Hello all! I'm new to the lifestyle and although my profile implies single male, I have a partner very interested in the lifestyle as well. I'm doing as much research and taking as much instruction as I can soak up here and there. I think it would be invaluable to have an experienced mentor or two or three to soundboard off in concerns to navigating the lifestyle with a partner without drama. Im interested in first hand experience do's and don'ts ect. Preferably male but I would very much value insights from females also. Thank you for your consideration.
I don’t know where to begin with this. I guess you have to decide what you want and the boundaries you and your occasional playmate want. There is nothing worse than pushing a partner into the uncomfortable zone. As far as being a good participant from a males point of view I always give the female utmost respect and attention at her pleasure is top priority as well as feeling safe. The lifestyle is a fine line of trust between your significant partner and also the couples or singles that you meet and play with. A lot of the people we have met have become more than playmates they have become fiends having that in mind another fine line exists not to take it to a live level. Anyway good luck and happy swinging
We avoid the friends part. That's where it gets sticky. We're friendly and we love to chat with the people we play with, but we try to keep the relationship about sex. That's really what we're here for. Be very careful about building close relationships with people outside your marriage that you have sex with. It may work for some people. It destroyed my first marriage.
Highly recommend Dr. Cari Oneal's Sex Positive Event Essentials digital class: www.lifestyle.drcarioneal.com/spee It's a great place to start!
Thank you for the replies and great advice. None of us want to be "that person or couple" . So I welcome the knowledge. Its all good stuff I totally get the making friends to close for comfort and the possible downsides. Thanks.
To clarify I suppose I'm hoping to strike up a personal acquaintance with experienced and knowledgeable individuals strictly plutonically for the purposes of getting smart and avoiding pitfalls if possible. As I expect, as we navigate our way into the lifestyle both of us beginners, I'll have lots of thoughts and questions but few people in my day to day to talk to about it. And I'm not inclined to air my personal business on a open forum when I want advice. So please message me if you would be interested in this sort of thing. I would be forever grateful and would certainly make sure I got even.
To clarify I suppose I'm hoping to strike up a personal acquaintance with experienced and knowledgeable individuals strictly plutonically for the purposes of getting smart and avoiding pitfalls if possible. As I expect, as we navigate our way into the lifestyle both of us beginners, I'll have lots of thoughts and questions but few people in my day to day to talk to about it. And I'm not inclined to air my personal business on a open forum when I want advice. So please message me if you would be interested in this sort of thing. I would be forever grateful and would certainly make sure I got even.
Yes Sexydancer I will second that recommendation I've taken that very coarse as well as watched some of her videos.
carrieg32 wrote:
First time … my husband and I are looking into the lifestyle!! Honestly have no idea what I’m doing
It really starts with yourselves. Communication amongst yourselves is key to a happy swinging and a happy marriage/love life. Knowing what you want when you meet people beforehand. Are you a couple that will somehow make the decision and goes with the flow the first meet(works for some)? Or are you a couple that enjoys the night, gets to know the other couple on a date, and then decided the after the fact for another date and play or just another date?
Even when you decide on a play night is everything still good with you two? You could be doing this for a month or ten years. It's always appropriate to reassure each other in case something comes up (something didn't feel right, the red scare for those that don't play with it, etc)
It is definitely more complex than that in my opinion, but I guess this is the (our) baseline to go off.
carrieg32 wrote:
First time … my husband and I are looking into the lifestyle!! Honestly have no idea what I’m doing
As mentioned above - check out Dr. Cari Oneal - she guides couples through the skills and resources needed to navigate the swinging lifestyle without putting your primary relationship at risk. Sex Positive Event Essentials class is a good place to start: www.lifestyle.drcarioneal.com/spee
Welcome and enjoy your lifestyle journey - it's a thrilling ride!
SexyDancers wrote:
Highly recommend Dr. Cari Oneal's Sex Positive Event Essentials digital class: www.lifestyle.drcarioneal.com/spee It's a great place to start!
We agree - this is a great place to start! Dr O’Neal gets it - she understands the local cultural issues AND she is stunning! 😉
Also - walk before you run. Great (not just good) and COMPLETELY HONEST communication between yourselves is essential to survival in the LS! Strongly recommend NOT dipping your toes into the water unless BOTH of you are on board. Feel free to contact us if you have specific questions.
Good luck!
So with our situation, I, the male almost have an obsession with taking my wife to the extremes of pleasure, it all started out with toys, and moved on to talking about sex with others, and realizing I wanted to see my wife receive pleasure from others, keeping it all about her pleasure and keeping it away from being too personal. For us it's like having live interactive toys.