Maybe it’s just us, but we’ve noticed a huge shift from swinging (committed couples playing together with other committed couples or singles as an enhancement to their primary relationship) to open/poly (side relationships in private and public as a type of replacement or distraction from their primary relationship), all over the US to some extent but particularly in Utah.
These definitions of swinging and poly/open are just our opinions but I think you get the point. No judgment at all but more of an observation. Are you noticing the same?
We personally are of the swinging variety, where we do it as an enhancement of a very fulfilling relationship, and we really enjoy watching each other and being sensual with our good friends. We enjoy playing together and a part, but generally do so with other committed couples and singles who are friends with both of us and understand their role and involvement. No serious/intense side relationships (but always friendship) with full openness and transparency to each other.
When we play solo, it is usually because the other one really likes the other person/couple (who is a mutual friend and always keeps both of us in the loop) and is turned on by the idea of the two or three playing alone. But no side relationships with any commitment outside of being friends and respectful and courteous. Again, not stating that this is a superior arrangement in the LS, it’s just our current arrangement.
In the last several years as we’ve gotten more active and confident in the lifestyle, we are finding it is getting harder to find couples and singles who play this way. The wife has played with a couple single guys but they all seem to quickly turn from working and communicating through me, keeping me involved and helping us fulfill our fantasies, to starting to contact the wife individually, wanting her to take care of them and message/sext with them daily and seemingly wanting me out of the picture. Obviously these have all been shut down.
We’ve had several girls in the past year want full side relationships with me and they became rather sneaky and deceptive about it (telling me one thing while telling my wife and even their husbands another).
At house parties we’ve attended in the last year, it seems like most are full of people acting “single” and looking for their own side relationships and hookups and we have no idea who is actually with who. We always talk to both husband and wife before playing to make sure everyone is down and consenting, but most of the time it is hard to tell who is with who. Lately it has seemed like everyone is basically down as they are all basically open, and then they treat us as if we are open and try to push to play without getting the consent of our spouse.
Again not judging, but we’d like to attend parties and events with other couples and singles who are more about the swinging lifestyle as couples and singles who understand the rules of engagement and their role in our relationship. For some reason, things seem to be getting more open/poly and we are wondering if we are now behind the times and need to re-consider some parts of how we do the lifestyle. Lol.
Are many of you experiencing the same?
These definitions of swinging and poly/open are just our opinions but I think you get the point. No judgment at all but more of an observation. Are you noticing the same?
We personally are of the swinging variety, where we do it as an enhancement of a very fulfilling relationship, and we really enjoy watching each other and being sensual with our good friends. We enjoy playing together and a part, but generally do so with other committed couples and singles who are friends with both of us and understand their role and involvement. No serious/intense side relationships (but always friendship) with full openness and transparency to each other.
When we play solo, it is usually because the other one really likes the other person/couple (who is a mutual friend and always keeps both of us in the loop) and is turned on by the idea of the two or three playing alone. But no side relationships with any commitment outside of being friends and respectful and courteous. Again, not stating that this is a superior arrangement in the LS, it’s just our current arrangement.
In the last several years as we’ve gotten more active and confident in the lifestyle, we are finding it is getting harder to find couples and singles who play this way. The wife has played with a couple single guys but they all seem to quickly turn from working and communicating through me, keeping me involved and helping us fulfill our fantasies, to starting to contact the wife individually, wanting her to take care of them and message/sext with them daily and seemingly wanting me out of the picture. Obviously these have all been shut down.
We’ve had several girls in the past year want full side relationships with me and they became rather sneaky and deceptive about it (telling me one thing while telling my wife and even their husbands another).
At house parties we’ve attended in the last year, it seems like most are full of people acting “single” and looking for their own side relationships and hookups and we have no idea who is actually with who. We always talk to both husband and wife before playing to make sure everyone is down and consenting, but most of the time it is hard to tell who is with who. Lately it has seemed like everyone is basically down as they are all basically open, and then they treat us as if we are open and try to push to play without getting the consent of our spouse.
Again not judging, but we’d like to attend parties and events with other couples and singles who are more about the swinging lifestyle as couples and singles who understand the rules of engagement and their role in our relationship. For some reason, things seem to be getting more open/poly and we are wondering if we are now behind the times and need to re-consider some parts of how we do the lifestyle. Lol.
Are many of you experiencing the same?
Nope, not just you. We've noticed the same thing. And, sadly, we've seen the primary relationships of many of our swinger friends crash and burn from seeking the visceral thrill of pushing the limits of swinging into separate/open/poly play. The grass is ALWAYS going to look greener on the other side of the fence where there are no pressures from kids, bills, etc. that real, normal couples have to deal with while trying to maintain their relationship. We could literally talk about this all night and tell story after story of this happening to people we've known in the lifestyle. 
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
We are really tightly bonded. We really enjoy family life, and everything that goes with it. Our big lives, we share together, keep our relationship squarely in the center stage. Swinging enhances our relationship and really neither one of us are looking for any kind of relationship with anything approaching equivalence to what we share together. We do occasionally play separately. We share all of what happened when we are together. We were happily engaged in a very fulfilling monogamous relationship for most of our marriage. Seriously, swinging is fun, and we went through a few years where we were like kids in a candy store. We venture out less often these days. Our relationship is as strong as it’s ever been, but seriously we are just not as motivated to hook up with new people as we used to be.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Nope, not just you. We've noticed the same thing. And, sadly, we've seen the primary relationships of many of our swinger friends crash and burn from seeking the visceral thrill of pushing the limits of swinging into separate/open/poly play. The grass is ALWAYS going to look greener on the other side of the fence where there are no pressures from kids, bills, etc. that real, normal couples have to deal with while trying to maintain their relationship. We could literally talk about this all night and tell story after story of this happening to people we've known in the lifestyle.
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
Bullshit. I started swinging in college from the personals magazine in the adult book store, you had to send a letter.
Swinging has never been exclusive to couples,
It depends how you define swinging. We see it more like fullofpassion and evildoers. No, sorry, not more like; exactly the same. We also see that the more inclusive LS umbrella makes it much more difficult to find truly like-minded swinger couple friends.
It's always quite interesting and slightly amusing to me how some people in LS try and set themselves up as so pure and sanctimonious about how they choose to engage in LS. Like they hold the moral high ground about the whole thing. LMFAO -The dude on our profile
The observations put forward were not judgmental nor sanctimonious.
I find the original post intetesting in that they have to repeat multiple times, not judging...not judging, again, not judging. If you don't like something someone is doing in LS, communicate it, if it persists and you don't like it, cut it off. It's not particularly complicated or rocket science. You're not going to cjange othets behaviors because you vent on an app about it, that people need to do it the way you do. It's like marriage and cheating, rant all you want, some do, some don't. Again, there are people in LS that set themselves up on some sort of moral high ground, like they do it the right way, and others do it wrong.
For me personally I like to get to know someone before I have sex with them. I’m not really into the whole one night stand. I swing but usually not at parties and I’m super picky
If you go fishing up at Flaming Gorge you should know before you cast out a line there is a wide variety of fish swimming in the water. If you only want to catch just the one kind of fish you have to know where those fish swim and what kind of bait to use. You still might catch the attention of some fish that are not exactly what you want. If the site is the lake then our profiles are the bait. The groups section of the site allows for a administrator to set the group up and accept or decline request for membership. You can have private discussions within a group that only include the members of a group. You could sign into Swingular, go to your group and only share between group members. Even the chat room has or at least used to have a couples only room.
CS8855 wrote:
I find the original post intetesting in that they have to repeat multiple times, not judging...not judging, again, not judging. If you don't like something someone is doing in LS, communicate it, if it persists and you don't like it, cut it off. It's not particularly complicated or rocket science. You're not going to cjange othets behaviors because you vent on an app about it, that people need to do it the way you do. It's like marriage and cheating, rant all you want, some do, some don't. Again, there are people in LS that set themselves up on some sort of moral high ground, like they do it the right way, and others do it wrong.
Obviously our history and this post hit a nerve. But like I said, this isn’t about a right way or better way or a wrong way. There is not right or wrong way. It’s about our way, which is more of the traditional couples swinging experience and arrangements, and our opinion is that we are seeing less and less of this arrangement, and more and more of open relationships.
Most open relationships are basically going back to dating and courting and some responsibility and expectations towards a third party out of the marriage (and we simply don’t have time to take care of and be responsible for anyone else right now), while swinging is a couples pursuit meeting other committed couples or singles who understand how it works and their role.
We’ve noticed a trend of way more open relationships over the past year which makes it harder for us to find what we are looking for. It also causes a lot of awkward situations when we attend parties and everyone assumes we are open like them. We are simply asking if others are seeing the same trend and where others like us are meeting. No need to get defensive or offended.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Nope, not just you. We've noticed the same thing. And, sadly, we've seen the primary relationships of many of our swinger friends crash and burn from seeking the visceral thrill of pushing the limits of swinging into separate/open/poly play. The grass is ALWAYS going to look greener on the other side of the fence where there are no pressures from kids, bills, etc. that real, normal couples have to deal with while trying to maintain their relationship. We could literally talk about this all night and tell story after story of this happening to people we've known in the lifestyle.
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
We so agree with almost all of this. We’ve also felt that swinger parties have shifted from committed couples seeking other committed couples and singles to basically frat/college parties. Everyone acts single, lots of drugs and alcohol, little responsibility and everyone acting for themselves with selfish pursuits. I mean I understand the fun in that, but not the environment we are looking for as a committed couple looking for similar like minded people.
It’s kind of ironic. When we first got into this we felt super naughty and extreme. Then once we really got into the culture, we felt judge because we weren’t extreme or open or naughty enough ...
STGEORGE wrote:EVILDOERS wrote:
Nope, not just you. We've noticed the same thing. And, sadly, we've seen the primary relationships of many of our swinger friends crash and burn from seeking the visceral thrill of pushing the limits of swinging into separate/open/poly play. The grass is ALWAYS going to look greener on the other side of the fence where there are no pressures from kids, bills, etc. that real, normal couples have to deal with while trying to maintain their relationship. We could literally talk about this all night and tell story after story of this happening to people we've known in the lifestyle.
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
Bullshit. I started swinging in college from the personals magazine in the adult book store, you had to send a letter.
Swinging has never been exclusive to couples,
We started swinging in the late 80's (also in college) and we VIVIDLY remember seeing the first ad from a single male in the little swinger magazine Cindy Rae used to publish and taking it to a small house party and everyone there looking at it in amazement and wondering aloud if he would actually get any responses to his ad. But please tell me again how long YOU'VE been swinging and how the lifestyle has always been.
VANESSA_BABY wrote:
For me personally I like to get to know someone before I have sex with them. I’m not really into the whole one night stand. I swing but usually not at parties and I’m super picky
So do we. I’m fact we almost require it. We have several couples and singles who have become our best friends but we all know the primary relationship comes first, then the friendship and then the all consenting and excited sexual play. We don’t judge open relationships and in fact we are strongly considering having fun with several of them. It’s just been hard getting others to respect our boundaries and Arrangement and to understand that we aren’t as open as they might be. And it’s been harder to find other couples and singles like us when most parties feel like a selfish free for all with no rules or courtesy for spouses. That’s all.
Missycrick wrote:
We are no expert in this area. But we do play alone and consider ourselves to be in an open marriage. We have some ground rules to keep our relationship the primary one. Since we started in an open marriage I can say our sex life is better than ever. We share most details with each other and are always on the same page. I don’t really see it any different than swinging. The biggest difference is we are more open to play. We arnt limited to playing together with another couple. We like everyone else just want to have fun exploring our sexuality. It works great with open communication.
If we get to a stage in our life where there is less stress and more downtime, I could see us exploring pursing some side sexual relationships/rendezvous. Maybe. But definitely not now. We don’t have the time or the desire or energy for it. But I can see how it could be fun for the right couples and situations.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
If you go fishing up at Flaming Gorge you should know before you cast out a line there is a wide variety of fish swimming in the water. If you only want to catch just the one kind of fish you have to know where those fish swim and what kind of bait to use. You still might catch the attention of some fish that are not exactly what you want. If the site is the lake then our profiles are the bait. The groups section of the site allows for a administrator to set the group up and accept or decline request for membership. You can have private discussions within a group that only include the members of a group. You could sign into Swingular, go to your group and only share between group members. Even the chat room has or at least used to have a couples only room.
I love fishing flaming gorge and love the analogy. Just looking for the right lure and part of the lake to find the types of species we are looking for 😜
I don't know anything about "our history". I don't even know who the original poster is. No photo and we're not connected ss friends on here. Just going off the content of the post, nothing else. I just find it very interesting with the number of people in life where they try to swt themselves as taking the moral high ground and they have plenty of their own issues, unknown as they may be. After all, at the end of the day, people on here are fucking each others husbands and wives...lol. It's kind of like saying that historically people didn't swing and now they do. To each their own.
Hope nobody took offense to our post. We just wanted to affirm that in our 30-year swinging career we HAVE noticed this change recently. And we're not knocking it entirely. Hell, we've dabbled in it a bit ourselves. (That's a WHOLE other story. LOL) But we've seen a lot of the negative consequences as well. But do what works for you! *shrug*
oh, and by the way... for all of my comments, we do not play alone.... but what others do and how they go about it is up to them.
We’ve also dabbled on the edge of open, with the wife meeting up with a few singles guys and me with some women. No real dates or anything but we loved the idea of the other plying solo and then reclaiming when they got home. And everything was communicated between the two of us with no secrets and we were to keep the other updated with texts, photos and videos throughout the ply.
But as we explored this, almost without fail, the single wanted more. We had guys keep pushing our limits and boundaries and getting mad when the wife didn’t want to spend all night with them, or getting mad when she was trying to take photos and videos of though they had gladly agreed to it earlier. Then we had multiple women get sneaky with me and it became clear they wanted much more than just being good friends with benefits, but a full on side relationship or to explore replacing their primary relationship.
So we can’t be accused of being prudent or too strict. We are very open minded and confident and have a lot of fun. We are just noticing that it’s been tougher finding other committed couples or singles who respect the primary relationship and understand their role and place in this.
But as we explored this, almost without fail, the single wanted more. We had guys keep pushing our limits and boundaries and getting mad when the wife didn’t want to spend all night with them, or getting mad when she was trying to take photos and videos of though they had gladly agreed to it earlier. Then we had multiple women get sneaky with me and it became clear they wanted much more than just being good friends with benefits, but a full on side relationship or to explore replacing their primary relationship.
So we can’t be accused of being prudent or too strict. We are very open minded and confident and have a lot of fun. We are just noticing that it’s been tougher finding other committed couples or singles who respect the primary relationship and understand their role and place in this.
NYCnSLO wrote:
It depends how you define swinging. We see it more like fullofpassion and evildoers. No, sorry, not more like; exactly the same. We also see that the more inclusive LS umbrella makes it much more difficult to find truly like-minded swinger couple friends.
Agree 100%!
EVILDOERS wrote:
Hope nobody took offense to our post. We just wanted to affirm that in our 30-year swinging career we HAVE noticed this change recently. And we're not knocking it entirely. Hell, we've dabbled in it a bit ourselves. (That's a WHOLE other story. LOL) But we've seen a lot of the negative consequences as well. But do what works for you! *shrug*
Sounds like we have pretty similar histories and arrangements lol. Like you, we aren’t knocking one arrangement but discussing trends and trying to find others who enjoy the LS similar to what we do.
I'm speculating here, but it seems the millennial generation as a whole is more open to an open/poly relationship, and it naturally is bleeding into Swingular as more and more younger/ish couples sign up.
We started out with very strict rules about emotions for others, ect. Now, we find ourselves on a spectrum where we still occasionally love the "wham bam, thank you mam" aspects of swinging (what were their names again...😁?), but after several years of that, we are now far more interested in developing relationships with the people we meet. Sometimes that means we have really good friends with benefits, however neither of us are closed to the possibility of dating the right person.
And I don't believe dating others leads to divorce, however not being honest and failing to communicate certainly does. And that applies to swingers and monagamous couples alike.
We started out with very strict rules about emotions for others, ect. Now, we find ourselves on a spectrum where we still occasionally love the "wham bam, thank you mam" aspects of swinging (what were their names again...😁?), but after several years of that, we are now far more interested in developing relationships with the people we meet. Sometimes that means we have really good friends with benefits, however neither of us are closed to the possibility of dating the right person.
And I don't believe dating others leads to divorce, however not being honest and failing to communicate certainly does. And that applies to swingers and monagamous couples alike.
Off topic just a bit. This site is the primary online gathering spot for swingers, here in Utah. New memberships keep it going. If some of the Ole Timey swingers get a bit frustrated with these new upstart free thinking free loving millennial types, just remember they are keeping your site open. I mean I understand, how can they even put their car keys in the bowl for the wife swap, when they came in an Uber?
Well imagine that, the world has changed and people’s minds have opened to more versions of sexuality and relationships ... that’s a good thing.
We’re in the Kink BDSM camp, and on this site we’re in the very small minority, but that’s ok because we have a Fetlife profile as well 😉
We’re in the Kink BDSM camp, and on this site we’re in the very small minority, but that’s ok because we have a Fetlife profile as well 😉
SEXYSLC30 wrote:
I'm speculating here, but it seems the millennial generation as a whole is more open to an open/poly relationship, and it naturally is bleeding into Swingular as more and more younger/ish couples sign up.
We started out with very strict rules about emotions for others, ect. Now, we find ourselves on a spectrum where we still occasionally love the "wham bam, thank you mam" aspects of swinging (what were their names again...😁?), but after several years of that, we are now far more interested in developing relationships with the people we meet. Sometimes that means we have really good friends with benefits, however neither of us are closed to the possibility of dating the right person.
And I don't believe dating others leads to divorce, however not being honest and failing to communicate certainly does. And that applies to swingers and monagamous couples alike.
I really relate to your comments and feel we are very similar. Maybe not to the point of dating others but we definitely want to have feelings for others as a couple and individually. The problem is that most of these open relationships seem to be very secretive which leads to distrust and hurt feelings which leads to more extreme behavior and we just don’t want to get caught in the middle of it.
We share and communicate everything, half the fun is turning everyone on which cant happen when it’s all secretive. We just feel more and more pressure to be fully open and people care
About our boundaries less and less. Guys start actively messaging and trying to sext my wife without asking me if that’s okay first. Women start getting extra demanding of my attention and then finding out their husbands know very little about what’s going on. Single guys who simply can’t be our friend as a couple and enjoy some occasional bull time with the wife without wanting more. It’s just been really odd for us these past 2 years.
We also feel that because the current culture of lifestyle parties is more open relationships, new couples get introduced to it and start thinking that’s the only way. So they either do it that way or leave the scene entirely. Our post is partially to let other newbies know there is another way.
DANDTCURIOUS wrote:
Well imagine that, the world has changed and people’s minds have opened to more versions of sexuality and relationships ... that’s a good thing.
We’re in the Kink BDSM camp, and on this site we’re in the very small minority, but that’s ok because we have a Fetlife profile as well 😉
So do you find many others from that "camp" to interact with here on Swingular or do you still mostly find them on Fetlife? Do you still swing (or 'lifestyle' or whatever) conventionally, in addition to your kink activities, or do you only swing/swap with others who enjoy some aspect of kink/bdsm? Just curious.
Perhaps I didn't choose my words with "great and unmatched wisdom" last night, as I was a little drunk and then again this morning a little hungover and wrote 'pre-coffee'LOL. I guess my MAIN thesis could possibly be that if the so-called lifestyle (Hell, even plygs fucking use that overused word to describe what THEY do.) is getting fairly watered-down with so many groups wanting inclusion under the swinging umbrella where will that leave swinging?
I actually DO think the diversity is good, overall, for swinging, but I can't help but wonder what could happen eventually. We've already seen (And others here complain about it endlessly! LOL) how activity in the lifestyle has dropped off markedly in the past 5 or 10 years. Perhaps it's cyclical like climate change. (I'm KIDDING! I, personally, believe the large majority of scientists in regards to that particular issue.). But it could also be that the nature and very dynamic of swinging is fundamentally changing. Whether or not that's ultimately a good thing will depend on your individual perspective and which direction things go. *shrug*
Now, who's up for a good old-fashioned key party?
I actually DO think the diversity is good, overall, for swinging, but I can't help but wonder what could happen eventually. We've already seen (And others here complain about it endlessly! LOL) how activity in the lifestyle has dropped off markedly in the past 5 or 10 years. Perhaps it's cyclical like climate change. (I'm KIDDING! I, personally, believe the large majority of scientists in regards to that particular issue.). But it could also be that the nature and very dynamic of swinging is fundamentally changing. Whether or not that's ultimately a good thing will depend on your individual perspective and which direction things go. *shrug*
Now, who's up for a good old-fashioned key party?
EVILDOERS wrote:
Perhaps I didn't choose my words with "great and unmatched wisdom" last night, as I was a little drunk and then again this morning a little hungover and wrote 'pre-coffee'LOL. I guess my MAIN thesis could possibly be that if the so-called lifestyle (Hell, even plygs fucking use that overused word to describe what THEY do.) is getting fairly watered-down with so many groups wanting inclusion under the swinging umbrella where will that leave swinging?
I actually DO think the diversity is good, overall, for swinging, but I can't help but wonder what could happen eventually. We've already seen (And others here complain about it endlessly! LOL) how activity in the lifestyle has dropped off markedly in the past 5 or 10 years. Perhaps it's cyclical like climate change. (I'm KIDDING! I, personally, believe the large majority of scientists in regards to that particular issue.). But it could also be that the nature and very dynamic of swinging is fundamentally changing. Whether or not that's ultimately a good thing will depend on your individual perspective and which direction things go. *shrug*
Now, who's up for a good old-fashioned key party?
Maybe monogamy, excluding any sexual activity with anyone else, other than your spouse, and not at all outside of marriage, with the exception of religious adherents, is in accelerated decline. In Utah the harsh line between absolutely no fucking around outside of the bonds of marriage, and anything other than that is sending anyone, seeking anything other than that, in search of like minded people. This site is just the closest approximation to an online community that won't be populated by a lot of monogamy only religious adherents.
EVILDOERS wrote:DANDTCURIOUS wrote:
Well imagine that, the world has changed and people’s minds have opened to more versions of sexuality and relationships ... that’s a good thing.
We’re in the Kink BDSM camp, and on this site we’re in the very small minority, but that’s ok because we have a Fetlife profile as well 😉
So do you find many others from that "camp" to interact with here on Swingular or do you still mostly find them on Fetlife? Do you still swing (or 'lifestyle' or whatever) conventionally, in addition to your kink activities, or do you only swing/swap with others who enjoy some aspect of kink/bdsm? Just curious.
No, we haven’t found many on here that are into Kink fetishes. I think most on here probably think a blindfold is really kinky lol. Fetlife has a very diverse group of people into all forms of kink. The original poster here brings up that “swinging” now includes relationships different from theirs ... OmG the kink community has infinite variations and combinations of relationships and fetishes.
Yes we like playing with fun compatible couples and singles, but no they don’t have to share our kinkyness or be into BDsm .
I guess someone could make a bunch of hats, and hold rallies and chant, make swinging wife swapping couples again. But that denotes women as property. Maybe change is good!
HAOPENGYOU wrote:DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
I guess someone could make a bunch of hats, and hold rallies and chant, make swinging wife swapping couples again. But that denotes women as property. Maybe change is good!
We'll get started. What color should the hats be?
We'll add the line, "And women are co-equal partners in any relationship that they choose to be a part of!"
These are going to have to be slightly larger-than-normal hats.
Black rings say swingers, so black hats. But in this rally big handed men are a plus!
The issue of "boundaries" that several have brought up, the latest being PEPPERANDBOOP, is an important discussion IMO. Our particular experience into the open/poly side of the equation brought that particular issue to the forefront.
We had been swinging, albeit not frequently or continuously, for a number of years when we met a couple who quickly wanted to take our four-way relationship into decidedly separate, non-primary couples, directions. Ms. Evil and I talked it over EXTENSIVELY and decided it could be quite exciting and rewarding as long as we stayed within certain boundaries. Unfortunately, the couple we were involved with had quite a different take on that particular topic and, indeed, had a markedly different kind of relationship that differed considerably from our own.
It soon became apparent that the other couple wasn't content to 'play by our rules', so-to-speak and during the separate excursions actively pushed each of us to go beyond boundaries that we had set for OUR marriage. It even escalated to the point where there was real and sustained subterfuge and no little amount of pressure in the effort to get us to go beyond what my wife and I had decided were hard limits for us.
And I'm not proud to say that they succeeded to some degree. Ultimately it caused the, up to this point, extremely close friendships/relationships to implode and we all went our separate ways. Interestingly, this same couple proceeded to use the same tactics on another couple who were close friends of ours and the same outcome resulted in THAT couple severing ties with them.
I guess my point is that while you absolutely have control over what you and your primary partner think and do you absolutely do NOT have ANY control over what the others involved may think, say, or do. So I guess, maybe, I would say to anyone involved in this side of the swinging spectrum to perhaps tread softly and never take for granted that everyone involved is playing by the same rules or doesn't have an ulterior motive or agenda. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We had been swinging, albeit not frequently or continuously, for a number of years when we met a couple who quickly wanted to take our four-way relationship into decidedly separate, non-primary couples, directions. Ms. Evil and I talked it over EXTENSIVELY and decided it could be quite exciting and rewarding as long as we stayed within certain boundaries. Unfortunately, the couple we were involved with had quite a different take on that particular topic and, indeed, had a markedly different kind of relationship that differed considerably from our own.
It soon became apparent that the other couple wasn't content to 'play by our rules', so-to-speak and during the separate excursions actively pushed each of us to go beyond boundaries that we had set for OUR marriage. It even escalated to the point where there was real and sustained subterfuge and no little amount of pressure in the effort to get us to go beyond what my wife and I had decided were hard limits for us.
And I'm not proud to say that they succeeded to some degree. Ultimately it caused the, up to this point, extremely close friendships/relationships to implode and we all went our separate ways. Interestingly, this same couple proceeded to use the same tactics on another couple who were close friends of ours and the same outcome resulted in THAT couple severing ties with them.
I guess my point is that while you absolutely have control over what you and your primary partner think and do you absolutely do NOT have ANY control over what the others involved may think, say, or do. So I guess, maybe, I would say to anyone involved in this side of the swinging spectrum to perhaps tread softly and never take for granted that everyone involved is playing by the same rules or doesn't have an ulterior motive or agenda. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The LS philosopher...pretty good guess who it is...lol
Vying for moral high ground.
Most people in LS are completely respectful with boundaries, not sure what the free for all comment earlier is all about. If someone disrespects my woman, I can easily handle my business with that person, not an issue. Can't think of a time when it's even happened where someone thoygh my girl was free for all. Probably because they see my 18" biceps and think twice before doing something stupid. Just hit the gym more bro, won't be an issue...lol
Some people even like to ask unicorns that are known hookers to come cuddle and sleep with them...lol
EVILDOERS wrote:STGEORGE wrote:
[quote=EVILDOERS]Nope, not just you. We've noticed the same thing. And, sadly, we've seen the primary relationships of many of our swinger friends crash and burn from seeking the visceral thrill of pushing the limits of swinging into separate/open/poly play. The grass is ALWAYS going to look greener on the other side of the fence where there are no pressures from kids, bills, etc. that real, normal couples have to deal with while trying to maintain their relationship. We could literally talk about this all night and tell story after story of this happening to people we've known in the lifestyle.
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
Bullshit. I started swinging in college from the personals magazine in the adult book store, you had to send a letter.
Swinging has never been exclusive to couples,
We started swinging in the late 80's (also in college) and we VIVIDLY remember seeing the first ad from a single male in the little swinger magazine Cindy Rae used to publish and taking it to a small house party and everyone there looking at it in amazement and wondering aloud if he would actually get any responses to his ad. But please tell me again how long YOU'VE been swinging and how the lifestyle has always been.[/quote]
Mr. Evil, you are the single male hater always piping off saying how things should be, how it is, IDGAF what you think, just tired of you running your mouth telling everyone how they should be and making judgements on others kinks.
PEPPERANDBOOP wrote:
This post has had many interesting comments coming from vastly different experiences. The small incites into others thoughts is always valuable and interesting for those of us that have less experience in the lifestyle and are exploring to see what our true interests are and where we see ourselves going. Our experience so far has been that of several group gatherings such as meet and greets and some of the events at several of the clubs in Salt Lake. In our relationship, we are at different levels of sexual experience and sometimes tastes. Due to experience differences, family time and owning businesses, we often find it difficult to persue couples or group activities. Our ultimate desire is to enjoy time with other couples and explore what these experiences can bring into our lives as a married couple. While I would love to go totally wild and swing from the rafters, my better half is not quite on the same level and helps tone down my crazy lusts just enough to keep me from being arrested every other weekend. So, because of the reasons listed above, we have an open marriage while also perusing a lifestyle as a married couple wanting to participate in the swinging life. Each has its ups and downs to be sure and we have had experience with the very issues of boundaries expressed by Full of passion, but at this point in our lives we see this as the best course to achieve what we both want.
I would like to thank those that take the time to comment and express their valuable viewpoints on the many subjects that come up.
Evil, you and your lovely are most definitely a valuable asset to this comment board and community. I do love your humour and input.
I really appreciate your post in insight! Very well articulated and sounds like you’ve got a healthy arrangement figured out.
EVILDOERS wrote:
The issue of "boundaries" that several have brought up, the latest being PEPPERANDBOOP, is an important discussion IMO. Our particular experience into the open/poly side of the equation brought that particular issue to the forefront.
We had been swinging, albeit not frequently or continuously, for a number of years when we met a couple who quickly wanted to take our four-way relationship into decidedly separate, non-primary couples, directions. Ms. Evil and I talked it over EXTENSIVELY and decided it could be quite exciting and rewarding as long as we stayed within certain boundaries. Unfortunately, the couple we were involved with had quite a different take on that particular topic and, indeed, had a markedly different kind of relationship that differed considerably from our own.
It soon became apparent that the other couple wasn't content to 'play by our rules', so-to-speak and during the separate excursions actively pushed each of us to go beyond boundaries that we had set for OUR marriage. It even escalated to the point where there was real and sustained subterfuge and no little amount of pressure in the effort to get us to go beyond what my wife and I had decided were hard limits for us.
And I'm not proud to say that they succeeded to some degree. Ultimately it caused the, up to this point, extremely close friendships/relationships to implode and we all went our separate ways. Interestingly, this same couple proceeded to use the same tactics on another couple who were close friends of ours and the same outcome resulted in THAT couple severing ties with them.
I guess my point is that while you absolutely have control over what you and your primary partner think and do you absolutely do NOT have ANY control over what the others involved may think, say, or do. So I guess, maybe, I would say to anyone involved in this side of the swinging spectrum to perhaps tread softly and never take for granted that everyone involved is playing by the same rules or doesn't have an ulterior motive or agenda. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It sounds like you guys have been through a very similar evolution and experiences as we have. Our story is almost identical to this. I don’t judge others for their rules but it’s more we are looking for other couples and singles that will play by ours and are generally looking for the same thing. We feel like we are pretty easy going and secure, but have noticed a trend of more of a free for all lately and a lot more relationship drama and separations. We’ve also noticed many couples getting into the lifestyle when one was first a cheater and then they pushed for the lifestyle to be able to do it with permission. That’s fine and dandy for them but these arrangements seem to be taking over the culture of the lifestyle, especially in utah, and we are curious where the committed, not open relationship couples are.
Evil, We should meet up and swap stories!
STGEORGE wrote:EVILDOERS wrote:
[quote=STGEORGE][quote=EVILDOERS]Nope, not just you. We've noticed the same thing. And, sadly, we've seen the primary relationships of many of our swinger friends crash and burn from seeking the visceral thrill of pushing the limits of swinging into separate/open/poly play. The grass is ALWAYS going to look greener on the other side of the fence where there are no pressures from kids, bills, etc. that real, normal couples have to deal with while trying to maintain their relationship. We could literally talk about this all night and tell story after story of this happening to people we've known in the lifestyle.
Swinging will probably die a slow lingering death at some point in the not too distant future as a victim of it's own success. It started out as a completely couples-centric activity that slowly became this huge tent called "the lifestyle" and tried to embrace singles, polys, kinksters, and many more. I can envision a time when all or most of the couples leave either because swinging isn't swinging anymore or because they've all moved to the open marriage/poly side of the spectrum. And what will be left then?
Bullshit. I started swinging in college from the personals magazine in the adult book store, you had to send a letter.
Swinging has never been exclusive to couples,
We started swinging in the late 80's (also in college) and we VIVIDLY remember seeing the first ad from a single male in the little swinger magazine Cindy Rae used to publish and taking it to a small house party and everyone there looking at it in amazement and wondering aloud if he would actually get any responses to his ad. But please tell me again how long YOU'VE been swinging and how the lifestyle has always been.[/quote]
Mr. Evil, you are the single male hater always piping off saying how things should be, how it is, IDGAF what you think, just tired of you running your mouth telling everyone how they should be and making judgments on others kinks.[/quote]
Actually, we've been single male FRIENDLY until about a year or so ago when Ms. Evil finally said, "Basta." She just got tired of the almost constant bullshit.
Okay, she didn't say it in Spanish, but you get the idea. We played for many years with single males (mostly Ms. Evil getting her 'sexy' on out and about on her own with single males who "get it".).
We HAVE, however, always called out single male bullshit and have eschewed the ever-increasing number of SM's who seem to think women in the lifestyle are nothing more than slutty nymphos who will fuck ANYONE, any TIME, anyWHERE...and their husbands/partners nothing more than simpering cucks who cower in the corner while self-imagined alpha bulls show their wives what they've been missing.
Hyperbole? Perhaps. But there is more truth there than many will admit. If you haven't seen it then you either haven't been in the lifestyle very long or you haven't been paying attention. But go ahead and single me out as a SM hater if it makes you feel better. And, fwiw, I never said that's "how the lifestyle has always been". I simply stated how it was when we started.