Swingers Forum - Is anybody on this site for fucking real or just a bunch of tease

Very real here and have been involved with swingular since Feb 2006..Dam that's a long time...

Vikingcupl69 wrote:

Our issue is we live in a tiny town away from all the sexy people! 😔

Same!

Stars aligning is a great way to explain a meeting. Be patient, be kind, keep a sense of humor and good communication. If you're not interested in someone, let them know (being ghosted is not fun for anyone). Most of all have fun, that is why we're here.

Lots of people who want to see pictures, little else

We think that success somewhat hangs on our emotional response to what will happen, what we we will experience once we decide to wander into the lifestyle. It reads well to say that we are all "laid back" or "chill" or "drama free" but we do all have emotions. There are a few people, that 99.99999% of the swinger community will feel have attractive personalities, bodies and faces. Most of us won't become the objects of everyone's desires, sexually, emotionally or just as friends. How we react to this may well determine our future success. Most people find certain emotional responses intimidating. Anger or disdain send out the signal, that should we agree to meet with someone, and it does not lead where they wish the encounter might go, that we might be the recipients of one or both of those emotions. For us life, and time to play are way too short, to wander into a confrontational encounter. We've met with people in the past, that fairly quickly, recited to us a list of lifestyle grievances, and all their disappointments, including the profile names, and the real names, of their former playmates, and to be honest, we recognize that it probably won't be long before we are on that list too. Better to be first encounter disappointments, than disappoints that can be recited to their future encounters, including what we did, or wouldn't agree to do, sexually, or something like that. People in the lifestyle that seem to remain in good cheer enjoy it the most, and tend to attract a lot of people. To be truthful, early on in the adventure, we had an on going encounter, which ended in some difficulties, that should have been easily reconcilable, but all parties involved, the two of us included, lacked enough understanding to make that happen. We all make mistakes, and when we do, learn from them, stand back up and move forward. Pressing our expectations, rather than seeing, and appreciating a relationship, for what it is, and holding grudges over unfulfilled expectations, can be real barriers to fantastic adventures. Go with the flow, and forgive all the little things, that didn't really matter.

This mostly applies to meeting people in the flesh, but our digital lifestyle presence sends out signals as to our personalities, moods, expectations, and whether or not we might be a good fit.

Sm435 wrote:


Your profile is NOT a single guy, it’s guy with a pass. For us personally that is the lowest on our list we would ever look for. It raises so many questions - does she really allow it? If so why? Is it so bad she would rather you go out and play? What is she doing while your out prowling?

While I am not the person you were responding to I think I might be able to add some insight coming from a guy with a hall pass. I do want to preface this that we are not currently looking for partners. We are always happy to chat with couples as friends, but we, especially my wife aren't actively looking, and we will not accept vlind friend requests. Every time I post about hall passes we get a bunch of blind friend requests.

guy with a pass. For us personally that is the lowest on our list we would ever look for
-not us. A person with hall pass is probably the top of our list. I think it is important to clarify someone with a hall pass vs someone, who claims to have a hall pass. Our most recent encounter was an mfm threesome with a guy with a hall pass, who we were chatting with his wife before and after, and that may be our ideal scenario. It seems like a good way to avoid a lot of the drama where not all 4 mesh perfectly.

does she really allow it? If so why?
-i think this is the key, though i dislike the term "allow." My wife doesn't own my sexuality any more than I own hers. Does she support me having a "hall pass?" In our case, yes, but you should ask her yourself. We are both happy to verify hall passes. We aren't interested in the drama of being with a cheater. As for why, why not? Again I don't quite understand the premise of allowing or not allowing it, but as to why I support her, is I love it when she is turned on, even or especially if it isn't by me. I travel, or did before covid, and I like the idea of someone we trust keeping her company while I am gone. Why do you "allow" your spouse to be a swinger? The same answers likely apply.

Is it so bad she would rather you go out and play?
-you are on a site dedicated to different forms of nonmonogamy. Is your marriage so bad you would rather go out and play? Variety is the spice of life.

What is she doing while your out prowling?
-My wife and i do just about everything together, but her book club members don't ask her what i am doing while she is at book club.

Newlyopen wrote:

Sm435 wrote:


Your profile is NOT a single guy, it’s guy with a pass. For us personally that is the lowest on our list we would ever look for. It raises so many questions - does she really allow it? If so why? Is it so bad she would rather you go out and play? What is she doing while your out prowling?

While I am not the person you were responding to I think I might be able to add some insight coming from a guy with a hall pass. I do want to preface this that we are not currently looking for partners. We are always happy to chat with couples as friends, but we, especially my wife aren't actively looking, and we will not accept vlind friend requests. Every time I post about hall passes we get a bunch of blind friend requests.
guy with a pass. For us personally that is the lowest on our list we would ever look for
-not us. A person with hall pass is probably the top of our list. I think it is important to clarify someone with a hall pass vs someone, who claims to have a hall pass. Our most recent encounter was an mfm threesome with a guy with a hall pass, who we were chatting with his wife before and after, and that may be our ideal scenario. It seems like a good way to avoid a lot of the drama where not all 4 mesh perfectly.
does she really allow it? If so why?
-i think this is the key, though i dislike the term "allow." My wife doesn't own my sexuality any more than I own hers. Does she support me having a "hall pass?" In our case, yes, but you should ask her yourself. We are both happy to verify hall passes. We aren't interested in the drama of being with a cheater. As for why, why not? Again I don't quite understand the premise of allowing or not allowing it, but as to why I support her, is I love it when she is turned on, even or especially if it isn't by me. I travel, or did before covid, and I like the idea of someone we trust keeping her company while I am gone. Why do you "allow" your spouse to be a swinger? The same answers likely apply.
Is it so bad she would rather you go out and play?
-you are on a site dedicated to different forms of nonmonogamy. Is your marriage so bad you would rather go out and play? Variety is the spice of life.
What is she doing while your out prowling?
-My wife and i do just about everything together, but her book club members don't ask her what i am doing while she is at book club.

We do understand the “pass” dynamic. We have play friends that we hooked up with together and they also play separately and have had more fun after with one of them. But in his case with his posts and profile, or that listing on anyones profile in general, is a turn off for some. After meeting both parties and becoming friends most people we know are fine and open with it. But being pushy and acting entitled (not you) combined with that isn’t going anywhere. A meet and greet like the KandyK ones would be great for him to start with. Face to face would help a lot.

Being a couple that looks for single males, the amount of fake profiles saying such but are not true, is most likely why it’s so hard with guys having a “pass“. My wife right now is talking to a fun husband we met at a party on Saturday. I’m in to play with his wife, or I’m completely fine him just joining us. No matter, as long as we all have fun.

We are new to this and are real so I get how people can be skeptical. Hoping this is site is real as well. Not looking just to get in bed right away either. Would like to meet first. And want to be kept discreet as well.

It seems like there are basically two kinds of swingers. The kind that take their time, carefully read profiles and weigh whether or not they might be a good match with a given couple or individual before contacting them and eventually meeting, and the kind that seem to be more, "Hey, we're swingers and you're swingers so let's swing (fuck)."

I understand the frustration that some feel when they aren't getting the results they expected or possibly even feel entitled to but as long-timers in the lifestyle we can tell you that like almost everything else in life, in swinging you get out of it what you put into it. Put in the work finding and communicating with people who interest you (and HONESTLY do a self-assessment to see if you are what THEY would likely want) and you will be more successful. DON'T put in the legwork and expect sex with others to just fall into your lap, or hit up couples that aren't in your age-range and have similar physical characteristics and interests and you probably won't be quite as successful.

I think sometimes too many people use the shotgun approach of just sending out a whole bunch of friend requests or generic "We like your pics/profile." emails and are upset when they don't get much of a response. YMMV ¯\_(ツ)_/¯