First off a little background. I am ENM and polyamorous and been doing this for a while, I have a girl who joins me with two couples we see quite regularly. For the most part we are both happy and content with what we already have, and most of the time neither of us want anything or anyone more. I do however, love being a third and love meeting new people and wish to get more involved. It’s a lifestyle in which I feel I belong and will always be a part of. I find it amusing how the most unattractive people on here are often the ones grieving about the single males. Every time I see some hate, I click on the account of those who wrote it and am greeted by the sight of some human beings I find unattractive and quite frankly would never have a shot with me. I don’t understand, is this site full of desperate and creepy guys? I wouldn’t know since I don’t have single males set as a preference but I’ve saw very little bad behavior from anyone on this site in the year that I’ve been a member. I don’t understand the hate, let’s just get along. And if there’s any couples that could use a friend you know where to find me!
It’s so sweet to make this little chat. I honestly felt like crap reading some comments earlier. Maybe I’m just being sensitive today, but the community is supposed to be open to all people. Yes there’s going to be the creepers or weirdos of course when you have an open group, but not everyone is. Sometimes people are a little harsh on the single guys, but there are also some amazing people on the sight that I’ve met and will never forget, and not even speaking sexually
This is solely are observation and actually based off of recent conversations with new to the lifestyle couples. Men are rarely secure in their relationship and feel threatened more by other males. We had one husband say that adding a male emasculates one of the men. For us it's about exploring fantasies and sexual experiences with others. We do see at times the single male (e.g. Laypipe) that comes on every few months to throw shade at men and tries emasculating them because they let their wives experience other partners etc. The double standard that we see at times surprises us. Why is it ok for a man to be part of a gangbang or be part of a reverse gangbang but a woman is looked down upon? We have removed several post because some individuals cannot simply be cordial and add content to the post instead they decide to try and demean. Our only complaint about single males is take the time to realize the ratios are in the favor of the couple, be thoughtful on your messages. Instead of short messages (or none) saying "Let's fuck" or "Hi", actually do a little introduction. We have had many experiences on here and can say most single men we have met have been good (we do screen thoroughly). Lastly, don't be offended when you are politely told not interested. We definitely aren't everyone's cup of tea and don't expect everyone to think so either.
We have the philosophy if you like it, join in; if you don't, walk on by.
We have the philosophy if you like it, join in; if you don't, walk on by.
We are in our sixth year on this site. We are also currently on three more sites, even after dropping two more. When we joined Swingular, we were taken aback from the negativity toward single guys. We did not see this this level of animosity on any other of the sites we are or were on.
Aside from the folks from Idaho and Wyoming (and very, very few nationwide), this site is predominately Utah based. I am not negatively judging Utah since a survey or research was never done, but we had to wonder if this hatred is a Utah thing. Or was it a few couples who made it seem normal to criticize, demean, humiliate; and then everyone just jumped on the bandwagon? Human history has taught us that ostracizing is easier than accepting. Who knows? We certainly don't understand it.
Many couples correctly point out that single guys are not "swingers" since they don't swap. But, we believe that single guys are part of the "lifestyle" for many couples. Why is fmf ok, but mfm is not ok?
As a side note: The vast majority of our play is with couples(our preference). But we occasionally like mfm for the different dynamics it offers. We have been very lucky with mfm and haven't had a bad experience yet, which I cannot say is always true with every couple we've met.
Aside from the folks from Idaho and Wyoming (and very, very few nationwide), this site is predominately Utah based. I am not negatively judging Utah since a survey or research was never done, but we had to wonder if this hatred is a Utah thing. Or was it a few couples who made it seem normal to criticize, demean, humiliate; and then everyone just jumped on the bandwagon? Human history has taught us that ostracizing is easier than accepting. Who knows? We certainly don't understand it.
Many couples correctly point out that single guys are not "swingers" since they don't swap. But, we believe that single guys are part of the "lifestyle" for many couples. Why is fmf ok, but mfm is not ok?
As a side note: The vast majority of our play is with couples(our preference). But we occasionally like mfm for the different dynamics it offers. We have been very lucky with mfm and haven't had a bad experience yet, which I cannot say is always true with every couple we've met.
Interesting read. My experience has been really great. I don’t log on to often, but when I do, I have several really thoughtful messages.
Im selective, but treat others with kindness regardless of interest. I’ve noticed almost all have treated me similarly.
Good people on here.
Im selective, but treat others with kindness regardless of interest. I’ve noticed almost all have treated me similarly.
Good people on here.
Many, many people here have serious problems with single males. I suspect it is a combination of two things:
1) male insecurities (as mentioned above) and
2) a handful of very aggressive and rude single guys who send messages to everyone hoping that if they send out enough, eventually they will find someone that is not offended, or who actually like that approach. A small percentage of the loudest guys make the rest of us look bad.
When given a chance, respectful, decent guys will prove themselves. People who won't give us a chance probably don't deserve us. :-)
1) male insecurities (as mentioned above) and
2) a handful of very aggressive and rude single guys who send messages to everyone hoping that if they send out enough, eventually they will find someone that is not offended, or who actually like that approach. A small percentage of the loudest guys make the rest of us look bad.
When given a chance, respectful, decent guys will prove themselves. People who won't give us a chance probably don't deserve us. :-)
Its even worse on married men allowed to play seperately! We are pretty much ignored!!! Or treated like a plague of some kind
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:PARTYINLV wrote:
We are in our sixth year on this site. We are also currently on three more sites, even after dropping two more. When we joined Swingular, we were taken aback from the negativity toward single guys. We did not see this this level of animosity on any other of the sites we are or were on.
Aside from the folks from Idaho and Wyoming (and very, very few nationwide), this site is predominately Utah based. I am not negatively judging Utah since a survey or research was never done, but we had to wonder if this hatred is a Utah thing. Or was it a few couples who made it seem normal to hate and everyone just jumped on the bandwagon? Human history has taught us that ostracizing is easier than accepting. Who knows? We certainly don't understand it.
Many couples correctly point out that single guys are not "swingers" since they don't swap. But, we believe that single guys are part of the "lifestyle" for many couples. Why is fmf ok, but mfm is not ok?
As a side note: The vast majority of our play is with couples(our preference). But we occasionally like mfm for the different dynamics it offers. We have been very lucky with mfm and haven't had a bad experience yet, which I cannot say is always true with every couple we've met.
We live here. Our experience is that most couples do not hate single men. Most married men are not intimidated by the presence of single men. Most couples and singles whether super active or rarely active in the lifestyle don’t post anything in the forum section of this website. As is the case with so much on the internet, a few of us that do read or post in the forums, may give others the impression that we are a good general representation of the community’s mindset. Obviously we aren’t. What we read here is mostly just personal preferences. There are some thoughts expressed that we find interesting, sometimes enlightening. Sometimes people are just venting. Sometimes it’s angry venting stemming from personal experience. As for insecurities, we all have at least a few.
Well said. Thank you!
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:PARTYINLV wrote:
We are in our sixth year on this site. We are also currently on three more sites, even after dropping two more. When we joined Swingular, we were taken aback from the negativity toward single guys. We did not see this this level of animosity on any other of the sites we are or were on.
Aside from the folks from Idaho and Wyoming (and very, very few nationwide), this site is predominately Utah based. I am not negatively judging Utah since a survey or research was never done, but we had to wonder if this hatred is a Utah thing. Or was it a few couples who made it seem normal to hate and everyone just jumped on the bandwagon? Human history has taught us that ostracizing is easier than accepting. Who knows? We certainly don't understand it.
Many couples correctly point out that single guys are not "swingers" since they don't swap. But, we believe that single guys are part of the "lifestyle" for many couples. Why is fmf ok, but mfm is not ok?
As a side note: The vast majority of our play is with couples(our preference). But we occasionally like mfm for the different dynamics it offers. We have been very lucky with mfm and haven't had a bad experience yet, which I cannot say is always true with every couple we've met.
We live here. Our experience is that most couples do not hate single men. Most married men are not intimidated by the presence of single men. Most couples and singles whether super active or rarely active in the lifestyle don’t post anything in the forum section of this website. As is the case with so much on the internet, a few of us that do read or post in the forums, may give others the impression that we are a good general representation of the community’s mindset. Obviously we aren’t. What we read here is mostly just personal preferences. There are some thoughts expressed that we find interesting, sometimes enlightening. Sometimes people are just venting. Sometimes it’s angry venting stemming from personal experience. As for insecurities, we all have at least a few.
Perhaps I am just mistaking the complaints I see in forums on the home page as a reflection of the general attitude here
Here’s my two cents on why there is so much distain for single males on this site. First, the very name of this site suggests that it’s a platform for swingers, meaning SM are barking up the wrong trees. Yes, there are definitely couples on here who like MFM etc (i certainly do) but the fact that it is predominantly a swinger site should suggest to single guys that they and what they offer only appeals to a small subset of people here, and they should lay low and take a back seat rather than trying to be front and center. In my opinion, single guys should feel like guests here. They’re the third wheel, after all. We know there are single guys who are ready and willing to fuck our wives…let us come to you rather than being in our face. Any guy with even average EQ should understand this.
Second and just as important….maybe think twice before you hit “submit” on a comment you want to make because more often than not the comments from single guys are cringe-worthy. If you hid the profiles of a random set of comments, I guarantee I could pick which were written by the single guys.
You say, “I do however, love being a third and love meeting new people and wish to get more involved. “. Yes, you and every single male on the planet. Single males…do you have a place here? Sure. But your place is not to make up 50% of the content when a MUCH smaller percentage of people here are interested. Back into the woodwork a little bit and you might get a better reception.
Happy 4th!
Second and just as important….maybe think twice before you hit “submit” on a comment you want to make because more often than not the comments from single guys are cringe-worthy. If you hid the profiles of a random set of comments, I guarantee I could pick which were written by the single guys.
You say, “I do however, love being a third and love meeting new people and wish to get more involved. “. Yes, you and every single male on the planet. Single males…do you have a place here? Sure. But your place is not to make up 50% of the content when a MUCH smaller percentage of people here are interested. Back into the woodwork a little bit and you might get a better reception.
Happy 4th!
I think I have some relevant experience to shed some light on the stigma single males have on this site compared to other sites. I was a single male on this site for a few years until I met and married another swinging single; so I've seen the single male, single female, and couple perspectives.
A big part of it when it comes to the Swingular veterans is the old video chat (about 15 years ago). It was set up such that there were a few camera slots at the top of the chat where people could turn on their Webcams and do exhibitionist stuff that everyone in the chat could see, and a main chat window below it. It wasn't just that everyone could watch the cams, but that everyone /had to/; they couldn't be turned off.
The chat was a pretty strong draw to the site because most adult centric social sites didn't have a broadcast video chat, and those that did had a subscription required to use it. So it brought a lot of single guys around.
It wasn't uncommon for some single guys to get ahold of one of the cam slots and hold it hostage, forcing everyone else in the chat to watch them beat their meat. When this would happen during peak hours people could get pretty hostile trying to get the guys to leave; especially when women or couples wanted to put on a show but couldn't for want of a cam slot.
This eventually led the admin to limit access to the chat to paying members only.
The consequence of that limitation was that a bunch of single guys would come into the chat room making demands of those on cam - as if they were paid cam performers. These guys would get pissed off when women wouldn't do what they wanted, then whine that they were paying for the site and expected to get their money's worth. When people ignored them they'd get hostile and degrading. They'd spam the chat with insults, and there was no way to block them.
This led me to write a new chat for the site that added more cameras, and gave people the ability to turn them off, and the ability to block. That wasn't a real solution though because it worked along side the main chat but didn't replace it.
With all the single men being drawn to the site came the great dick pic spam campaign, where guys would spam every single woman and couple thinking that dick pics would lead to hookups. That led to the admin creating the "Block Single Males" feature for email.
That drove a bunch of the single males to create "couples" accounts where they'd pretend to be a couple where only the guy played, which led a lot of people into not trusting couples accounts where the guy plays alone. That in turn led to guys pretending to be women trying to hook their husbands up with couples.
Now it's worth pointing out that a lot of these entitled and subversive single male behaviors were happening on other platforms too, but they were happening a lot more frequently here as a consequence of how Swingular tried to deal with the problem.
But there is one more component that caused the stigma towards single males to be a more permanent part of this site's culture: the forums.
A big part of it when it comes to the Swingular veterans is the old video chat (about 15 years ago). It was set up such that there were a few camera slots at the top of the chat where people could turn on their Webcams and do exhibitionist stuff that everyone in the chat could see, and a main chat window below it. It wasn't just that everyone could watch the cams, but that everyone /had to/; they couldn't be turned off.
The chat was a pretty strong draw to the site because most adult centric social sites didn't have a broadcast video chat, and those that did had a subscription required to use it. So it brought a lot of single guys around.
It wasn't uncommon for some single guys to get ahold of one of the cam slots and hold it hostage, forcing everyone else in the chat to watch them beat their meat. When this would happen during peak hours people could get pretty hostile trying to get the guys to leave; especially when women or couples wanted to put on a show but couldn't for want of a cam slot.
This eventually led the admin to limit access to the chat to paying members only.
The consequence of that limitation was that a bunch of single guys would come into the chat room making demands of those on cam - as if they were paid cam performers. These guys would get pissed off when women wouldn't do what they wanted, then whine that they were paying for the site and expected to get their money's worth. When people ignored them they'd get hostile and degrading. They'd spam the chat with insults, and there was no way to block them.
This led me to write a new chat for the site that added more cameras, and gave people the ability to turn them off, and the ability to block. That wasn't a real solution though because it worked along side the main chat but didn't replace it.
With all the single men being drawn to the site came the great dick pic spam campaign, where guys would spam every single woman and couple thinking that dick pics would lead to hookups. That led to the admin creating the "Block Single Males" feature for email.
That drove a bunch of the single males to create "couples" accounts where they'd pretend to be a couple where only the guy played, which led a lot of people into not trusting couples accounts where the guy plays alone. That in turn led to guys pretending to be women trying to hook their husbands up with couples.
Now it's worth pointing out that a lot of these entitled and subversive single male behaviors were happening on other platforms too, but they were happening a lot more frequently here as a consequence of how Swingular tried to deal with the problem.
But there is one more component that caused the stigma towards single males to be a more permanent part of this site's culture: the forums.
Part II - the forums
Like a lot of the early adult centric social sites Swingular was originally built around forums as the primary form of interaction.
Unlike other sites, Swingular kept the forums front-and-center. Even now that they've built a mobile app the most recent forum posts are the first thing you see on login. Most other sites have moved on to a location based chats with video options model. Not this one.
A consequence of that decision is that those of us who have been on this site since its inception are the denizens of the forum. When grief about single males bogarting the cam slots was aired this is the place it was aired. When this community expressed irritation about the entitled demands of some single males we expressed it here. When we complained about the dick pic deluge, we did it here. Those posts are all still here. The threads occasionally bubble back to the surface through acts of forum necromancy, and they bubble up along with comments from single men exemplifying the very reasons they became pariahs.
That keeps the stigma fresh even among new users to the site.
Having been a single guy on here I understand the frustration that comes from dealing with that stigma. You'll find that stigma elsewhere too, but what you won't find is how having a good reputation carries you to more opportunities. Swingular is a lot more local focused than other sites. More of the people here actually know each other, and if you have a good reputation as a single guy that word of mouth can end up filling your schedule with fun.
Having seen what my partners have dealt with from single guys on here as single females, I can tell you that the stigma isn't going away. There are still lots of single guys on here ruining the chances for good ones to stand as examples.
Being a couple on here I can tell you that we don't get anywhere near as much of the toxicity the the single females here end up dealing with.
Like a lot of the early adult centric social sites Swingular was originally built around forums as the primary form of interaction.
Unlike other sites, Swingular kept the forums front-and-center. Even now that they've built a mobile app the most recent forum posts are the first thing you see on login. Most other sites have moved on to a location based chats with video options model. Not this one.
A consequence of that decision is that those of us who have been on this site since its inception are the denizens of the forum. When grief about single males bogarting the cam slots was aired this is the place it was aired. When this community expressed irritation about the entitled demands of some single males we expressed it here. When we complained about the dick pic deluge, we did it here. Those posts are all still here. The threads occasionally bubble back to the surface through acts of forum necromancy, and they bubble up along with comments from single men exemplifying the very reasons they became pariahs.
That keeps the stigma fresh even among new users to the site.
Having been a single guy on here I understand the frustration that comes from dealing with that stigma. You'll find that stigma elsewhere too, but what you won't find is how having a good reputation carries you to more opportunities. Swingular is a lot more local focused than other sites. More of the people here actually know each other, and if you have a good reputation as a single guy that word of mouth can end up filling your schedule with fun.
Having seen what my partners have dealt with from single guys on here as single females, I can tell you that the stigma isn't going away. There are still lots of single guys on here ruining the chances for good ones to stand as examples.
Being a couple on here I can tell you that we don't get anywhere near as much of the toxicity the the single females here end up dealing with.
Didn’t have the energy to read all of this forum post by another SM … my simple observation of Swingular after quite a few years is that it’s now over-run with single guys … on a SWINGER site lol. No hate … it’s just my observation, and it makes the site very MEH and boring.