After more than 15 years in the lifestyle, we've had the displeasure of witnessing the gradual degradation in the manner that people communicate with each other. This isn't an issue distinctive to the swinger community, it's a much more global issue, largely created by the advent of social media and the continued personal isolation that it creates. But we'll limit this particular discussion to swinger sites.
When we crafted our first swinger profile, we sat down as a couple and diligently filled in all the blanks. We answered detailed questions regarding our physical attributes, height, weight, age, hair color, etcetera. Then we drafted a detailed narrative that described us, as a couple, and all the kinky things we enjoyed. We elaborated about our desires and limits. Then we created an equally detailed narrative describing the things we were hoping to find on the site, specifically, the kind of people we wanted to meet and potentially fuck.
We topped it all off by adding about a dozen sexy photos of both of us, hoping to entice sexy potential playmates to reach out to us.
All of this seemed perfectly reasonable, and even more, completely necessary.
Fast forward 15+ years....
(Keep in mind that Swingular is a bad example. It's a rudderless ship in the sea of swinger sites. It's no longer supported by an admin team and is teetering on the brink of death with each passing day.)
Most profiles today don't have a photo of any kind, and the ones that do, may as well not have bothered. We don't need to see a blurry pic of somebody water skiing, or a photo of your motorcycle sitting in your garage.
Most people don't provide any descriptive commentary at all. The "About me" section is typically limited to one or two, poorly written sentences, that don't provide any revealing info. in the "What we're looking for" section, we would need to see more than "Sexy NSA fuck buddy", before feeling compelled to reach out.
But the greatest atrocity has to be the messages.
"Hey"
"Wanna fuck"
"What's up"
JUST FUCKING STOP!
Every profile is an advertisement and should be handled as such. You're creating an ad to entice people into getting naked and doing dirty things. All of this requires a bit more marketing than most people are willing to do today.
If you wanted to sell your boat, what do you post on KSL? (For those outside Utah, KSL is the mormon equivalent to Craigslist, which is used in the other 49 states)
HEADLINE: Boat
Body of ad: Have boat. Want sell.
^^^^^
That is the equivalent of most swinger profiles today. Your boat is going to fucking ROT in your driveway.
The swinger community is much more decentralized today. People are casting much larger nets, broadcasting on dozens of media outlets, hoping to drag in one piece of ass. And they're putting no effort into it.
Not just as lifestyle participants, but as people in general, we just don't relate well with others anymore. To some degree, we've lost the ability to communicate in a personal way. We sit behind screens all day. We text rather than talk. We stay "connected" with family in a completely virtual world.
If you're over 40 and can relate to this, try to imagine how deeply rooted this is with people that are in their 20's.
Communication is a lost art and those that continue to posses it will always be at the top.
When we crafted our first swinger profile, we sat down as a couple and diligently filled in all the blanks. We answered detailed questions regarding our physical attributes, height, weight, age, hair color, etcetera. Then we drafted a detailed narrative that described us, as a couple, and all the kinky things we enjoyed. We elaborated about our desires and limits. Then we created an equally detailed narrative describing the things we were hoping to find on the site, specifically, the kind of people we wanted to meet and potentially fuck.
We topped it all off by adding about a dozen sexy photos of both of us, hoping to entice sexy potential playmates to reach out to us.
All of this seemed perfectly reasonable, and even more, completely necessary.
Fast forward 15+ years....
(Keep in mind that Swingular is a bad example. It's a rudderless ship in the sea of swinger sites. It's no longer supported by an admin team and is teetering on the brink of death with each passing day.)
Most profiles today don't have a photo of any kind, and the ones that do, may as well not have bothered. We don't need to see a blurry pic of somebody water skiing, or a photo of your motorcycle sitting in your garage.
Most people don't provide any descriptive commentary at all. The "About me" section is typically limited to one or two, poorly written sentences, that don't provide any revealing info. in the "What we're looking for" section, we would need to see more than "Sexy NSA fuck buddy", before feeling compelled to reach out.
But the greatest atrocity has to be the messages.
"Hey"
"Wanna fuck"
"What's up"
JUST FUCKING STOP!
Every profile is an advertisement and should be handled as such. You're creating an ad to entice people into getting naked and doing dirty things. All of this requires a bit more marketing than most people are willing to do today.
If you wanted to sell your boat, what do you post on KSL? (For those outside Utah, KSL is the mormon equivalent to Craigslist, which is used in the other 49 states)
HEADLINE: Boat
Body of ad: Have boat. Want sell.
^^^^^
That is the equivalent of most swinger profiles today. Your boat is going to fucking ROT in your driveway.
The swinger community is much more decentralized today. People are casting much larger nets, broadcasting on dozens of media outlets, hoping to drag in one piece of ass. And they're putting no effort into it.
Not just as lifestyle participants, but as people in general, we just don't relate well with others anymore. To some degree, we've lost the ability to communicate in a personal way. We sit behind screens all day. We text rather than talk. We stay "connected" with family in a completely virtual world.
If you're over 40 and can relate to this, try to imagine how deeply rooted this is with people that are in their 20's.
Communication is a lost art and those that continue to posses it will always be at the top.
Sadly, too true. Uffff.
I was going to say, "Hit us up", but somehow seems I just did! Hahaha. Anyway I enjoyed this start to the week!
I was going to say, "Hit us up", but somehow seems I just did! Hahaha. Anyway I enjoyed this start to the week!
@DELICIOUSLYWET we agree with what you said. You just got to filter out what you dont want and take a chance on what you like.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
We hear what you are saying. Mrs. Delicious finds the lack of civility in social media of any kind so distasteful, she has pretty much lost all interest in almost all online activities. She actually suspended her Facebook account. As for this site, she logs on occasionally, but really mostly relies on me to give her a readers digest version of what's going on, highlighting something or someone that might interest her. I focus more on the jewels that shine brightly around us. There are quite a few people out there that exude huge amounts of positivity and insight. Social media also gives them a voice. Before the advent of social media, where anyone can and will make comments, well researched journalism, or shared insights, even in disagreement, was more often than not enlightening. It still is. The moronic angry comments and name calling we see becoming so prevalent is just part of the price we all pay for freedom. Mean spirited people, and even predatory sociopathic sorts have always existed. We just didn't hear from them. People unmask themselves online, with what they do, and yes even what they won't share. If someone contacts us online, and their story seems to evolve into a series of inconsistencies, well, we won't agree to meet with them. If they obviously lack a polite nature, here again, we won't waste our or their time. If they display those sorts of characteristics in the forums, then why bother? Maybe we should appreciate the warnings? In the past, if someone wanted to rebut someone's opinion, they may have needed to actually contribute in in a more formal manner. Which eliminated a lot of negative comments. The nasty ill informed, perhaps, were too lazy to formally rebut. Or perhaps they always have, but rarely made it past the editor. Obviously, there has always loomed some level of risk associated with sharing ourselves with the public. We all have to decide for ourselves how much risk are we willing to take?
I don't think the OP is talking about civility or lack thereof here (Although that is definitely a huge problem as well.). I think what they're saying is that many people seem to lack the communication/writing skills to effectively convey a cogent thought, let alone an effective and descriptive representation of any kind of communication whether written or verbal.
EVILDOERS wrote:
I don't think the OP is talking about civility or lack thereof here (Although that is definitely a huge problem as well.). I think what they're saying is that many people seem to lack the communication/writing skills to effectively convey a cogent thought, let alone an effective and descriptive representation of any kind of communication whether written or verbal.
Yes. Lack of civility is a whole other issue.
The in ability to hold a conversation in an email or text creates a lot of uncertainty about having some conversation when meeting. There is nothing more frustrating then trying to extract conversation out of someone...not sexy at all.
Great post and thread!
We're new here, relatively speaking. But, what you describe is the first thing we noticed. I liken a profile to that of a job resume and application. By that measure, the people here we'd call in for an interview are few. Most applications would and do hit the proverbial trash can, unfortunately.
A shame really, since there may be a lot of potential going unnoticed. On the other hand, if people can't be bothered to write more than a couple sentences, I have to wonder just how much we would have to talk about after meeting in person. That isn't said with a gram of pretentiousness. We don't care if the person is not a rocket scientist. We just appreciate the effort made to be communicable... and the profile is the starting point.
We're new here, relatively speaking. But, what you describe is the first thing we noticed. I liken a profile to that of a job resume and application. By that measure, the people here we'd call in for an interview are few. Most applications would and do hit the proverbial trash can, unfortunately.
A shame really, since there may be a lot of potential going unnoticed. On the other hand, if people can't be bothered to write more than a couple sentences, I have to wonder just how much we would have to talk about after meeting in person. That isn't said with a gram of pretentiousness. We don't care if the person is not a rocket scientist. We just appreciate the effort made to be communicable... and the profile is the starting point.
So is it the educational system in America? The anti-intellectualism movement among certain groups? Or is the species Homo Erectus devolving? Inquiring minds want to know...or don't. 
SKICOUPLE wrote:
The in ability to hold a conversation in an email or text creates a lot of uncertainty about having some conversation when meeting. There is nothing more frustrating then trying to extract conversation out of someone...not sexy at all.
Bingo!
Since the OP now apparently lives in Florida I would be curious to know if they notice this phenomenon more in Florida or in Utah.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Since the OP now apparently lives in Florida I would be curious to know if they notice this phenomenon more in Florida or in Utah.
It’s way more prevalent down here because almost every active profile is fake. Swingular doesn’t take the time to really expand on a profile when it only exists to give the appearance that there are other lifestyle people in the area. These fake profiles exist in Utah as well, but not to the same degree.
We’ve been in Naples for 18 months and we’ve sent hundreds of introductory messages to active profiles and we’ve never received a response.
Consider the numbers for a moment. The website usually shows somewhere between 1450-1600 members online at any given time. Roughly 30 people in each state. If you look at who’s online right now, there are pages and pages of people in Utah. It’s the same down here. If it were to be believed, there are more than 1600 people online within driving distance from my house.
To further the evidence, we have an old profile on here that we thought we deactivated when we moved back to Florida. But every now and then, it pops up in the “currently online” page on the site. Swingular is using it to bolster their membership numbers.
But what we’re talking about in our rant is different. We quickly recognize the fake profiles and discount them. Our frustration is with the people on these sites that try to engage us with one line messages, then after looking at their profile, we learn absolutely nothing about them. I don’t know how they expect us to find any interest.
I've found that so many of the people who contact me are either lazy or lack the couth requisite to make more of an impression. If the best a single male or couple can do is say "How ya doin'" I'm less inclined to start up a conversation. If their only question is what sexual positions I'm willing to submit to, they're done. Sadly, lack of interest in trying to get to know people is probably commensurate with their willingness to get the other person to orgasm. I find that to be the litmus test I use to judge whether I'm interested, or not.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:LILMISSRIDINGHOOD wrote:
I've found that so many of the people who contact me are either lazy or lack the couth requisite to make more of an impression. If the best a single male or couple can do is say "How ya doin'" I'm less inclined to start up a conversation. If their only question is what sexual positions I'm willing to submit to, they're done. Sadly, lack of interest in trying to get to know people is probably commensurate with their willingness to get the other person to orgasm. I find that to be the litmus test I use to judge whether I'm interested, or not.
Good observations. Oh, and by-the-way "Couth Requisite" would be a great name for a band.
Good point on the Band Name, DW. I'll keep that in mind next time I'm looking for that special moniker
