Swingers Forum - KISSING YES OR NO?

I have wondered about this too. I think that for some couples kissing is considered more intimate and something reserved to the marital relationship. But I agree it is a lot less fun playing with someone who doesn't want to kiss and at least for me makes me feel less excited and also more like a prop and not someone for whom there is as much a feeling of warmness or intimacy. But it is what it is, I guess, and the non-kissing stuff is always fun too.

We love love love kissing and think we're pretty good at it. It's certainly a turn on for us both when the other couple is too. It also helps to let us know if the couple is into us or not.

Agree, kissing is the great lead up and connection of chemistry. When a couple doesn’t want to we are always respectful but it feels weird and cold.

Years ago, one of our first swap experiences was with a non-kissing couple and we didn't enjoy it very much. It felt "cold". Afterward, we immediately added to our profile that kissing is an absolutely essential requirement for us so that non-kissers will know not to contact us. As much as kissing turns me on, it turns my wife on even more!

Sm435 wrote:

PARTYINLV wrote:

Years ago, one of our first swap experiences was with a non-kissing couple and we didn't enjoy it very much. It felt "cold". Afterward, we immediately added to our profile that kissing is an absolutely essential requirement for us so that non-kissers will know not to contact us. As much as kissing turns me on, it turns my wife on even more!

Our first swap was the same. It was fun no doubt, but felt different. We definitely said after we preferred kissing. That couple did end up as great friends, and we hooked up somewhat recently, and as we started my wife paused “I forgot, you guys don’t kiss right?” Their response was “ Oh fuck yes we do, that was our first time and we don’t know wtf we were thinking 🤷‍♂️😉”. It seems to be a noob rule that quickly gets thrown out.

Bahahaha! That is a great commentary!!! Love it! So true...

We love to kiss other couples.

I have seen a few people put maybe or no on the kissing part but I didn’t really think people actually meant it. That would be so AWKWARD! I mean if your kissing everything else why not enjoy all of us. 😉
One thing we have ran into is bad kissers. We are both amazing kissers and I think it’s difficult sometimes when others aren’t very passionate. Like kissing a brick wall. 😳

Totally agree. People with too many rules get boring, if they don’t kiss we just don’t play.

I am glad to see that common sense has prevailed. Not kissing is stupid. Oral is expect but kissing is not? I believe my mouth and your mouth have been in worse places. 😂

I got this one. What most people don't know is that the VAST majority of swingers (yes, men too) used to be prostitutes before they went WAY off the deep end and became swingers. And everybody knows that prostitutes, by law, are not allowed to kiss on the mouth. If you have any further questions please rewatch Pretty Woman. You're welcome.

We do... I enjoy watching her kissing. 🤷🏼‍♂️

😙

😙

UtahGuy2 wrote:

This is slightly off topic and a different question... for the ladies, do you kiss someone after they have just done down on you?

DUDE, don't hijack this thread. it's a valid question, but start your own topic!

hyfax1 wrote:

UtahGuy2 wrote:

This is slightly off topic and a different question... for the ladies, do you kiss someone after they have just done down on you?

DUDE, don't hijack this thread. it's a valid question, but start your own topic!

Sorry. Didn't mean to hijack anything. I deleted the comment.

And just in case anyone is wondering, Ms. Evil and I were NEVER prostitutes...well, at least not professional ones anyway. Rank amateurs at best. And it might be a little hard to tell from our profile but we DO kiss. In fact, that's the ONLY thing we do.

Kissing is a yes for us and agree with what everyone says above. With that said, each couple has their own comfort levels and it's ok to have them. That's what we love about the lifestyle everyone is different !

I do enjoy kissing. Makes it more personal

straightalk wrote:

On the surface it seems like a contradiction but, just my opinion, I think a large number of people who get into swinging are still carrying around shame and guilt for doing so. Kissing requites face to face and the danger of connection. 'I can fuck you but still keep my distance.' If I don't look you in the eye then I can just keep you as an 'object' and not feels so guilty.

there is probably alot of truth to that, especially in this part of the world where so many are ex-mormon, or are jack mormons living a double life without being honest with themselves.

MANDIEQT wrote:

Kissing tells me quite a bit about you as a lover. If we aren't compatible as kissers we won't be as lovers. It's not a step I've ever had a good experience after skipping or ignoring. Lessons learned 🤷‍♀️

THIS^^^^

Sadly, I think kissing is pretty much a lost art and, at least for me, one of, if not possibly THE most important, aspects of connection and arousal. Unfortunately, I think I've only really met 2 or maybe 3 great kissers in my entire life. Now I'm not naive enough to think that I am necessarily a great kisser. I think everyone has a kissing "style", if you will, and that certain styles compliment each other and mesh well...for lack of a better term.

I HAVE found a few partners who don't just fall back into their learned kissing style every time and are willing to experiment and try out different things and explore different techniques and THOSE partners make kissing an incredibly sensual, sexually-intoxicating experience. And even with those who aren't opposed to kissing, it seems like so many people are quite happy to quickly do a little kissing and move right on to the main course (sex) when this delicious appetizer is something to relish and enjoy for as long as both partners desire. JMHO

Having encounters like this in the past, I think kissing is paramount to the whole experiance! Without it, it is really not that fun... kissing gets the mood started!

EVILDOERS wrote:

Playing Devil's advocate here for a minute, I can see an argument to be made if someone may have encountered one or more play partners who lacked basic oral hygiene knowledge and/or compliance and decided complete avoidance might be the safest option.

You might be right. However, If oral hygiene is off I will assume everything is contaminated and I will walk away from the situation. 🤮 But to say yes lick my pussy and suck my dick but don’t kiss me is just weird.

Yes

SweettAndH wrote:

hyfax1 wrote:

So I have a very serious question. why do some people (couples) think it is okay to fuck somebody, but not okay to kiss?
I mean c'mon you are going to do the most intimate thing two people can do by screwing each other but now your emotions say it is too personal to kiss? For us, if you are not willing to start with kissing and playing around first, you are just playing games. Why not just go with the flow and see what happens? Did you go on your first date with your partner and just fuck or did you feel a connection by kissing then fucking? I am guessing that everybody kissed first!
Please comment one way or another. Opinions and explanations are encouraged to defend your position.

We have run across several or many couples who don't kiss. I'm not sure they fuck either . . . but for us, it seems to be an evolutionary construct that some couples (including ourselves) have when they first dip their toes into the LS. We felt (initially) that kissing was fairly intimate but grabbing boobs and cocks was less so. That rule got dropped fairly early in our evolution. Full swap sex took MUCH longer to drop and is still our 'standard' set of rules.
Our observation is that the LS is constantly evolving . . . and that each couple goes through their own evolution as well. That is part of what makes it exciting. Our view is to give people the space to set whatever boundaries they need to feel safe as a couple. The key to positive evolution is positive LS experiences. The more you have . . . the more you want to have. We could be wrong . . . but that is what we've seen thus far.
Today - I think we would probably elect to not play with a couple at all rather than to play with another couple that doesn't kiss. It is an important part of our couplehood, and to your point . . . kind of essential to the entire buildup and foreplay. Both of us love to kiss and Mrs Sweet is one of the best at it (YMMV LOL).

Great answer. And I do believe that people evolve differently. And if a couple is testing water with no kissing, no sex, And no groping, then fine, I am okay with the rational and that thought process.......But the minute somebody decides to perform oral, or have sex, the no kissing theory goes out the door, and is now considered a dumb ass dumb rule now.

We enjoy the kissing aspect of getting together with other cpls, it always sets the mood a little more with us and turns us on. We have gone without kissing before and not as enjoyable just feels as it has become a chore and the enjoyment level is just not there.

Playfulcoupled wrote:

EVILDOERS wrote:

Playing Devil's advocate here for a minute, I can see an argument to be made if someone may have encountered one or more play partners who lacked basic oral hygiene knowledge and/or compliance and decided complete avoidance might be the safest option.

You might be right. However, If oral hygiene is off I will assume everything is contaminated and I will walk away from the situation. 🤮 But to say yes lick my pussy and suck my dick but don’t kiss me is just weird.

We've met plenty of people over the years who felt like kissing was more intimate than oral sex or even intercourse. I guess it's really not all that different than some people who will or won't use condoms or who will or won't have separate room sex or even those who won't actually swap and want to just have sex in the same room with another couple but with their own spouses. Everybody is different and have their own particular rules and/or preferences. Hell, there are even some people who won't swing with single males! LOL I don't think there are any actual official rules that one must abide by to be a swinger. YMMV

Hmmm, I guess maybe I feel differently because I'm the 'no kissing girl' but I'm not afraid to speak up. I'll just give my opinion simply because you asked....

I think if someone asks, you should respect it. (And I'm not saying or accusing you that you don't, I'm playing devils advocate).
People in life have boundaries and you don't go around questioning boundaries people set regardless of how far fetched and dumb it seems. You just do it if you respect them. Questioning someone's logic or reasoning for their morals, values or principles (to me) is a lack of disrespect and trust.

THOUGH I don't necessarily disagree with what you are saying about how it gets the mood going, etc. **Which very well may be their logic and reason alone for why they say no kissing. Maybe it's something they enjoy between only them and their partner and it's sentimental. You really just don't know that person's relationship?... maybe they have a hard time feeling a rush or connection at all during intimacy and in that moment, that's when they get it. And feeling like their partner gave it to someone else could be hurtful. I know rape victims who struggle with this. (I'm a mental health professional).... these are just a few small examples.

I think you just have to remember that just 'just as much as you have an opinion on that NEED for kissing', that other person has just as strong of an opinion as to why kissing is off limits and their logic behind it doesn't need to make sense to you either or need to be explained. It only needs to be respected.

Hopefully this helps and you can find other intimate ways to get the blood flowing by touching in a sexual way or rubbing sensually.... just suggestions.

Happy sexy time!! 🤗

No kissing = no go for us. I think if your insecurities in your relationship extend that far the lifestyle is definitely not for you, and we don't want the drama. Plus kissing is just fucking hot

Kissing (lips) isn't important to me. Kissing and licking the body is.

Kissing is important, it’s shows connection, the want of the connection.

Who are we to decide what others prefer? We all make our own decisions and choices. If you dislike someone's choices or preferences, move on.
I can easily respect what others choose even if I disagree.
The world would be a very boring place if everything was exactly the same for all, even though that is what some want.
Guess what? Everyone is different.

Plus you can tell a lot about a kiss.

Kissing! 💕 Such a fun way to get to know each other. However, even if the chemistry & attraction are there, absent kissing we find it difficult to establish any kind of connection in order to progress to anything else. To each their own...GLTA.
😘💋💋💋

I think that for some couples kissing is considered more intimate and something reserved to the marital relationship. But I agree it is a lot less fun playing with someone who doesn't want to kiss and at least for me makes me feel less excited and also more like a prop and not someone for whom there is as much a feeling of warmness or intimacy. Kissing seems necessary to me to feel a real connection with a woman, but I recognize it seems "too intimate" forsome folks. It is what it is, I guess, and the non-kissing stuff is always fun too.

Sucking and fucking are alright. But kissing? Makes NO Sense to me why some feel that’s to personal. None kissers need to explain this to me, please.

Luvrs42 wrote:

Sucking and fucking are alright. But kissing? Makes NO Sense to me why some feel that’s to personal. None kissers need to explain this to me, please.

Well while kissing you can look into their eyes so much more personal and intimate ! It's the only thing we can come up with. But again, to each their own. Everyone has their fetish, turn on, desires, etc. Many people evolve over time and rules change but the judgement free zone of the lifestyle is alluring to many.

There is so much evolution that couples experience when they join the lifestyle. Many start with several rules as they navigate their approach to it. But, rules often change. The evolution can go in the following ways: No kissing to kissing. Soft swap to full swap. Same room only separate rooms ok, straight wife to bi wife, never playing in first date to playing on first date ok, against single guys to accepting single guys, etc.

We think the majority of non kisses will eventually become kissers. We don't judge them negatively. To each their own. But until they become kissers, we won't schedule a playdate with them.

We have met people like this too. We decided early on that playing meant kissing, and everything else. We wanted to have sex with others, so as long as we were both comfortable with the people we were having sex with a side of everything else included

Everyone has their rules, which we understand, as we do too. But I have never understood not being able to kiss, while everything else is OK.