seem like but not all the time women seem to touch without asking first, this has happened to me (mike) more times then i have been asked, i understand that sometimes we forget to ask it has happened with me but i will admit that i catch myself apologize then ask...not looking to make a big deal about it just wanted to hear others thoughts on the matter
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Happy swinging
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Always ask unless offered to you / you offer. No exceptions!
That reminds me of the 1st time I was at Naughty in Nawlins doing naked speed dating. The women rotated to each guy. I had several women ask me if they could feel my dick. I was only too happy to comply. I have never given it much thought although with a new female partner I ask permission unless the circumstance dictate otherwise.
Nakkidfun wrote:
Always ask unless offered to you / you offer. No exceptions!
Absolutely
We have been surprised how many women freely touch men. Partly because I don't think most men complain but just because they don't, it doesn't mean that there shouldn't be mutual respect. It makes it easier for all to go to the lowest common denominator, which is, ask permission.
Nakkidfun wrote:
Always ask unless offered to you / you offer. No exceptions!
Guess I am wondering what the situation was you were touched with no conversation or ask. Just foreign to me mainly because I usually know all at a play date or party that you would have a female or a male that would go up to a person and just start touching or whatever, without even a conversation, even at a club like Trapeze I never saw or heard of that, have heard people being bounced if they were chatting up or hitting and not stopping with no with a couple or female. Hadn’t seen it reversed. Sounds like it would be a creepy party for sure. That’s too bad.
DEEPMOAN wrote:
Guess I am wondering what the situation was you were touched with no conversation or ask. Just foreign to me mainly because I usually know all at a play date or party that you would have a female or a male that would go up to a person and just start touching or whatever, without even a conversation, even at a club like Trapeze I never saw or heard of that, have heard people being bounced if they were chatting up or hitting and not stopping with no with a couple or female. Hadn’t seen it reversed. Sounds like it would be a creepy party for sure. That’s too bad.
Hedonism, Sea Mountain Inn, Exotic Dream Tesorts etc. get a lot of nakkid people & free alcohol it can happen.
I certainly wasn’t denying his reality, I am certain it happens, just commenting not in my experience. My only experience is at Desire in a larger venue but none of the places you stated. If it would happen at any place I have been I would agree with you at a place like Desire. The themed parties were certainly fueled by alcohol and other drugs, sure the male dancers I saw were touched and am sure a lot of other touching going on. Certainly guilty of touching others but not having a word of any kind is just foreign to me.
We throw parties every couple of weeks and it's mostly open and group play. We've never had any issues with people touching without permission, but we definitely see that it's only MEN who ask. I myself ask, probably too much. I think the question is, at what point is it okay to stop asking. If you ask to touch her leg, then ask to touch her tummy, then ask to touch or kiss this or that. I've been told, on more than one occasion, okay, stop asking I've given permission.
Being the host of the party, I feel like I have extra responsibility to ask, because I would never want anyone to think I have some idea in my head that it's my party and I'll what I want to.
On a side note, at a party not at our house, the wife was asked by a guy many times and she replied no every time. I ended up having to politely ask him to just stay away from her. He said he was just waiting for the "yes", and I told him it wasn't going to happen. Kinda creeepy.
Being the host of the party, I feel like I have extra responsibility to ask, because I would never want anyone to think I have some idea in my head that it's my party and I'll what I want to.
On a side note, at a party not at our house, the wife was asked by a guy many times and she replied no every time. I ended up having to politely ask him to just stay away from her. He said he was just waiting for the "yes", and I told him it wasn't going to happen. Kinda creeepy.
Actually it’s one of the principles of burning man they added a couple of years ago. The eleventh principle is consent. We ask if it’s ok to hug when we meet new people at events it’s not a given
Hedonism, Sea Mountain Inn, Exotic Dream Tesorts etc. get a lot of nakkid people & free alcohol it can happen.[/quote]
Haven't been to most of those, but I know at Hedonism it's a big no-no. I've seen them toss out and blacklist people who had been attending events for years who wouldn't respect boundaries that trip.
That being said, I know it can and probably does happen there as well as locally. There is more of an assumption that men are always willing at these kinds of events and we don't educate or talk about the women requiring consent from men nearly as often. We definitely can do better, and this kind of speaking up and discussion starting helps. Thank you.
Haven't been to most of those, but I know at Hedonism it's a big no-no. I've seen them toss out and blacklist people who had been attending events for years who wouldn't respect boundaries that trip.
That being said, I know it can and probably does happen there as well as locally. There is more of an assumption that men are always willing at these kinds of events and we don't educate or talk about the women requiring consent from men nearly as often. We definitely can do better, and this kind of speaking up and discussion starting helps. Thank you.
We are a vetted member of a LS group in AZ which has the following policy:
“Most of our group members are fully aware that we strive to maintain the highest respect possible in the lifestyle community. The fastest way to be eliminated from our wonderful group is to be creepy or touch others without asking first. Our #1 motto is CONSENT IS SEXY!! Groping without consent will not be tolerated. In addition, SILENCE DOES NOT EQUAL CONSENT. Never assume it is okay to touch others without receiving verbal consent. We are a warm, caring, thoughtful, respectful and affectionate group. For everyone to feel safe, it's essential that everyone can get naked and cut loose without concern about inappropriate touching. For everyone's benefit, simply ASK BEFORE YOU TOUCH! And then enjoy.”
This policy is communicated at each event. Not only before you are invited via email (parties are by invitation only), but in person at the actual party as well.
“Most of our group members are fully aware that we strive to maintain the highest respect possible in the lifestyle community. The fastest way to be eliminated from our wonderful group is to be creepy or touch others without asking first. Our #1 motto is CONSENT IS SEXY!! Groping without consent will not be tolerated. In addition, SILENCE DOES NOT EQUAL CONSENT. Never assume it is okay to touch others without receiving verbal consent. We are a warm, caring, thoughtful, respectful and affectionate group. For everyone to feel safe, it's essential that everyone can get naked and cut loose without concern about inappropriate touching. For everyone's benefit, simply ASK BEFORE YOU TOUCH! And then enjoy.”
This policy is communicated at each event. Not only before you are invited via email (parties are by invitation only), but in person at the actual party as well.
In the Fetish community - consent is King! You don’t do anything without permission. I don’t understand why it’s not as important in the swinging community.
Our only experience with this is at Desire. Its a little different there because nearly everyone is naked in the Hot Tub to begin with. Nobody gets too excited (emotionally) with the incidental contact that is bound to happen in that environment - but it is highly frowned upon for a male to grope or touch another female (or male for that matter) without asking. This is less the case with women - although I believe the classy women utilize the same practice.
Haven't ever seen a man get upset by being touched without being asked - but just about every time we have visited Desire, there is at least one man who doesn't get it - and gets called out and someone has to explain to him the 'rules of the land'.
Mutual respect is always a good policy - having said that . . . our belief is that sometimes everyone should just take a 'chill pill' and relax a little. If you are looking for reasons to be offended in this LS - you probably shouldn't be in it. On the other hand - if you go around touching without asking . . . you are definitely going to find yourself on the outside looking in.
Our two cents. By the way - May the 4th be with you all. (lol)
Haven't ever seen a man get upset by being touched without being asked - but just about every time we have visited Desire, there is at least one man who doesn't get it - and gets called out and someone has to explain to him the 'rules of the land'.
Mutual respect is always a good policy - having said that . . . our belief is that sometimes everyone should just take a 'chill pill' and relax a little. If you are looking for reasons to be offended in this LS - you probably shouldn't be in it. On the other hand - if you go around touching without asking . . . you are definitely going to find yourself on the outside looking in.
Our two cents. By the way - May the 4th be with you all. (lol)
This actually happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. It was a little bit more than touching. It doesn’t matter if it’s the male or female both need to ask. We as men sometimes don’t care and enjoy it but the wife’s are not good with it. So with that I think everyone should ask.
Would it be appropriate to hang a sign around my neck that says, "No need to ask. Feel free to help yourself. "?
Consent!
Always ask for permission.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:Great insight! We seem to find it difficult at times because you may have given permission one time, doesn't mean it is perpetual permission. Mrs has at times said you don't need to ask anymore feel free to touch, but that is applying to that time/event only. It's definitely a delicate balance. We would be curious how everyone feels the best way to handle situations like that?
Women considered as an object or possession, rather than a full consensual partner, has existed, and frankly still exist, in societies all over the globe. A woman's sexual freedoms to choose, really, what frankly all of us, regardless of our sexual and or gender identity, should be able to hold as our own personal sexual prerogative is constantly under some level of siege, from individuals and collectives that wish to control us.
Utahldscouple wrote:
Great insight! We seem to find it difficult at times because you may have given permission one time, doesn't mean it is perpetual permission. Mrs has at times said you don't need to ask anymore feel free to touch, but that is applying to that time/event only. It's definitely a delicate balance. We would be curious how everyone feels the best way to handle situations like that?
That is definitely an interesting approach in that permission is for that time only. I believe for certain play - kissing light touching etc. the assumption is permission is given unless revoked. For play such as oral or intercourse I believe permission should alway be obtained explicitly or made obvious you have approval. I will say that in my experience that is how most people approach it. I can absolutely see the perspective of each get together needs a “yes, okay” or a “no”. I know there have been a few times my wife would have preferred a more specific “can I “ before the person started to touch her, kiss etc.
Our most recent issues have been with women touching the Mrs. She isn’t BI or even curious, we had a woman who felt it was ok to “help” when at a LS event. Had that been a man he would have never been allowed back to any event. Everyone needs to ask is the moral of the story.
Utahldscouple wrote:
Our most recent issues have been with women touching the Mrs. She isn’t BI or even curious, we had a woman who felt it was ok to “help” when at a LS event. Had that been a man he would have never been allowed back to any event. Everyone needs to ask is the moral of the story.
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Just don’t bite .