hey my husband and i enjoy having sex with other couples or single women but we have a small problem my husband has no problem getting an erection when we are having sex but when hes with an other women he has problem getting an erection please help
not really much info to go on...is it same room sex? try something different
Has he been able to perform under similar circumstances before? I don't mean with you, but in whatever situation you encountered this in? If not then my guess would be performance anxiety. Not at all uncommon and quite normal for someone dealing with the stress of a first time encounter of this type. After all there is usually a pretty big build up before the actual hook-up occurs and the stress of performing can be substantial for a man (for women too I'm sure).
I assume it's this since you have states that erections are not a problem when it's with you. So a physical limitation doesn't seem to be a factor.
If this is all true then it could be as simple as simply becoming more relaxed and secure with the situation. Then again it could run deeper.
Hope this helps in some way.
Ed
I assume it's this since you have states that erections are not a problem when it's with you. So a physical limitation doesn't seem to be a factor.
If this is all true then it could be as simple as simply becoming more relaxed and secure with the situation. Then again it could run deeper.
Hope this helps in some way.
Ed
The problem as I see it is more mental than physical... And has happend to us before. And it has little to do with who the other lady maybe..
It could be perfomance anxiety, jealousy, or maybe the conditions were just wrong.. The little blue pill is only one solution.. Relaxing and seriously talking is a better one and less expensive.
It could be perfomance anxiety, jealousy, or maybe the conditions were just wrong.. The little blue pill is only one solution.. Relaxing and seriously talking is a better one and less expensive.
We just met a couple the other day with a similar problem. They found it was just better to not 'swap'. No where is it written that you have to. We find foursome sex in a bed without swapping can be just as much fun as with swapping. While you are with other people just keep reminding him you are nearby and voice your approval of him being with the other person so he is comfortable. Its possible that he just isnt really attracted to that person, or he is fearful of your relationship by having sex with someone else.
Just relax and have fun, if it becomes so much of an issue that you aren't having fun then its not worth doing...whatever level that is.
Just relax and have fun, if it becomes so much of an issue that you aren't having fun then its not worth doing...whatever level that is.
It could also be a bad combination of medications. Sinus meds sometimes affect folks. Anxiety and preformance jitters if a rookie can be an issue. And overcoming years of programming that this stuff is wrong can be a factor. :-) The best advice go have fun and learn to relax.
Does he get nervous???
Male Here:
I suffer from the Nervous ED problem at times my self...
I am a very caring, slow moving, and partner focused lover, that being said, I am always conserned with how well I will "perform." I find that two things affect me the most: 1.) The woman's attractiveness to me (not everyone finds the same things attractive) 2.) The conversations I have had with the lady, IE- "I have not had much luck with men satifying me but my husband" this makes me, personally a bit nervous. I am also the harshest critic of my "performance". Another thing that affects me in this arena is whether or not my girl and I had any "warm-up" fun before meeting the other person/people, if we did warm up, I am more likely to have this type of problem. Finally, if I think I may have a problem, I have one, each and every time. If I do not think about it, I rarely have the problem.
What I have found to work quite well for me is to have Vitamin V on hand. I do not necessarily have to use it, but the mental peace that alows me to know it is there is enough a lot of times. It is supposed to take 30-45 minutes to work, yet as soon as I take one or think about taking one, I become erect.
Not a perfect post, but it is my 2 cents...
I suffer from the Nervous ED problem at times my self...
I am a very caring, slow moving, and partner focused lover, that being said, I am always conserned with how well I will "perform." I find that two things affect me the most: 1.) The woman's attractiveness to me (not everyone finds the same things attractive) 2.) The conversations I have had with the lady, IE- "I have not had much luck with men satifying me but my husband" this makes me, personally a bit nervous. I am also the harshest critic of my "performance". Another thing that affects me in this arena is whether or not my girl and I had any "warm-up" fun before meeting the other person/people, if we did warm up, I am more likely to have this type of problem. Finally, if I think I may have a problem, I have one, each and every time. If I do not think about it, I rarely have the problem.
What I have found to work quite well for me is to have Vitamin V on hand. I do not necessarily have to use it, but the mental peace that alows me to know it is there is enough a lot of times. It is supposed to take 30-45 minutes to work, yet as soon as I take one or think about taking one, I become erect.
Not a perfect post, but it is my 2 cents...
Hi All. 
I was reading this posting and WOW... did it look familiar. That was me. I would get very nervous about meeting couples. A couple of things that happend to change things and maybe this will help you guys. We found that if a problem happend to just be upfront about it with the lady and just enjoy the time. Don't rush anything. Meet up with them again and again. Familiarity helped to overcome the embarassment and frustration. Also I improved my cardio vascular system. Good old exercise. I think that has really been a great thing. I can now experience longer lasting times. Start doing somethings that will raise your heart rate and I think you will be surprised at how soon it happens. Good luck... Rick
I was reading this posting and WOW... did it look familiar. That was me. I would get very nervous about meeting couples. A couple of things that happend to change things and maybe this will help you guys. We found that if a problem happend to just be upfront about it with the lady and just enjoy the time. Don't rush anything. Meet up with them again and again. Familiarity helped to overcome the embarassment and frustration. Also I improved my cardio vascular system. Good old exercise. I think that has really been a great thing. I can now experience longer lasting times. Start doing somethings that will raise your heart rate and I think you will be surprised at how soon it happens. Good luck... RickIt happens to allot of people just a mentle thing, the blue pill works wonders and you can go again and again and yes she loves it lol.
Well, this is Mrs. Stitch, and I will answer for my hunny. There have been times that he had that problem as well. When he does have that issue it is usually because of something....whether it is he is nervous, or a little freaked out or there is no other connection with the other women. He is more then just a visual person. He has to be turned on by visual but he also likes somewhat of a connection with her as well. If this happens to him I usually always am aware of it, and so I just go on over to him and the other women and help out for a bit that is usually always the key to fix the problem. Seeing me or hearing me also helps him out. He is turned on when I am turned on so if we are in a full swap and I am enjoying myself and he can see me and hear me he almost never has that issue. Some women take offense or are concnerned that he isnt turned on by them.....but he is very turned on by them he just has the mental connection with me, but that is how it should be ...RIGHT??? Someone once told him (mr stitch) that he is "mentally trained" meaning....when I am turned on then so is he, or when I go into orgasm then that is all it takes for him to also go into orgasm. How many of you find this to be true for you???
well when i have that problem, my doc said it has to do with not enough Zinc in your body. since i've uped my intake i stay harder longer and my loads are biger
just my 2 bits
poet
just my 2 bits
poet
the other day there was a form about Zinc
here's what they shared
A few interesting web pages:
Zn summary - http://www.advance-health.com/zinc.html
Zn test - http://www.msrc.co.uk/index.cfm?fuseaction=show&pageid=653&CFID=3793089&CFTOKEN=732309
Zn & lowered ejaculate volume - http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/abstract/56/1/148
Zn & Blood Alcohol levels - http://www.azduiatty.com/high-blood-alcohol-or-a-zinc-deficiency.htm
Zn & Suicide - http://www.publichealth.pitt.edu/supercourse/SupercoursePPT/20011-21001/20831.ppt#1
here's what they shared
A few interesting web pages:
Zn summary - http://www.advance-health.com/zinc.html
Zn test - http://www.msrc.co.uk/index.cfm?fuseaction=show&pageid=653&CFID=3793089&CFTOKEN=732309
Zn & lowered ejaculate volume - http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/abstract/56/1/148
Zn & Blood Alcohol levels - http://www.azduiatty.com/high-blood-alcohol-or-a-zinc-deficiency.htm
Zn & Suicide - http://www.publichealth.pitt.edu/supercourse/SupercoursePPT/20011-21001/20831.ppt#1
See, now the vanilla world that wants to stereotype us into sex fiends with never ending hard ons.. THEY SHOULD BE READING THIS
Without having read all of the replies I would like to suggest a couple of things. First as he is accustomed to you try having a steady contact with regular visits so that he may become accustomed to. Second I have done a little research about prostate massage. A couple of links you might want to check out and maybe doing your own research using "prostate massage" as your search words.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_massage
http://store.naturalimpact.com/prostatehealth.html?OVRAW=prostate%20massage&OVKEY=prostate%20massage&OVMTC=standard
Of course there is always the local adult toy shop.
Good luck.
-Rick
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_massage
http://store.naturalimpact.com/prostatehealth.html?OVRAW=prostate%20massage&OVKEY=prostate%20massage&OVMTC=standard
Of course there is always the local adult toy shop.
Good luck.
-Rick
As to supplements for overall better health/performance, to my knowledge (and experience) the best 2 supps are far and away L-Arginine and Ginkho Biloba (or, even more ideally, a mixture/complex of G.B. with Siberian Ginseng. All taken on a daily basis, with as much as a monthy or so before they've all acclimated themselves to your body's physiochemistry (:i vice versa, actually...). This will help to avoid ever having much of a problem.
However, I concur entirely that this is an issue residing in the other head--the one not in his pants...talking it out openly with him will probably at least provide diagnosis, if not fix it at the same time. But it might not make itself readily apparent right away. Does he come from a very stuffy, prude-ish sort of an upbringing/environment--especially one with lots of moral posturing? Our subconscious will quite easily hold a piece of faulty data in the "Factual Items to be Acted Upon at Any/Every Chance" bin out of sheer habit. Even if the person never believed it to begin with...if it is a huge factor in one's environment and they fail to fully, honestly address it (i.e.:how it pertains to them, where it falls on their personal scale for individual standards/morals, how important the opinions of others in their environment are in determining their practical guidelines, conduct, etc.), their subconscious will usually just assume the environmental default position (ESPECIALLY if their failure to address such issues are as a matter of denial, hiding from some truth, or even simply just a generic, taboo-based aversion/fear of addressing such matters...)
Something that may very well help if he doesn't have any skeletons he's hiding from himself in the ol' upstairs closet and this issue is simply borne of heartfelt devotion and fierce loyalty to you (in which case it could possibly turn out later down the road that you both would have been happier/better off in having left alone such an amiable, desireable emotional standard as that's all but universally considered to be...just a thought) would be to fulfill his wildest fantasy or give him some othjer sort of mental base template to go back to and work off of. For example, blindfold him and do to him every little thing you've ever found to drive him mad with pleasure/desire and then some sort of big climactic (I'm not sure if I intended for that pun's inclusion or not... :!) finale that will have him getting accidentally aroused for years just by thinking about it. Then tell him specifically to close his eyes next time you guys get together with a friend for some fun and to play with that memory while said friend does whatever such friends would usually do to get things going. If you know just how to push all his buttons and orchestrate a truly lasting memorable experience for him he probably won't ever even be able to put on a blindfold ever again without having to excuse himself for any number of reasons...:z
However, I concur entirely that this is an issue residing in the other head--the one not in his pants...talking it out openly with him will probably at least provide diagnosis, if not fix it at the same time. But it might not make itself readily apparent right away. Does he come from a very stuffy, prude-ish sort of an upbringing/environment--especially one with lots of moral posturing? Our subconscious will quite easily hold a piece of faulty data in the "Factual Items to be Acted Upon at Any/Every Chance" bin out of sheer habit. Even if the person never believed it to begin with...if it is a huge factor in one's environment and they fail to fully, honestly address it (i.e.:how it pertains to them, where it falls on their personal scale for individual standards/morals, how important the opinions of others in their environment are in determining their practical guidelines, conduct, etc.), their subconscious will usually just assume the environmental default position (ESPECIALLY if their failure to address such issues are as a matter of denial, hiding from some truth, or even simply just a generic, taboo-based aversion/fear of addressing such matters...)
Something that may very well help if he doesn't have any skeletons he's hiding from himself in the ol' upstairs closet and this issue is simply borne of heartfelt devotion and fierce loyalty to you (in which case it could possibly turn out later down the road that you both would have been happier/better off in having left alone such an amiable, desireable emotional standard as that's all but universally considered to be...just a thought) would be to fulfill his wildest fantasy or give him some othjer sort of mental base template to go back to and work off of. For example, blindfold him and do to him every little thing you've ever found to drive him mad with pleasure/desire and then some sort of big climactic (I'm not sure if I intended for that pun's inclusion or not... :!) finale that will have him getting accidentally aroused for years just by thinking about it. Then tell him specifically to close his eyes next time you guys get together with a friend for some fun and to play with that memory while said friend does whatever such friends would usually do to get things going. If you know just how to push all his buttons and orchestrate a truly lasting memorable experience for him he probably won't ever even be able to put on a blindfold ever again without having to excuse himself for any number of reasons...:z
...and I'll take this opportunity to say that I won't be using the emoticons again any time soon, seeing as how three of three in that last comment I posted came out hideously skewed in some form or another...just ignore them...and possibly me, too...heheh
Oh this subject sounds all so familar . Not only has it happened to me but I have found it to happen to some buddies also . I have learned a lot about myself in regards to .........just because there is a naked female doesn't mean I can start humping like a dog . I find myself more turned on by a nicely dressed female followed by casual conversation . Then the male hormones kick in and the thought of getting her out of her clothes . It is the challenge and the desire to see what is covered up that turns me on . We were in a swap and I never did the lady , it had happened on several occassions , same room , different room , and even completely separate . I felt down and humiliated with myself , I wanted it but it wasn't happening . The lady by the way is georgous so that wasn't the problem . Ah , the blue pill , thats the answer !! The next time we met I consumed the magic pill !!! I was so turned on before that but it was just a back up..........I had heart burn sooooo bad that I would have been better off drinking battery acid ! The blue pill as my back up ruined my evening !!! Had it happen with a single female and my wife in the same bed.........ahh , that was the biggest fantasy come to light but I couldn't perform !! All these missed oppurtunities for fun sex that I fantasise about and then when it happens , nothing happens !! But then there was an incident at Macey's , in a dressing room with a complete stranger . The wife was in the adjacent room and got off on the whole thing . So its not a physical problem or fear ...........it is anxiety !! Thats why I suppose that planned events just aren't as fun as spontaneous happenings for me . You fuck with your own mind on what you'll do on planned meetings.............If the same girl you had problems with came up to you in your kitchen ........and it wasn't planned.......you would'nt have a problem !! See , sometimes the big head way out fucks the little one.
Wow! What a range of comments! I kind of agree most with Mr & Mrs H on this. Pills... psychology.... methodology... well, maybe they work for some, or could they be just be a way of avoiding looking deeper. It is SOOOO important to get to your core values of why you're in the lifestyle. Despite the throbbing chemistry and biology of sex, the magic of sharing pleasure with another is based on LOVE (that's why they call it making love...DUH!) Love expresses itself in many ways. It can be soft and gentle... almost invisable. Or, it can be so unsatiably intense that it seeks out and embraces any and all with whom it resonates (it can also cause broken bones! LOL). I suggest that we should first look inside to find what stimulates our response to another, and whether you truly RESONATE with the other person on something deeper than plastic, culture classified acceptability. Then, for the sake of your both own soul and that of the other person, be honest up front. When you're in touch with your real self, your body tells you what is right.
I was very interested in this thread.....as like some other males here.....this has been me at times. I have encountered situations where though my head says yes.....my body...specifically my cock, just wont respond. As I agree this is psychological I have diagnosed MY problem. I do well with lots of foreplay.....where there is teasing.....kissing etc. I tend to "perform" less well if the situation becomes.......drop trow and go for it. I guess I am not a.......lets fuck.....kinda guy. We have two couples whom we play with.....one we see probably twice monthly.......another whom we see a few times a year. The couple whom we see more often I perform more consistantly. The couple we see fairly infrequently......despite that fact I truely like the lady, the sexual situation is fairly sterile.....and therefore I seem not to perform.
In both situations, the couples whom we play with.....and we.....understand that sexual satisfaction is not only derived by cock/pussy action but is also exciting using other parts of the body to acheive the aim of orgasm. For the ladies, I know that perhaps nothing is good as a good cock.....but if a cock isnt working......then a good mouth....tongue.....nose......fingers.....anything works. At least for us and those whom we play with.
I will have to try the zinc thing.....lol.....though I have no idea what putting zinc sunblock on my nose is gonna do for my sexual performance..........lmao
Doc
In both situations, the couples whom we play with.....and we.....understand that sexual satisfaction is not only derived by cock/pussy action but is also exciting using other parts of the body to acheive the aim of orgasm. For the ladies, I know that perhaps nothing is good as a good cock.....but if a cock isnt working......then a good mouth....tongue.....nose......fingers.....anything works. At least for us and those whom we play with.
I will have to try the zinc thing.....lol.....though I have no idea what putting zinc sunblock on my nose is gonna do for my sexual performance..........lmao
Doc
This response has more to do with the responses than the original post, but I'll start with the original post. Like many others have said, it sounds like a performance anxiety thing, which often happens when there isn't some connection between the male and female parties. A certain level of comfort in a social setting can help to fix that, but you getting involved in what's happening with him and her if such a thing happens again can help as well. Its a mental hurdle that needs to be gotten over or worked around. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with improvising when such things happen, in fact sometimes it can be more fun!
In any case, I have to say that the little pill answer to this issue saddens me as much as reading profiles that seem to indicate you need to go out and have a few (few being a relative term often) drinks to "relax" and have some fun. What ever happened to sex being fun because um... its SEX?... I've NEVER been under the influence of anything but lust when I've had fun with anyone. If I want to let loose and get wild its because I have chosen to do so not cuz something I drank/ate/whatever MADE me. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing, but sometimes it seriously makes me wonder if people are actually comfortable with who they are and what they are doing in the lifestyle if they need to go to such lengths to "relax". I know some people will doubt this statement, but I'm NOT judging anyone... It just makes me wonder, that's all.
More than my .02 worth I'm sure.
-SG
In any case, I have to say that the little pill answer to this issue saddens me as much as reading profiles that seem to indicate you need to go out and have a few (few being a relative term often) drinks to "relax" and have some fun. What ever happened to sex being fun because um... its SEX?... I've NEVER been under the influence of anything but lust when I've had fun with anyone. If I want to let loose and get wild its because I have chosen to do so not cuz something I drank/ate/whatever MADE me. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing, but sometimes it seriously makes me wonder if people are actually comfortable with who they are and what they are doing in the lifestyle if they need to go to such lengths to "relax". I know some people will doubt this statement, but I'm NOT judging anyone... It just makes me wonder, that's all.
More than my .02 worth I'm sure.
-SG
I like all the "hardness" heheh