We are new to the lifestyle and as we go through posts and profiles, it seems that most people are just looking to get laid. Is the lifestyle primarily about sex? Is relationships/friendships secondary option or even part of the lifestyle? So many profiles seem to be about "I WANNA FUCK. FUCK US. JOIN A FUCK PUDDLE" and that isn't really what we expected as we wanted to explore poly relationships.
Also, I realized that I use the term "lifestyle" (which I think is abbreviated LS) but is the lifestyle just refereeing to swinging/swapping or is it broader than that?
Also, I realized that I use the term "lifestyle" (which I think is abbreviated LS) but is the lifestyle just refereeing to swinging/swapping or is it broader than that?
It’s whatever you make it. People have a ton of different interests. We prefer the FWB thing and don’t do the large parties, more spontaneous type situations.
You will find, eventually, others and a rhythm that fit your fancy. We, and most of our friends, would tell you that it takes time. Maybe it's a "gotta kiss a lot of toads to find your Prince Charming"? :-)
Kittybear the lifestyle can almost anything you want it to be. In our experience in dating other couples we usually do dinner and have some conversation and if everyone is ok with taking it farther then we do. We usually discuss experience, limitations and what the other couple is looking for. If we really like the couple and the play is good we hope to repeat the process. Sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn't and we never have a expection of getting laid and we are never disappointed.
You may want to clarify if you are just interested in a single woman or couples. In you interest selection you appear to be interested in single woman only. Be specific in you profile narrative but be aware the more narrow your focus the less chance of you being successful.
Make sure to communicate what level your at to other potential partners. Don't exceed your comfort level unless you are both on the same page about it. Have a system of letting each other know that it's ok to invite this couple or single to your home for naked possibilities. Most important have fun....good luck and good swinging.
You may want to clarify if you are just interested in a single woman or couples. In you interest selection you appear to be interested in single woman only. Be specific in you profile narrative but be aware the more narrow your focus the less chance of you being successful.
Make sure to communicate what level your at to other potential partners. Don't exceed your comfort level unless you are both on the same page about it. Have a system of letting each other know that it's ok to invite this couple or single to your home for naked possibilities. Most important have fun....good luck and good swinging.
NYCnSLO wrote:
You will find, eventually, others and a rhythm that fit your fancy. We, and most of our friends, would tell you that it takes time. Maybe it's a "gotta kiss a lot of toads to find your Prince Charming"? :-)
When you find the right partners swinging sure is a lot fun and when a friendship develops it can be exponentially better.
I may be the odd woman on this one. But I (the wife of the couple) see Swinging as mostly sex but have made lots of really good friends through it. I see Poly-isms as relationship focused.
Attraction and relationships, both just have to develop naturally, but they are on a different timeline. Attraction can begin a relationship. Unattractive behavior can halt any interest even faster. Attraction can be pretty spontaneous. A deep and abiding relationship takes some time to develop. For us, if there is enough attraction, and attraction is not just appearance based, and we feel like we are with polite, charming and honest people, sex can happen early on in a relationship. So, yes, there does have to be something beyond you look really sexy, lets fuck. If there is obviously quite a bit of chemistry, when we first meet someone, as in a really great first date, sex can happen. Sex without any long term commitments is okay with both of us. If a long term commitment, even one with some exclusivity involved, just ends up feeling like something we really want, that's also really, really great! It can't feel forced or feigned.