Okay, here
Not in my mind. If the tables were turned, would you want her to go through the rest of her life with no companionship? I'm sure you wouldn't, as I wouldn't want my wife to be alone. Of coarse you should visit her when able and never forget what you had, but you also have to live your life. I'm sure it would be hard, but I hope you can do this without guilt. We only have one life, so live it and cherish what you and your wife had. Good luck to you.
I think this is one of those situations in life that has a thousand different answers. First off, you are in a tragic situation and therefore I don't think you'll find your answer here. Even someone that has gone through what you are, will have handled it in a way they can live with. Its only my opinion, but what would make you fulfilled and satisfied right now? If it helps, you found your answer. If it doesn't, try something else. I don't think anyone is qualified to judge your actions whatever you decide on. I sincerely hope the best for you and your wife.
jim
jim
WOW, first of all, I am sorry for your situation. I am impressed that you are being honest and asking for opinions. At least you care how she may feel even though she can not communicate that to you.
I know for me and my husband, I wouldnt want him to go through life feeling empty when it come to intimacy if it could no longer be there in that way for him. I would want him to respect our relationship, and not forget me, however......but I wouldnt want him to be unhappy in anyway.
I think that if you were to be a "participate" in a sexual encounter like maybe something that yo might have done with her still able .....wouldnt be cheating. I might would ask yourself, what she would tell you.....if she could right now. I would go and talk with her about your feelings..even though she cant talk back it may make you feel better. Think about what she would do if it were her......and what would you want her to do.
Good luck to you, ......no matter what you decide to do never make a quick decision basedon lust....you dont wanna regret anything. Feel good about your decision, and keep your wife close to your heart, always.
I know for me and my husband, I wouldnt want him to go through life feeling empty when it come to intimacy if it could no longer be there in that way for him. I would want him to respect our relationship, and not forget me, however......but I wouldnt want him to be unhappy in anyway.
I think that if you were to be a "participate" in a sexual encounter like maybe something that yo might have done with her still able .....wouldnt be cheating. I might would ask yourself, what she would tell you.....if she could right now. I would go and talk with her about your feelings..even though she cant talk back it may make you feel better. Think about what she would do if it were her......and what would you want her to do.
Good luck to you, ......no matter what you decide to do never make a quick decision basedon lust....you dont wanna regret anything. Feel good about your decision, and keep your wife close to your heart, always.
exquisitely put stitch....ty
sex sould be the last thing on you mind..
sounds like bs 2 us
k & a
sounds like bs 2 us
k & a
I suppose I'm going to go a little against the trend.
First off, I want to say you that I'm terribly sorry for the situation you are in. However, I don't think trying to predict what your wife would or would not like you to be involved in is the correct way to go about it. In my mind that's a judgement that you can't make for her. For that reason alone, I would probably consider it cheating.
I urge you to try to remain honorable. IMO, I see it this way. People do things like swinging because of interest, and the vast majority will openly tell you that if one person wasn't on board 100%, they wouldn't do it 1%. I couldn't figure she was on 100%.
I wish you the best. Hopefully you sort this out.
First off, I want to say you that I'm terribly sorry for the situation you are in. However, I don't think trying to predict what your wife would or would not like you to be involved in is the correct way to go about it. In my mind that's a judgement that you can't make for her. For that reason alone, I would probably consider it cheating.
I urge you to try to remain honorable. IMO, I see it this way. People do things like swinging because of interest, and the vast majority will openly tell you that if one person wasn't on board 100%, they wouldn't do it 1%. I couldn't figure she was on 100%.
I wish you the best. Hopefully you sort this out.
I think only you can answer that, looking deep within.
Ultimately, I think that since your spouse can't have any communication with you regarding your adventures with another, and more than likely, you're probably going to end up with a single instead of a couple... Do you think it would bother her if you somehow managed to form a physical or emotional bond with another while she is still alive, although in a non conscious state?
Will you harbor feelings of resentment tword your spouse if you don't?
Will your involvement with others greatly diminish the time you spend with her in your thoughts? Will it reduce the amount of time you spend with her in person? Or will it have any impact at all.
I think if I were in your shoes, I'd ask myself... "If I asked her for permission to play alone, while she's in this condition, what would she say?" Whatever your initial answer to that question was, is probably your answer. Don't temper it with your reasoning and judgement, as you've definately got an interest that would temper your judgement if you think about it for very long. Go with your gut feeling of what she would say, and that is probably your answer. Too much thought on that initial answer will allow your feelings cloud your judgement. Obviously there is a part of you reaching for some physical stimulation, and if that's what you're following, and not your heart, then yes, you're cheating.
If you can answer, without reservation, that she would say "go for it", then I guess it's up to you.
Good luck, and I hope you can make peace with this issue somehow.
Final thought... Is there a support group for people in your situation? That may be a pretty good question to pose to them, since over 99% of us here have probably never been in a situation like yours. I don't think what you're posing to do is truly swinging, since you're not able to truly get consent from your spouse. Thus, I don't think you'll get a true opinion from this site, since almost none of us are here for the same reason you are... Nor can we relate to the emotions and feelings you are. Most couples on here are just here to make a few friends, and have a good time, with the full permission of our spouses. You're more or less looking for a companion for physical or emotional companionship in lieu of that which is lacking from your spouse's vegetative state.
Whatever your decision, be sure to keep her in your thoughts, because just imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned.
Best of luck.
Ultimately, I think that since your spouse can't have any communication with you regarding your adventures with another, and more than likely, you're probably going to end up with a single instead of a couple... Do you think it would bother her if you somehow managed to form a physical or emotional bond with another while she is still alive, although in a non conscious state?
Will you harbor feelings of resentment tword your spouse if you don't?
Will your involvement with others greatly diminish the time you spend with her in your thoughts? Will it reduce the amount of time you spend with her in person? Or will it have any impact at all.
I think if I were in your shoes, I'd ask myself... "If I asked her for permission to play alone, while she's in this condition, what would she say?" Whatever your initial answer to that question was, is probably your answer. Don't temper it with your reasoning and judgement, as you've definately got an interest that would temper your judgement if you think about it for very long. Go with your gut feeling of what she would say, and that is probably your answer. Too much thought on that initial answer will allow your feelings cloud your judgement. Obviously there is a part of you reaching for some physical stimulation, and if that's what you're following, and not your heart, then yes, you're cheating.
If you can answer, without reservation, that she would say "go for it", then I guess it's up to you.
Good luck, and I hope you can make peace with this issue somehow.
Final thought... Is there a support group for people in your situation? That may be a pretty good question to pose to them, since over 99% of us here have probably never been in a situation like yours. I don't think what you're posing to do is truly swinging, since you're not able to truly get consent from your spouse. Thus, I don't think you'll get a true opinion from this site, since almost none of us are here for the same reason you are... Nor can we relate to the emotions and feelings you are. Most couples on here are just here to make a few friends, and have a good time, with the full permission of our spouses. You're more or less looking for a companion for physical or emotional companionship in lieu of that which is lacking from your spouse's vegetative state.
Whatever your decision, be sure to keep her in your thoughts, because just imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned.
Best of luck.
Only YOU know best what your wife would say. I'd go with that and don't worry about what the rest of us think. Anyone know TRULY knows you and your wife's relationship might be able to give you advice, but until we've both gone through that and known you intimately, I don't think we can pass judgement.
-Greg
-Greg
After rereading your post there is something that does not ring true. You are asking if it's cheating to do something and are looking for an opinion as to whether it is cheating to engage in sex/relationship with another while your wife is in a vegetative state. Yet you say; "In two plus years, I
Heres a first... never ever heard of someone coming out of that condition so I'm sorry for you loss... I'd be lost without my bestfriend / lifemate /wife.... However understand most couples and women are gonna be for the most part judgemental. It might be in your best interests to find another. In addition since folks are gonna judge... Its prolly wiser not to give them the story. You have to move on, if you and your wife were close than I'm sure she wouldn't want you to endure the hardship. As it is you've already done the deed once. You need to go ahead and release and move on... ( no I don't want hate mail..... everyones entitled to their own opinion )
Folks, I think we have all missed the point this gentleman asked about.
I believe that he has asked for our opinion in regards to him, a married man, with a spouse in a terrible, and unfortunate condition. In essence, If he would be regarded as a cheating spouse, because his wife could not give her blessing.
Mr Highroad, as your name implies, you have asked a question from just that.. the high road, one position that NONE of us would want to be in.
No, my friend it is not cheating. Our hearts go out to you, and the ongoing agony you face, waiting.
I believe that he has asked for our opinion in regards to him, a married man, with a spouse in a terrible, and unfortunate condition. In essence, If he would be regarded as a cheating spouse, because his wife could not give her blessing.
Mr Highroad, as your name implies, you have asked a question from just that.. the high road, one position that NONE of us would want to be in.
No, my friend it is not cheating. Our hearts go out to you, and the ongoing agony you face, waiting.
You know, I posted my post in the wee hours of the morning, and I missed the part that said you had already taken part in one other encounter. Let me add to my earlier comment that it sounds as if you have already made your decision. Obviously, if you've been looking all this time, and have went all the way once, it didn't bother you enough to matter. Obviously, your spouse can't voice her opinion, so just let your conscious guide you.
I must add that if it were me in her condition, I would hope my spouse would go and do whatever it takes to enjoy life to it's fullest, and not let me be a hinderance to her. However I do still think it's cheating, because your vows more than likely did say "In Sickness Or Health", or some modification to that.
Now, with a bit clearer of a mind, I've re-read your post, and I kind of think it's more of an academic debate than you trying to figure out what's morally right or wrong. And, by definition, yes, you're cheating.
I must add that if it were me in her condition, I would hope my spouse would go and do whatever it takes to enjoy life to it's fullest, and not let me be a hinderance to her. However I do still think it's cheating, because your vows more than likely did say "In Sickness Or Health", or some modification to that.
Now, with a bit clearer of a mind, I've re-read your post, and I kind of think it's more of an academic debate than you trying to figure out what's morally right or wrong. And, by definition, yes, you're cheating.
I (Shawn) first found out about the lifestyle from a friend who went through something similar. To make a long story short, my friend's wife had a stroke at the age of 33, and she too ended up in a PVS. Now he loves his wife to this day, but who among you would begrudge the guy a chance at the lifestyle knowing his situation.
May nothing like this ever happen to any of you.
May nothing like this ever happen to any of you.
Well in our opinion... IF it is a hustle...its on your head and your head alone...but if its the truth and you and your wife have experience what this lifestyle has to offer...We feel she would most definitely want you to still participate and be able to have your need met(platonic or physical)!!..But then again its just our thougths and not our lives...the best of wishes..>Kiss Kiss
Tish & Doran
Tish & Doran
I really want to thank you all for your comments. You've ALL given me much to think about... and it seems that maybe in some small way our situation has offered you something to ponder. I plan to post a reply to all comments on a comment by comment basis. To do justice to your open response, it is only proper to take a day or two of internal searching before replying. But, to address up front the"one time" diversion question, I did respond to an inquiry which at the time, seemed to be impulsive by the couple who inquired, and one that, at a time, seemed on the other party's side to be a bit impulsive. For explanation as to why I responded, I did a bit of reflection. I was born and raised in the cold northeast where we were conditioned to store our nuts against the cold, hard winter to come. My wife came from the islands where fruit grows on trees, and you never had to worry about freezing to death from carelessness, and warmth was a natural invitation to life's presentations. She taught me to first eat the cherry on the hot fudge sundae and then throw away the melted slop! I therefore replied to the invite. The lady of the couple was a decade younger than I