it, they just have to make it a priority!

We're polite to everyone, but we are attracted to who we are attracted to and aren't going to pretend otherwise to make other people feel better or something silly like that. Heck, there are plenty of folks who aren't interested in us for whatever reason, and we don't sweat them for who they are attracted to either.
Couldn't agree with you more WEB (About both posts) ;)
Yeah, notice that she isn't OPENING the fridge!

Robb
It has been our rule that if we are interested in only 1 member of a couple that we don't play with them. It's not fair to anybody if someone gets left out of the fun come playtime - who could enjoy that?

I know this is going to piss some people off, and that's not my intention so I apologize in advance. If you want to be absolutely honest swinging in large part is about exploring fantasies. If someone is morbidly obese (a few extra pounds is not a problem) it will likely turn off the other couple, especially if they are in fairly good shape. I know I would not feel right playing with a hottie and look over to see my better half gasping for air beneath a walrus with that "Oh god let this be over soon" look on her face! You know if you are so obese that people may run in fear when you strip naked. If that's the case, don't expect a lot of interest.

That said, a few extra pounds is not a problem for us. We'd rather hook up with someone who's happy with themselves and ready to play than someone who spends 25 hours a week at the gym sculpting a perfect body - that is a sign of serious egotism and unhappiness.

My 2 cents :)
Thats pretty funny. 25 hours haha
I don't see a thing wrong with him or you...Folks gotta be crazy if size is an issue
There is a difference between someone spending 25 hours a week at the gym unhappily trying to reach an unattainable goal and someone who is obviously into the hobby and lifestyle of body building. PITMOMMY, you guys kick ass - just please don't kick mine!!! :)
Thanks you guys Mauh!!! I 'm really a kitten .
well I know this is going to start a shit storm.

But we look at it like this

1..sexstarved husbands and he's running the show.
2..he wants some strange pussy,but god forbid she gets any.
3..then you have the real swingers that could careless either way.

personally to us whats good for him is good for her.
you know who you are, so don't kidd yourself.
and as beening height and weight proportionate
thats rare for most swingers.
my hubby's a voyuer he rather watch then play,
you can kinda say he likes sloppy seconds LOL

kristylynn
huby here likes to watch and sloppy seconds as you say but we have a hard time here in alabama finding people that will agree. but then again it could be because she is alittle over weight and he is alittle more over weight than she is .. lol but oh well noone is perfect no matter how slim or how pretty or hansom someone is they still have something thats imperfect


just our 2 cents

sextra
As always when the weight issue comes up. Those that DONT have a weight issue are the ones who "dont understand why all the fuss" or the first to make light of the subject.

Oh well life is what it is. LIFE.
Noone in this world was made to be the same ,hence different races,cultures,personalities,heights,wieghts,choices.

straightupnow has posted "We think most of you are way over reacting to the weight thing"
and then later in the post they say " She definately is NOT attracted to all of them though. Like she says, "would they want to fuck a 300 pound woman?" She doesn't like big guys and complains about my weight."

Hmmm sounds like an issue AND/OR A PREFERENCE to me and others!

shekki the term "shallow" is used only because most people cant think of a better word to use, so they use a word that is common and easy.

btw ever wonder why some people are "overweight"? before turning them down?
How about being like my cousin.5' 3" tall and he weights 295 lbs. and for those of you that are into the body fat thing his is 3.8 %.....you can see his ribs and his fingers look like twigs.

I have often wondered why some people are overweight and some stay "hwp" no matter what they do or eat.I have been doing some research on the subject.
Part of what i have found is that some people start a gym program and when they start gaining weight instead of losing they quit ,because they havent had the correct instruction for the right way to use the gym for losing weight then toning up.
Most that do go to gyms also know that muscle is heaveir than fat,next time your at the gym and you see someone working out that is overweight tryiing to lose weight dont ridicule them offer them a helping hand or advice.
I have started going to a gym nearby and after hearing the fees trainers charge i cant afford them. Another couple across the way saw us (coed gym)and watched us for about a week. They came over and asked if they could "spot us"? We chatted a short bit and we told them we were trying to lose weight and tone up. They told us we were doing it wrong then they told/helped us to do it right. We have become friends and have found out that they are in the lifestyle as well. We wont play with each other but we are friends and they do come over once in awhile .
He has a weight problem but she is 5'4" and has never weighed more than 115 lbs in her life.

point is they are part of the HWP group and instead of ridiculing or shunning us they are helping us lose weight the right way.

If more people acted this way then maybe we wouldnt be considered the most overweight country in the world.

I know i got a little off topic here, but after meeting this couple i thought that this was worth sharing.

We tryout couples by way of their personality in their profile and plan to stay that way even after we lose weight.

Someone in an earlier post said "people can be pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside"
that is true......we only look for the people that are pretty on the inside regardless of their outside looks.


ok i am done with my rant and this post was never meant to be this long.
Have a nice day! :)

Papa Smurf
The first time we met people in the lifestyle, they were all at least 50 lbs overweight. They were working hard trying to convince us to join them at one of their swing parties. Don't get me wrong. I like these people but don't want to see them naked. My girl is very picky and doesn't find many men attractive. Luckily, I'm one of them!

R
I have to respectfully disagree. PITMOMMY's abs are to die for! OK, Maybe as a guy, I'm just jealous that her abs are nicer than mine. LOL

Way to go PITMOMMY!

Christian
Every couple or single have a ideas as to what is and isnt attractive to them and there is definatly a issue. But that is all right everyone is entitaled to their own personal preferances. after all if you arnt turned on by the couple your with then you cant ahhhmmm perform LOL. The main thing is that the quote "HWP" people arnt rude to us not so HWP in their replys, because while preferances are expcted rudeness is unforgivible. Now as for me and Tammy we have no size shape or ethnic prejudice or preferance, We just like adult fun so lets get naked and party. ;)
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Then Don "De Libertine" said...
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Well, like age, lifestyle, hygiene and other physical attributes, weight is subject to an individual's taste. We are all unique in what we desire and while some do not mind overweight people, some do. Should we fault them? One should think not. We should just find those we are most compatible with.

I am a bigger guy (230) and I do not expect any woman to "get" with me just because they show interest in being friends. The sex part of this is a reward that comes after both parties have established where they stand in the meeting or friendship. Just because we are all "Swingers" doesn't mean we lack taste. Swingers couple are single people X 2 in regard to sex. Meaning as a single you don't look for any ole piece of ass that comes along. You try and find what you consider a hottie. Same goes if you are looking as a couple. Can you be friends without fucking??? SURE! Can you be friends you are not attracted to??? YES!!!! I say again... Suck up and drive on. There's a couple out there for you. Keep diggin :-)

-D-

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Mavenx , for your viewing pleasure Ha !!
probably going to get flamed for this, o well.

bottom line is that the whole lifestyle is finding playmates that there is some chemistry, some type of connection. and because the nature of the lifestyle is to enjoy sex with others, its very nature is that it will be largely based upon physical attraction. granted, personality also comes in to play. but trying to persue something when there are no sparks is akin to talking one for the team.

i accept the fact that i am not the ideal playmate for some, hell, for that matter, most. but i would rather not waste my time trying to convince someone that i have a great personality to please consider fucking me. instead, i want to spend my time finding that person that i do make a connection with.

now, i do think it is pretty crass of people to try and get a couple to play separately because they are attracted to one but not the other. however, there are couples that can and do play separately and often times will indicate that in their profiles. and if they dont, then i think it is inappropriate to suggest it.
Alright, I agree with some of this. And I disagree with some.

There are couples that play apart and couples that play ONLY together. If you're looking to play with One Part of a couple that's a "Together Only" then just learn to respect that and don't try to screw with their relationship because you're too shallow to accept the fact that they will not play alone.

If, however, you decide to play with a Singular Couple and you're attracted to only One...then good! Yea for you! It's all good in both worlds.

We've all come across the dilemma where we're attracted to one and not the other. Or we want to be friends without sacking but they may want to sack AND be friends. Folks, we're all adults here...there are ways to handle it.

Some here are "One-Nighters" no matter what their profile says (they aren't really looking for friends) and that is okay! Respect that. Some here are really just looking for friends and may not swing much. You just go with what feels right and never let yourself get pressured either way.

This stops being fun when you get pushed into situations you never wanted in the first place. Trust me...I know!

So. For the weight question. Anyone who's concerned...there are people who will play with different body types. You just have to look. Personality is a big sell! Develop it! Put it in your profile! Put it in your appearance! I've gone from Heavy (260) to thin (190) so I can see both sides here. And I've never had a problem finding play.

A profile with 2 lines:

"Hi. We are a fun couple. We are looking for friends and we love to play! Drop us a line and let's see what happens."

Is NOT going to work...not even for Ken and Barbie folks...

Just throw something that's not in every other profile out there and take your time writing it. Put in something interesting. Something a bit intriguing. Something that will make people go "Huh! Wonder what makes them tick?"

You will get responses.

Then you just have to be assertive and start letting people know you exist. Don't be a pest...but get yourselves out there in the open. Go on the Chat, in the forums and to parties.

Alright...I've said enough. After this I start charging my consulting fee.

Have a nice night.

-K_T
Oh my hell, people! Look in the mirror. Are you fat, unattractive, too skinny, too hairy, not hairy enough, are you stinky, how about missing several teeth? Are you too boisterous or even too shy? What ever the case, take a good hard look at yourself. Are you contacting a couple that has nothing in common with you? And then you act surprised when you get a response like
Have read most of what has been said and can say that we tend to agree with those who say overlook the body flaws case in point very good friends of ours we met 2yrs ago didn't know them from Adam both were in the BBW/BBM class but we chose to over look the body flaws and have had fun with them.

Guess what? There were many who chose to cast them to the curb the lady 1/2 of this cpl has now lost 100lbs and will probally lose more he is also trying to reduce his weight now those who would not give them the time of the day because she was a BBW are going to be sorry because now that she has trimmed down SHE remembers those who turned thier noses up at her and she looks pretty good.

To us its not so much the weight for us its a age predudice some cpls cast us aside because of our ages yet we look better and are in far better shape than those who tell us your " too old" for us.

Now grant it, we understand those in the 20'-30's crowd but someone in thier 40's ???? Your all going to age and your all going to put on weight you can workout all you want your body WILL change.

We choose to attempt to stay physically fit for our age but we do meet cpl who do have body flaws as we are not looking for replacements we are looking for fun cpls and some of the funnest cpls we have enjoyed sexual times with have been in the over weight category.

We would much rather meet a cpl who has a few body flaws rather than meeting some HWP cpls who think they are too good for everyone unless they meet the Height Weight chart they carry in thier pockets.
In my eyes it makes total sense to set standards for yourselves. There are some people that are genuinely attracted only to a very athletic form just as there are people that can't get enough BBW. There are also people that enjoy a variety of builds and find an appeal in the "normal person" look. Some people legitimately can't get turned on by anyone with more than 5% body fat, whereas I am a sucker for nice eyes and a sense of humor (the rest is gravy IMO). Diff'rent strokes and all that. It should go without saying that physical attraction is a huge part of the lifestyle. Anyone who says otherwise is daft.

If someone is simply looking for a good fuck with a very specific body-type in mind, that is their prerogative. It's their genitals and their sex-drive. If someone is looking for a polyamorous relationship, that is fine in my book as well. It's their potential drama-bomb to defuse. The most that anyone can ask for is the utmost honesty in your profile and in meeting. Being duplicitous is being an asshole and honesty truly is the best policy. We're all adults here and should at least give the other members here the benefit of the doubt as such. Let people know what you want. Let them know what you have to offer.

Honesty is integral to this lifestyle, and word spreads fast when you don't use it. If someone says they play only as a couple, do not give them the illusion you want to meet up as a couple and then approach them about playing apart. Respect their rules and don't waste their time because you probably won't like it when someone disrespects and wastes your own.

If you aren't attracted to someone who is making advances let them know that you're not interested. Don't be a dick. If someone is not your personality type or body type simply let them know that it's not "there" for you and don't elaborate. Make it a rule to not elaborate. Let them accept your answer at face value.

If you are not attracted to someone treat them in a civil manner. Again, we are all adults here (or should be just in case someone snagged their daddy's Visa). Treat the other members as such. Insults are integral to being an asshole, and nobody likes *that* kind of asshole. Leave the "Saved By The Bell" bullshit in your head because high school should be over for you. Just because someone is not your body type does not mean you should treat them with any less courtesy than you would expect back from someone who would reject you. This is something I've seen occur while watching Swingular's chat and to a lesser degree and in passing at parties. The person that's not physically attractive today, given a bit of time, could very well become either the fox that will never play with you and is vindictive, or the bombshell that blows your mind in bed depending on how you treat them initially and after a rejection if that becomes a factor.

If you get rejected in a courteous and respectful manner, accept it for what it is. The nice thing about swinging is that there are plenty of other prospects to be found immediately after a rejection.

In short; Everyone deserves a shot at being treated as a person, not necessarily as a fuck-buddy.

P.S. AMPUSSY : Older couples that take care of themselves are hot. They tend to know exactly what they want when it's time to play.

--Steve
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Then Don "De Libertine" said...
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Well said <b>Alaskan_Grown!</b> I agree with that post 100% percent.

-D-
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Some people just don't understand that it is rather difficult to drive a railroad spike with a tack hammer
Everytime I start to write something for this forum, I end up deleting it and starting over.

I guess I will go back and watch "Shallow Hal" again.
We as well agree with Alaskan_Grown and how thought out that was and stated as well, great thoughts and points! (wow does that mean we agree with TEQUILAROSE then - LOL - will we get a lot of hate mail too because we agree with "D" - LMAO)
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Doing his best Vader impression, Don said...
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Succumb to the Dark Side T&L.

-D-
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DON, (Mr. TR), The Dark Side was defeated.

Wouldnt it be more appropriate to just "SUCCUMB" or better yet be seduced?