Curious when is it considered assertive versus aggressive? What behavior is acceptable and expected and is not? Recently brought a single female with us to an event. It gave us a different perspective. We saw first hand some very aggressive behaviors and a little surprising.
Part 2: What is the best approach to address/stop such behaviors?
Part 2: What is the best approach to address/stop such behaviors?
First thing is to ask nicely….please don’t do that. If that does not work then depart the circumstances. We always expect consent although speaking up when something you don’t want to happen does happen. That’s being assertive and for us aggressive behavior maybe wanted but when it’s not ask the partner to stop and never regret doing so.
I think to me, a person being assertive still is willing to hear ‘no’ and stop immediately vs a person being aggressive would make the other person/people feel less welcome saying ‘no.’
In my experience I feel safe around assertive people in the bedroom, but I’ve had some male halves of couples get very aggressive and I did not feel safe.
Part of it comes down to physical strength too, an assertive stranger becomes aggressive to me a lot sooner if they seem stronger than me or I’m in a more vulnerable position. For example if I’m bottoming in doggystyle and I feel like they’re not immediately receptive to my body language around them puttin their dick/strap on in then I feel like that will likely be perceived by me as aggression. But if we’ve talked before hand and they’re blowing me then flip me over to get ready for doggystyle, I think that’s more assertiveness.
Like everything it boils down to listening and communicating. I’ve played with couples where the male half became extremely aggressive and forcing himself on me when his female half left/went to sleep. I’ve also played with people that were wonderfully assertive.
In my experience I feel safe around assertive people in the bedroom, but I’ve had some male halves of couples get very aggressive and I did not feel safe.
Part of it comes down to physical strength too, an assertive stranger becomes aggressive to me a lot sooner if they seem stronger than me or I’m in a more vulnerable position. For example if I’m bottoming in doggystyle and I feel like they’re not immediately receptive to my body language around them puttin their dick/strap on in then I feel like that will likely be perceived by me as aggression. But if we’ve talked before hand and they’re blowing me then flip me over to get ready for doggystyle, I think that’s more assertiveness.
Like everything it boils down to listening and communicating. I’ve played with couples where the male half became extremely aggressive and forcing himself on me when his female half left/went to sleep. I’ve also played with people that were wonderfully assertive.
To reiterate, I think it is all extremely personal and my interpretation of it could be wildly different, so if I’m going to meet someone and they request me being assertive, we will still discuss a lot about what it means so we’re on the same page.
The single lady was being aggressive, or you observed others being aggressive to her?
My experience is single ladies at a club or event if they choose can usually be more assertive or aggressive and most usually accept or enjoy a lady being more direct or forward.
If single guys or couples are being aggressive to a single lady, especially if it is her first time to an event, then it is OK for a couple or single guy to tell the person(s) being aggressive to stop, chill out and knock it off. It's all about consent, respect, and doing best to read the general vibe of the event and of the individuals interacting with.
My experience is single ladies at a club or event if they choose can usually be more assertive or aggressive and most usually accept or enjoy a lady being more direct or forward.
If single guys or couples are being aggressive to a single lady, especially if it is her first time to an event, then it is OK for a couple or single guy to tell the person(s) being aggressive to stop, chill out and knock it off. It's all about consent, respect, and doing best to read the general vibe of the event and of the individuals interacting with.
Assertiveness exudes confidence. Aggression feigns confidence.
EXTREMEXLR8 wrote:She was not aggressive at all.
The single lady was being aggressive, or you observed others being aggressive to her?
My experience is single ladies at a club or event if they choose can usually be more assertive or aggressive and most usually accept or enjoy a lady being more direct or forward.
If single guys or couples are being aggressive to a single lady, especially if it is her first time to an event, then it is OK for a couple or single guy to tell the person(s) being aggressive to stop, chill out and knock it off. It's all about consent, respect, and doing best to read the general vibe of the event and of the individuals interacting with.
Some very good answers here. I think being the point/goal of expressing assertiveness is to show/communicate confidence and interest. The point of aggression is to intimidate, and communicate personal desires with the intent of forcing someone to comply who might not otherwise. Aggression seeks to cause fear and compliance rather than inspire confidence and respect.
These dynamics can change when people know and trust each other well. Some aggressive behaviors can be used in a mutually trusting relationship to communiccate dominance dynamics, which is a whole other headspace.
These dynamics can change when people know and trust each other well. Some aggressive behaviors can be used in a mutually trusting relationship to communiccate dominance dynamics, which is a whole other headspace.
69Sensualist wrote:We like this answer. Assertive is with words and aggressive is with behavior, hoping the person complies!
Some very good answers here. I think being the point/goal of expressing assertiveness is to show/communicate confidence and interest. The point of aggression is to intimidate, and communicate personal desires with the intent of forcing someone to comply who might not otherwise. Aggression seeks to cause fear and compliance rather than inspire confidence and respect.
These dynamics can change when people know and trust each other well. Some aggressive behaviors can be used in a mutually trusting relationship to communiccate dominance dynamics, which is a whole other headspace.
our advantage is to have a high tolerance to be sexually harassed by sexy ladies
SUENDAN wrote:TBH…this is a huge issue in the LS. It’s ok for women to not ask consent but not ok for men. We always say you should still ask, even when we all know 99.99999% of men will say yes. We have had more issues with the female side being aggressive (to both parties of the couple) than we have with males.
our advantage is to have a high tolerance to be sexually harassed by sexy ladies
Utahldscouple wrote:SUENDAN wrote:TBH…this is a huge issue in the LS. It’s ok for women to not ask consent but not ok for men. We always say you should still ask, even when we all know 99.99999% of men will say yes. We have had more issues with the female side being aggressive (to both parties of the couple) than we have with males.
our advantage is to have a high tolerance to be sexually harassed by sexy ladies
True story, I was sexually harassed in the mingling pool by a drunk and batshit crazy older lady with a post gastric bypass physique at Caliente Tampa about 7 years ago. The lady chased me around, I ran for my life while my wife and some other friends were just laughing their assess off.