My wife and I have recently became open to the lifestyle and are seeking some advice for couples who have been in the lifestyle for some time. Our biggest question is how did you guys come to an agreement to be as open as this lifestyle and how have you guys come to an agreement for set boundaries within the marriage? Our biggest thing right now is we haven't had our first experience yet and are a bit nervous and shy. How did you guys overcome and how was the first experience for you?
You might consider starting here....
Say Yes To Swinging - this is the book you want the read if you think Swinging might be something you would like to try. Includes information about how to discuss the topic with your partner.
Let's Go Swinging - this is the book you want to read once you decide to become swingers.
Both books are available on Amazon for $6 in Kindle format.
Say Yes To Swinging - this is the book you want the read if you think Swinging might be something you would like to try. Includes information about how to discuss the topic with your partner.
Let's Go Swinging - this is the book you want to read once you decide to become swingers.
Both books are available on Amazon for $6 in Kindle format.
There is a podcast called "The Priory Society " that is quite helpful and very entertaining too. It's a podcast that helps you navigate your journey into the lifestyle. We highly recommend it.
thepriorysociety.com
thepriorysociety.com
Forget books and podcast. It boils down to communication with your partner. Before, during and after. Everyone couple is different and every experience is different. It’s a journey and evolutionary process. Nothing can prepare you for the unknown until you experience it. We have learned over time, some things you just can’t prepare for or know to expect it. Emotional regulation is probably the best area you can work on beforehand. Communication communication communication is what it boils down to.
We second what Utahldscouple said. Communication is absolutely vital in the lifestyle. Without it you'll have nothing but trouble. You just be open about everything with each other. Do not hold back/hide anything. It will only lead to resentment.
Utahldscouple wrote:
Forget books and podcast. It boils down to communication with your partner. Before, during and after.
If you bothered to read the books you would discover that's exactly what they detail. But the one thing they do that appears to have eluded you, is they supply you with the tools to improve your communication on the subject, which is something we noticed many new couples entering the LS need help with.
Of course the above statement was made with the assumption you can actually read and comprehend, so there is that....
MoreFun4U wrote:Welcome back douchebag! Keep your negative shit to yourself. Sorry your life is so pathetic you have to try and demean others advice. But we are sure you think you know everything already. Communication is learned by putting it into practice not reading a book, but understand you are still working on that. It’s either that or you need to read more than the pictures! Nice way to hijack another helpful post but that is your mode of operation. Now move along and crawl back under your troll rock where you belong!Utahldscouple wrote:
Forget books and podcast. It boils down to communication with your partner. Before, during and after.
If you bothered to read the books you would discover that's exactly what they detail. But the one thing they do that appears to have eluded you, is they supply you with the tools to improve your communication on the subject, which is something we noticed many new couples entering the LS need help with.
Of course the above statement was made with the assumption you can actually read and comprehend, so there is that....
Utahldscouple wrote:
Forget books and podcast. It boils down to communication with your partner. Before, during and after. Everyone couple is different and every experience is different. It’s a journey and evolutionary process. Nothing can prepare you for the unknown until you experience it. We have learned over time, some things you just can’t prepare for or know to expect it. Emotional regulation is probably the best area you can work on beforehand. Communication communication communication is what it boils down to.
Of course, communication is the most important thing and you will learn as you go too. But, podcasts and books are a additional resources for you. Why not take advantage of them? They will give you understanding of communication issues that might elude you and how to communicate better. Many of the episodes offered great advice such as creating better profiles, who to watch out for, advise on attending parties, etc. We have been in the lifestyle for many years and I still learned a lot from the podcast that I recommended. You really have nothing to lose by listening. And you will be extremely entertained as well.
PARTYINLV wrote:Wow you guys take that way too personal. You are missing the point. They are looking for advice from you as couples! So you got past all those issues by reading books and podcast? Yes the podcast are entertaining but end of the day everyone is different but communicating with your partner is the most important! No one podcast or book will teach you that!Utahldscouple wrote:
Forget books and podcast. It boils down to communication with your partner. Before, during and after. Everyone couple is different and every experience is different. It’s a journey and evolutionary process. Nothing can prepare you for the unknown until you experience it. We have learned over time, some things you just can’t prepare for or know to expect it. Emotional regulation is probably the best area you can work on beforehand. Communication communication communication is what it boils down to.
Of course, communication is the most important thing and you will learn as you go too. But, podcasts and books are an additional resources for you. Why not take advantage of them? They will give you understanding of communication issues that might elude you and how to communicate better. Many of the episodes offered great advice such as creating better profiles, who to watch out for, advice on attending parties, etc. We have been in the lifestyle for many years and I still learned a lot from the podcast that I recommended. You really have nothing to lose by listening. And you will be extremely entertained as well.
Just go for it!!
Let's fuck
What a great and interesting thread. We typically don't chime in to offer our advice. We like to, more or less, watch the drama unfold with a hijacked thread. It's quite comical and seems to be the same proverbial players.
Having said that, well chime in on the topic, but also want to chime in on the drama. I think all three of you are correct and infact are pointing out the exact same thing. Communication is 100% key. Before, during and after.
Now Utahldscouple, you started the drama with your first sentence. "Forget books and podcasts".
To an outsider looking in, that statement itself detracts from their sound advice and is offensive to someone trying to apply an honest answer. Now before you get pissed off at us, we typically see your side in the arguments and just want to call a spade a spade. But we also know about previous threads which the others are the detractors at times.
We have been in the "lifestyle" for over 20 years now and have great communication when it comes to it. We are just like most in the fact that throughout our marriage we have had arguments and problems that come with living and starting a family with another human.
Now, at first our communication between each other got us by, but then we hit some hiccups and found our "tools" didn't always work in the most efficient manner. So to improve and learn new, healthy ways to communicate we sought out resources that gave us better "tools" at communicating in a far healthier way. For us a counselor provided us those tools. But for some others it may be a podcast or even a book that gives them the aha! moment.
So long story short.. kashnjosh, whatever provides the best way for you guys to learn to communicate in this lifestyle, the happier you will be. All of them hit it on the head, but like utahldscouple said, it needs to happen before, during and after each step you take to have the greatest impact on a healthy relationship for you two.
Having said that, well chime in on the topic, but also want to chime in on the drama. I think all three of you are correct and infact are pointing out the exact same thing. Communication is 100% key. Before, during and after.
Now Utahldscouple, you started the drama with your first sentence. "Forget books and podcasts".
To an outsider looking in, that statement itself detracts from their sound advice and is offensive to someone trying to apply an honest answer. Now before you get pissed off at us, we typically see your side in the arguments and just want to call a spade a spade. But we also know about previous threads which the others are the detractors at times.
We have been in the "lifestyle" for over 20 years now and have great communication when it comes to it. We are just like most in the fact that throughout our marriage we have had arguments and problems that come with living and starting a family with another human.
Now, at first our communication between each other got us by, but then we hit some hiccups and found our "tools" didn't always work in the most efficient manner. So to improve and learn new, healthy ways to communicate we sought out resources that gave us better "tools" at communicating in a far healthier way. For us a counselor provided us those tools. But for some others it may be a podcast or even a book that gives them the aha! moment.
So long story short.. kashnjosh, whatever provides the best way for you guys to learn to communicate in this lifestyle, the happier you will be. All of them hit it on the head, but like utahldscouple said, it needs to happen before, during and after each step you take to have the greatest impact on a healthy relationship for you two.
HUNTNGOLFER wrote:If someone gets butt hurt by saying forget the books and podcast, and just communicate, then they should exit the lifestyle stage right. That’s what creates drama, someone taking something personal when there wasn’t anything to be taken personal. You will see others agreed with us. If you want to call a spade a spade please do so on all post and comments made by previous douche canoe you afore mentioned too! We actually answered the OP with our advice. We do not ever attack anyone, at least not first! Opinions can differ and it’s ok to be different! First rule of the lifestyle accept others for who they are, doesn’t mean I have to hang out!
Now Utahldscouple, you started the drama with your first sentence. "Forget books and podcasts".
To an outsider looking in, that statement itself detracts from their sound advice and is offensive to someone trying to apply an honest answer. Now before you get pissed off at us, we typically see your side in the arguments and just want to call a spade a spade. But we also know about previous threads which the others are the detractors at times.
Utahldscouple wrote:
Forget books and podcast. It boils down to communication with your partner. Before, during and after. Everyone couple is different and every experience is different. It’s a journey and evolutionary process. Nothing can prepare you for the unknown until you experience it. We have learned over time, some things you just can’t prepare for or know to expect it. Emotional regulation is probably the best area you can work on beforehand. Communication communication communication is what it boils down to.
We agree with you 100%…life experience is where you learn.
Our thoughts - communicate, communicate , communicate…. Go at your own pace - not what others think you should. Talk with a couple you are thinking about playing with & make sure boundaries are understood & don’t exceed those boundaries during “the moment”.
We slowly moved into the lifestyle by going to nude or lifestyle resorts. You get to see a lot, participate when you feel comfortable, talk about what you see & decide if that is something you want to do or may not be ready to do.
Most important - don’t do anything that would hurt your spouse - it’s not worth it. And finally, have fun!
We slowly moved into the lifestyle by going to nude or lifestyle resorts. You get to see a lot, participate when you feel comfortable, talk about what you see & decide if that is something you want to do or may not be ready to do.
Most important - don’t do anything that would hurt your spouse - it’s not worth it. And finally, have fun!
Agree with @utahlds couple. And, in my opinion, if a couple doesn’t already have complete trust in each other, and great open communication in their vanilla relationship … to consider entering the LS is a recipe for disaster.
Nakkidfun wrote:This is great advice all centered around communication! We learn more from being around others like yourselves than any other way.
Our thoughts - communicate, communicate , communicate…. Go at your own pace - not what others think you should. Talk with a couple you are thinking about playing with & make sure boundaries are understood & don’t exceed those boundaries during “the moment”.
We slowly moved into the lifestyle by going to nude or lifestyle resorts. You get to see a lot, participate when you feel comfortable, talk about what you see & decide if that is something you want to do or may not be ready to do.
Most important - don’t do anything that would hurt your spouse - it’s not worth it. And finally, have fun!
Utahldscouple wrote:😂
Welcome back douchebag
+1 to the advice from Utahldscouple. No harm in books or podcast or whatever, but neither of us got into any 'published' advice. We have had some missteps here and there I think, but overall we've just had such great experiences that were thrilling for all involved and the nature of it all has only helped us to communicate better and more often. Being able to communicate your fantasies, fears and desires should be a top priority for any couple!
Other than really communicate, the best advice we have is to jump in! That's the advice we got from another couple at the first event we went to, and it resonated with and worked for us.
My partner and I met in the lifestyle. We have been running a group for about four years. We have learned the most about things by seeing how others dynamics work so we had a broader scope of things.