Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
Testimonials of a few women who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
Sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a particular question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed
to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had
an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I
just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow -- but don't get
any....a true story.
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
Testimonials of a few women who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
Sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a particular question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed
to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had
an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I
just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow -- but don't get
any....a true story.
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
thank you for the words you can't take back.. kids, sometimes say the darnest things...thanks for laughs.
jnd
jnd
Those are too funny. I cant think of any right off the bat, but when I do I will share them...
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for sharing
We just had bought our new home and had some extra cement poured.....and after a few days small cracks formed across the driveway,so we went to our local Lowes Home Improvement Store and went to the building materail area and told a young man our problem and ask him he had anything that could fill our cracks...he looked at my wife and said i think so...we just looked at each other....and of coarse with our dirty minds we all started laughing.
http://www.rinkworks.com/said/patients.shtml