Many people have many reasons for not answering e-mails.
The foremost, I like to believe, is that people are just busy and can't find the time.
Second, most people are not comfortable saying no. They just read it and hit delete. Check your Sent Items folder to see if they have even read your mail yet!
Third, well, they are just idiots.
Just remember your statement from your profile: Patience is a virtue!
Good luck...
Christian
The foremost, I like to believe, is that people are just busy and can't find the time.
Second, most people are not comfortable saying no. They just read it and hit delete. Check your Sent Items folder to see if they have even read your mail yet!
Third, well, they are just idiots.
Just remember your statement from your profile: Patience is a virtue!
Good luck...
Christian
Ally, dont fret too much. There are some people like us that just plain can't read. You just have to be patient until they come up with brail monitors.
Seriously, we have fought the same problem for years. Its one that you learn to accept and you just keep playing the numbers until you connect. Remember, its their loss for not giving you a chance... and there are so many others to choose from. Just think about how much fun it was dating before you found your mate... in some ways this is kinda the same thing... there just arent any proms to go to.
Seriously, we have fought the same problem for years. Its one that you learn to accept and you just keep playing the numbers until you connect. Remember, its their loss for not giving you a chance... and there are so many others to choose from. Just think about how much fun it was dating before you found your mate... in some ways this is kinda the same thing... there just arent any proms to go to.
I think sometimes the "have kids" thing throws some people off.
For me, if it throws them off I'd prefer they didn't contact us. Our kids and home are the main priorities and if that can't be understood or worked with too f-in bad for them. But when they say nothing but get to know us anyway it creates a problem sooner or later. And it's really hard on Shelli when we get to know someone and then can't meet when they want. It puts her in the position of feeling guilty no matter which way she looks at it. She either feels guilty for not being able to meet or for wishing that kids weren't an issue to meeting. See what I mean? And guilt even if for no reason can lead to things that aren't healthy. All the "make it up to you" kinds of crap.
So I wouldn't be too upset. It's rude if there isn't a reason but it also may mean you just had a near miss from someone you don't really need to be involved with. Be thankful. Lol
Aj
For me, if it throws them off I'd prefer they didn't contact us. Our kids and home are the main priorities and if that can't be understood or worked with too f-in bad for them. But when they say nothing but get to know us anyway it creates a problem sooner or later. And it's really hard on Shelli when we get to know someone and then can't meet when they want. It puts her in the position of feeling guilty no matter which way she looks at it. She either feels guilty for not being able to meet or for wishing that kids weren't an issue to meeting. See what I mean? And guilt even if for no reason can lead to things that aren't healthy. All the "make it up to you" kinds of crap.
So I wouldn't be too upset. It's rude if there isn't a reason but it also may mean you just had a near miss from someone you don't really need to be involved with. Be thankful. Lol
Aj
Human nature unfortunately doesn't always lead to common sense. Remember, many people, intentional or not, can't see past their own wants. Even my wife has become upset and lost it when work forced us to reschedule a first time meeting. She wants the money but she wanted to meet and plan for playtime.... or just get to it.... not sure which. Lol Probably both. Lmao But you see what I mean?
Anyway, logical. reasonable or not, it's just something I have observed. Good luck!
Aj
Anyway, logical. reasonable or not, it's just something I have observed. Good luck!
Aj
The problem we have is not that people don't respond - some do some don't not that big a deal to us we feel it's their loss if they don't - it's that if we can't meet them when they want the first time, they then take us off their friends lists. We have kids so us being able to meet and go out takes a little notice usually lol we just cant drop everything and leave them home alone - they are 6 and 3 - to go out and meet someone. We have had a few people take us off because we can't meet them in an hour, obviously they didn't read our profile lol...
Just my .02
K
Just my .02
K
My own excuse is a busy schedule and kids. Hubby and I don't get much time together and we like to respond to e-mails together. I have four different e-mail accounts (one for work, personal, volunteer, and swingular, of course ) Between the four of them I get between 50 and 250 e-mails a day (ouch!) While I read almost all of my e-mails, sometimes I need to wait for a "50" day so that I can get caught up. I have also had the situation come up where I don't find time for a month or so...then I feel embarassed about not answering for so long and just hit the delete key. I feel like I have missed out on many oportunities to meet some great people because of this.
For me, I have found that I need to not take it personally when someone doesn't reply to my e-mails, and I hope the same in return. On another thread along these same lines, one of the people who responded said that they should remove people who don't respond to all of their e-mails. I found this some what offensive...sometimes, you just don't have time to answer every e-mail, even the ones that you would like to.
I also understand how it can be hard when you aren't getting responses (is there something wrong with me?) I have felt some what hurt at a lack of response, so I really do understand this question. At the same time, I have come to the conclusion that if it is meant to be it will happen eventually, if not, there are soooo many beautiful and wonderful people on here...
So that would be my own bitchyness. May not be the most popular response, but there you have my point of view. Now, when hubby gets home, we will try to get caught up on some (maybe all!) of those e-mails that we haven't had the chance to.
Love!
-Mrs. Curious
) Between the four of them I get between 50 and 250 e-mails a day (ouch!) While I read almost all of my e-mails, sometimes I need to wait for a "50" day so that I can get caught up. I have also had the situation come up where I don't find time for a month or so...then I feel embarassed about not answering for so long and just hit the delete key. I feel like I have missed out on many oportunities to meet some great people because of this.For me, I have found that I need to not take it personally when someone doesn't reply to my e-mails, and I hope the same in return. On another thread along these same lines, one of the people who responded said that they should remove people who don't respond to all of their e-mails. I found this some what offensive...sometimes, you just don't have time to answer every e-mail, even the ones that you would like to.
I also understand how it can be hard when you aren't getting responses (is there something wrong with me?) I have felt some what hurt at a lack of response, so I really do understand this question. At the same time, I have come to the conclusion that if it is meant to be it will happen eventually, if not, there are soooo many beautiful and wonderful people on here...
So that would be my own bitchyness. May not be the most popular response, but there you have my point of view. Now, when hubby gets home, we will try to get caught up on some (maybe all!) of those e-mails that we haven't had the chance to.
Love!
-Mrs. Curious
this is one of the biggest complaints we hear from new people to the lifestyle. the fact is ,is that there are many reasonswhy people can't answer, too busy, affraid of hurting someones feelings and so on, but i is quite frustrating to see that your mail has been read and simply deleted.
that in our opinion is rude. if someone took the time to say hello or interduce themselves to us, we try our best to respond, it dosn't always happen over night, and there have been more then a few not worth answering due to the content of the letter.
unfortunately there are more then a few of those kind of people, just like anywhere else in life, we have to do our best to forget about them.
your profile sounded just fine, a lot more detailed then a lot of thenon-returning types!
keep your chin up, and be patient, there are decent folks out there, it just takes a little time and luck to find em.
R&M
that in our opinion is rude. if someone took the time to say hello or interduce themselves to us, we try our best to respond, it dosn't always happen over night, and there have been more then a few not worth answering due to the content of the letter.
unfortunately there are more then a few of those kind of people, just like anywhere else in life, we have to do our best to forget about them.
your profile sounded just fine, a lot more detailed then a lot of thenon-returning types!
keep your chin up, and be patient, there are decent folks out there, it just takes a little time and luck to find em.
R&M
Ally,
Our biggest complaint is when someone sends you and email asking for more info about you or wanting get to know you better, then when you take the time to answer thier questions and lay it all out on the line they never respond. How can you ask someone for more info and then never contact them again when they gave you what you asked for?
P.S. I understand that my addiction to Star Trek and the picture of me in my DR. Spok outfit with fake Vulcan ears can creep people out but come on thats no reason to not get back to us!
LOL
Our biggest complaint is when someone sends you and email asking for more info about you or wanting get to know you better, then when you take the time to answer thier questions and lay it all out on the line they never respond. How can you ask someone for more info and then never contact them again when they gave you what you asked for?
P.S. I understand that my addiction to Star Trek and the picture of me in my DR. Spok outfit with fake Vulcan ears can creep people out but come on thats no reason to not get back to us!
LOL
We think people are either ignorant or are just photo lookers.
They come on the site just to look at pics of naked people.
There is nothing wrong with your profile at all.
We always find time to reply to emails(not that we get many on THIS siute)it's just good manners.
If we are not interested we will let them down in a polite way.
Cheers.
They come on the site just to look at pics of naked people.
There is nothing wrong with your profile at all.
We always find time to reply to emails(not that we get many on THIS siute)it's just good manners.
If we are not interested we will let them down in a polite way.
Cheers.
this is too the comment by 1finegirl....
i always got a lot of compliments on my Paul Stanley (kISS) costume, but.
DR. Spock????
that is weird!!
J/K
R&M
i always got a lot of compliments on my Paul Stanley (kISS) costume, but.
DR. Spock????
that is weird!!
J/K
R&M
Also, you might put more public pics in your profile of both you and your spouse. I know we don't respond if their are no private pics since we have many.
We have been swinging for 15 plus years. Before internet we used snail mail and there were lots of letters mailed and no response. It is a numbers game. You send out lots of emails to get some replies to have a few meetings and hopefully meet one or two couples with whom you play and from that only a very few will become friends. That said we have playmates we have known more than ten years. The joy of their friendship makes it ll worth while.
Not to respond id rude. Can't say anything else. We recently entertained a couple with whom we had emailed and talked on the phone. They seemed very nice and the next day we sent an email saying we enjoyed the evening and invited them to play. Nothing. You would think they could at least say thankyou for hosting them in our home and providing drinks and snacks
Not to respond id rude. Can't say anything else. We recently entertained a couple with whom we had emailed and talked on the phone. They seemed very nice and the next day we sent an email saying we enjoyed the evening and invited them to play. Nothing. You would think they could at least say thankyou for hosting them in our home and providing drinks and snacks
We we're just checking the who is on list and your post came to mind. We have mailed so many people both locally and those who are just out of reach (in case they come to town) We only seem to get messages from people who are so far away there is no chance we owuld meet.
This isnt the only site we see this happening. We're tired of the internet trying to meet people, we come here just to read post and sometimes use the chatroom. If it werent for the fact we had a lifetime membership, we probably wouldnt be back at all.
We even have gone so far as to mail people we have seen at the local club, thinking they may want to get together knowing that we do play and not some flake couple. That hasnt worked, they still havent mailed us back. We have started to really think that we are some weirdo couple or that they feel they would have to 'take one for the team' being with one of us, so they opt to just avoid us. Its a real kick in the shorts and has put us on teh verge of not wanting to meet anyone at all.
This isnt the only site we see this happening. We're tired of the internet trying to meet people, we come here just to read post and sometimes use the chatroom. If it werent for the fact we had a lifetime membership, we probably wouldnt be back at all.
We even have gone so far as to mail people we have seen at the local club, thinking they may want to get together knowing that we do play and not some flake couple. That hasnt worked, they still havent mailed us back. We have started to really think that we are some weirdo couple or that they feel they would have to 'take one for the team' being with one of us, so they opt to just avoid us. Its a real kick in the shorts and has put us on teh verge of not wanting to meet anyone at all.
all i know is...its a shame...a bloody shame...that you are not accepting applications from single males...lol I think you are super hot..and I think your man is one lucky S.O.B. if you guys should ever consider meeting a single male...hope you call me first...lol have a great day!!!!!
We tend to agree about the photo thing.Face pics really are all you need.That too really is to prove there are actually people at the end of the profile.
people tend to put too much into the pics on a profile,one look and it's "no thanks" to many when actually meeting should be the decider.
people tend to put too much into the pics on a profile,one look and it's "no thanks" to many when actually meeting should be the decider.
We have also dealt with not being able to schedule things right everytime. No biggie. Be persistent and you will find someone who will understand that the lifestyle is not the only thing in your life. If we lived closer we would be glad to work around your family life and be patient. :-)
We are so tired of sending e-mails and people read them and not take the time to say no thanks! Some said put up pics we did and that did not help! If not interested say so! It takes 30 seconds to reply. If we are not interested we say so! So why not reply? People just don't get it I guess.
R & J
R & J
No one reads my e-mails either. At first I got "WE NEED TO SEE PICS." Well now I have pics. There is always someone out there.
First of all, you do not sound bitchy. Felicia & I think you sound like an awesome person. Also, the whole "kids" thing does throw people off but we're ayoung couple that doesn't care so it's just not for everyone with the "kids" thing.
We're in the same boat as you are. We have emailed quite a few people, just trying to make new friends and as we put in the emails, ANY response back would be great whether it be a yes to talk or a no we would just like something. However, we did meet our first couple last night and that was awesome. Nothing happened thank goodness, because we were having too much funn to ruin it by sexual advancments, you know? Well feel free to contact us if you want to chat... [email protected] or [email protected]
Derek & Felicia
We're in the same boat as you are. We have emailed quite a few people, just trying to make new friends and as we put in the emails, ANY response back would be great whether it be a yes to talk or a no we would just like something. However, we did meet our first couple last night and that was awesome. Nothing happened thank goodness, because we were having too much funn to ruin it by sexual advancments, you know? Well feel free to contact us if you want to chat... [email protected] or [email protected]
Derek & Felicia
some people are just plain old lazy and cant take 5 minutes to sit and type a reply.
But sometimes maybe they just don't want to hurt feelings by saying, sorry not attracted or interested. Maybe its just nicer to make them think you're just too busy or lazy.
True wanda ...How are you sweety? How was easter? hehe msg me at the big Y if you have time
And so it goes on..we emailed 4 couples this weekend,not one of them replied.They included people who write on this forum.
People can always make an excuse if not interested,not show their ignorance by not replying.
People can always make an excuse if not interested,not show their ignorance by not replying.
The reason could be a distance issue, it could be an age thing - to old or to young, it could be a beauty issue, any number of reasons.
Just to interject an idea here...
...one post above reads that someone had just written "4 couples this weekend,not one of them replied.They included people who write on this forum. "
If you please...it seems to me that, if you just wrote this weekend, well...it's now Sunday night. This means you've written some time in the past two days or so.
Maybe you're expecting a bit much, if you're upset because someone hasn't written back in a couple of days? Especially if your notes were to people you aren't already familiar with, perhaps they had plans...were out of town...computers weren't working well...I mean, really, lots of things can happen to people. If you don't know these people at all, then it's really impossible to say what they might be doing.
I can tell you that we stay busy enough that we usually don't answer in a less than a few days. If those days fall over weekends, we may already have plans to do something else.
I'm not defending people who don't answer - and God knows, we've made that very mistake ourselves before. But I can honestly say that never - not once - was there any malicious or unkind motive at all. Just plain old human error.
We have also written others and not gotten responses - many, many times. It is truly a factor of being here - and one I'd suggest you become accustomed to. Not to excuse bad behavior; rather to acknowledge behavior that is predictable (albeit unfortunate).
Just my $.02
SnS
...one post above reads that someone had just written "4 couples this weekend,not one of them replied.They included people who write on this forum. "
If you please...it seems to me that, if you just wrote this weekend, well...it's now Sunday night. This means you've written some time in the past two days or so.
Maybe you're expecting a bit much, if you're upset because someone hasn't written back in a couple of days? Especially if your notes were to people you aren't already familiar with, perhaps they had plans...were out of town...computers weren't working well...I mean, really, lots of things can happen to people. If you don't know these people at all, then it's really impossible to say what they might be doing.
I can tell you that we stay busy enough that we usually don't answer in a less than a few days. If those days fall over weekends, we may already have plans to do something else.
I'm not defending people who don't answer - and God knows, we've made that very mistake ourselves before. But I can honestly say that never - not once - was there any malicious or unkind motive at all. Just plain old human error.
We have also written others and not gotten responses - many, many times. It is truly a factor of being here - and one I'd suggest you become accustomed to. Not to excuse bad behavior; rather to acknowledge behavior that is predictable (albeit unfortunate).
Just my $.02
SnS
OLEMAN1948 wrote:
>
> The reason could be a distance issue, it could be an age
> thing - too old or to young, it could be a beauty issue,
> any number of reasons.
Your reply presupposes that the people who read the letter
are in possession of a grasp of common courtesy, which we
all know is hardly ever the case in situations like this.
Personally, I believe that we are all what we display. If someone
is a rude, uncultured, impolite individual, it will show in their
lack of common courtesy. Such as failing to reply to even a
"Hello, we are local to one another, would you like to have a
conversation with no expectation of anything else?"...
I am firmly convinced that there should be a function added to
this site that one cannot do anything else on it unless one sends
some reply (whether it be a pre-programmed one or not) to
every mail they get.
That would show people, wouldn't it?
Or would it?
Even I know that one cannot dictate ethics, values, or courtesy.
It comes from breeding. And breeding tells.
Just my $0.03
>
> The reason could be a distance issue, it could be an age
> thing - too old or to young, it could be a beauty issue,
> any number of reasons.
Your reply presupposes that the people who read the letter
are in possession of a grasp of common courtesy, which we
all know is hardly ever the case in situations like this.
Personally, I believe that we are all what we display. If someone
is a rude, uncultured, impolite individual, it will show in their
lack of common courtesy. Such as failing to reply to even a
"Hello, we are local to one another, would you like to have a
conversation with no expectation of anything else?"...
I am firmly convinced that there should be a function added to
this site that one cannot do anything else on it unless one sends
some reply (whether it be a pre-programmed one or not) to
every mail they get.
That would show people, wouldn't it?
Or would it?
Even I know that one cannot dictate ethics, values, or courtesy.
It comes from breeding. And breeding tells.
Just my $0.03
A few months back Beth and I took a few days off and went to the mountains.
When we came back we had just under 100 mail messages. About half were someone had
added us to there friends list, Check our profile dude, If you do that we're not putting you on ours. We did miss responding to a few because sometimes Beth answers and sometimes I do
and we get our wires crossed sometimes. So if you add us without talking to us first or you just blow a kiss,, you get nothing from us
When we came back we had just under 100 mail messages. About half were someone had
added us to there friends list, Check our profile dude, If you do that we're not putting you on ours. We did miss responding to a few because sometimes Beth answers and sometimes I do
and we get our wires crossed sometimes. So if you add us without talking to us first or you just blow a kiss,, you get nothing from us
We try to answer all emails. We find it rude to not say anything. We can accept if we are not the size you want or age. As we find we are somewhat older than the average age (or perceived age) on this site we still answer all emails and try to set up a meeting sometime. For us this past few months we have had our house invaded with a kid and our play time is pretty few and far between. So now we are free and look forward to meeting others. We are not set on the age thing and find it a state of mind. So for those that wont return your emails, just drop us a line and let's go to dinner. Bring your kids along. We don't have to talk about certain subjects with kids there. lololol Good luck and keep sending out notes to people.
We know the reasons why people might not reply.The fact of the matter is that they don't.
..Rightly or wrongly and it might just be that I am a little over sensitive,but I look at it like this..If you go to a club,and say "HI" to someone and they just walk away from you ,you would regard that as bad manners.If they said "hi" and walked away it wouldnt be so bad.Right?
When you write to someone here,you are saying "HI".Interested or not,it doesnt hurt to reply and it doesn't take that long.
..Rightly or wrongly and it might just be that I am a little over sensitive,but I look at it like this..If you go to a club,and say "HI" to someone and they just walk away from you ,you would regard that as bad manners.If they said "hi" and walked away it wouldnt be so bad.Right?
When you write to someone here,you are saying "HI".Interested or not,it doesnt hurt to reply and it doesn't take that long.
We agree on almost all comments, however if someone simply "ADDS us to their friends lists" without asking or putting a comment we donot reply to those.
When I was still married, we used to receive numerous e-mails from lots of people, mostly single men willing to help us out.
I took the time to respond to ALL of them. The formula was very simple, even when it was an obvious "no go."
1. "Thank you for showing your interest and being willing to share yourself with us."
2. "However, we do not feel there would be a good match."
3. "Good luck in your search."
4. "And again, thank you for contacting us."
That's all it took. Had many people thank me for the civility of the response.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot and I am the single man, I also find it disconcerting and rude to get absolutely NO response to a well-intentioned, polite e-mail. I would rather hear a gentle "no" than to be treated as though I don't even exist. One could even set up a macro to put a polite response on -- it would just take one keystroke to respond.
I hope others on this site can become more gracious as participants in the lifestyle. It is a given there will be a match in only a small percentage of cases. So saying no should come as no shock to anyone. Extensive explanations of the reason why are completely unnecessary. Just an acknowledgement that one has been considered even if the outcome is negative.
I took the time to respond to ALL of them. The formula was very simple, even when it was an obvious "no go."
1. "Thank you for showing your interest and being willing to share yourself with us."
2. "However, we do not feel there would be a good match."
3. "Good luck in your search."
4. "And again, thank you for contacting us."
That's all it took. Had many people thank me for the civility of the response.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot and I am the single man, I also find it disconcerting and rude to get absolutely NO response to a well-intentioned, polite e-mail. I would rather hear a gentle "no" than to be treated as though I don't even exist. One could even set up a macro to put a polite response on -- it would just take one keystroke to respond.
I hope others on this site can become more gracious as participants in the lifestyle. It is a given there will be a match in only a small percentage of cases. So saying no should come as no shock to anyone. Extensive explanations of the reason why are completely unnecessary. Just an acknowledgement that one has been considered even if the outcome is negative.
The only time I don't reply is if I'm been busy and thus not been on the computer all day (or week). I don't really care if someone else doesn't respond though. I figure they're either busy or not interested. It is nice to get a polite "not interested" though. Just shows that they're nice enough to let me know.