Why do you swing?
Last year my sweet sexy wife and I jumped right into the lifestyle and had a few incredibly fun, sexy experiences together. It really heated up an already great sex life and made us love each other even more.
Now my wife says she doesn't want to continue with any lifestyle activities. Her thinking is that if we love each other so much, have a great sex life (and vanilla life), and love what we do for each other sexually, why would we want to swing?
I seriously love this amazingly kind, beautiful, sexy woman and while I understand her thinking and feel the same about her, I'd love to keep meeting cool people and having sexy fun in the lifestyle!
I'd love to hear reasons why people in great relationships enjoy swinging, as well as any advice you might have for our situation. Thanks in advance!
Last year my sweet sexy wife and I jumped right into the lifestyle and had a few incredibly fun, sexy experiences together. It really heated up an already great sex life and made us love each other even more.
Now my wife says she doesn't want to continue with any lifestyle activities. Her thinking is that if we love each other so much, have a great sex life (and vanilla life), and love what we do for each other sexually, why would we want to swing?
I seriously love this amazingly kind, beautiful, sexy woman and while I understand her thinking and feel the same about her, I'd love to keep meeting cool people and having sexy fun in the lifestyle!
I'd love to hear reasons why people in great relationships enjoy swinging, as well as any advice you might have for our situation. Thanks in advance!
It has done the same thing for us as well. However, we are still looking for more experiences that we are able to share with each other. It sounds to us like she has fulfilled whatever she was after. That's always been our agreement as well. When one of us said it's time to stop, then stop it is no questions asked and no animosity towards that person. Who knows, may be she just needs a break.
My ex-wife and I got in the lifestyle to share and experience things that we couldn't do with just the 2 of us. No matter how good I am, I don't have multiple mouths or penises, and a 2-handed massage is never the same as a 6-handed one. I love a great filet mingnon and will never give that up, but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to sometimes have surf-n-turf.
It is also the case that I could not go for numerous hours straight without breaks. With multiple partners or group play it is possible to take hydration breaks without any significant interruption in the action.
I think that the lifestyle is at it's best when both partners accept that involving other people is not to replace a partner, but to allow experiences unavailable to 2 people alone.
It is also the case that I could not go for numerous hours straight without breaks. With multiple partners or group play it is possible to take hydration breaks without any significant interruption in the action.
I think that the lifestyle is at it's best when both partners accept that involving other people is not to replace a partner, but to allow experiences unavailable to 2 people alone.
Hopefully you have had some very in depth conversations about this, because communication is the key. Is she Jealous? Does she feel like it was forced? Has she had fun the times you played? If you would rather DM us, you are welcome and we can have some open dialog as we have helped many couples.
We like what undrcvrcple8906 said. and we will share with you how we like to do things.
We love the lifestyle friends. The sexual topics that we joke and laugh about. We love the flirting with friends and new couples.(gets us excited for our own sexual play.) and if the situation is right we touch and kiss. But we rarely have sex with others as we both feel that we like the connection we have together far better. Now we are not opposed to it if we all really connect and know the people well, and the situation is right.(and definitely not every time we meet up.!) We never hang out with lifestyle friends expecting more than laughs and fun times. If things get a little sexual, great and if not, we had a fun time. we REFUSE to plan sexual play. If things happen organically, lets have fun. JUST OUR .02
We like what undrcvrcple8906 said. and we will share with you how we like to do things.
We love the lifestyle friends. The sexual topics that we joke and laugh about. We love the flirting with friends and new couples.(gets us excited for our own sexual play.) and if the situation is right we touch and kiss. But we rarely have sex with others as we both feel that we like the connection we have together far better. Now we are not opposed to it if we all really connect and know the people well, and the situation is right.(and definitely not every time we meet up.!) We never hang out with lifestyle friends expecting more than laughs and fun times. If things get a little sexual, great and if not, we had a fun time. we REFUSE to plan sexual play. If things happen organically, lets have fun. JUST OUR .02
Absolutely love and agree with what hyfax1 says!
hyfax1 wrote:
Hopefully you have had some very in depth conversations about this, because communication is the key. Is she Jealous? Does she feel like it was forced? Has she had fun the times you played? If you would rather DM us, you are welcome and we can have some open dialog as we have helped many couples.
We like what undrcvrcple8906 said. and we will share with you how we like to do things.
We love the lifestyle friends. The sexual topics that we joke and laugh about. We love the flirting with friends and new couples.(gets us excited for our own sexual play.) and if the situation is right we touch and kiss. But we rarely have sex with others as we both feel that we like the connection we have together far better. Now we are not opposed to it if we all really connect and know the people well, and the situation is right.(and definitely not every time we meet up.!) We never hang out with lifestyle friends expecting more than laughs and fun times. If things get a little sexual, great and if not, we had a fun time. we REFUSE to plan sexual play. If things happen organically, lets have fun. JUST OUR .02
We will have to say this journey is about enhancing us. It enhances our communication, sexual arousal, our bond, our connection, our friendships, and so much more. The moment it stops enhancing us is the time we will stop (Mrs says when we get to 60 it’s a hard stop 😂). What’s best for your marriage way trumps the lifestyle. We don’t know all the discussions that you two have had but sounds like she doesn’t feels it is enhancing your relationship anymore. We have had ebbs and flows on our journey and at times, one was more into it than the other and during those times we pulled back from the lifestyle until we were both there. It’s ok to hit pause and resume later if that’s what both of you want. End of the day do what’s best for you both and it’s ok to still want to be involved but not partake in the best interest for your marriage.
Book an appointment with a Sexologist who specializes in Coaching couples in the lifestyle. Great investment in your relationship and getting your needs met.
Well, we grew up being told that sex was naughty, dirty, sinful and just not really what nice polite people do. After we got married and popped each other's cherries we have to agree with every single thing on that list. That's why we like it!
THEN we started thinking...if sex is so fucking awesome with each other how fucking awesome would it be with other people?!!? Later that day, after Sunday School and a marathon sex session, I was reading and pondering the scriptures and kind of read between the lines of the Doctrine and Covenants and figured out that as God-fearing Mormons we had an obligation to boink other people even if (or especially!) they were already married to other people. The rest, as they say, is history. #fannyalger
THEN we started thinking...if sex is so fucking awesome with each other how fucking awesome would it be with other people?!!? Later that day, after Sunday School and a marathon sex session, I was reading and pondering the scriptures and kind of read between the lines of the Doctrine and Covenants and figured out that as God-fearing Mormons we had an obligation to boink other people even if (or especially!) they were already married to other people. The rest, as they say, is history. #fannyalger
Supertaye5 wrote:SexyDancers wrote:
Book an appointment with a Sexologist who specializes in Coaching couples in the lifestyle. Great investment in your relationship and getting your needs met.
Do you have any recommendations for one? Would love to go to one!
Check out Dr. Cari Oneal. www.drcarioneal.com
Thanks everyone for the support and great ideas... Really appreciate it!
We are best friends and that will never change. We have been sexually charged our entire marriage and played a little her and there with fiends. But honestly when we starting attending burning events (basically hippie festivals) we learned to be extremely open minded and non judge mental and after that experience decided to start swinging. We both have our likes and dislikes as far as play is concerned and it’s always a mutual decision on what type of play or people we look for. But trust is optimal and we don’t break it ever. I think the reason we like to swing is the rush we get off it and maybe we feel like we are acting out of the norm
Your relationship, as a couple, most certainly affects every aspect of your life to some degree, but it is not the only dynamic, that will affect what either one of you does or does not want to do. Obviously, you shouldn't be shamed for wanting to swing, and most certainly, your wife shouldn't be shamed for not wanting to swing. Not having swing sex against your will, to please your wife, probably feels unfair. Most therapist, and certainly the theocratic or legal powers in the great state of Utah will not consider it abuse. Imperilment, tends to follow sexual coercion, or even an accusation of sexual coercion. No means no, in the world of swinging. Swinging, as a proposed choice, sometimes never happens because one partner in a relationship says no. When it works, it is because both partners, are sincerely saying yes. It does not sound like your are coercive, or unsympathetic. Good on you. Therapy is great. Therapy does not replace good communication between the two of you. Therapy’s purpose is to enhance it. We wish the two of you the best life has to offer!
We started in the lifestyle about 10 years ago for the same reason.
It was exciting and the wife discovered she was Bi.
We had a lot of fun and meet great friends, then life got busy and we didn’t really make a conscious decision to leave we just stopped participating.
That was eight years ago.
Every couple we played with back then is now divorced.
Just recently we decided to return to the lifestyle but have been cautious to make sure the reason we’re doing it is to build our relationship together not get pleasure individually.
I know people are in the lifestyle for all types of reasons and I would never judge anybody for their choices. This is what has been working for us. If I feel like I’m doing it for my pleasure then it may be alienating my wife and I would be fearful that would hurt our relationship rather than build it up.
It may be a good time to step away for a period of time and make sure she knows you love her without the other bells and whistle‘s
Hope you comes across as intended, judgement free…
It was exciting and the wife discovered she was Bi.
We had a lot of fun and meet great friends, then life got busy and we didn’t really make a conscious decision to leave we just stopped participating.
That was eight years ago.
Every couple we played with back then is now divorced.
Just recently we decided to return to the lifestyle but have been cautious to make sure the reason we’re doing it is to build our relationship together not get pleasure individually.
I know people are in the lifestyle for all types of reasons and I would never judge anybody for their choices. This is what has been working for us. If I feel like I’m doing it for my pleasure then it may be alienating my wife and I would be fearful that would hurt our relationship rather than build it up.
It may be a good time to step away for a period of time and make sure she knows you love her without the other bells and whistle‘s
Hope you comes across as intended, judgement free…