So much of our Lifestyle and about ourselves is clouded in mystery. Most of the time for personal security or privacy.
When the house party is over, do you help clean up? Can your play friends be counted on to help you on moving day? Or to help you fix your roof? Fix the car? Do you bring a bottle of wine to your friend and thank them for inviting you to dinner? Do you go shopping together? Bowling? Baseball? Football?
Do you know where they work and spend lunchtimes with them? Do you know their birthdays? The names of their kids? The names of their pets? THEIR LAST NAMES?
It seems we can depend on our vanilla friends for "real" friendships than we can with those in the Lifestyle! When is the last time you got an actual unsolicited birthday gift from a friend in the Lifestyle? Have you both ever spent Xmas together with your families?
What do you think?
Is there a general flaw in our Lifestyle? Or are we actually not supposed to develop true friendships?
When the house party is over, do you help clean up? Can your play friends be counted on to help you on moving day? Or to help you fix your roof? Fix the car? Do you bring a bottle of wine to your friend and thank them for inviting you to dinner? Do you go shopping together? Bowling? Baseball? Football?
Do you know where they work and spend lunchtimes with them? Do you know their birthdays? The names of their kids? The names of their pets? THEIR LAST NAMES?
It seems we can depend on our vanilla friends for "real" friendships than we can with those in the Lifestyle! When is the last time you got an actual unsolicited birthday gift from a friend in the Lifestyle? Have you both ever spent Xmas together with your families?
What do you think?
Is there a general flaw in our Lifestyle? Or are we actually not supposed to develop true friendships?
We have wonderful friends in the lifestyle and don't feel unique about it. When a tornado came through our rural PA farm on a Thursday night we lost 6 trees. We were going to spend the weekend with a lifestyle couple and straight friends for Victorian days in their NJ community. We called Friday telling them what happened and that we wouldn't be coming. Sunday morning we got a call and their company had just left and they were on the way with another chainsaw. They drove 125 miles of country roads to be with us when we needed them. And the next weekend two more couples came to help from almost 200 miles away.
That is the wonderful part of this lifestyle is after you get over the physical looks part that most newbies go through for about 5 to 8 years you learn that finding comfortable people that you like to be with is much more important. I still swing with some of the same people that I swang with in 1985. Since I have moved to a different area and many have moved to other areas there are only 3 couples left on a regular basis.
That is the wonderful part of this lifestyle is after you get over the physical looks part that most newbies go through for about 5 to 8 years you learn that finding comfortable people that you like to be with is much more important. I still swing with some of the same people that I swang with in 1985. Since I have moved to a different area and many have moved to other areas there are only 3 couples left on a regular basis.
Real friends in the lifestyle....you betcha! We have a few as well that are always willing to help, without even being asked. I will have to say that real friends in or out of the lifestyle are hard to find, but true friends are worth the effort!
Most definately!! We have friends in the lifestyle where we used to go every christmas and have it with them and their families. We not only know all the info you ask did ppl know but we also know their extended families where they live and what they do. We have found in the lifestyle true friends are made because its ok to be who you are not having to put on airs for someone. But on the flipside of it there are just as many fair weather friends so its a 50/50 chance ya take just like in the vanilla world.
True friends in the lifestyle can be hard to come by. Many people are not interested in "true" friends. Most have concerns both valid and extreme that their lifestyle friends not be part of a normal friendship. We have ran into a lot of couples that claim they are into friendships 1st, but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts they have one definition for friends in the lifestyle and another for regular friends.
The main thing is to always treat people with respect and in the way you expected to get treated. Hopefully if you have not already you will find another couple that meets you with equal expectations.
The main thing is to always treat people with respect and in the way you expected to get treated. Hopefully if you have not already you will find another couple that meets you with equal expectations.
Hi from Holland.
Yes, among our best friends are sure some couples we met in our swinging life. Even a couple that stopped swinging after loosing a child is still very close with us for many years now. Sometimes we are disapointed by those swingers that are only for a one night stand without telling that. Just say it in advance if its only for that, so you know what to expect. You share such an important thing when swinging.
Kisses,
Bea and Alex
Yes, among our best friends are sure some couples we met in our swinging life. Even a couple that stopped swinging after loosing a child is still very close with us for many years now. Sometimes we are disapointed by those swingers that are only for a one night stand without telling that. Just say it in advance if its only for that, so you know what to expect. You share such an important thing when swinging.
Kisses,
Bea and Alex
We met our best friends in the lifestyle. We live about an hour apart but we talk with them on the phone several times during the week, visit each other at least once during the weekend and holidays for either normal things or play or both. We even vacation together when we can. We know each others families but keep our private lives to ourselves. We've been like this for close to 3 years now.
We do on occassion meet people with a high probability of playing on the first meeting if things go well when we're in "one of those moods" but have been fortunate enough to establish a friendship with them in the process and manage to maintain contact with them even if it's not a frequent thing.
I guess we've been very fortunate in this area and haven't really had any bad experiences.
We do on occassion meet people with a high probability of playing on the first meeting if things go well when we're in "one of those moods" but have been fortunate enough to establish a friendship with them in the process and manage to maintain contact with them even if it's not a frequent thing.
I guess we've been very fortunate in this area and haven't really had any bad experiences.
Most definitely! We have made some wonderful friends through this and not all of them are play partners. And when I say "friends" I mean the "Come over and help me move" or "My car broke down and I need a ride" or "Let's go to a movie" type of friends. Some may be with "benefits", ad some without, but they are friends nonetheless.
Actually, that is what we always looked for, and yes, have two couples in particular we have known for several years and do exchange gifts at Christmas, birthdays, cards, helped out with hosptital stays, became friends, yes, sometimes lovers, but friendship is where we always felt it needed to begin. Admittedly we have always been looked on by most in the Lifestyle as strange because of this viewpoint. Most who have ever written or made 'advances' at a club, when they find out we begin slowly, they go after 'other game'. That of course is fine with us and them. We all have our way in this. We have simply never understood the viewpoint that whether you liked a person or not, you could always invite them to your bed. Nice to see others hold our 'strange' views of friendships! Gene/Rose
we have two cpls we are good friends with now an have ben for about 3 yrs or so we go to movies dinner an some time the hot tub wink where ther real fun starts there is alot of bed jumpers out there but we beleave friends are more fun
We also like to make new friends and was one of the reasons we became involved in the lifestyle. So we are open to making friends with everyone even if there is no play involved.
C&K
C&K
Sure you can. We have had several true friends thru the lifestyle. Alot of the people we met when we first got into the lifestyle are people we still chat online. We have lifestyle friends now that we have BBQ's with and have had family gatherings with.
I believe it really depends on the area you live in. We find that most of the people we meet that have very close friends live in the bigger areas where swinger functions are easier to find. If you have to travel it is a harder to make good friends. I guess that is why we are working on starting something in our area. We had that once but when it died, so did the friendships.
Before we entered the lifestyle, we thought we had many really good friends.... and we still do. But, our best and closest friends we found through the lifestyle. There have been many times they have been there for us even without being asked and to us, they are more like family than anything. We do the family camping thing and keep an eye on each others kids.... the whole nine yards. Adult things are just saved for times when it is just us.
Even if we were to get out of the lifestyle, they would still be there and us for them... that's what it is all about.
corey n laura
Even if we were to get out of the lifestyle, they would still be there and us for them... that's what it is all about.
corey n laura
I guess my first question would be concerning the matter of finding "true" friends in the lifestyle is "am I the kind of friend I would want"? It has been our experience that people are going to be people. We have found that so called "vanilla" friends and lifestyle friends can get lost when needed. On the other hand there are those that will be there as true friends both in and out of the lifestlye. We are lucky I guess in that we know five or six couples within the lifestyle that truely fit the definition of friends. We go out and eat, go to movies, meet at each others houses for holidays (after the family times are over), go on vactaions together, share birthdays etc. But, I would also say that we have done our part in being friends to these friends too.
If you are looking for true friends, then be a friend. In and out of the lifestyle it works.
DND
If you are looking for true friends, then be a friend. In and out of the lifestyle it works.
DND
We hope so because it is what we are looking for.
u can make it what ever u want it to be . we have club friends that we just talk to at the clubs or by email to tell them that we are going to the club . and thats it . and then we have some swinger friends that we share alot with but never swing with . it all depends on what u want and what your friends want . some people just want fun . so of course they dont want to hang out with you and your kids or help on moving days and stuff like that . but there is alot that are also looking for friend s. i guess just like everybody else u have to treat each person different andwhat they want to offer to yall s relationship . and alot of normal straight friends dont want to help with stuff either . they just want to be invited to the fun parties also ...
always do what u think is right . if u want to bring something to a party then do it . if u want to help clean up after a party then do it . just cause u are with swinging friends or reg friends doesnt really mean u have to change things about u or the way u would do things .
we are looking for fun people to hang out with . and the ones that want to do family things and stuff then we will try . but for the others they can just hang out with us at the clubs . but if u are friends outside of the club then u can do and treat them just as u would a friend from the normal straight world .
naughty dreams
freaky kitty
always do what u think is right . if u want to bring something to a party then do it . if u want to help clean up after a party then do it . just cause u are with swinging friends or reg friends doesnt really mean u have to change things about u or the way u would do things .
we are looking for fun people to hang out with . and the ones that want to do family things and stuff then we will try . but for the others they can just hang out with us at the clubs . but if u are friends outside of the club then u can do and treat them just as u would a friend from the normal straight world .
naughty dreams
freaky kitty
Yes, it IS possible to make real friends form what begins as a swining relationship. We have several friends. I mean the "let's help you paint the deck" ot "let's have dinner together at my house" or "we'd love to go camping" type of friends. We have a friend who has had some serious difficulties with her live-in partner who is now temporarily living with us. We met them at a casual social meeting before actually playing. We have played with them several times and would hope that we may get the chance to play with them again (separately of course now).
Bottom line, YES, we CAN make friends and look forward to making more.
Bottom line, YES, we CAN make friends and look forward to making more.
I think after reading many of the replys the answer is YES. We too have a friend we can do things with and depend on if we need help with something. But we don't believe it is the reason for being in the lifestyle, sex is. True friendships are a bonus but not really necessary. Seems to us that alot of people today want to be friends first. Want to go though the dating process like they are single and looking for a mate. Having said all that we do realize that everyone has there own perception of what this lifestyle is about. And that perception is neither right or wrong, it's just the way they see the lifestyle. If it works for them great. If not then reavaluating may be in order.
i actually belive so my wife and i have recently split ( ok well she walked out tone day while i was at work ) but alot of the people that we have played with are still friends even though now i am a dreeded single male I know nothing more will come if it . So there are exceptions it all depends on who you surround yourself with, luckly I ( formerly we ) have and i consider these people very good friends
In the last 12 years of lifestyle living that we have done we have made friends that are still with us today. We have friends throughout the country that have made our lives so very enjoyable. When we first started the decision was made that first night that if this was no fun and the people were just looking for one thing we were out of there. Well like I said 12 years and hundreds of accquaintences and people that wake up in out thoughs birthdays that are remembered more than by us. These are our friends. We have walk one to his grave and been there for the birth of other as well as watched a few get married.
This a life style. not a fuck fest (although some nights are a tough second) we wanted to meet like minded people ,,,,,,,,we have done just that.
This a life style. not a fuck fest (although some nights are a tough second) we wanted to meet like minded people ,,,,,,,,we have done just that.
We've made some wonderful friendships on our odyssey. We don't think twice about including them in family functions or helping them in a pinch. When we attend a house party we'll often get there early to help with the set up and then stay late to help with the clean up. We've also found that we can really be open with our lifestyle friends, moreso than our vanilla friends.
Me and Husband, have met a few couples and either there pissed because we havent done anything and still come over for get togethers. After awhile they dont come in contact with you, because of the fact nothing has happened. I thought with this lifestyle you got to get to know the people first and feel comfortable with them before anything happens.
I dont think so.............................
we know onfirst hand exp. that any cpls you play with a close friendship will never happen.
but we do have close friends that will come to help us at a drop of a hat that we havent played with.
we like everybody else has looked for that cpl where we can be best of friends as well as playmates . but sad to say it doesnt happen.
carl and holly
but we do have close friends that will come to help us at a drop of a hat that we havent played with.
we like everybody else has looked for that cpl where we can be best of friends as well as playmates . but sad to say it doesnt happen.
carl and holly
Hi everyone. I would like to add my $.02 here as a single male... shhh! did I say that? Yes, I did, but I\'m one of the good single males and maybe because its so hard for us to get accepted, or maybe its because its important to me to interact with people where friendship is important, but I\'ve had extremely good luck up to this point. Just like sex, you get what you put into it, so goes it with your lifestyle friendships. I would not hesitate to help out any friend and I have done it many times, whether they be lifestyle friends or vanilla type friends. One particular couple I\'ve been friends with, I have helped them with computer issues, and car problems, and they have helped me with moving... So again I say it is definitely possible...
Dennis
Dennis
Friends, absolutely.
We met my best man on another swinger\'s site. We have been friends for 5 years, and as far as our interaction with single men, we swang with him on an almost exclusive basis. Most of the guys and gals we swing with end up becoming better friends at some point in the realtionship because we would not have sex with people whom we would not consider to be people we would like to be friends with anyway!
Whats more, my wife and I also met on a swinger\'s site. We were both married to different people at the time. We met as couples, didnt get that little spark, and remained friends for 3 years, despite the fact that there had never been any play between us. There had always been a special connection between my wife and I, but our committments to our relationships at the time were paramount.
To make a long story short, now we are together. We are not together because of swinging, but it was the vehicle that brought us to each others attention.
IMHO: If you choose your swing partners the way you choose your dates, you will probably make friends with great people worthy of a committed friendship.
We met my best man on another swinger\'s site. We have been friends for 5 years, and as far as our interaction with single men, we swang with him on an almost exclusive basis. Most of the guys and gals we swing with end up becoming better friends at some point in the realtionship because we would not have sex with people whom we would not consider to be people we would like to be friends with anyway!
Whats more, my wife and I also met on a swinger\'s site. We were both married to different people at the time. We met as couples, didnt get that little spark, and remained friends for 3 years, despite the fact that there had never been any play between us. There had always been a special connection between my wife and I, but our committments to our relationships at the time were paramount.
To make a long story short, now we are together. We are not together because of swinging, but it was the vehicle that brought us to each others attention.
IMHO: If you choose your swing partners the way you choose your dates, you will probably make friends with great people worthy of a committed friendship.
We totally agree withLUVBUGS last comment...and to para-phrase what they said, we have some fantastic friends who we met through the lifestyle. Some we have \"played\" with and some we never have, but they have have stood by us and been there for us(and us for them) when we needed them though sicknesses and even loosing family members.
We seek quality people who desire something more than a quick roll in the sack and for us the benefits of having told quite a few that we \"weren\'t interested\" seems to have had very positive results.
The lifestyle seems to mean many different things to many different people. Some want to meet socially first and get to know you, some want to meet and if everyone clicks then it\'s on, and then there are those who don\'t want to have dinner or a drink...just meet somewhere and get busy. We avoid the latter with utmost care.
I guess my point is simply this....sometimes the \"friends\" you choose end up being the \"friends you\'re stuck with!
We seek quality people who desire something more than a quick roll in the sack and for us the benefits of having told quite a few that we \"weren\'t interested\" seems to have had very positive results.
The lifestyle seems to mean many different things to many different people. Some want to meet socially first and get to know you, some want to meet and if everyone clicks then it\'s on, and then there are those who don\'t want to have dinner or a drink...just meet somewhere and get busy. We avoid the latter with utmost care.
I guess my point is simply this....sometimes the \"friends\" you choose end up being the \"friends you\'re stuck with!
Yes Virginia you can make friends in the lifestyle. LOL sorry this time of year brings it out. You know Virginia and Santa...... Never mind. Any way we have gotten into this with the idea of making friends first and then if the sex happens fine and if not you made a friend. Well so far it has been a bit bumpy but we hung in there and made some friends who felt as we do. In fact we talked about redoing our bathroom and they came over to help out and there was no sex involved. Also when I don\'t have a ladder or many tools they came over and helped put up our Christmas lights. Again nothing sexual happened then. But we have also had some wild times together. :-) The friendship adds flavor to it all.
I do hope that all enjoyed this entry, that they find the good friends they want, need and deserve. And in case we don\'t get on before then we hope everyone has a great holiday season. Oh yes and even you single guys have faith there are couple out there who would like to add a new friend to the mix. :-)
Seriously we do wish all the best.
I do hope that all enjoyed this entry, that they find the good friends they want, need and deserve. And in case we don\'t get on before then we hope everyone has a great holiday season. Oh yes and even you single guys have faith there are couple out there who would like to add a new friend to the mix. :-)
Seriously we do wish all the best.
Absolutely, it can.
Many of our closest friends are lifestylers - a few couples have been close friends since our first encounters in the lifestyle some six-plus years ago. There are some things that help - they\'re all near our age and are professionals, as are we. We have many things in common with those friends. We spend time at their homes, play with their kids, and even babysit for one couple, who usually come home from a nice dinner, put the kids to bed and then get busy with us.
The only down side is that we\'re busy, they\'re busy, so playtime can be very limited. We often meet for weekday lunches or dinners just to get together, see each other and hang out.
I don\'t know what the difference between lifestyle friends and other friends is, really. We make no distinction between the two; a friend is a friend is a friend. I think we remain friends with them all because of that attitude. They are just friends that we happen to fuck from time to time.
People complicate this lifestyle much more so than it ever needs to be, and if your friendships within the lifestyle fail, I believe that may be why.
-Roger
Many of our closest friends are lifestylers - a few couples have been close friends since our first encounters in the lifestyle some six-plus years ago. There are some things that help - they\'re all near our age and are professionals, as are we. We have many things in common with those friends. We spend time at their homes, play with their kids, and even babysit for one couple, who usually come home from a nice dinner, put the kids to bed and then get busy with us.
The only down side is that we\'re busy, they\'re busy, so playtime can be very limited. We often meet for weekday lunches or dinners just to get together, see each other and hang out.
I don\'t know what the difference between lifestyle friends and other friends is, really. We make no distinction between the two; a friend is a friend is a friend. I think we remain friends with them all because of that attitude. They are just friends that we happen to fuck from time to time.
People complicate this lifestyle much more so than it ever needs to be, and if your friendships within the lifestyle fail, I believe that may be why.
-Roger
ABSOLUTELY!!! Some of the greatest people we\'ve ever known we\'ve met in the lifestyle and some of the tighest friendships we\'ve ever formed are with couples in the lifestyle. To us it\'s so relaxing to be able to talk about anythig without having to think about it first, laugh so much our faces hurt and want to see our friends over and over again. There is no feeling like it in the world.
We only play with couples we have formed such a relastionship with. It\'s much more satisfying sexually and the best part is - over time you get to learn more and more about their sexual turn-ons and each time you play, it\'s just that more rewarding!
We only play with couples we have formed such a relastionship with. It\'s much more satisfying sexually and the best part is - over time you get to learn more and more about their sexual turn-ons and each time you play, it\'s just that more rewarding!
We are the life long friend type of people, most of our friends have been around for quite some time, kindergarten in fact. And most of our friends, come from an tight initial circle. We are the type of people who will take bullets for each other. With that said, we have met some of our best friends ever in the lifestyle, and in some cases have been brought into the \"inner circle\" of the other friends (with our own little secret of course). Now, not everybody we have met falls into this category, but a few do. And it becomes even more fun when it happens.
We believe you can have swinger friends as \"real\" friends. We have several couples that we consider to be our real friends. A couple of them, we have been to their house and they have been to our with both of our kids around and did as any other \"vertical\" couples would be. One couple especially, we\'ve been to their house with our kids and their kids were home on many occasions for a pool party, for labor day, for even their oldest\'s graduation, gone to a comedy club with other swingers as a group and just to get together and hang out. They have helped us move our belongings from house to house when we moved across town. We keep in touch alot even if its through a IM\'s on a messenger. The ones we consider friends are the people that want to be friends in and out of the bedroom. And we seem to pull it off with the right people that way. Just have to find the right combinations. Plus it seems the area we live in, we have a great community of swingers, so it makes it easier to be friends in/out of the bedroom. Jerry and Jen
Maybe we\'ve just been lucky, but most of the couples we\'ve played with have become very good friends with. We often meet as families and do things together. We have in fact helped one of the couples move down in to our area.
The number of couples we\'ve become friends out number the one\'s we\'ve just played with by quite a lot in fact.
Our two cents.
Tandvplay
The number of couples we\'ve become friends out number the one\'s we\'ve just played with by quite a lot in fact.
Our two cents.
Tandvplay
We found that if the sex doesn\'t stand up to par the friendships to be made fade away.
P & D
P & D
ABSOLUTELY YES !!! We have friends who have been in and out of the lifestyle yet remain friends for up to 18 years.
It depends a lot on your attitude. You get out of it what you put into it. If you\'re just looking for a new piece of meat, that\'s what you\'ll get. If you\'re looking for more, sometimes you\'ll still just get a piece of meat, other times new friends. Either way it\'s a win-win situation!
It depends a lot on your attitude. You get out of it what you put into it. If you\'re just looking for a new piece of meat, that\'s what you\'ll get. If you\'re looking for more, sometimes you\'ll still just get a piece of meat, other times new friends. Either way it\'s a win-win situation!