What do you all do when you are attracted to one half of another couple, but your partner is not attracted to the other half? We are each comfortable with the other playing alone, or even better, playing while the other one watches. But how do you convey politely your interest in just one half of the couple, especially without appearing to disrespect the other half? Any thoughts?
We run into that also! It can be really awkward !
I think the common path is to have an affair.
[tongue in cheek]
[tongue in cheek]
Discuss it. Best to be open. They may fell the same???
Consider maintaining a platonic friendship with them and hope that in time, a four way connection eventually evolves. If nothing else, you will have good friends. In the meantime, continue to meet other couples.
Honesty is the best policy. Nobody likes to be strung along. If they ask, be honest. If we ask, we like honesty too. We appreciate honesty, we seriously have zero hard feelings if the shoe were on the other foot. A four way physical & mental connection is tough.
Sending a reply to another couple and stating that there isn’t a physical attraction is awkward enough. Be honest, say what you need to say with respect, thank them for their time, wish them luck and move forward.
D&D
Sending a reply to another couple and stating that there isn’t a physical attraction is awkward enough. Be honest, say what you need to say with respect, thank them for their time, wish them luck and move forward.
D&D
TOTALLY4FUN wrote:
This has been an issue for us many times. Sadly, we feel that you should just avoid moving forward if your interest is in just one side of a couple. This is especially true if they're a couple seeking another couple. You're likely to hurt feelings and cause an uncomfortable situation. This very issue has been our single biggest challenge, one of us always seems to be more attracted than the other. In the end, this is all about having fun, elevating our moods and enjoying good experiences. That's why we need to be cognizant of how we may affect somebody's feelings, possibly even their relationship.
Totally agree with this! There are plenty of couples out there that will connect 4 ways. We have been in this situation and we decided to not go forward with couples that we aren't both attracted to. We have no desire to hurt the feelings of others and in that situation there really is no way to avoid it other than to just pass on the couple entirely. While it's possible that an attraction could develop over time, is it worth leading people on where that attraction may never develop?
If you are playing as a couple, it's a team sport, and unless you are willing to take one for the team (strongly recommend you don't), then the best choice is to just pass on the couple and find another that both of you are interested in. The community is growing rapidly and there are tons of couples out there that will appeal to both of you and voice versa. Avoid drama and hurting others and just keep looking until you find them.
Yeah.. no one should have to fall on the grenade.
If it doesn’t work for both it doesn’t work. If your are here doing this together that is.
If it doesn’t work for both it doesn’t work. If your are here doing this together that is.
I’m going to just take a crazy wild guess here and assume it’s the woman you’re interested in and not the man lol .... ask if they have a Hotwife relationship ... maybe he enjoys having his wife play without him 🤷♂️
Be honest, it’s happened to us. They were honest and straight up said the wife wasn’t into me. No hard feelings on our end cause we weren’t necessarily attracted to their looks but liked their personality more. Can’t take things personal. Check your ego at the door and be open and honest.
TOTALLY4FUN wrote:
This has been an issue for us many times. Sadly, we feel that you should just avoid moving forward if your interest is in just one side of a couple. This is especially true if they're a couple seeking another couple. You're likely to hurt feelings and cause an uncomfortable situation. This very issue has been our single biggest challenge, one of us always seems to be more attracted than the other. In the end, this is all about having fun, elevating our moods and enjoying good experiences. That's why we need to be cognizant of how we may affect somebody's feelings, possibly even their relationship.
Agreed! It’s a waste of time if someone is left out. That’s also why we’ve started exploring separate play. Too hard to find the “perfect” match
A "perfect match" is difficult to obtain in the lifestyle and we always expect to experience a lifestyle encounter unequally and we know it and embrace it. We do not consider play when there is not at least some attraction for both of us and we realize it may not be the same level of attraction for both of us. Being honest but vague usually gets us out of a situation where one of us may have put a veto on going any farther with another couple. We have also seen other couples we have met that must not have been interested in taking things to the naked level with us and we are just fine with it.
We do not define the parameters of attraction so narrowly that we do not find really great partners. Perhaps not everyone is in that circumstance and we hope you are meeting great partners also. If we are not having fun then why even bother to make the effort in the first place.
We do not define the parameters of attraction so narrowly that we do not find really great partners. Perhaps not everyone is in that circumstance and we hope you are meeting great partners also. If we are not having fun then why even bother to make the effort in the first place.
in my mind it all goes back to the foundation of this type of relationship. just communicate honestly and get rid of the fear of the response. just say what you are feeling and talk about it. that’s what you would do with your partner so have that same love and respect for your play partners and just care enough about them to tell the truth. who knows maybe they are feeling the same way and will be relieved you brought it up
TOTALLY4FUN wrote:
Sadly, we feel that you should just avoid moving forward if your interest is in just one side of a couple. This is especially true if they're a couple seeking another couple. You're likely to hurt feelings and cause an uncomfortable situation.
This has been the path we have taken. But if the situation is reversed (one of the other couple interested in only one of us), we don't have a problem with that. Either of us can play alone, and the other's ego is not bruised. We're pretty emotionally secure that way. So, rather than just walk away from a situation like that, we'd like to be forthright with the other couple, but so far we have not found a comfortable way to address it.
I appreciate everyone's responses, and I agree that it is best to be honest. We also don't believe in taking one for the team. What we would like to have happen in such a situation is to have a four-way candid conversation about it with the other couple. Those of you who do this, how do you bring it up? What kind of phrases do you use that won't bruise another's feelings?
We have been talking about the same thing. We are thinking about having some threesomes, and of course both ways. Any takers, guys and girls, and let’s be serious we are looking for play toys with this situation
That’s why we need more single males and unicorns... lol. Maybe not more single males.. but more unicorns
We haven't had this issue yet, but we have had the situation where we've become friends on Swingular or we've met in person and then the other couple falls off the face of the earth. Whether it's no physical attraction or any other attraction we would love to be told straight up that we're not someone's type. Instead we get nothing and left to wonder what we did if anything that cause the other couple to disappear. Kinda goes with friend requests too I would prefer a request rejection over nothing. Honesty and clarity is always best.
Acacp8789 wrote:
I dont think continuing to pursue the person you are interested in once the couple has said they only play together is proper. ... If their profile says they do not play alone, then why ask anyways.
I assume when a couple says they don't play alone, it means they want to be together when they play, not that they both must play with both of us. So, for instance, if I am into them but my partner is not, one possibility would be a threesome with the couple while my partner watches. That is not violating the other couple's desire to play together. This is just one of several ways that everyone's boundaries could be respected. So, I still think a candid discussion of what works for everyone would be appropriate, even if they have checked "no" for the "play alone" box.
If it's simply that you're not initially attracted to one half of the couple we say that maybe you should take a little more time and see if the attraction develops or, maybe, even comes at you from another angle. We met a couple that initially NEITHER of us was attracted to physically but they kind of wore us down over time and eventually, Ms. Evil became attracted to the guy's humor (Go figure!) and I was attracted to the girl's nerdy brains. But it IS an awkward conversation if you decide to move forward with only one of you feeling attraction. It's super hard (Impossible?) to do it without causing hurt feelings. Good luck!