Does it seem odd to anyone else when someone treats a potential new friend with any sort of demand or entitlement?
I’ve talked with some really great people. Kind, personable. Just cool people. I’ve also had a few interactions where I felt like they had demands or hoops that I needed to jump through to be able to speak with them. It’s odd.
Yes, I recognize the over saturation of single men. And sadly many in that pool have their own unacceptable behavioral approaches. None the less, I’m learning that it’s not exclusive to that group who come out of the gate in a gross fashion. Couples, single women, bad eggs in each batch.
I’ve talked with some people whom we weren’t a match (whether their choice or mine), but we still had a good rapport, and made a friendship.
I’m curious to know if your interactions have been mostly positive, or negative, or evenly split.
I’ve talked with some really great people. Kind, personable. Just cool people. I’ve also had a few interactions where I felt like they had demands or hoops that I needed to jump through to be able to speak with them. It’s odd.
Yes, I recognize the over saturation of single men. And sadly many in that pool have their own unacceptable behavioral approaches. None the less, I’m learning that it’s not exclusive to that group who come out of the gate in a gross fashion. Couples, single women, bad eggs in each batch.
I’ve talked with some people whom we weren’t a match (whether their choice or mine), but we still had a good rapport, and made a friendship.
I’m curious to know if your interactions have been mostly positive, or negative, or evenly split.
Mostly positive for sure! If the convo seems odd, demanding, or just energetically off....we pass quickly!
I've met (as a couple and single a bunch of very cool and down to earth friends through the years. Not always a good match but always great people !!!
While we absolutely agree, in principle, with erring on the side of being kind we've also been in the lifestyle long enough to know that there are some people who will ABSOLUTELY seek to take advantage of that kindness in any way they can. I can't count how many times we've talked to or even met people (couples and singles) who seem to take any modest gesture of friendliness as a sign that we are going to fuck them.
With some individuals, it seems like no matter how kindly and gently you tell them that you don't really think you're a good match they either keep pushing...HARD or they get really mean and nasty about being rejected in any way. After so many years of dealing with this admittedly minority of people in the lifestyle, it really wears you down and you either consider quitting altogether or, usually, altering your modus operandi to do literally almost anything to avoid those kinds of terribly negative interactions.
Unfortunately, that usually ends up being some kind of 'ghosting' on our part. It's really not very fair to all the good people out there but since you just don't know until it happens, how they'll react that is, it's a bit of a defense mechanism to err on the side of just kind of unfairly painting everyone with the same broad brush to avoid any possibility of an unpleasant situation. Does that make sense? YMMV
With some individuals, it seems like no matter how kindly and gently you tell them that you don't really think you're a good match they either keep pushing...HARD or they get really mean and nasty about being rejected in any way. After so many years of dealing with this admittedly minority of people in the lifestyle, it really wears you down and you either consider quitting altogether or, usually, altering your modus operandi to do literally almost anything to avoid those kinds of terribly negative interactions.
Unfortunately, that usually ends up being some kind of 'ghosting' on our part. It's really not very fair to all the good people out there but since you just don't know until it happens, how they'll react that is, it's a bit of a defense mechanism to err on the side of just kind of unfairly painting everyone with the same broad brush to avoid any possibility of an unpleasant situation. Does that make sense? YMMV
Always be kind, but cautious.
It’s somewhat understandable for people to be cautious when meeting new people, specially in this community. Unfortunately cautiousness may come across as a mean gesture. We are all here to find others to have sexual experiences with. Initial communication/ attraction is happening over messages and most likely poorly taken pics😀. Being careful is key to not having a bad experience. But that is not a reason to be mean unless it becomes a regular occurrence. We have no single males on our profile but have had several men with couples profiles wanting to meet up. They are getting ghosted and blocked and a middle finger given immediately. If that’s rude… sorry.
Defiantstranger wrote:
I’m curious to know if your interactions have been mostly positive, or negative, or evenly split.
99% positive
but then again we don't speak to single males directly
josie4u wrote:EVILDOERS wrote:YOU SIR ARE THE WORST OF TRYING TO BE KIND OR JUST BEING KIND TO ANYONE!
While we absolutely agree, in principle, with erring on the side of being kind we've also been in the lifestyle long enough to know that there are some people who will ABSOLUTELY seek to take advantage of that kindness in any way they can. I can't count how many times we've talked to or even met people (couples and singles) who seem to take any modest gesture of friendliness as a sign that we are going to fuck them.
With some individuals, it seems like no matter how kindly and gently you tell them that you don't really think you're a good match they either keep pushing...HARD or they get really mean and nasty about being rejected in any way. After so many years of dealing with this admittedly minority of people in the lifestyle, it really wears you down and you either consider quitting altogether or, usually, altering your modus operandi to do literally almost anything to avoid those kinds of terribly negative interactions.
Unfortunately, that usually ends up being some kind of 'ghosting' on our part. It's really not very fair to all the good people out there but since you just don't know until it happens, how they'll react that is, it's a bit of a defense mechanism to err on the side of just kind of unfairly painting everyone with the same broad brush to avoid any possibility of an unpleasant situation. Does that make sense? YMMV
Say what??? Not sure what you meant by that or if you were trying to be funny . . . we've met them and they are delightful people with great personalities . . . he is by far . . . the funniest presence on this site. YMMV - . . . just saying.
Shout out to you Mr. & Mrs Evil - may the force ever be with you!😉
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
It reflects poorly on any of us, if we disrespect the feelings, and opinions of others, just because they have different preferences, or want to approach the lifestyle differently than we do, or we just don't find them, or they just don't find us interesting or attractive enough to have sex with. I am not at all suggesting that we shouldn't be careful or avoid people that seem to be really rude, sociopathic or worse. Most of us carry a bit of a narrative around, our story, about who we are and our sexuality and our sex appeal. Well, we hold it dear, and it can be a tender spot, when attacked. We should remember it means just as much to most everyone else. None of us have enough time to hook up with everyone that we might meet online or in person. So, we prioritize. We probably pass up opportunities that don't quite feel like what we believe is a fit. Sometimes, maybe often that was a wise decision, and I am sure that every now and then we just don't know what we missed. Such is the dance of chance we call the lifestyle!
Well said my friends! Never any reason to be mean or rude . . . firm is fine, but can't see any reason to be mean.
Sadly. Most single males do not actually read a profile and what a couple wants. They just spam msg.. (J) has been a single male and part of a couple in this LS for 30yrs, so has seen this 1st hand. Let alone just being on this site. You try to be polite yet they get butthurt when you ask "have you even read Our profile? "
So, being nice isn't always an option anymore. Now its just delete and ignore. Since (S) knows what she wants in a single male.
So, being nice isn't always an option anymore. Now its just delete and ignore. Since (S) knows what she wants in a single male.
I wouldn’t of guessed that this post would of been so polarizing. I had many really great emails from awesome people. I’ve also had a handful of emails that were just mean with intent to be insulting. Odd, not really sure why anyone would feel the need to be aggressive. I didn’t think I said anything controversial. Oh well, what can ya do?
Defiantstranger wrote:
I wouldn’t of guessed that this post would of been so polarizing. I had many really great emails from awesome people. I’ve also had a handful of emails that were just mean with intent to be insulting. Odd, not really sure why anyone would feel the need to be aggressive. I didn’t think I said anything controversial. Oh well, what can ya do?
I find it shocking that you "wouldn't have guessed" any post would not be polarizing on this site.
Are you new here? You asked for opinions, and you got them. For us, we are 95% positive, but that 5% - sheesh! We now put "hoops" in front of new potential friends to ensure to not experience more of that dreaded small percentile.
If we aren’t nice, it’s because that person has been an asshole. If we aren’t nice to you, know you’re the asshole. If we are nice to you, you know you aren’t assholes 😂!
Utahldscouple wrote:
If we aren’t nice, it’s because that person has been an asshole. If we aren’t nice to you, know you’re the asshole. If we are nice to you, you know you aren’t assholes 😂!
Good point. Generally we prefer to be kind, and honest. It can cruel to “brush them off” with non-committal “polite”
deflecting. If we’re not a match, we’re not a match and best to say so. Yet there’s a difference between saying “That’s a spade.” And “That’s a fucking spade you fucking idiot!” *smacks so called idiot with the spade*. Sometimes people don’t take no for an answer, then it’s time to be an asshole.
“ I say that every prince must desire to be considered merciful and not cruel. He must, however, take care not to misuse this mercifulness. … A prince, therefore, must not mind incurring the charge of cruelty for the purpose of keeping his subjects united and confident; for, with a very few examples, he will be more merciful than those who, from excess of tenderness, allow disorders to arise, from whence spring murders and rapine; for these as a rule injure the whole community, while the executions carried out by the prince injure only one individual. And of all princes, it is impossible for a new prince to escape the name of cruel, new states being always full of dangers. … Nevertheless, he must be cautious in believing and acting, and must not inspire fear of his own accord, and must proceed in a temperate manner with prudence and humanity, so that too much confidence does not render him incautious, and too much diffidence does not render him intolerant.” Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince
with all that is going on in this country right now why don't we take the side of kindness in or out of the lifestyle, lets just take the ones that are lets say are bad apples and just ignore them so we don't loss ones kindness to the one that are not.