We wanted to know how long did it take to convince your spouses to get into lifestyle and what was your reaction after your spouse agreed to swap..
How did you convince him/her..?
How did you convince him/her..?
It's necessary to not convince anybody of anything ever unless you want real trouble in your life. This is a free will experience foremost and always and is my experience that it's best come to organically and with respect as much as with desire and curiosity. So I suggest instead stepping way back and having honest conversations with each other about your curiosities and desires and listen to each other instead of trying to convince anyone of anything because you most certainly see life differently and want different things from it and from each other, and so do the people you will interact with. Work on fair and honest communication and follow that wherever it leads with total respect and care. If it opens new opportunities pace yourselves and check in with each other way more than you might think you need to. I suggest taking baby steps based on your question. I also suggest reading some books since there are tons these days and attending social gatherings before jumping into anything. And being aware that you're talking about people and people have rights and feelings. Also, I'm guessing this is a dude and if that's the case you're gonna find that your wife will have no problem getting attention right off the bat but you likely will until you figure some things out. Her challenge will be finding respect.
You do not convince anyone, you sit down with your spouse and tell them you're interested in exploring the lifestyle and see where it goes. We've found a good way to break the ice is to ask your partner to share a fantasy with you, at which time you might be asked to share yours. If the conversation is going well you might ask your spouse if they have ever thought about what interests you in the lifestyle.
I originally broached the subject on a long road trip with my spouse, because I knew we would have lots of alone time to sit and quietly discuss and ponder, which was good, because the initial conversation lasted a couple of hours. Good luck.
I originally broached the subject on a long road trip with my spouse, because I knew we would have lots of alone time to sit and quietly discuss and ponder, which was good, because the initial conversation lasted a couple of hours. Good luck.
I think the word "convince" is going to cause a lot of people in the lifestyle(LS) to pause. Now if you say how do you broach or bring up the idea to your partner about your potential interest in the LS that is a whole different gamut. We will assume you are referring to the later as the prior scenario there is no recommended approach or method.
Have you brought up the idea or fantasy with them as just something you have fantasies about? How open and honest are you about your fantasies? Open and honest communication is the key to success to not only for your relationship in a whole, but for it to survive within the LS. Bringing others into your sex life can be difficult and without great communication and many discussions beforehand, you will be setting yourself up for failure.
You have to be honest with yourself during this process as well. Do you know what you want and why you want it? Are you ok with your partner wanting different things, how do you compromise? What are your boundaries for each other? What do you do if boundaries are exceeded? So many topics to discuss that if not broached beforehand will just create unnecessary drama for yourselves but also those you are including.
If you aren't able to be open and honest with your partner about everything. At the end of the day if all parties are not on board then no party should be on board. And if that is an issue, we suggest counseling. We find you must seek counseling for yourself sometimes before you can include your partner but can also be done simultaneously.
Take your time and be patient! We wish your luck and remember everyone's journey is different, no two journeys are alike.
Have you brought up the idea or fantasy with them as just something you have fantasies about? How open and honest are you about your fantasies? Open and honest communication is the key to success to not only for your relationship in a whole, but for it to survive within the LS. Bringing others into your sex life can be difficult and without great communication and many discussions beforehand, you will be setting yourself up for failure.
You have to be honest with yourself during this process as well. Do you know what you want and why you want it? Are you ok with your partner wanting different things, how do you compromise? What are your boundaries for each other? What do you do if boundaries are exceeded? So many topics to discuss that if not broached beforehand will just create unnecessary drama for yourselves but also those you are including.
If you aren't able to be open and honest with your partner about everything. At the end of the day if all parties are not on board then no party should be on board. And if that is an issue, we suggest counseling. We find you must seek counseling for yourself sometimes before you can include your partner but can also be done simultaneously.
Take your time and be patient! We wish your luck and remember everyone's journey is different, no two journeys are alike.
Agreed .by convince we meant how long did it take for both of you to agree mutually that this is for us.
we fantasized and talked abt joining other cpl. one common qn we had was , is it typical for other cpl to mutually say yes and move on to next steps OR did it take some time too say .lets do it.
We both agreed fairly quickly and said yes to each other .. We evaluated rules etc. only thing is we haven't moved to step 2 i.e actual meet and greet.
we fantasized and talked abt joining other cpl. one common qn we had was , is it typical for other cpl to mutually say yes and move on to next steps OR did it take some time too say .lets do it.
We both agreed fairly quickly and said yes to each other .. We evaluated rules etc. only thing is we haven't moved to step 2 i.e actual meet and greet.
We were very fortunate. We had never even talked about swinging before it happened with some good friends. (everybody was a little bit tipsy). However things just turned into a little sexual fun with some friends and then we talked about it afterwards and thought it was cool. We are very fortunate that way. Nothing was ever planned, and to this day we still don't plan playtime with friends. We get together with his lifestyle friends to play games and have a few drinks, and If it happens, it happens. If not no big deal. 🤷🏼♀️
That's great you guys have agreed to move forward together. We think the best way to do it (as we have helped many new couples get into the lifestyle) is simply just going to dinner and having a conversation and if there's a little bit of a connection then move to the next step.
We like to play games like; cards against humanity or cornhole to break the ice.!! Someplace you can sit around and have a drink, laugh and flirt (if it seems right) and see if there's more of a connection and if there is, then move onto the next step if you want.
We actually prefer soft swap simply because we get to have some drinks and good laughs with our friends that are also sexually minded. It sure makes it fun without having the pressure of sex. But if we want to move on to the sex that's an easy next movement if everybody is having fun and just getting along. This is just our two cents
If you have any further questions feel free to reach out on a private message .
That's great you guys have agreed to move forward together. We think the best way to do it (as we have helped many new couples get into the lifestyle) is simply just going to dinner and having a conversation and if there's a little bit of a connection then move to the next step.
We like to play games like; cards against humanity or cornhole to break the ice.!! Someplace you can sit around and have a drink, laugh and flirt (if it seems right) and see if there's more of a connection and if there is, then move onto the next step if you want.
We actually prefer soft swap simply because we get to have some drinks and good laughs with our friends that are also sexually minded. It sure makes it fun without having the pressure of sex. But if we want to move on to the sex that's an easy next movement if everybody is having fun and just getting along. This is just our two cents
If you have any further questions feel free to reach out on a private message .
CPL2CPL24 wrote:Fantasy and reality are two very different things. Say yes you like it and would love to include others is one thing but actually moving forward with it is another. We always have the motto to go at the pace of the slowest person, that includes other couples should you meet up. Just because you meet someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them.
Agreed .by convince we meant how long did it take for both of you to agree mutually that this is for us.
we fantasized and talked abt joining other cpl. one common qn we had was , is it typical for other cpl to mutually say yes and move on to next steps OR did it take some time too say .lets do it.
We both agreed fairly quickly and said yes to each other .. We evaluated rules etc. only thing is we haven't moved to step 2 i.e actual meet and greet.
We love the maturity of taking things easy and not like considering lifestyle as just blindly having sex with others.
Thanks for your valuable advices
Thanks for your valuable advices
The girl at the bar asking if she could kiss her.
#kissinggame . Its a choice for a night, a date, a weekend or a relationship or never.
#kissinggame . Its a choice for a night, a date, a weekend or a relationship or never.
We talked about the fantasy of being in the lifestyle together before we started it. As said before, fantasy and reality are two different things. We weren't ready for a date with another couple yet because we were afraid of expectations or problems arising from things that we hadn't thought about. So, we thought going to a swingers club might be a good way to learn about it. There are no expectations and we could ask advice from others.
But, we were so paranoid about running into someone we knew at a club here in Vegas, where we live. So, we decided to check out the possibilities out of state. lol. We went to Sea Mountain Inn in Palm Springs. It was the first time we were both completely nude in front of others. That was a great beginning as we quickly realized that no one was staring at us. We actually became very comfortable quickly. We did notice a lot of sexual activity. But again, that activity seemed normal to everyone there. We met a lot of great people who were willing to give us friendly advice. We commented how everyone seemed so normal. Even though we went with no expectations, we were given an opportunity to be with another couple, who had a nice "no Pressure" style. Privately, my wife and I discussed our boundaries or any other concerns. After we worked it all out, we agreed to play with the couple and loved it! Ten years later, we are so glad we joined the lifestyle.
So maybe, you should try coming to Vegas and go to a swingers club. Check out the scene, talk to some people, and form your own opinions. The club will be as tame or as wild as you want it to be.
But, we were so paranoid about running into someone we knew at a club here in Vegas, where we live. So, we decided to check out the possibilities out of state. lol. We went to Sea Mountain Inn in Palm Springs. It was the first time we were both completely nude in front of others. That was a great beginning as we quickly realized that no one was staring at us. We actually became very comfortable quickly. We did notice a lot of sexual activity. But again, that activity seemed normal to everyone there. We met a lot of great people who were willing to give us friendly advice. We commented how everyone seemed so normal. Even though we went with no expectations, we were given an opportunity to be with another couple, who had a nice "no Pressure" style. Privately, my wife and I discussed our boundaries or any other concerns. After we worked it all out, we agreed to play with the couple and loved it! Ten years later, we are so glad we joined the lifestyle.
So maybe, you should try coming to Vegas and go to a swingers club. Check out the scene, talk to some people, and form your own opinions. The club will be as tame or as wild as you want it to be.
Attempting to "convince" your spouse/partner is a dangerous road to take... this is coming at them from a space of them not being enough and I've seen a whole lot of relationships and families implode over this one.
CPL2CPL24 wrote:
We wanted to know how long did it take to convince your spouses to get into lifestyle and what was your reaction after your spouse agreed to swap..
How did you convince him/her..?
10 minutes (we are sluts)
SUENDAN wrote:That is probably one of the best/funniest answers!CPL2CPL24 wrote:
We wanted to know how long did it take to convince your spouses to get into lifestyle and what was your reaction after your spouse agreed to swap..
How did you convince him/her..?
10 minutes (we are sluts)
Utahldscouple wrote:That is probably one of the best/funniest answers![/quote]SUENDAN wrote:
[quote=CPL2CPL24]We wanted to know how long did it take to convince your spouses to get into lifestyle and what was your reaction after your spouse agreed to swap..
How did you convince him/her..?
10 minutes (we are sluts)
and true lol
It was a process (communicating.) Not an event ~