Is it just us or does this website seem to have more people interested in treating it like a Facebook account, collecting as many friends as possible with no intention of meeting and truthfully pursuing a LS relationship.
“Wow! Honey look at us we’ve got a hundred friends, where popular”. 😀😂
Seriously, if you plan on approaching us, let’s get past the every six months “hello” and let’s honestly get to know each other. We only accept friends and keep them if we are interested in pursuing more, meeting, establishing or at least trying to establish more than an online/pen pal/chat friendship.
“Wow! Honey look at us we’ve got a hundred friends, where popular”. 😀😂
Seriously, if you plan on approaching us, let’s get past the every six months “hello” and let’s honestly get to know each other. We only accept friends and keep them if we are interested in pursuing more, meeting, establishing or at least trying to establish more than an online/pen pal/chat friendship.
Hi we are from vernal and we would like to get to know u guys if u have a kik we can all chat together my kik is robinak1999 if u would like to chat we are looking to get to know a couple and have regular meet ups hope to hear from u
We are more hobbyists or friend collectors than DTF type. Count us as guilty.
Utahldscouple wrote:
We are more hobbyists or friend collectors than DTF type. Count us as guilty.
Us too! We love friends! The more the merrier . . . IF we play . . . That is a bonus. As to collecting friends in our friends list . . . Not so much. Though we have certainly accepted friend requests from people we have yet to meet, we ONLY accept friend requests from people we would LIKE to meet . . . And . . . We frequently clean out our friends list when it becomes clear we will never meet. If the practice of looking for people in the LS to meet and be friends with is a bad thing . . . Color us guilty! We have no plans on changing that.
We don't fuck people we don't consider friends. But you don't HAVE to fuck us to be our friend. Our friend list, right now, has maybe a dozen couples on it...only one of which we are currently (and infrequently, I might add) playing with. Personally, we're not looking for more people to play with until this whole COVID thing is a LOT more under control. Like SweettAndH, we prune the garden quite frequently and usually delete "friends" if there is no movement to get to know one another better in some way within several weeks at most. *shrug*
Our post was not intended to offend anyone . Just because we chose to operate our account/profile differently then others does not make anyone more right or wrong.
The purpose of our post was to try and develop some knowledge as to why some chose to operate differently. We understand that because our profile doesn’t show our faces, that means a friend request is necessary to determine attraction by exchanging pictures. We do this ourselves, all the time. But we also immediately delete accounts and typically inform those interested if we are not interested.
It sounds like we are complaining but in reality we really aren’t. We just wanted to establish conversation and understanding.
We have received a lot of friend request because of this post and we appreciate all of them but we are selective as well and we will not accept all of the request if we are not interested.
I hope we continue to discuss this issue as we look forward to hearing other thoughts, ideas and suggestions.
The purpose of our post was to try and develop some knowledge as to why some chose to operate differently. We understand that because our profile doesn’t show our faces, that means a friend request is necessary to determine attraction by exchanging pictures. We do this ourselves, all the time. But we also immediately delete accounts and typically inform those interested if we are not interested.
It sounds like we are complaining but in reality we really aren’t. We just wanted to establish conversation and understanding.
We have received a lot of friend request because of this post and we appreciate all of them but we are selective as well and we will not accept all of the request if we are not interested.
I hope we continue to discuss this issue as we look forward to hearing other thoughts, ideas and suggestions.
We don't think the OP is being offensive, just a little frustrated. Yes, there are plenty here with no intention of meeting or being truthful. Likely nothing more than a fantasy or she doesn't even know about a profile here. Getting on a friends list for many is just access to more amateur LS porn and maybe some hot chat.
We'll echo the sentiments of some others. Our friends list includes couples we have met or would like to meet. If it becomes apparent we're not meeting, we move on. Shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who reads our profile.
Meeting doesn't mean it extends beyond that, but how will they truly become friends, or better yet FWBs, if you never meet? Social media friends of any flavor aren't really friends in our book anyway, but maybe that's just how we choose to maintain relationships.
We'll echo the sentiments of some others. Our friends list includes couples we have met or would like to meet. If it becomes apparent we're not meeting, we move on. Shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who reads our profile.
Meeting doesn't mean it extends beyond that, but how will they truly become friends, or better yet FWBs, if you never meet? Social media friends of any flavor aren't really friends in our book anyway, but maybe that's just how we choose to maintain relationships.
A lot of people have hidden faces or no photo. We do accept or ask for friend requests from people that we think are interesting. We don’t always ‘unfriend’ if we lose contact or there isn’t mutual interest. I guess we never though about the need to? But I understand.
We are super picky, and really in no rush.
We are super picky, and really in no rush.
We are DTF people not friend collectors.
We agree.
#1 we dont accept blind friend requests
#2 if we take time to message you and you ONLY send back a friend request, dont wast our time.
#3 if you are on our friends list, we do kinda expect to keep in touch even if its periodically. If we send you a couple messages and your on our friends list and we never hear back from you, we delete you.
Not hard to figure out but people can NOT get it.
#1 we dont accept blind friend requests
#2 if we take time to message you and you ONLY send back a friend request, dont wast our time.
#3 if you are on our friends list, we do kinda expect to keep in touch even if its periodically. If we send you a couple messages and your on our friends list and we never hear back from you, we delete you.
Not hard to figure out but people can NOT get it.
I am a solid choice when looking for single males
2INTHESAMEHOLE wrote:
I am a solid choice when looking for single males
I don’t think anyone asked
KRFunCouple wrote:
A lot of people have hidden faces or no photo. We do accept or ask for friend requests from people that we think are interesting. We don’t always ‘unfriend’ if we lose contact or there isn’t mutual interest. I guess we never though about the need to? But I understand.
We are super picky, and really in no rush.
We are also super picky and refuse to jump into an immediate sexually relationship with someone we haven’t truly meet. That may be some of the cause of this issue as well.
We have a handful of friends now. We keep them because we would like to meet them, but we haven't reached out to all of them yet. If we reach out and they don't respond we delete them.
We fwb couple. We don't like collecting friends and I usually clean out most about once a year. Just hard to find a good friend
COUPLE801801 wrote:
We agree.
#1 we dont accept blind friend requests
#2 if we take time to message you and you ONLY send back a friend request, dont wast our time.
#3 if you are on our friends list, we do kinda expect to keep in touch even if its periodically.
I think those are pretty common ideas here. We take it a bit further in that we only keep people in our friends list if we have a rather immediate desire to meet up (next few weeks); with covid, that has kept our friends list very small.
We actually enjoy collecting friends. These are the J thru M's. Please be our friends.
Notice that they're all COVID safe and mint condition cuz we never take them out of the wrappers.
Notice that they're all COVID safe and mint condition cuz we never take them out of the wrappers.
Right now we are standing down. Sometime next year, we will be on the prowl.
When we first started swinging, we would meet a couple, or sometimes a single someplace public. If we found that we shared some commonality, attraction, chemistry and trust, we sometimes moved the encounter someplace private. Yes, we did a fair amount of first date fucking! 99% of the time that went well. We found that the people we met that lived fairly close, and shared somewhat similar schedules became the people we ended up seeing with some frequency. These relationship sort gravitated into something somewhat exclusive. We pretty much only occasionally went to meet and greets or an event. We sort of got out of the habit of meeting new people and hooking up. Some of these special friends ended up moving out of state and some ended up moving to distant parts of Utah. A few people still live somewhat nearby. While all of this was happening, several of our kids got married, became parents, and our social lives became mostly time spent with family. We aren’t complaining. Swinging just sort of moved to a back burner. At first, after our first real encounter, we hooked up maybe six or seven times every month. Our kids were at that stage in life where they needed more autonomous time away from home with friends, and so we had more time to play with friends too! Now that we are in midst of this pandemic, we are living monogamously. Sometime next year, once a vaccine is in play, we hope to revisit the lifestyle, and reconnect with some old friends, and make some new friends. We would like to get back to a small group of friends, who live nearby, and all share attraction, trust and desire. Probably, as before that will require some meet ups, with new and exciting people, at a public place and then if that goes well, some sexy erotic, orgasmic adventures.
When we first started swinging, we would meet a couple, or sometimes a single someplace public. If we found that we shared some commonality, attraction, chemistry and trust, we sometimes moved the encounter someplace private. Yes, we did a fair amount of first date fucking! 99% of the time that went well. We found that the people we met that lived fairly close, and shared somewhat similar schedules became the people we ended up seeing with some frequency. These relationship sort gravitated into something somewhat exclusive. We pretty much only occasionally went to meet and greets or an event. We sort of got out of the habit of meeting new people and hooking up. Some of these special friends ended up moving out of state and some ended up moving to distant parts of Utah. A few people still live somewhat nearby. While all of this was happening, several of our kids got married, became parents, and our social lives became mostly time spent with family. We aren’t complaining. Swinging just sort of moved to a back burner. At first, after our first real encounter, we hooked up maybe six or seven times every month. Our kids were at that stage in life where they needed more autonomous time away from home with friends, and so we had more time to play with friends too! Now that we are in midst of this pandemic, we are living monogamously. Sometime next year, once a vaccine is in play, we hope to revisit the lifestyle, and reconnect with some old friends, and make some new friends. We would like to get back to a small group of friends, who live nearby, and all share attraction, trust and desire. Probably, as before that will require some meet ups, with new and exciting people, at a public place and then if that goes well, some sexy erotic, orgasmic adventures.
Mrmedic wrote:
I do have a question regarding this as I'm sure I'd be labeled as a "friend collector" based on how many friend requests I send out. My question is, how can you tell who is active vs who is not? The way I've tried to determine this is by sending "blind" friend requests to people I find interesting, and if they accept it, I assume they're active, and I send them a message. Is there an easier way to determine who has at least been on here recently vs those who haven't been on here for a year or longer? I definitely don't want to seem like I'm just a friend collector, but I also don't want to waste hours typing specific messages for profiles when 93% of them haven't been on in years and will never respond, if that makes sense.
On desktop you can see the “Last Visit” date. That’s what we look at to see if people are active.
We feel that we have "friends" who we don't even know. We'll get a friend request and then nothing else. Together we have been in the lifestyle for over a year. We started in September 2019 and hit the ground running. Before we got together Scott was on here as a single guy but had met a number of amazing people. So we went to a party which was my first swinger experience. I was nervous but it turned out to be one of the best nights ever. We kept playing and meeting new people then the pandemic hit and we take it seriously. We will meet new people but not in large gatherings.
SARnRED4KinkyFunUT wrote:
We feel that we have "friends" who we don't even know. We'll get a friend request and then nothing else.
So don't accept it. So many people, including us, have a blanket policy of simply deleting blind friend requests that we're not sure why people still do it especially when it's clearly addressed in a profile.... but they do. Like fishing without bait.
Clueless people just aren't our type.
People and their life situations change. What works for them today, may not work for them six months from now. If swinging is your number one priority in life, then everything else in your life can revolve around swinging. Most of us are not swingers first, and everything revolves around the lifestyle. Where we are, in life, and what and who will be a good fit, for happy sexy adventures is going to vary. Knowing that, it’s logical to assume, that in the digital swingers world, we are all going to hear from people that are not a good fit. People that we won’t be interested in meeting in person and people that aren’t interested in meeting us. Just because someone does not follow up with some of us, does not mean they are not following up with others they have met online. Ghosting people leaves a level of uncertainty. I happens, and it is unfortunate. We have some people in our friend list who sent us a request, that we accepted, and nothing more than that has happened other than a couple of friendly emails. If for whatever reason, something about the interaction makes us uncomfortable we can, and occasionally we have, unfriend them, or block their profile. If all that stands between us is a level of inconvenience, or right now, our or their, or our mutual decision to not hook up during the pandemic, we don’t see any reason to let that bother us.
It does sound like it is more difficult for younger newer couples to hit sexual pay dirt today, than it was when we started. That must be frustrating. Once we made the decision to open up our marriage, sexually, to other people, sex happened rather quickly and was available rather frequently. That does not mean we never needed to say, or sometimes hear not interested.
Just checked our sent emails going back a year. We sent out a total of two friend request in the last year. We received a lot of friend request. We rejected some friend request. We accepted some friend request. Some are still in our friends list. I guess we don't fit into the category of people actively looking to collect digital friends, but we are still collecting friends.
It does sound like it is more difficult for younger newer couples to hit sexual pay dirt today, than it was when we started. That must be frustrating. Once we made the decision to open up our marriage, sexually, to other people, sex happened rather quickly and was available rather frequently. That does not mean we never needed to say, or sometimes hear not interested.
Just checked our sent emails going back a year. We sent out a total of two friend request in the last year. We received a lot of friend request. We rejected some friend request. We accepted some friend request. Some are still in our friends list. I guess we don't fit into the category of people actively looking to collect digital friends, but we are still collecting friends.
Mrmedic wrote:
I do have a question regarding this as I'm sure I'd be labeled as a "friend collector" based on how many friend requests I send out. My question is, how can you tell who is active vs who is not? The way I've tried to determine this is by sending "blind" friend requests to people I find interesting, and if they accept it, I assume they're active, and I send them a message. Is there an easier way to determine who has at least been on here recently vs those who haven't been on here for a year or longer? I definitely don't want to seem like I'm just a friend collector, but I also don't want to waste hours typing specific messages for profiles when 93% of them haven't been on in years and will never respond, if that makes sense.
There are two versions of a friend collector in our opinion.
Version one: You receive or make a friend request with a short introduction. The friend request is accepted and that’s the last you hear from that person.
Version two: You receive a friend request that develops into a week or two of conversation, pictures exchanged. and multiple attempts to arrange a meeting are made and they still flack on you. Eventually you never hear from them again but they don’t delete your friendships on the website.
In our opinion these are the true definitions of a friend collector.
Perhaps this has already been mentioned but many friendship request are so people can perv your pics...hoping for something more. The locked pics require granting a friend request. This probably is why people get so many blind friend request. The best part is when you get a blind friend request from someone with no pics...hmmmm I wonder what they are thinking.
We ignore most blind friend request, we block single male (no offense, we are not interested) and we always write before a friend request.
We ignore most blind friend request, we block single male (no offense, we are not interested) and we always write before a friend request.
Well we are here to meet people learn more about the lifestyle make friends ..send a friend request our way or you can chat with us through kik (riskeroner) let's not just sit on the sideline let's play 😉.
We love to meet new people! That said though......the way we tend to meet them is either at a Meet and Greet or at a house party. If they happen to send us a friend request, and it is someone we think we would like to get to know, we invite them to one of our own frequent house parties. Unfortunately, neither of those avenues are happening right now for us.
We have accepted a number of friend requests this year with hopes of inviting them to a small house party soon.....but not until we feel pretty confident it is safe for all involved. A fact I know some want to ignore, but we have personally known two friends in the lifestyle that didn't survive the virus. We don't want to know anymore.
So we wait a bit longer.
We have accepted a number of friend requests this year with hopes of inviting them to a small house party soon.....but not until we feel pretty confident it is safe for all involved. A fact I know some want to ignore, but we have personally known two friends in the lifestyle that didn't survive the virus. We don't want to know anymore.
So we wait a bit longer.
We are play oriented for sure but appreciate there are those who are not as much and then sometimes the chemistry just isn't there for everyone. It will be easier to meet in the coming months for sure when more people are vaccinated and are less concerned about big gatherings. Then I think you will see less "friend collection" and more conversations with intent to move forward going on.
I would like to meet up with a couple, I want try the swinging lifestyle with my wife, but I need someone to reach out to me first, so I can introduce it to the wife. She would be down, but it would have to be an exmo related connection. I'd like to try and set it up for her and I.
So in our friends list we have played we 90% of them and the other 10% I leave in the list on the hopes they will follow through. That said it’s time to clear a few out that are obviously pic collectors.
My opinion, which hasn't changed in ages, is this, and I'm not chastising anyone, just offering my 2 cents.
One of the recurring and biggest problem that swingers face is that they decide what they personally like, or want, and then assume everyone else should choose the same path or they don't understand why how everyone else doesn't feel the same way they do. I've read the forum posts for years and the same questions recirculate on a regular basis. "Why don't people want to be the type of swingers we are?" "We don't want friends, we just want to have sex." "We don't necessarily want to have sex until we are friends." "We really only want friends but rarely play." All valid forms of the lifestyle and perfectly acceptable to different people.
The lifestyle can take work. It typically isn't easy and will take some time and effort to achieve your lifestyle goals. Sure it's helpful to post your desires in your profile but I'm sure people read those only rarely, or maybe they are drunk searching, or maybe they can't read.
There are all types. Try not to get frustrated because someone else isn't following you lead. Be patient. Within one or two convos you should be expressing your goals and figuring out the goals of the people you are trying to get to know. Get a system that weeds out the people you are't interested in, something that works for you. You will get better with time and hopefully someday what you are looking for will be much easier to find.
However, until then, realize life isn't black and white, nor is swinging. There are as many varieties of swingers as there are ice cream flavors, or flavored condoms. haha. Don't expect others to want the same thing as you but certainly look for those that do. Be patient, kind and realize everyone is possibly looking for a different scenario than you. Some people love to send blind requests, some hate it. Right or wrong, it's life. Accept that there is mound of bullshit between you and that perfect couple/single male/female/trans/group/poly/donkey/toys only/DTF.... (Well, you get the point we are all looking for something different)that you are looking for.
So don't be frustrated. Accept it will be a challenge and work on better ways to make your life easier. There won't be a good answer only many shades of grey.
"Don't try to bend the spoon, for that is impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth... there is no spoon. Then you will see it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."
And to the single males that post ridiculous stuff? WTF? Ugh. You make us all look like mentally disabled Neanderthals.
"Me have dick. Me like pussy. Stick it good."
One of the recurring and biggest problem that swingers face is that they decide what they personally like, or want, and then assume everyone else should choose the same path or they don't understand why how everyone else doesn't feel the same way they do. I've read the forum posts for years and the same questions recirculate on a regular basis. "Why don't people want to be the type of swingers we are?" "We don't want friends, we just want to have sex." "We don't necessarily want to have sex until we are friends." "We really only want friends but rarely play." All valid forms of the lifestyle and perfectly acceptable to different people.
The lifestyle can take work. It typically isn't easy and will take some time and effort to achieve your lifestyle goals. Sure it's helpful to post your desires in your profile but I'm sure people read those only rarely, or maybe they are drunk searching, or maybe they can't read.
There are all types. Try not to get frustrated because someone else isn't following you lead. Be patient. Within one or two convos you should be expressing your goals and figuring out the goals of the people you are trying to get to know. Get a system that weeds out the people you are't interested in, something that works for you. You will get better with time and hopefully someday what you are looking for will be much easier to find. However, until then, realize life isn't black and white, nor is swinging. There are as many varieties of swingers as there are ice cream flavors, or flavored condoms. haha. Don't expect others to want the same thing as you but certainly look for those that do. Be patient, kind and realize everyone is possibly looking for a different scenario than you. Some people love to send blind requests, some hate it. Right or wrong, it's life. Accept that there is mound of bullshit between you and that perfect couple/single male/female/trans/group/poly/donkey/toys only/DTF.... (Well, you get the point we are all looking for something different)that you are looking for.
So don't be frustrated. Accept it will be a challenge and work on better ways to make your life easier. There won't be a good answer only many shades of grey.
"Don't try to bend the spoon, for that is impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth... there is no spoon. Then you will see it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."
And to the single males that post ridiculous stuff? WTF? Ugh. You make us all look like mentally disabled Neanderthals.
"Me have dick. Me like pussy. Stick it good."
It’s perhaps a cognitive behavioral issue? Not just in the lifestyle, but in general, people sometimes, often, always, depending on the person will think their emotional responses are logic based, or pure logic. How we feel isn’t how it is. Still, we can’t escape our emotions. When we have a mismatch in emotions, more often than not, it’s not a black and white whose right and whose wrong scenario. That’s our experience. We bungled that in past presents, but in the now a few miscommunications, in retrospect we’re valuable in their own way. It seems to us that people who understand that are perhaps more apt to embrace, acknowledge and enjoy their emotions, without harboring deep resentments over all the mismatching of emotions, they will encounter in the lifestyle and life in general.
It also depends on the mood that people are in. My wife is not always in the mood for this type of sexual activity. However, when people send us friend requests and they sound nice, respectful, and there is a potential for attraction, we accept the friend requests.
I too am guilty but only because most people don't like my body size, type, etc.
We joined this site so we could meet couples that actually have sex with other couples. So far all we've gotten are requests to be friends and then not another word. The couples that are actually real are few and the single males are liars, and usually lame with small dicks. This site is a huge let down. We are a hot couple that actually plays. My wife is gorgeous with a vagina that is 100% gold yet we can't find people that can be reliable.
We always up to meet new friends we are 100%real and chill , and yes there is tons of people here that are just for the pictures wich sucks .
We are real and always meeting and playing with new people
We have a great core group of friends in the SLC area that we love to spend time with when we visit the area. In addition, we have a few more on our friends list that we would eventually like to meet. Actually, we have more pending friend requests (people who didn't send an accompanying email) than profiles on our friends list. We are extremely proficient in meeting others because we are swingers and not friend collectors. We have plenty of vanilla friends on Facebook. Haha!
PARTYINLV wrote:
We have a great core group of friends in the SLC area that we love to spend time with when we visit the area. In addition, we have a few more on our friends list that we would eventually like to meet. Actually, we have more pending friend requests than profiles on our friends list. We are extremely proficient in meeting others because we are swingers and not friend collectors. We have plenty of vanilla friends on Facebook. Haha!
That sounds like a good system. 👍🏼☺️
Well...if this is any indicator, we currently have 61 pending friend requests. None of which sent us a message to go along with their request.🤨 And after looking at the sender’s profile (not a match ...nothing in common), it’s apparent most are simply looking to see the pictures in our private album. We’re not always in Utah as we have homes in several states, but we’re beginning to think this is a Utah thing. 🤔
GLTA
GLTA
We’ve found lots of different personalities and histories with the Las scene here in Utah. Some couples love the titillation and thrill of window shopping, while others couples may be a little unbalanced (with one partner way more into it than the other). But we have made some great friends and had some once in a lifetime experiences, which make this journey exciting and so worth it!
We are looking for a FWB type couple. We're we can meet them like once or twice a month and not just for sex but other activities as well.