“Friends with benefits" seems like one of those terms that means a lot of different things to different people. We've run into couples who use it to mean everything from a single male/female or couple that we like enough to have sex with, but that's all we ever do together - to “we hang out all the time and occasionally have sex together”.
What is your take on this? And are you actually making genuine friendships with others in the lifestyle or simply looking for the benefits?
What is your take on this? And are you actually making genuine friendships with others in the lifestyle or simply looking for the benefits?
We prefer being great friends with the couple we're hooking up with. If we both find more of a relationship type situation, then that's even better but at least liking to be around those people and wanting to hang out outside of being physical is really what we want at the least.
We don't really have sex with people we aren't friends with. And sex with our friends is entirely optional. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE sex with other people, but it's not the main reason we hang out with people. It's just the occasional cherry on top of the sundae. 
We find that sometimes there are people we are great friends with in the lifestyle but we aren’t into them sexual so the benefits are lacking. Those couples quickly stop being “friends” which sucks because we like them and enjoy hanging with them. This implies more couples are more like benefits with friends 😀. Yes this is a swinging site and yes we know that is the end goal for most but for us it’s foremost about friendship and if the benefits come then they cum.
Fwb to us means sexual fun otherwise its friends. Call us shallow, but we are on swingular to find sexy people to have sexy times with, not just talk to. Friendships can come with that but if we seek you out on swingular, its not just to "chat" 
I think the others have covered this well. Friends with benefits would be great, but the one thing we should all have in common is at least the willingness to explore the benefits.
Coming to swingular looking for friends seems a bit odd to me, but that might just be because sex is a pretty low priority for me/my spouse when it comes to friends.
I was about to write up what we are looking for in friends, but maybe I will just edit our profile instead...does anyone read profiles on here?
Coming to swingular looking for friends seems a bit odd to me, but that might just be because sex is a pretty low priority for me/my spouse when it comes to friends.
I was about to write up what we are looking for in friends, but maybe I will just edit our profile instead...does anyone read profiles on here?
For us, FWB would be like any of our other close friends whom we really know on personal levels... who we recreate and laugh with. The difference would be that the FWB friends would share our desire of exploring certain sexual acts with from time to time. At least that's our ideal at this point in time.
As far as people reading profiles here, I often times get the feeling many don't... or at least not closely.
As far as people reading profiles here, I often times get the feeling many don't... or at least not closely.
Utahldscouple wrote:
We find that sometimes there are people we are great friends with in the lifestyle but we aren’t into them sexual so the benefits are lacking. Those couples quickly stop being “friends” which sucks because we like them and enjoy hanging with them. This implies more couples are more like benefits with friends 😀. Yes this is a swinging site and yes we know that is the end goal for most but for us it’s foremost about friendship and if the benefits come then they cum.
"Cum" we see what you did there...
Most will agree, sex gets better as everyone becomes familiar with each other. What makes a person turned on before the bedroom, sexual acts they want or how to make them cum is often a learned process. It is not all about the cum, but it is nice if everyone does. For us we enjoy an ongoing regular friendship with sex. We learn what they like as they find what we want. For us, a friend with benefits is a friend we can have good sex with. Anyone need a friend?
bengts wrote:OopsUtahldscouple wrote:
We find that sometimes there are people we are great friends with in the lifestyle but we aren’t into them sexual so the benefits are lacking. Those couples quickly stop being “friends” which sucks because we like them and enjoy hanging with them. This implies more couples are more like benefits with friends 😀. Yes this is a swinging site and yes we know that is the end goal for most but for us it’s foremost about friendship and if the benefits come then they cum.
"Cum" we see what you did there...
!For us, FWB means friends who have a kick-ass 401k and a really good dental plan.
Oh, and we get to fuck 'em sometimes too!
Oh, and we get to fuck 'em sometimes too!
We feel there is a very distinct difference in a FWB, and a fuck buddy. A FWB will be someone you actually do fun stuff with and actually know things about them. A fuck buddy is someone who you call randomly because you want some strange lol. You don't really care what they do or what they are interested in lol. Just that they are a good fuck
For us having FWB is the goal and we are happy to say that we have many of these types of friends. These are the couples that we go out to dinner with or have over for dinner or do some other activity. The good part is when we are all down for it we get naked and have sex. Its not a prerequisite but it sure can make a good evening great.
Our definitions are similar to what's already been shared. Friends are friends. We hang out and have fun. Friends with benefits are the same for us as regular friends, but there's a possibility of sexual fun with them as well. Fuck buddies to us means people you just fuck, no other connection.
After being in the lifestyle for many years, we only seek out friends with benefits. It's so much more fun and rewarding to be with people you can get along with outside the bedroom, but still have that extra fun every once in a while.
After being in the lifestyle for many years, we only seek out friends with benefits. It's so much more fun and rewarding to be with people you can get along with outside the bedroom, but still have that extra fun every once in a while.
I like friends with beneits. It can create good and lasting relationships and alot of fun!
Friends with benefits are those I have some common interests with and we get together to attend activities other than LS activities at times also. Just enjoy doing things together and also enjoy the sex after.
FWB – What does it mean to me? You guys are all so much more succinct than we are.
Love the thought-provoking question . . . and the responses.
We are at an age in our lives where we are beginning a renaissance of sorts . . . especially with regards to friends and friendships.
To us – friendship . . . genuine friendship (which necessarily must be defined first . . . before one can address the benefits aspect of this) is one where there is genuine love and respect without conditions. Foremost in our minds in the quality of a good friend is someone who shows up. What do we mean by that? Friends are there when you need them – they don’t have to be asked – they show up in a text msg when you are down, or you’ve had a hard day. They show up when you have exciting news to share. They show up without needing reciprocation or ‘payback’. A great friendship is one where even after not having seen each other for weeks or months – or in some cases years – you can pick right up where you left off. This is evidence of a treasured friendship.
Over time – one can assess the quality of a friend by how and where they showed up. Showing up for the people in our lives is a conscience decision. We all get to decide who we will show up for and under what conditions. The best friendships are those who consistently show up - without having to ask. When we find ourselves anticipating a reunion with someone – this is further evidence of the friendship. We don’t long to be with people we don’t like or with whom there is no relationship. Also – you can’t force feed friendship. It happens organically – the chemistry is either there or its not there. You do have to nurture any relationship – but our experience is that you can very quickly identify those with whom you share a bond.
We have recently noticed that there was a large group of people . . . vanilla friends . . . who rarely showed up for us. In fact, the entirety of their claim to our friendship is that we went to the same school, church, or some other similarity that drew us together. While we will not diminish those relationships – time has demonstrated to us that many of them just never show up. While we still consider them our friends – the reality is that we no longer seek out their company. You can’t want a relationship with someone more than they want it. So . . . when people stop showing up . . . on a consistent basis – and there are no extraordinary circumstances to explain it . . . well, that kind of defines the nature of the relationship.
As to the benefits side – to us, the friendship is its own benefit. You either like being together or you don’t. We would hate to think that the only reason someone wanted to ‘hang’ with us was so that we could all get naked and fuck or have ‘skin time’. To us – you either enjoy being together or you don’t. The benefit side of FWB is that the opportunity to be naked is always on the table – which is not the same thing as saying every meet will or must include skin time. To us, the spontaneity of what could happen and the absence of some sort of pre-determined and implied obligation to play which could cheapen the relationship – well, THAT is special!
We love our naked play time – and, to a certain extent, we wish we could share that aspect of ourselves with more of our ‘vanilla friends’. The realty is that having friends you genuinely enjoy being with . . . who you can also enjoy at a more intimate level – without jealousy, without obligation . . . well – that is something to treasure.
Navigating how and when to play – we are still new to it – but it seems that the benefits side of the equation should occur organically, when the mood strikes. If and when everyone is feeling . . . frisky – well, then that is a great time to show up for each other. In the meantime – we don’t play with people if we don’t genuinely enjoy being with them with their clothes on. To us, the connection is paramount.
Love the thought-provoking question . . . and the responses.
We are at an age in our lives where we are beginning a renaissance of sorts . . . especially with regards to friends and friendships.
To us – friendship . . . genuine friendship (which necessarily must be defined first . . . before one can address the benefits aspect of this) is one where there is genuine love and respect without conditions. Foremost in our minds in the quality of a good friend is someone who shows up. What do we mean by that? Friends are there when you need them – they don’t have to be asked – they show up in a text msg when you are down, or you’ve had a hard day. They show up when you have exciting news to share. They show up without needing reciprocation or ‘payback’. A great friendship is one where even after not having seen each other for weeks or months – or in some cases years – you can pick right up where you left off. This is evidence of a treasured friendship.
Over time – one can assess the quality of a friend by how and where they showed up. Showing up for the people in our lives is a conscience decision. We all get to decide who we will show up for and under what conditions. The best friendships are those who consistently show up - without having to ask. When we find ourselves anticipating a reunion with someone – this is further evidence of the friendship. We don’t long to be with people we don’t like or with whom there is no relationship. Also – you can’t force feed friendship. It happens organically – the chemistry is either there or its not there. You do have to nurture any relationship – but our experience is that you can very quickly identify those with whom you share a bond.
We have recently noticed that there was a large group of people . . . vanilla friends . . . who rarely showed up for us. In fact, the entirety of their claim to our friendship is that we went to the same school, church, or some other similarity that drew us together. While we will not diminish those relationships – time has demonstrated to us that many of them just never show up. While we still consider them our friends – the reality is that we no longer seek out their company. You can’t want a relationship with someone more than they want it. So . . . when people stop showing up . . . on a consistent basis – and there are no extraordinary circumstances to explain it . . . well, that kind of defines the nature of the relationship.
As to the benefits side – to us, the friendship is its own benefit. You either like being together or you don’t. We would hate to think that the only reason someone wanted to ‘hang’ with us was so that we could all get naked and fuck or have ‘skin time’. To us – you either enjoy being together or you don’t. The benefit side of FWB is that the opportunity to be naked is always on the table – which is not the same thing as saying every meet will or must include skin time. To us, the spontaneity of what could happen and the absence of some sort of pre-determined and implied obligation to play which could cheapen the relationship – well, THAT is special!
We love our naked play time – and, to a certain extent, we wish we could share that aspect of ourselves with more of our ‘vanilla friends’. The realty is that having friends you genuinely enjoy being with . . . who you can also enjoy at a more intimate level – without jealousy, without obligation . . . well – that is something to treasure.
Navigating how and when to play – we are still new to it – but it seems that the benefits side of the equation should occur organically, when the mood strikes. If and when everyone is feeling . . . frisky – well, then that is a great time to show up for each other. In the meantime – we don’t play with people if we don’t genuinely enjoy being with them with their clothes on. To us, the connection is paramount.
Love to just make friends and have some hot fun
That's what we love too
That's what we love too
Hell yeah that's what we do
Hell yes good sex is what it's All about lol
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Geeze, try to post more responses if you can. You need to fill up another page of comments lol
Well said SweettAndH
Fully agree with SweettAndH. To us, friendships come first. We have a number of great friends we have met in the LS.
Some of those friends are very close and would be there when we need them - in some cases more than family of long term Camilla friends. Most of them we have never played with. Some we have.
So, friends with benefits? Knowing good people who you can completely be yourself around is the fullest benefit. If there is sexual chemistry that results in playtime - great! Truly bonus, but not required.
Some of those friends are very close and would be there when we need them - in some cases more than family of long term Camilla friends. Most of them we have never played with. Some we have.
So, friends with benefits? Knowing good people who you can completely be yourself around is the fullest benefit. If there is sexual chemistry that results in playtime - great! Truly bonus, but not required.
On swingular, AFF and other sex sites or at meet and greets the diffinition usually changes for me. Friends are hard to come by but sex just takes physical attraction...I guess I look at this the opposite way...if we are physically attracted we can have sex...friendship may develop but takes time. The first time you have sex with someone is defiantly not the best and usually gets better as you develop a friendship but as always it takes time. And with couples it's takes even more time because their are more communication lines to a friendship. It's easier if you just work on a one on one relationship rather than a six way relationship. Because of this we have been open to us playing together and by ourselves with others...not that we wouldn't enjoy more couple relationships but it's definitely harder to achieve
Continue
And if you wait to develop a friendship... you might be waiting a long time and to be honest I don't want to wait that long to have sex.
And if you wait to develop a friendship... you might be waiting a long time and to be honest I don't want to wait that long to have sex.
The quality of sex is directly related to several things. Among them is physical attraction, but more important are caring, respect and trust, which are all key to being good friends also. Thus good friends and good lovers have those in common. The closer the friendship, the better the "benefits", if things go down that path.
Friendship is the important part. That is why they are called "friends with benefits" and not "fuckers we enjoy hanging with".
Friendship is the important part. That is why they are called "friends with benefits" and not "fuckers we enjoy hanging with".
Our lives are already overflowing with family, friends and meaningful events and responsibilities that we mostly enjoy. Life is busy, life is too short. As for us, we really don't have the time to build our lives around "the lifestyle". Never-the-less, we don't see any reason why we shouldn't enjoy sex with any of our good friends, casual acquaintances, or even an occasional near stranger, so long as there is consent, respect and mutual attraction. The near strangers, pretty much have to have glowing references. Our lives are not sex-centric, but we carry no shame about our desires, nor our sex lives, past, present or future. We loosely address our approach, and people preference in our profile as follows:
"Attributes like kindness and honesty are important and people who feign either attribute, transactional, just to hook-up, are not true bearers of either of those attributes and they should pass us by. We must emphasis, we are only interested in intimacy with genuinely kind and honest people. We see nothing wrong with hook-ups, that are mostly just for sex. We are open to friends with benefits and or fuck buddy relationships with kind and honest people. Truth be told, no matter how far any relationship develops, including what level of intimacy is shared, the character qualities the people involved hold dear, will either enhance, or jeopardize, the quality, safety and joy of the experience. We are careful, we hope we are wise, and we intend to be safe! Our intentions being to only meet and interface, sexually and socially, with kind and honest people."
"Attributes like kindness and honesty are important and people who feign either attribute, transactional, just to hook-up, are not true bearers of either of those attributes and they should pass us by. We must emphasis, we are only interested in intimacy with genuinely kind and honest people. We see nothing wrong with hook-ups, that are mostly just for sex. We are open to friends with benefits and or fuck buddy relationships with kind and honest people. Truth be told, no matter how far any relationship develops, including what level of intimacy is shared, the character qualities the people involved hold dear, will either enhance, or jeopardize, the quality, safety and joy of the experience. We are careful, we hope we are wise, and we intend to be safe! Our intentions being to only meet and interface, sexually and socially, with kind and honest people."
Your all making this too complicated.
Fucking
Fucking
LFMFUN wrote:LOLLLL.
Your all making this too complicated.
Fucking
The dictionary definitions of "friend" and "benefit" are not compatible with my objectives in the LS.
I can see it working in a different settings. Not sure I want to be someone's significant other's "friend." (btw... I'd rather be a toy.. with benefits. That doesn't even sound right.lol)
I can see it working in a different settings. Not sure I want to be someone's significant other's "friend." (btw... I'd rather be a toy.. with benefits. That doesn't even sound right.lol)
Ongoing committed romantic relationships involve way more than sex. That's obvious and not news to anyone. The people in the relationship share way more than a sexual relationship, but yes, the sexual relationship they share is pretty damned important. If they really like and love each other, and they are parents together they share a commonality that probably binds them together in an almost unbreakable bond. With all of that said, even lovers and parents, in extremely happy relationships, may still have sexual desires and fantasies that fall out of the bounds of monogamy. If the communication between the couple is strong, bilateral and giving in it's nature, sure, the couple is going to share their fantasies. As is the case with the two of us. There is always the consideration, and decision as to whether it is wise, and safe to do what we want to do in regards to these aforementioned desires and fantasies. Then there is the time factor. Family life is full and enveloping. Compatible fuck buddy relationships, frankly, are more compatible with our life in general than a relationship that demands a lot of other considerations. So long as we can establish trust, attraction, and that we are all on the same page, the lack of a much more extended commitment just works! Fuck buddy friendships, they happen, we like them, we hope to find them, and yes, why not, you can become friends with people mostly just because you want to develop a sexual relationship. We have! These fuck buddy friendships can be a win, win, win, win and so on a so forth adventure.