Is it wrong for a married couple to have a 3-way relationship with one of the partners of a married couple that they are friends with? Without the other knowing that this is occuring?
For Example Jack and Jill are friends with John and Mary. Jack and Jill are having a three-way afair with John and Mary doesn't know anything about this. Of course it could be that Jack and Jill are having a threesome with Mary without John knowing. They are all great friends and don't want anyone to get hurt. Is this a time-bomb waiting to go off? Or is this just one of those things that just happens? Should they approach the spouse that is not participating? Even though that person would likely never consider this arrangement. They frequently do things as two couples but quite often three of them get together for some really wild sex.
Right or Wrong?
For Example Jack and Jill are friends with John and Mary. Jack and Jill are having a three-way afair with John and Mary doesn't know anything about this. Of course it could be that Jack and Jill are having a threesome with Mary without John knowing. They are all great friends and don't want anyone to get hurt. Is this a time-bomb waiting to go off? Or is this just one of those things that just happens? Should they approach the spouse that is not participating? Even though that person would likely never consider this arrangement. They frequently do things as two couples but quite often three of them get together for some really wild sex.
Right or Wrong?
My personal feelings are anytime you lie or help someone else lie you are setting yourself up for problems. What if Mary suddenly finds out? Won't she feel betrayed? OR maybe even hurt at being left out. It could ruin a friendship and friends are precious, good friends are a treasure. If in that situation I would have talked to John about letting Mary know. Hell who knows you may find she is into it too and more fun could be had. And if you still want to do threesomes you can work that out and alternate between Mary and John. Or set up all sorts of combinations. As was once said Honesty is the best policy,
Totally agree with ya on this one.
YES IT IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG - DON'T DO IT.
Ask yourself, if you were in a relationship and this was done to you,
would it be ok? The parties involved are practicing deception no matter
how you slice it and that is not only wrong, but it goes against the very
core of what swinging is about. It's cheating and cheating has nothing
to do with swinging.
And I will add this. You say everyone involved are friends?
If this is allowed to take place, kiss that friendship goodbye.
Either do it with EVERYONE'S knowledge or don't do it at all.
Ask yourself, if you were in a relationship and this was done to you,
would it be ok? The parties involved are practicing deception no matter
how you slice it and that is not only wrong, but it goes against the very
core of what swinging is about. It's cheating and cheating has nothing
to do with swinging.
And I will add this. You say everyone involved are friends?
If this is allowed to take place, kiss that friendship goodbye.
Either do it with EVERYONE'S knowledge or don't do it at all.
The relationship for one is NOT swinging. Swinging is NOT cheating. All involved in the relationship metioned here are cheating. Somewhere the couple is lying to the unknowing spouse in the other couple. This, without doubt, is doomed to be a serious problem. The best that can happen in the loss of the friendship, the worse would be the loss of the friendship, the destruction of a marriage and a family, and the hope that the inocent spouse is not armed. Just my oppinion....
That is a great question! It is cheating on the one hand, but, many people enjoy singles in their relationships. The question would be, do you play with married singles? No answer offered here just some thoughts. Would we do it? >>>>>>>>>>
we had a couple that we were friends with that knew of our swinging. the female half of the couple decided she wanted to try it but didnt tell her husband as she knew he would never agree to it. she started fucking this guy that was in the same situation - swinging w/o his wife knowing. eventually our friends husband caught her. it became ugly and almost ended in a divorce. the friendship deffinately ended. and the ironic thing is that he was about ready to tell her that he wanted to try swinging. but when he found out that she had been cheating on him for almost a year, it deffinately changed his attitude towards swinging. now he relates swinging to cheating.
so, you have to decide what is more important. fucking the 3rd or the friendship, but dont fool yourself, it is cheating. period. now, i think most of us have had situations where the sex was more important than the friendship, i know i have. but true friends are something are not always easy to find.
so, you have to decide what is more important. fucking the 3rd or the friendship, but dont fool yourself, it is cheating. period. now, i think most of us have had situations where the sex was more important than the friendship, i know i have. but true friends are something are not always easy to find.
not cool, but heck we do it all the time, so I guess we are bad 
To us it's still cheating plain and simple. If everyone is good friends why wouldn't they at least discuss it openly? Why have to hide it? If they feel they can't discuss it because of strong feelings on the subject by the person that is being cheated on, then how can you say you are his/her friend when you knowingly do something that he/her is so against and know that you will be causing such pain to your "friend" and contributing significantly to the possible destruction of their marriage?
If that happened to us, I'd be pissed to say the least if it was going on behind my back. If everyone just came out and discussed things I'd probably be ok with it. Even if I wasn't ok with it I'd respect them for being open and honest about things.
Isn't that part of the reason everyone got into the lifestyle in the first place? So no one would have to cheat?
I wouldn't consider anyone my friend that felt like they had to lie to me and do things behind my back. Friendship should be stronger than the urge to get laid.
If that happened to us, I'd be pissed to say the least if it was going on behind my back. If everyone just came out and discussed things I'd probably be ok with it. Even if I wasn't ok with it I'd respect them for being open and honest about things.
Isn't that part of the reason everyone got into the lifestyle in the first place? So no one would have to cheat?
I wouldn't consider anyone my friend that felt like they had to lie to me and do things behind my back. Friendship should be stronger than the urge to get laid.
newcpl99, you are soooo hot & smart :-)
Thank you Wanda!! The feeling is mutual
OMG, forgive me for this type of reaction but I am soo shocked to hear that type of question being posted. I guess it just depends on your moral standing/viewpoint but I would feel absolutely betrayed and consider this type of situation dishonest. Unless the couple has agreed to having an open relationship first and decided that they could be with others alone, then this situation is totally unacceptable.
My advice-forget your arrangement a.s.a.p, for the time being. It is not necessary to tell the person who is left out, any details. (like where/when it happened) But being honest about the attraction (not necessarily with whom) will save a lot of disappointment and hurt in the long run. Honesty is the best policy and if you've chosen to be dishonest, clear it up as soon as possible. (You may even have to give yourself some time after ending it, to clear your head and gather your feelings and thoughts, going into a discussion this heavy requires clarity) Honesty doesn't mean you have to spill your guts and disclose all the information, some things are better left unsaid.
To sum it up, tell her/him that you're inclined to an open relationship and are very attracted to couples. Ask the person how this makes them feel (this will help you gauge the reaction they may give you) Tell them you haven't been completely honest with them and you want to clear that up. Tell them you never meant to hurt them by keeping this secret, but you would like to explore your options together and see if it's the type of lifestyle you can enjoy as a couple. Leave it at that. You'll have a much clearer conscience without destroying your marraige/partnership. If he/she asks you flat out if you cheated. Be honest without disclosing too much painful information or 'rubbing it in'. It may take a while to forgive and move on, but ultimately I feel continuing the deception is much worse.
Good Luck...may love and compassion be on your side!
Karly
My advice-forget your arrangement a.s.a.p, for the time being. It is not necessary to tell the person who is left out, any details. (like where/when it happened) But being honest about the attraction (not necessarily with whom) will save a lot of disappointment and hurt in the long run. Honesty is the best policy and if you've chosen to be dishonest, clear it up as soon as possible. (You may even have to give yourself some time after ending it, to clear your head and gather your feelings and thoughts, going into a discussion this heavy requires clarity) Honesty doesn't mean you have to spill your guts and disclose all the information, some things are better left unsaid.
To sum it up, tell her/him that you're inclined to an open relationship and are very attracted to couples. Ask the person how this makes them feel (this will help you gauge the reaction they may give you) Tell them you haven't been completely honest with them and you want to clear that up. Tell them you never meant to hurt them by keeping this secret, but you would like to explore your options together and see if it's the type of lifestyle you can enjoy as a couple. Leave it at that. You'll have a much clearer conscience without destroying your marraige/partnership. If he/she asks you flat out if you cheated. Be honest without disclosing too much painful information or 'rubbing it in'. It may take a while to forgive and move on, but ultimately I feel continuing the deception is much worse.
Good Luck...may love and compassion be on your side!
Karly
We once had a great, non sexual friendship with John and Mary, when John decided it would be fun to have a relationship with Jill. Jack knew about everything that Jill did with John, but Mary did not know what her husband John was doing with Jack and Jill or just with Jill. Needless to say the experience was great, while it lasted, however, it is never worth the consequences later. Sooner or later ones actions will always catch up to them, even if they don't catch up to them for years, they always will eventually. As in our case, our actions caught up to us and we are no longer friends, which we soley take the blame for our friendship ending. We never should have played with one member of another couple, behind the others back. That is just wrong and we really have regretted it since.
As mentioned by the others, Swinging should not be about cheating nor is it the same thing as cheating. Couples should only approach this lifestyle if both parties are truley, whole heartedly wanting to have this experience. If one member isn't wanting to experience this lifestyle or isn't as interested as the other or isn't ready yet, for whatever reasons, you shouldn't get involved in this lifestyle until both parties of the relationship are ready. Sadly, we've met a lot of couples where one person is very interested in this lifestyle and the other person isn't or we find out later that it is just the man part of a relationship and the wife doesn't even know. We avoid that at all costs now.
After that experience, we would personally have to say to avoid doing anything with anyone without all parties involved knowing and agreeing to it. We personally regret ever going down that road with John. It was not worth losing a wonderful friendship over, nor the hurt that Mary would have gone through (or may have gone through) if she knew or ever found out. We have never done that again and never will as we learned an extreme lesson about swinging, about ourselves, and how to avoid couples that don't have both parties (of the other couple) whole heartedly involved in this lifestyle. No one likes games and it's always best to avoid them at all costs.
Thankfully, since we made that move, all of our experiences have been good ones. Everyone we've talked to and met, on this site, are just awesome people and there are great times had and yet to be had!!
As mentioned by the others, Swinging should not be about cheating nor is it the same thing as cheating. Couples should only approach this lifestyle if both parties are truley, whole heartedly wanting to have this experience. If one member isn't wanting to experience this lifestyle or isn't as interested as the other or isn't ready yet, for whatever reasons, you shouldn't get involved in this lifestyle until both parties of the relationship are ready. Sadly, we've met a lot of couples where one person is very interested in this lifestyle and the other person isn't or we find out later that it is just the man part of a relationship and the wife doesn't even know. We avoid that at all costs now.
After that experience, we would personally have to say to avoid doing anything with anyone without all parties involved knowing and agreeing to it. We personally regret ever going down that road with John. It was not worth losing a wonderful friendship over, nor the hurt that Mary would have gone through (or may have gone through) if she knew or ever found out. We have never done that again and never will as we learned an extreme lesson about swinging, about ourselves, and how to avoid couples that don't have both parties (of the other couple) whole heartedly involved in this lifestyle. No one likes games and it's always best to avoid them at all costs.
Thankfully, since we made that move, all of our experiences have been good ones. Everyone we've talked to and met, on this site, are just awesome people and there are great times had and yet to be had!!
wow bad bad Ideal just like cheating thats not what this lifestyle is about , it is for fun and being open and honest looking for fireworks with this one tred lightly...
Will if that was to happen to me that would destroy my world. Not only would the friend ship be over more than likely so would the mirage and most importunely the trust would be gone. TRUST IS WHAT EVERY THING IS BUILT ON.
Hope every thing works out four the best.
Hope every thing works out four the best.
We would have to agree with the majority here.
Unless all four people involved are aware and approve of the situation,
and in some cases, approval is there amounst couples,
then it does fall in to the category of cheating
and it is a time bomb ticking waiting to explode!
But that is just our opinion.
Unless all four people involved are aware and approve of the situation,
and in some cases, approval is there amounst couples,
then it does fall in to the category of cheating
and it is a time bomb ticking waiting to explode!
But that is just our opinion.
Can always ask the one being lefted out whats their take on swinging before countuing the 3 way with out t he other person involed thats plain wrong got to agree with everyone else. If the other person wants to be open than all 4 need to sit down and talk before jumping in the bed for a quick lay being honest with the lefted out person will pay off in the long run Hope it all works out for everyone involed
Never do anything that u are going to feel guilty about.
The Lifestyle is quilt free because everyone is informed.
Would not want it done to me.
rose
PS it is my birthday
The Lifestyle is quilt free because everyone is informed.
Would not want it done to me.
rose
PS it is my birthday
well each person has to make thier own decision but me and the husband did that and it was a bad scene we have found that relationships period in this lifestyle just dont mix. it turned out that the other person became insanly jealous and in the end was even jealous of my husband and my relationship so now we make friends and no more no strings attached
I don't know if this is the same but i'm a single male and was asked to join this couple.threesome went fine and then the female in the couple wanted to be with me by herself without her husbands knowledge. I'm not cool with that it makes me feel uncomfortable and would never recommend having a relatonship or involvement with one portion of the couple without the others knowledge. we all enjoy the lifestyle for our own reason and we should keep the lifestyle within the boundaries of etiquette. Enjoy. Will.
If you have to be a liar to do it, is it really worth it?
I haven't had sex good enough to be worth surrendering my integrity for.
I haven't had sex good enough to be worth surrendering my integrity for.