I have been married to my wonderful hubby for 34 years. We love each other very much but I'm confused about some things. I was a Virgin when we married and we've only played lightly a little some years later. I've had several back surgeries in the last few years and that makes me more nervous. I also have low self esteem due to this and for some reason him wanting other women makes my esteem worse is that normal. How do I get comfortable with this I want him to be happy and fulfilled. We are in our 50s and he has said he wants to try something new its just been us for awhile now and I don't blame him for being bored. Also he thinks this will help his set drive. He tells me its broke and I know his medication has affected it some but will exploring help him with his drive issue. I'm all about satisfying him I just don't know the best type of experience to help us mainly him. I don't want to be afraid of this lifestyle even though I do have physical limits. Any help or suggestions to help me be more comfortable and help him with his drive would be greatly appreciated. Help me understand this lifestyle and how it can help relationships. Thank you
A couple of things that come to mind for me.
1. Make sure you guys are good first. If you’re not both on the same page, things go south very quickly. If there are any issues, the lifestyle only amplifies them not fixes them.
2. Everyone is nervous about themselves. Especially at first, however, we’ve met people that have been doing this for years that are still uncomfortable with their own bodies. Not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea, but I promise you’re more people’s cup of tea than you’re aware of.
3. As far as the jealousy, talk out situations with him. Think about how it makes you feel. Those feelings will only continue to come up. Many are surprised how it affects them. Some are fine with the idea going in and conflicted with the reality. For others it can be the opposite.
1. Make sure you guys are good first. If you’re not both on the same page, things go south very quickly. If there are any issues, the lifestyle only amplifies them not fixes them.
2. Everyone is nervous about themselves. Especially at first, however, we’ve met people that have been doing this for years that are still uncomfortable with their own bodies. Not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea, but I promise you’re more people’s cup of tea than you’re aware of.
3. As far as the jealousy, talk out situations with him. Think about how it makes you feel. Those feelings will only continue to come up. Many are surprised how it affects them. Some are fine with the idea going in and conflicted with the reality. For others it can be the opposite.
LetitRide wrote:
your honesty and forthright admissions are rare and will be celebrated after all of this i'm sure.
First and foremost this is a dangerous LS and anyone who tells you it's NOT is in it for the wrong reasons or they and their spouse just don't talk enough. My wife and I have been in and out for over 5 years and there is NOT an experience we don't learn something new about us, our marriage, our individual sexuality etc. Men and women are simply wired differently and absolutely everyone has different reasons, desires etc but in the end here's the universal truth of what you should receive from this chosen LS....truth about ALL and WHY of WHY you are in it together.
We all have wants desires, deficiencies, insecurities etc. If and only IF your marriage is strong should you ever enter into a non monogamous relationship. Part of the reason healthy marriages want to do it is just to see their mate being pleasured in ways they may not be able to or to enhance their already good sex life. Monogamy is NOT normal. It goes against every human innate want but it should not be looked at as a singular selfish choice. All discussions should be for the good of the marriage.
There are so many different set ups and styles to this LS but what it's done for us to to be completely 100% transparent to each other as to what we want, don't want and rules of engagement which ever couple should have. A great movie to watch (seriously) if you are new is called "Palm Swings" as it depicts what a LOT of us go through when we are new.
Whatever you do do NOT "take one for the team" your individual boundaries should be respected and do NOT do anything out of your comfort level just because. Mutual respect will always be #1.
Good luck.... it's a great LS if you both are in it for the right reasons..... license to cheat, be addicted to porn and playing online without consent or knowledge should NOT be a few of them..
I thought I had a good response. We need a like system on here so I can give your response a million of them.
Both replies above are very good. My two cents are that swinging will put your relationship under a magnifying glass. If your relationship is good and trustworthy, it can make it better. If there are problems it will make them worst. Open and honest discussion is a must. This should enhance your relationship. If it isn't then stop. Going forward should only move forward as fast as the slowest person is comfortable. If either of you at anytime ever have a problem at anytime with what is happening you both need to agree that stop until the issues are resolved. Swinging does not fix relationships it enhances them.
Yup, swinging is graduate-level relationshipping. It's NOT for the faint-of-heart or those looking to fix something in their relationship. If your couples' communication skills aren't top-notch you're most likely gonna have a bad time or, worse, implode your relationship. And a BIG part of those communication skills is being on the same page. Forcing the issue or moving at a pace beyond the comfort level of any of the individuals involved is a recipe for disaster.
I wanted to comment on a specific thing the OP said; many swingers are not swingers because they were "bored". Imagine a couple that vacations every year to the south of France and have a wonderful time, but one year decide to try Puerto Rico. Did they do something new because they were bored with their usual spot? No, they were looking for an adventure, to meet new people, to experience something different. Most swingers, the ones that are in a good place, are happy in their lives and also want to explore and expand their horizons. If you are afraid your spouse is "bored" with you then everything in the swinger lifestyle is going to appear more exciting and this is a recipe for jealousy and resentment. Remember that NRE is electrifying and exciting but ORE is just as valuable, if not more; it gives us real joy and comfort and that is sexy too.
This is a great post with great advice already given! We feel most couples go through some version of this. Asking if the other person is into this because they are bored or want out but afraid to say it, which happens. Does the other person no longer find me attractive and needs other attractive people to be with? Every couple goes through some of these thoughts/issues. We have even found that it can be situational where one partner for whatever reason doesn’t like the interaction that’s happening with the other. The other partner can sometimes see poor choices or situations as they aren’t as involved. So trusting each other is huge, knowing the other has the best interest for you.
We learned along time ago, you can’t be responsible for other people’s happiness, they are. We personally are happy with or without the lifestyle component but love the social aspect of it. Like everyone has said above, this should enhance your relationship not replace. A lot of people get into it for the wrong reasons. If someone wants to tap the brakes or take a break, it’s ok. We all evolve, some want more and others less. The jest is do what’s best for both of you and your relationship. Honesty and openness like you are being right now is the key. Be true to yourself and your partner.
We learned along time ago, you can’t be responsible for other people’s happiness, they are. We personally are happy with or without the lifestyle component but love the social aspect of it. Like everyone has said above, this should enhance your relationship not replace. A lot of people get into it for the wrong reasons. If someone wants to tap the brakes or take a break, it’s ok. We all evolve, some want more and others less. The jest is do what’s best for both of you and your relationship. Honesty and openness like you are being right now is the key. Be true to yourself and your partner.
All of these are great answers. Always make sure honesty. And trust are there for you both. And great things can come from this LS. However if there any doubt it can hurt more then help we wish u the best on what ever path you guys choose
All of these responses are spot on.
What we can add is this.
Body image issues are real. Most people are accepting , some are polite, and some are jerks. That’s life. You are the best you you can be right now. We’ve all been dealt the hands we have, and it is up to us to make the best of the one we have.
What we can add is this.
Body image issues are real. Most people are accepting , some are polite, and some are jerks. That’s life. You are the best you you can be right now. We’ve all been dealt the hands we have, and it is up to us to make the best of the one we have.