I went to the New Yorker on a whim last Saturday! I’d been wanting to go for a while, but always was quite nervous. As a single male, I was worried I’d be construed as “creepy,” “out of place,” etc…
1. Dress to impress! I was definitely under dressed and there were TONS of super sexy people there, dressed wonderfully!
2. If you want alcohol, bring it! Also bring cash to tip the bartender!
3. I was pretty shy when I was there and only tried to chat with one couple. They were super friendly and warm, so don’t hold yourself back! Additionally, don’t start with sexual conversation! The New Yorker is a party, so your conversations should revolve around that first! If it gets steamy, then so be it, but don’t be the stereotypical single male. I regret not chatting with other couples more.
Questions for other patrons (particularly females/couples):
1. What are your suggestions for a single male looking to chat with you?
2. Is it appropriate for a single male to start a conversation with a couple, or should he wait for them to approach him?
3. Any other tips for us single males would be much appreciated! I really loved this past Saturday and will likely go again this coming Saturday!
1. Dress to impress! I was definitely under dressed and there were TONS of super sexy people there, dressed wonderfully!
2. If you want alcohol, bring it! Also bring cash to tip the bartender!
3. I was pretty shy when I was there and only tried to chat with one couple. They were super friendly and warm, so don’t hold yourself back! Additionally, don’t start with sexual conversation! The New Yorker is a party, so your conversations should revolve around that first! If it gets steamy, then so be it, but don’t be the stereotypical single male. I regret not chatting with other couples more.
Questions for other patrons (particularly females/couples):
1. What are your suggestions for a single male looking to chat with you?
2. Is it appropriate for a single male to start a conversation with a couple, or should he wait for them to approach him?
3. Any other tips for us single males would be much appreciated! I really loved this past Saturday and will likely go again this coming Saturday!
Here’s our input:
1. Everyone one is different so take what we say with a grain of salt.
2. She will definitely be making eye contact if interested but would probably never approach you. Just how she is. If you do approach be sure approach the male half first and ask if it’s ok to sit or chat. Don’t take it personal if you are told not interested.
3. Make yourself approachable. Usually sitting alone or to the side won’t work. Standing without creeping is best. Being a gentlemen goes a long way!!!
1. Everyone one is different so take what we say with a grain of salt.
2. She will definitely be making eye contact if interested but would probably never approach you. Just how she is. If you do approach be sure approach the male half first and ask if it’s ok to sit or chat. Don’t take it personal if you are told not interested.
3. Make yourself approachable. Usually sitting alone or to the side won’t work. Standing without creeping is best. Being a gentlemen goes a long way!!!
They should have, like, color-coded wrist bands indicating general lifestyle interests such as single male-friendly, newbies, etc. That might alleviate a little bit of the anxiety for some people being in that type of environment possibly for the first time. Just a thought.
I like to say : be yourself! You cant please everyone…and something very important, don’t lie!a hookup, friendship or a relationship is based on how you can be trustworthy
Utahldscouple wrote:
2. She will definitely be making eye contact if interested but would probably never approach you. Just how she is. If you do approach be sure approach the male half first and ask if it’s ok to sit or chat. Don’t take it personal if you are told not interested.
Second this.
Utahldscouple wrote:
Here’s our input:
1. Everyone one is different so take what we say with a grain of salt.
2. She will definitely be making eye contact if interested but would probably never approach you. Just how she is. If you do approach be sure approach the male half first and ask if it’s ok to sit or chat. Don’t take it personal if you are told not interested.
3. Make yourself approachable. Usually sitting alone or to the side won’t work. Standing without creeping is best. Being a gentlemen goes a long way!!!
Top notch!
Single males (everyone for that matter) - get educated about the Lifestyle.
Start by taking Lifestyle Coach and Sexologist Dr. Cari Oneal's Sex Positive Event Essentials class. One local event promoter even requires you to take the class to attend their parties.
Learning about Consent, Boundaries, and sex party etiquette will be a huge boost for your confidence in the lifestyle!
Start by taking Lifestyle Coach and Sexologist Dr. Cari Oneal's Sex Positive Event Essentials class. One local event promoter even requires you to take the class to attend their parties.
Learning about Consent, Boundaries, and sex party etiquette will be a huge boost for your confidence in the lifestyle!
I went this last weekend for my first time too!
Being solo, I was beyond shy and nervous for at least the first 45 min.
The atmosphere was welcoming and amazing. Once I got my nerves to chill out I was able to allow myself to start to mingle and dance.
As it's been mentioned already, everyone has their own likes and dislikes.
For me, I don't mind being approached with a friendly introduction or cheesy pick up line. Most of the time I can tell the difference between people being nervous or just thirsty, plus the flow (or the non-flow) of the banter will be telling right away. If I'm not feeling it, I'll let you know that I appreciate you saying hi, and that I'll be moving along. Don't take it personally, not everyone clicks right away.
My biggest take away from the evening is that I was never groped or made uncomfortable. Even on the dance floor, I danced with tons of sexy people, and before any contact or grinding happened, there was always a polite request made before doing so. I was even allowed to say, "No thanks" without feeling like I made anyone angry or offended.
Seems really dumb to say that experiencing human decency isn't nearly as common as it should be, but not being able to dance freely without being constantly groped or cornered is exactly why I don't go to regular clubs anymore.
Be yourself, have fun. There were so many great people there, can't wait to meet more. I will be back for sure!
Being solo, I was beyond shy and nervous for at least the first 45 min.
The atmosphere was welcoming and amazing. Once I got my nerves to chill out I was able to allow myself to start to mingle and dance.
As it's been mentioned already, everyone has their own likes and dislikes.
For me, I don't mind being approached with a friendly introduction or cheesy pick up line. Most of the time I can tell the difference between people being nervous or just thirsty, plus the flow (or the non-flow) of the banter will be telling right away. If I'm not feeling it, I'll let you know that I appreciate you saying hi, and that I'll be moving along. Don't take it personally, not everyone clicks right away.
My biggest take away from the evening is that I was never groped or made uncomfortable. Even on the dance floor, I danced with tons of sexy people, and before any contact or grinding happened, there was always a polite request made before doing so. I was even allowed to say, "No thanks" without feeling like I made anyone angry or offended.
Seems really dumb to say that experiencing human decency isn't nearly as common as it should be, but not being able to dance freely without being constantly groped or cornered is exactly why I don't go to regular clubs anymore.
Be yourself, have fun. There were so many great people there, can't wait to meet more. I will be back for sure!
Our observations;
Every club, party, event we have been to there has been a clique of people hanging together, this is due to the common feeling at every LS event that everybody feels like they are back at their Jr High dance. So those that already know each other hang together. Everybody is at some level nervous, the obvious implications, fear of rejection, how they look, do I compare, am I liked, etc blah blah. What most people forget, couples, singles, is that, just because we are talking, doesn't mean we will or have too have sex! People are interesting, it is fun getting to know others, finding common interests, learning something new. What nobody wants is obnoxious, cocky, arrogant, be it from a SM or another couple. We want to be entertained, stories, jokes, current events, activities. Approach politely and have no expectations, don't take rejection personally, it really is no different then what flavor ice cream they like or they might not even be hungry! Finally, if not tonight, maybe another night will work and we are no longer strangers!
Every club, party, event we have been to there has been a clique of people hanging together, this is due to the common feeling at every LS event that everybody feels like they are back at their Jr High dance. So those that already know each other hang together. Everybody is at some level nervous, the obvious implications, fear of rejection, how they look, do I compare, am I liked, etc blah blah. What most people forget, couples, singles, is that, just because we are talking, doesn't mean we will or have too have sex! People are interesting, it is fun getting to know others, finding common interests, learning something new. What nobody wants is obnoxious, cocky, arrogant, be it from a SM or another couple. We want to be entertained, stories, jokes, current events, activities. Approach politely and have no expectations, don't take rejection personally, it really is no different then what flavor ice cream they like or they might not even be hungry! Finally, if not tonight, maybe another night will work and we are no longer strangers!
Well said Vegascouple469. We totally agree.
Vegascouple469 wrote:
Everybody is at some level nervous, the obvious implications, fear of rejection, how they look, do I compare, am I liked, etc blah blah. What most people forget, couples, singles, is that, just because we are talking, doesn't mean we will or have too have sex! People are interesting, it is fun getting to know others, finding common interests, learning something new. What nobody wants is obnoxious, cocky, arrogant, be it from a SM or another couple. We want to be entertained, stories, jokes, current events, activities. Approach politely and have no expectations, don't take rejection personally, it really is no different then what flavor ice cream they like or they might not even be hungry! Finally, if not tonight, maybe another night will work and we are no longer strangers!
This healthy approach should be adopted by everyone serious about getting out, meeting people, and being active in the LS. Being unafraid to meet people and identifying appreciable traits and qualities shouldn't be such a struggle. The LS is inherently judgmental and don't be fooled into being told otherwise, but that's completely appropriate and expected on some levels. Developing confidence, respect, and communication skills are essential to navigating the environment in a positive way and being judged favorably. There are a lot of fun sexy people out there even if they're not your bag. They are interesting and capable of expanding your circle for you.
You absolutely cannot please all the people all the time, but regardless of relationship status you will be judged for how you conduct yourself. The approach mentioned above will help develop a positive reputation that will precede you. The degrees of separation in the active local community are surprisingly small.
Is it only LS night on Saturdays ?
Are single males allowed? I heard it was couples and single females only.
What is the new yorker? I searched and only found a restaurant
Campingcoupleut wrote:
What is the new yorker? I searched and only found a restaurant
It is currently a lifestyle club in the basement of the old restaurant. Opened every Sat 9pm -2 am. They don't advertise. The only info is on here in the forums. There is a private FB group but you must be invited to it.
EVILDOERS wrote:
They should have, like, color-coded wrist bands indicating general lifestyle interests such as single male-friendly, newbies, etc. That might alleviate a little bit of the anxiety for some people being in that type of environment possibly for the first time. Just a thought.
What an awesome idea!! Maybe we could make wristbands and sell them as a fundraiser.
Wait maybe I think this is a bit familiar.
RyanTyler wrote:
Are single males allowed? I heard it was couples and single females only.
All are allowed! I was let in as a single male! Obviously you need to be polite and respectful, but yes, single males are allowed.
Also thanks everyone for sharing your perspectives!! It makes me a lot more comfortable and I think I’ll be less nervous next time I visit!