Swingular - Swingers

Swingers Forum - Burnt out from searching

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Does anyone else ever get tired of reaching out to couples, or is everyone else in this site just so attractive that they all get hit on without too much effort? Lol we feel like a good enough looking couple but not sure!

We feel like 80% of the time we have to reach out to a potential couple that we might be interested, and when we do we maybe only get a response out of 20%.
We have met many great couples and that’s not to say we haven’t, but not too many have stuck around. Whether that is our youth or people just want one time things, again, we aren’t too sure.

We’ve tried attending lifestyle parties as well, but most couples seem more interested in other couples they already know and are very clicky. However, it would be nice if sometimes couples would either approach us at lifestyle parties or reach out to message us on swingular, we’d love to hear from you and ALWAYS respond! Maybe we just need some feedback on what we are or are not doing right?
We are finding the same issue with this site!
First of all, some parties CAN be super cliquey. How, exactly, are you reaching out? Are you sending only blind friend requests or do you always start with or at least include an email? How carefully are you reading profiles of potential new contacts before you reach out to them? The answers to these questions might help you figure out why you may not be having as much luck as you would like finding compatible couples.

Another thought is to really think hard about the type of people you hope to attract and sit down with your own profile and see if you can see anything that stands out to you that you should change, add, or delete to catch the eye of the type of couples you're looking for. Just a few random thoughts off the top of my head, anyway. Good luck!
I gotta say, it’s nothing wrong with their profile or how they interact. These guys do everything right. They look great, sound fun, active in the community.

I feel guilty that we’re one of the couples that started chatting with you but never got to meet because life just got in the way. I get the frustration, actively searching for fun couples that you might click with can be draining. The Mrs says it’s just like dating again. In our experience we’ve met two couples for dinner and drinks but we’re never really able to plan anything more, especially when we both have crazy schedules and one or the other of us isn’t always in the mood to be actively “on the prowl”.
✋🏻 Yup!
We have noticed that same thing. We have Messaged couples with no response.
I have had similar experiences trying to reach out to couples. 90% of the time i dont even get a response at all. I state why we are a good match from something i read in thier profile and give them a few ideas on how this would be fun for them. I still dont get more than a 1% response.
While attractiveness, willingness and a good personality may get you far in the lifestyle its not everything. Meeting other couple is a game of numbers and kind of like fishing...if you dont put the pole in the water then you dont catch any fish. We find there is a cycle to these types of things and its best to take an attitude of if it does not workout thats ok. Probably the worst thing you can do is get frustrated because then you wont have any fun and you may develop the wrong attitude.

It has taken us a few years to come to this conclusion and also to say its ok to put some effort and time into meeting others regardless of what happens. Keep in mind that because of your age many in your peer group may not have the flexibility of scheduling in the same manner as you. Try and make some permanent friends that you can swing with occasionally and always try to make new friends.

Remember at your age you have alot of time so be patient and go with the flow. Good luck and good swinging.
we've had that problem talk to them once or twice and their gone only meet one other couple for dinner then nothing just thought we weren't there type they didn't smoke or drink and we do both and single guys are a bad thing to keep hitting us up because I share pictures in forum anyways you all have a good day
Interesting question!
We have reached out to couples and we always leave a message never too long never too sure but sometimes people just get busy and we don’t get a response which is totally cool we’re probably not for everyone we have reached out to younger couples in the past it generally turns into two or three weeks of text messaging and nothing ever comes of it. We don’t mind texting and then maybe meeting for a drink or so but three weeks worth of texting someone just isn’t worth the time
But if you’re interested in us send us a message say hello.
Its hard, it is a numbers game. There are people that are just on here to find people to have dirty Kik conversations with. Also the occasional single male posing as a couple can be frustrating. Keep at it we've made some pretty tight connections in the about a year we have been on here. Just know that people do go through stages too. They may have been hot and ready to go when they messaged you but life (work, kids, etc....) can change things in a snap.
I truly believe is a manner of asking politely and be patient. As a bi dom athletic mature educated male, I know it will be hard. Good things needs time. Focus, smile and being polite. Good manners go long way. Have a great week.
We don't get many responses back when we reach out to people except single males. We are not apposed to that but would prefer couples. If any couples on this post would like to meet let us know. We can always host but like to meet public first.
A lot of times your just satisfied with who your currently chatting with. It’s time consuming meeting people, so once we have a couple fun people we kind of check out on meeting new people.
1. Do you know the profile section where it lists single female, bi female, single male, bi male, with the options to choose your preference of yes, no or maybe? our profile simply had indicated "maybe" under the choice for "bi-male." That apparently REALLY put a lot of couples off. Mind you, not even indicating that we, the male, was bi-anything. As an example, we had one couple we reached out to respond, saying it would not work because he just has no interest in other males? WTF? Really? That is what they got got from our profile? My guess is the original poster on this thread is bumping up against this bias simply because "he" has indicated he is bi-sexual.

2. Keep in mind this is MUCH more complicated than just one person trying to hook up with another. You usually have the dynamic of a bi-female (95% profiles are this)needing to be attracted to the other woman and the other man, and her husband needing to be attracted to the other woman, and then the other woman needing to be attracted to the other woman and man, and her husband needing to be attracted to the other woman. So unless a couple is willing to take one for the team, that is A LOT of variables all needing to align.
Utahfuntimes,

We validate those statements. There are a tremendous amount of factors involved in finding what anyone maybe seeking. No one will completely line up with all your expectation and then you complicate it by asking 2 or more to align.
For us the whole profile thing is mostly a disappointment for a few reasons:


* The Mrs (and the Mr. to a lesser extent) only become attracted to people once we get to know them. So there isn't any profile spawns instant attraction.
* Most profiles don't have enough information to get to know the people. Usually high level platitudes: they like fun, the outdoors and laughing with friends. Who doesn't?
* I think a lot of profiles are run by men who are mostly pic hunters. Everyone acknowledges that women tend to be more picky than men in this sort of thing. But half or more of the profiles don't even have pictures of the men.
* Research on dating sites and how people interacts with them shows that most people consciously will pick profiles based on physical attractiveness alone even though they will state otherwise. We all become our own worst enemy in not picking people we would really connect with.
* Most profiles state that they want friendship and connection above and beyond sex. It would seem that the best approach would be to pick profiles that seem mostly compatible from a personality prospective and then see if attraction emerges enough to jump into bed. I think most people do this backwards. They pick people they are most initially attracted to and then hope friendship forms. I don't think this model works very well.
* We all like hanging out with people like us--in our same social group. There is nothing wrong with this. If you are a biker you probably like hanging out with other bikers. If you are a wine snob you probably would prefer wine people and so on and so on. But the profiles make it really hard to find out this sort of thing so there are a lot of people (most probably) that you wouldn't want to hang out with.




I wish these profiles had less information on sexual preference and more on the vanilla stuff, because that is what you are really going to connect about.
WildCouple88 wrote:

Does anyone else ever get tired of reaching out to couples, or is everyone else in this site just so attractive that they all get hit on without too much effort? Lol we feel like a good enough looking couple but not sure!
We feel like 80% of the time we have to reach out to a potential couple that we might be interested, and when we do we maybe only get a response out of 20%.
We have met many great couples and that’s not to say we haven’t, but not too many have stuck around. Whether that is our youth or people just want one time things, again, we aren’t too sure.
We’ve tried attending lifestyle parties as well, but most couples seem more interested in other couples they already know and are very clicky. However, it would be nice if sometimes couples would either approach us at lifestyle parties or reach out to message us on swingular, we’d love to hear from you and ALWAYS respond! Maybe we just need some feedback on what we are or are not doing right?


People your age, here in Utah, if they are married, may have kids and kids tend to tie up your availability. Then you hit that stage in life where your kids are almost adults, and need to spend a lot more time hanging out with their friends. That means mom and dad have a lot more time to hang out with their "friends." We started swinging a bit later in life, at that stage of life and we hooked up a lot! Couples, singles, parties, it was kind of easy, once we had a first couple of adventures. Mid forties to mid fifties might be the group that actually gets it on the most. Next thing you know, your kids really are adults, in relationships, getting married, having their own kids, and you end up spending most of your free time hanging out with family like you did when they were young. It's all good! Your best swinging days, weeks, months years, and swinging lovers are probably still ahead of you.

You two are obviously attractive and seriously looking to enjoy the adventure. Enjoy each other and just sort of will the right people into your life. It will happen!
This site honestly isn’t the best for meeting people. When you post meet ups people wanna blind friend you, look at your photos then ghost. I don’t think everyone means to honestly it’s just what a lot of people do so they think it is normal. We call it Utah window shopping.

We had great luck at first using this for finding parties and kik groups and going from there. But driving 200 miles round trip every weekend gets old fast, so we tried to do a lot of the same networking you have been. It’s a lost cause. We finally starting a kik group up cache valley way to try and meet others a better way.

There are a couple kik groups in Ogden area we can refer you too. Parties are the best to start playing as finding matching couples is nearly impossible until you get a feel for what you want and are ok with.
May I say that I agree with you, I truly dislike when someone asks you to be your friend and after without saying anything the remove you. Where are the good manners to drop a line email saying we are not interested. I truly dislike bad manners
ThroughTheVeil wrote:

Maybe the problem is that you're shooting too high?
I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone has their preferences, and at the end of the day, you shouldn't do anything (or anyone) you don't want to, but were in a similar boat of having to reach out a lot and getting rejected, a lot... even after making quick contact (or even longer contact) with a couple. Now if we didn't care who we met up with, we'r would have a different couple every night we had free time and some to spare, so having standards is important for time management also. What I'm saying is, if you're frustrated with how little (quality) contact, maybe you should give more people the benefit of the doubt.
I can think of couples that we initiated contact, 4 or 5 times before meeting, and then when we finally did, had a great time and became good friends, but that also meant reaching out to couples 6 or 7 times before realizing we were wasting our time swallowing our pride over them.


The Lord and Lady of the Veil (Vale?) make a very good point. We've found that MANY swingers (Ourselves included.) are somewhat predispositioned (Yes, I know that's not really a word.) to constantly be on the lookout for what we might consider the perfect or ideal couple/connection and thus ignore people we might actually end up having a fairly great connection with because they didn't check one of our boxes for things thought we were looking for. Far too often it's too easy to overlook a good or even great couple when searching for the perfect one (That might not actually exist!). How much great or even just good sex might we be passing up in the pursuit of perfect sex? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Keep in mind that a lot of profiles on here are entirely fabricated, or inactive. You can't trust the "Last Visit" date on their profile because swingular puts inactive profiles online to give the feel of more activity than there really is. We know this because we have an old profile on here that we abandoned a long time ago and we don't even remember the password. We see it showing up on the "Members Online" page sometimes. I can assure you, that member is NOT online.

Anybody else notice that so many of of the new members, almost always from outside of Utah, have their profile pictures posted sideways. Bots can't see when that happens, they're just populating empty fields. There are three of them showing up in the new members list as we type this.

Swingular is a Utah centric site. We moved to South Carolina for a while and we sent out maybe 100 messages to members that "were online" at the time, and never got a single response. We never got a message from any of the "active" members on our area. Nobody ever accepted a single friend request. But there were plenty of active swingers showing up on the site. Weird.
We are in the same boat... all we ever get are single guys wanting to play... anytime we hit up a couple or female 98% of the time we get no reply....
In general, I hope single males like me look at their profile. I try to look If the are keen to meet a single male and after if they are open to a bisexual level of playing. Have a great rest of the day. Go Real Salt Lake
We appreciate all the responses! I think patience is a key in this game, and we understand that after swinging for about two years. We try to be very open minded so I don’t think the shooting to high thing is an issue, as we are always down to meet a new couple even if the sexual attraction isn’t there. We definitely understand the kid thing too, as we also have kids. I guess more of our frustration is that we talk to many couples who are empty nesters or have open availability and are a bit older, but they seem to be more interested in the other older couples as well. We do appreciate all the kind words and advice though!
We think it is the very nature of the lifestyle. We have ebbs and flows in the lifestyle as well as schedules get hectic. Getting four people to all play well together is a challenge, again the nature of the lifestyle. We agree that patience is key.
EVILDOERS wrote:

ThroughTheVeil wrote:

Maybe the problem is that you're shooting too high?
I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone has their preferences, and at the end of the day, you shouldn't do anything (or anyone) you don't want to, but were in a similar boat of having to reach out a lot and getting rejected, a lot... even after making quick contact (or even longer contact) with a couple. Now if we didn't care who we met up with, we'r would have a different couple every night we had free time and some to spare, so having standards is important for time management also. What I'm saying is, if you're frustrated with how little (quality) contact, maybe you should give more people the benefit of the doubt.
I can think of couples that we initiated contact, 4 or 5 times before meeting, and then when we finally did, had a great time and became good friends, but that also meant reaching out to couples 6 or 7 times before realizing we were wasting our time swallowing our pride over them.

The Lord and Lady of the Veil (Vale?) make a very good point. We've found that MANY swingers (Ourselves included.) are somewhat predispositioned (Yes, I know that's not really a word.) to constantly be on the lookout for what we might consider the perfect or ideal couple/connection and thus ignore people we might actually end up having a fairly great connection with because they didn't check one of our boxes for things thought we were looking for. Far too often it's too easy to overlook a good or even great couple when searching for the perfect one (That might not actually exist!). How much great or even just good sex might we be passing up in the pursuit of perfect sex? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Very well said and obvious to many and acknowledged by few. We decided after the 1st couple of years the perfect couple may not look like the perfect couple but if we had a great connection it did not matter.

Wildcouple88 we live in Houston and have never had a response from anyone in our area. We have met many great couples in SLC area when we cum in for about 8 weeks a year in the winter to ski.
UTAHFUNTIMES wrote:

...You usually have the dynamic of a bi-female (95% profiles are this)needing to be attracted to the other woman and the other man, and her husband needing to be attracted to the other woman, and then the other woman needing to be attracted to the other woman and man, and her husband needing to be attracted to the other woman...


And yo do this usually with zero photos of the male half.
Hi Guys - we feel your pain. Honestly, we've only met two couple on this site - and played with neither. We don't have any complaints though - meeting strangers via a website where the only thing you for sure have in common is an expressed interest in some aspect of the lifestyle is . . . well . . . it is simply unpredictable. Don't give up. We have met some really nice people via email who we hope to meet someday . . . in the meantime . . . lots of sexxy information on the site and tons of VERY sexxxy people and profiles. If you want to guarantee a connection - We do have some ideas for you - just not on this site. Sent you a PM . . . feel free to respond. Todd & Heidi
We saw in a separate thread earlier that there was another site that some people use that is quite popular as well since swingular is more a Utah thing, does anyone know what it was?
WildCouple88 wrote:

We saw in a separate thread earlier that there was another site that some people use that is quite popular as well since swingular is more a Utah thing, does anyone know what it was?


I think it was SLS.com (Swinger Life-Style)
WildCouple88 wrote:

I guess more of our frustration is that we talk to many couples who are empty nesters or have open availability and are a bit older, but they seem to be more interested in the other older couples as well. We do appreciate all the kind words and advice though!


We're an older couple. We both feel and act younger than our age, and I think most people would mistake us for being younger, but nevertheless it's an area of self-consciousness for us. While we find people in your age group very attractive, we gravitate toward people in our own age group because it is more comfortable. We are sometimes contacted by people in your age group, and our first concern is whether they realize we are older. When we respond, we often run into the same phenomenon you describe--there is no more contact, which we tend to interpret as their realizing the age difference. But I know that's our insecurities talking, and there are many possible reasons for things not working out. I believe the best outcome comes from communication, whether that is to express desire or reluctance. Either way, with communication there can be understanding and a connection. When a young couple contacts us, it would put us at ease if they would openly acknowledge the age difference and let us know why it doesn't matter (they're into older folks, they have a daddy/mommy fetish, they just want the experience, whatever).
Is Kasidie worth getting?
We have had the same luck in finding other couples or getting responses.
We have a hot tub, just saying.

We found when we expanded our horizons and widen the scope on the parameters, we were pleasantly surprised. There are a lot of great people out there that maybe aren't perfect on paper but make up for it in person. Who will show up and not flake. Who don't have expectations but hopes and want what you want, to have fun. We say experiment a little. You don't have to play with everyone you meet. Meet people that maybe you wouldn't have considered. You'll be happy you did.
SKICOUPLE wrote:

While attractiveness, willingness and a good personality may get you far in the lifestyle its not everything. Meeting other couple is a game of numbers and kind of like fishing...if you dont put the pole in the water then you dont catch any fish. We find there is a cycle to these types of things and its best to take an attitude of if it does not workout thats ok. Probably the worst thing you can do is get frustrated because then you wont have any fun and you may develop the wrong attitude.
It has taken us a few years to come to this conclusion and also to say its ok to put some effort and time into meeting others regardless of what happens. Keep in mind that because of your age many in your peer group may not have the flexibility of scheduling in the same manner as you. Try and make some permanent friends that you can swing with occasionally and always try to make new friends.
Remember at your age you have alot of time so be patient and go with the flow. Good luck and good swinging.


I agree. This is a numbers game with a twist. Chemistry is a very fickle thing. Everyone is weeding through a whole chaotic, deliciously wicked garden of potentials by age differences, last time visited, race, wants, needs, fantasies, writing style, perceived personalities, sexual identity, locality, looks, preferences and a myriad of other stuff. And, that is just the first stage... then there is the getting to know, the 1st meetup, the ramp up and, maybe if the stars align, a play date. Cast a wide net. Reach out to as many ppl as possible. Be open. Be flexible. Be patient. Relax into the process. When you get a great thing going, enjoy it while it lasts! Hope this helps.
You should invite me over if you enjoy a good 3some. 😅