At the risk of alienating some of our friends, which is no means my intention, as we appreciate all who attend, I have an observation about our house parties that seems to be a trend.
We send personal invites from our friends list to try and control the number of folks attending in an attempt to ensure that it is fun for all who do attend. Not too many, nor too few, and to help us provide an adequate number of necessities for a good party.
That said, in our invites we always ask for an RSVP, and a small snack to share with the rest. Seems a small price to pay for someone willing to open up their home for such a thing.
First, and probably the most significant, the RSVP. The trend is now not to reply at all, leaving us to really wonder who might make it this time. This causes us two thoughts. 1st...Should we invite more people, even though our home will only fit so many?
2nd...are they just waiting to respond to see if something better comes up?
We see that you read the invite..why not spend a couple of minutes to reply. We spent just as long to send it, after all. We don't need to know why you can't make it...just a simple "Can't make it this time" would suffice quite nicely and allow us to invite someone else. And no...your answer isn't binding..lol If it turns out you can make it...GREAT! And if you say yes and something really does come up and you can't make it, we understand that, too. It's all good. It's just the other option of just plain ignoring it, that is not so good.
Snacks to share...not as big a deal, I guess but still a downward trend......
Facts from last party....
Invites sent? 25
Attended? 17
RSVP's? 4 or 5
Snacks brought? 2
Is this just happening to us? Or is it true other house party hosts, as well?
We send personal invites from our friends list to try and control the number of folks attending in an attempt to ensure that it is fun for all who do attend. Not too many, nor too few, and to help us provide an adequate number of necessities for a good party.
That said, in our invites we always ask for an RSVP, and a small snack to share with the rest. Seems a small price to pay for someone willing to open up their home for such a thing.
First, and probably the most significant, the RSVP. The trend is now not to reply at all, leaving us to really wonder who might make it this time. This causes us two thoughts. 1st...Should we invite more people, even though our home will only fit so many?
2nd...are they just waiting to respond to see if something better comes up?
We see that you read the invite..why not spend a couple of minutes to reply. We spent just as long to send it, after all. We don't need to know why you can't make it...just a simple "Can't make it this time" would suffice quite nicely and allow us to invite someone else. And no...your answer isn't binding..lol If it turns out you can make it...GREAT! And if you say yes and something really does come up and you can't make it, we understand that, too. It's all good. It's just the other option of just plain ignoring it, that is not so good.
Snacks to share...not as big a deal, I guess but still a downward trend......
Facts from last party....
Invites sent? 25
Attended? 17
RSVP's? 4 or 5
Snacks brought? 2
Is this just happening to us? Or is it true other house party hosts, as well?
We have never hosted a party, but we ALWAYS RSVP and bring a snack. It's common decency.
That’s crazy we have been to numerous house parties and always stay in touch with the hosts prior. It’s not easy hosting and we always try to help especially bringing food drink etc ti take the burden off the hosts .
not always about the quantity, more about the quality of folks, but ur 110% correct, we always bring something and cancel the rsvp if we can't make it
Whiskey_Girl wrote:We try to do the same, yep. I would guess that most folks attending house parties never host one for many valid reasons. As a whole I believe we are kind of becoming a self-centered society. Perhaps the hosts contribution is simply never considered?
That’s crazy we have been to numerous house parties and always stay in touch with the hosts prior. It’s not easy hosting and we always try to help especially bringing food drink etc ti take the burden off the hosts .
UtSkier wrote:Your post makes me think of a point I never really considered. When we get a request for an RSVP we think the host would like to know if we can't make it, as well. Maybe most think the RSVP only applies if they are going to come? Hmmmm....
not always about the quantity, more about the quality of folks, but ur 110% correct, we always bring something and cancel the rsvp if we can't make it
We think it is just the world we live in. If you have tried to sell something lately, you will get stood up a few times before someone actually shows up. Every day we are asked to hold something for someone, nothing is actually held anymore, and never hear from them again. Our solution is get two solid RSVP's from great friends. Send a few others out. If more attend great, if they don't its Ok too. And a quick "Sorry we can't make it", speaks volumes.
RICHARDBURTON wrote:Good point! While everyone we invite are not people we've played with, they are generally people we've known in the lifestyle as friends for quite a while. The exception is the new couple or two who may have sent us a friend request, or someone one of or friends may have invited. They are all free to do that. We do enjoy expanding our circle of friends!
If the invitees are persons you've played with previously, one could reasonable expect a response to the initial invite, and then any updates after that. Waiting for something better seems to be the LS norm! As is a general lack of etiquette to the many different requests that are put out, received, but not responded to.
KAY_KATE wrote:Pretty much the way we roll....yep. This post is not meant to take away from any of our friends! We enjoy all of them! I guess it's just normal when you've got a party coming up in a few days and only had a few RSVPs for it to worry. And then...we always resort to "Oh well...we know it will be a great time for whoever shows up" And then most do anyway...lol
We think it is just the world we live in. If you have tried to sell something lately, you will get stood up a few times before someone actually shows up. Every day we are asked to hold something for someone, nothing is actually held anymore, and never hear from them again. Our solution is get two solid RSVP's from great friends. Send a few others out. If more attend great, if they don't its Ok too. And a quick "Sorry we can't make it", speaks volumes.
I totally get what you’re saying it’s common courtesy, I have not hosted an event yet, but I have been to quite a few parties, and at least the people I hang out with always bring something for the host I myself try to ingratiate my host because I was lucky enough to get an invite. So at the very least for me, you will expect to receive at least a couple bottles of wine and an appetizer lol
But for the host sake, I hope this trend is just a temporary lack of judgment
But for the host sake, I hope this trend is just a temporary lack of judgment
Davidcross wrote:Ahhhh....maybe it's just our class of friends! But we love 'em all dearly.......bless their little hearts! LOL
I totally get what you’re saying it’s common courtesy, I have not hosted an event yet, but I have been to quite a few parties, and at least the people I hang out with always bring something for the host I myself try to ingratiate my host because I was lucky enough to get an invite. So at the very least for me, you will expect to receive at least a couple bottles of wine and an appetizer lol
But for the host sake, I hope this trend is just a temporary lack of judgment
Sounds like the two that brought snacks are the keepers. 😁
Damn Brother, we were running late. You could have said some shit and would have had Uber eats drop some treats. Lol
SlickAndSexy wrote:LOL....no sweat, brother! If you'd of done that then WE would have been upset! We all drink the bottles you leave! LOL I'm the first to admit there are times we haven't done it, either. Just something we noticed time.
Damn Brother, we were running late. You could have said some shit and would have had Uber eats drop some treats. Lol
wondering_68 wrote:Yep, but then so are the rest, too! We have some great friends!
Sounds like the two that brought snacks are the keepers. 😁
UtahGunner wrote:Yeah...too harsh for us. We'd never want to lose friends over such a small issue. Just posted it as a point to talk about for the benefit of all house party hosts.
Having never hosted and never been to any parties, here is my 2 cents....
(may be a bit on the harsh side)
If someone doesn't RSVP then remove them from the invite rotation. If someone shows up who didn't RSVP then turn them away.
Food is a different story. Maybe sent out reminders about bringing their food with reminders/updates about the party?
Either way, it is just common courtesy to RSVP and bring what you are supposed to. We are all adults, you'd think it wouldn't be that difficult.
Have to ask, have you hosted before and had too many people come? If not then I wouldn’t stress too much! But RSVP’ing is definitely the respectful thing to do.
Jumper245 wrote:Yeah...we have. Pre-covid we used to host a lot. And, yes, we have had too many come. Hence the reason we no longer post our parties here on Swingular. Since we have a hard time saying no to anyone, It is way too hard to control the number then.
Have to ask, have you hosted before and had too many people come? If not then I wouldn’t stress too much! But RSVP’ing is definitely the respectful thing to do.
TIFFND wrote:
Yeah...we have. Pre-covid we used to host a lot. And, yes, we have had too many come. Hence the reason we no longer post our parties here on Swingular. Since we have a hard time saying no to anyone, It is way too hard to control the number then.
Very understandable. Well if you’re open to single men attending your parties I’d love to chat
This conversation and topic has been a good one actually positive for a change. Most of the folks that chimed in seem like people we would love to hang out with and TFFND you guys seem awesome and from our hometown if you do throw a get together we would love to come and help out. We usually make to much food to bring but that’s the way we roll so hit us up
We've hosted many house parties over the years with similar requests. The people we've known the longest seem to be the ones who do as we ask. We've always tried to keep track of those who don't, we think it's very disrespectful. If it happened twice they were moved fast down the invite list or even removed.
BTW, our biggest pet peeve was those whom we personally invited who would invite others without asking us first.
BTW, our biggest pet peeve was those whom we personally invited who would invite others without asking us first.
MrNMrsHorny wrote:
We've hosted many house parties over the years with similar requests. The people we've known the longest seem to be the ones who do as we ask. We've always tried to keep track of those who don't, we think it's very disrespectful. If it happened twice they were moved fast down the invite list or even removed.
BTW, our biggest pet peeve was those whom we personally invited who would invite others without asking us first.
I have only been to a few house parties -
1. I consider myself SO new and SO lucky to be thought about for these gatherings...I RSVP and plan my snack contribution for sure! (Usually a bottle if the invite specifies BYOB, and at least a tasty snack to share! Sometimes I even get the chance/time to bake a special treat!)
2. Again- I'M NEW and I am still figuring out my own personal levels of how I want to participate/join. Sometimes I have stayed in my clothes the whole time and just enjoyed watching, but I still want to feel like I contributed somehow!
3. When I receive the invite and I respond as "joining" or "RSVPD" from the site, I get flooded with the single males asking to be my "PLUS ONE"!---How DARE you think I'm going to let you ride my rainbow tail! lol
Because for reals, I feel lucky enough to be invited, and I feel no need to vouch for some hozier that I don't even know when I am still doing my best to keep my manners and know that I have earned the privilege to have been invited! Good to see you mention this specifically, because it for sure seems desperate/ in bad taste to me to bring others without acknowledgement/clearance or even notice
MrNMrsHorny wrote:We do the same as far as invites. We keep track of when we send an invite to a new person, and make a note as to whether they respond at all. Like you, if there is no response after a couple of invites, we assume they are not interested and don't send anymore. As far as snacks, that's never really been a big deal to us, but it does seem now to be getting a bit unfair to those who are bringing them.
We've hosted many house parties over the years with similar requests. The people we've known the longest seem to be the ones who do as we ask. We've always tried to keep track of those who don't, we think it's very disrespectful. If it happened twice they were moved fast down the invite list or even removed.
BTW, our biggest pet peeve was those whom we personally invited who would invite others without asking us first.
LadyXena said:
I have only been to a few house parties -
1. I consider myself SO new and SO lucky to be thought about for these gatherings...I RSVP and plan my snack contribution for sure! (Usually a bottle if the invite specifies BYOB, and at least a tasty snack to share! Sometimes I even get the chance/time to bake a special treat!)
2. Again- I'M NEW and I am still figuring out my own personal levels of how I want to participate/join. Sometimes I have stayed in my clothes the whole time and just enjoyed watching, but I still want to feel like I contributed somehow!
3. When I receive the invite and I respond as "joining" or "RSVPD" from the site, I get flooded with the single males asking to be my "PLUS ONE"!---How DARE you think I'm going to let you ride my rainbow tail! lol
Because for reals, I feel lucky enough to be invited, and I feel no need to vouch for some hozier that I don't even know when I am still doing my best to keep my manners and know that I have earned the privilege to have been invited! Good to see you mention this specifically, because it for sure seems desperate/ in bad taste to me to bring others without acknowledgement/clearance or even notice
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Sounds like you have it just right, to us! LOL Our parties have always been kind of a mixed bag. Sometimes there is a lot of play...sometimes none. The space is always available for it...but it's all good here. We just want folks to feel comfortable with whatever their level of interest is. BYOB is pretty much the required norm...snacks have always been usual, but by no means required here....I only mention them now because the folks bringing them have dropped considerably in numbers and it seems unfair to those that are still bringing them.
I have only been to a few house parties -
1. I consider myself SO new and SO lucky to be thought about for these gatherings...I RSVP and plan my snack contribution for sure! (Usually a bottle if the invite specifies BYOB, and at least a tasty snack to share! Sometimes I even get the chance/time to bake a special treat!)
2. Again- I'M NEW and I am still figuring out my own personal levels of how I want to participate/join. Sometimes I have stayed in my clothes the whole time and just enjoyed watching, but I still want to feel like I contributed somehow!
3. When I receive the invite and I respond as "joining" or "RSVPD" from the site, I get flooded with the single males asking to be my "PLUS ONE"!---How DARE you think I'm going to let you ride my rainbow tail! lol
Because for reals, I feel lucky enough to be invited, and I feel no need to vouch for some hozier that I don't even know when I am still doing my best to keep my manners and know that I have earned the privilege to have been invited! Good to see you mention this specifically, because it for sure seems desperate/ in bad taste to me to bring others without acknowledgement/clearance or even notice
[/quote]
Sounds like you have it just right, to us! LOL Our parties have always been kind of a mixed bag. Sometimes there is a lot of play...sometimes none. The space is always available for it...but it's all good here. We just want folks to feel comfortable with whatever their level of interest is. BYOB is pretty much the required norm...snacks have always been usual, but by no means required here....I only mention them now because the folks bringing them have dropped considerably in numbers and it seems unfair to those that are still bringing them.
So here's my next question...
I was invited to a party, and the host doesn't invite me to the next....
I stayed clothed and didn't participate in play, but only because I am new and learning what I wanted to do or not for next time.
Except for...is that why I didn't get the invite for next time. Did I spoil my chances for being invited the next time? I'm not intentionally trying to be the tease, but maybe I was perceived that way? I very much enjoyed my first house party, and learned a lot about what I would like to happen...eventually. Going to a house party as a single female was quite the big step for me, and I'm glad I did so. But I'm hoping that my novice boundaries didn't turn people off from having me there. Because I sure do hope to explore and grow/learn what I like the more I attend!
I was invited to a party, and the host doesn't invite me to the next....
I stayed clothed and didn't participate in play, but only because I am new and learning what I wanted to do or not for next time.
Except for...is that why I didn't get the invite for next time. Did I spoil my chances for being invited the next time? I'm not intentionally trying to be the tease, but maybe I was perceived that way? I very much enjoyed my first house party, and learned a lot about what I would like to happen...eventually. Going to a house party as a single female was quite the big step for me, and I'm glad I did so. But I'm hoping that my novice boundaries didn't turn people off from having me there. Because I sure do hope to explore and grow/learn what I like the more I attend!
We used to host a large party once per month. These were pretty large (always upwards of 30 - 40 couples or so each time). People ALWAYS RSVP'd - or we would reach out to make sure the head count. Generally, we would pull the people attending into a separate chat/text scenario mostly to let people chat a little, get to know people prior to the party.
Also, we always had WAY too much food as everyone always brought something to share. We have not thrown any parties post-COVID. Hoping it isn't a trend for sure.
We attended a party around Halloween. They charged 50$ per couple (this was for the AirBnB, snacks, ice, mixers, decorations) - so we attended. There was one vegie tray and one fruit tray and one back of ice - for 50 people.
Worst planning for a party we've attended. We won't be going back to that particular group's events.
Also, we always had WAY too much food as everyone always brought something to share. We have not thrown any parties post-COVID. Hoping it isn't a trend for sure.
We attended a party around Halloween. They charged 50$ per couple (this was for the AirBnB, snacks, ice, mixers, decorations) - so we attended. There was one vegie tray and one fruit tray and one back of ice - for 50 people.
Worst planning for a party we've attended. We won't be going back to that particular group's events.
CNTRLCPL wrote:
Also, we always had WAY too much food as everyone always brought something to share.
This has always been our experience. We also noticed those attending an LS house party didn't come for the food.
As a couple who would love to host parties but can't due to our family situation. We are extremely grateful for the couples that open their homes for others to enjoy LS parties. Your well written tips are spot on! We always try and ask if there is anything we can bring, but unfortunately have been guilty of the not sending the "not coming RSVP". We appreciate being reminded of what is the correct etiquette, and apologize for those few times we forgot to let our hosts know we were not able to make it. As a note, while we believe there is alot of " wait for the bigger, better deal" in not promptly responding, we feel there is just as much, can't plan that far ahead for a LS event due to emotional, physical, moral, life, etc issues. Well thought out and informing post!
LadyXena wrote:We can't speak for other hosts, but that absolutely would NOT have any bearing on being invited back to one of our parties. Our only criteria is that have a good time!
So here's my next question...
I was invited to a party, and the host doesn't invite me to the next....
I stayed clothed and didn't participate in play, but only because I am new and learning what I wanted to do or not for next time.
Except for...is that why I didn't get the invite for next time. Did I spoil my chances for being invited the next time? I'm not intentionally trying to be the tease, but maybe I was perceived that way? I very much enjoyed my first house party, and learned a lot about what I would like to happen...eventually. Going to a house party as a single female was quite the big step for me, and I'm glad I did so. But I'm hoping that my novice boundaries didn't turn people off from having me there. Because I sure do hope to explore and grow/learn what I like the more I attend!
LadyXena wrote:We can't speak for other hosts, but that absolutely would NOT have any bearing on being invited back to one of our parties. Our only criteria is that have a good time!
So here's my next question...
I was invited to a party, and the host doesn't invite me to the next....
I stayed clothed and didn't participate in play, but only because I am new and learning what I wanted to do or not for next time.
Except for...is that why I didn't get the invite for next time. Did I spoil my chances for being invited the next time? I'm not intentionally trying to be the tease, but maybe I was perceived that way? I very much enjoyed my first house party, and learned a lot about what I would like to happen...eventually. Going to a house party as a single female was quite the big step for me, and I'm glad I did so. But I'm hoping that my novice boundaries didn't turn people off from having me there. Because I sure do hope to explore and grow/learn what I like the more I attend!
CNTRLCPL wrote:That seemed to be our experience as well pre covid, as well.. We went about 2 1/2 years without a party. Part of the reason for this post was to try and determine if things as a whole have changed...or if ours were kind of the exception. We have been to a few parties that charged as well. I know there are exceptions, but we always felt the host was just in it for the money. We've never charged.
We used to host a large party once per month. These were pretty large (always upwards of 30 - 40 couples or so each time). People ALWAYS RSVP'd - or we would reach out to make sure the head count. Generally, we would pull the people attending into a separate chat/text scenario mostly to let people chat a little, get to know people prior to the party.
Also, we always had WAY too much food as everyone always brought something to share. We have not thrown any parties post-COVID. Hoping it isn't a trend for sure.
We attended a party around Halloween. They charged 50$ per couple (this was for the AirBnB, snacks, ice, mixers, decorations) - so we attended. There was one vegie tray and one fruit tray and one back of ice - for 50 people.
Worst planning for a party we've attended. We won't be going back to that particular group's events.
MoreFun4U wrote:True! LOL Our parties are usually more social with a lot of flirting and flashing thrown in. And...of course....sometimes more!CNTRLCPL wrote:
Also, we always had WAY too much food as everyone always brought something to share.
This has always been our experience. We also noticed those attending an LS house party didn't come for the food.
TIFFND wrote:
[quote=CNTRLCPL]We have been to a few parties that charged as well. I know there are exceptions, but we always felt the host was just in it for the money. We've never charged.
We have no issues with paying for house parties, so long as the cost is reasonable. The last one we attended was $20 a couple and they provided everything, food, ice mixers, condoms and lube among other things. The only thing we had to bring was our alcohol. We thought that was a bargin and much better then showing up with the 3rd veggie tray of the night. Every house party we've ever been to we have given the host at least $20 to help defray the cost. Doing something extra to help out is a good way to stay on the invite list.
Now when we see people charging $100 per couple for a house party we chalk that up to a money making venture.
Your mileage may vary...
Vegascouple469 wrote:Great points!
As a couple who would love to host parties but can't due to our family situation. We are extremely grateful for the couples that open their homes for others to enjoy LS parties. Your well written tips are spot on! We always try and ask if there is anything we can bring, but unfortunately have been guilty of the not sending the "not coming RSVP". We appreciate being reminded of what is the correct etiquette, and apologize for those few times we forgot to let our hosts know we were not able to make it. As a note, while we believe there is alot of " wait for the bigger, better deal" in not promptly responding, we feel there is just as much, can't plan that far ahead for a LS event due to emotional, physical, moral, life, etc issues. Well thought out and informing post!
I’d love to join one of your house parties. As a trans guy it’s hard to find places I’m accepted!