We went to the Sinful Halloween Party on Saturday. We are a loving couple, and introduced ourselves as 6 years together. I should add that my other half is extremely hot! At the party, a certain male tried to talk to my other half. No problem, right? I'm here to be open! But where I think it crossed the line is... He then wrote down his contact info, and secretly tried to give it to her without my knowledge. My GF lives part time in Los Angeles, and he is there often, so he said let's meet up to her (Her only!) He even sent another girl to try to hand the info to her. Because we were together leaving the party, the girl had no choice but to try and hand her the info discretely as we walked back to the hotel. I then grabbed the info, gave it back to her and said very uncool! My GF was planning on tossing it! What are your thoughts? Am I being uptight?
That's fucking bullshit and if it were me he would be in a lot of hurt. Every couple in this lifestyle has their own boundaries and you need to respect them. I think you should call him out. People like that ruin it for everyone else.
It's bullshit!
Meaning we agree with Bulbula lol
I agree, we have had our own horror stories. Constant communication with each other is the key to our swinging. Expectations, ground rules, and respect. Personally I like when a guy actually asks both of us if playing with her is ok, not trying to sneak around and be secretive about it.Guys, if you are attracted to her it's cool if you let her know, but please come talk to me as well, we are partners in this.
As a woman in the lifestyle, I speak more with the women of a couple than the man, that is, unless the man talks to me more and is more outgoing. Even in that situation, however, I try to include the woman in the conversation whenever possible. It's a matter of respect toward both of them.
Although I do like women. A LOT. I also like men and I have to respect any other person's relationship and their boundaries. Especially as a single. Couples should do the same. Any male who circumvents you in the relationship has no respect for you or Her. Both of you have every reason to toss his information in the trash and avoid him at future parties. In fact, I would very firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable and that you would like him to leave.
Although I do like women. A LOT. I also like men and I have to respect any other person's relationship and their boundaries. Especially as a single. Couples should do the same. Any male who circumvents you in the relationship has no respect for you or Her. Both of you have every reason to toss his information in the trash and avoid him at future parties. In fact, I would very firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable and that you would like him to leave.
Sadly, the duplicitous, deceptive, douche-copters in the lifestyle seem to outnumber the people who are nice, respectful, non-pushy and can take a polite "No thank-you." for an answer by a ratio of about 50 to 1. That's probably why we play so infrequently and when we do it's with people we've known and trusted for many years. Maybe we're jaded but it just isn't worth the hassle of wading through all the twat waffles looking for the few non-selfish people who don't have an agenda. YMMV
Not cool at all! Hopefully it didn't taint the rest of the evening.
That's actually really shady.
I am with you oldcowboy. I never lead out. In the lifestyle I feel like she should always be in charge or else the dudes look super pushy and creepy.
PLEASURECHEST wrote:
We went to the Sinful Halloween Party on Saturday. We are a loving couple, and introduced ourselves as 6 years together. I should add that my other half is extremely hot! At the party, a certain male tried to talk to my other half. No problem, right? I'm here to be open! But where I think it crossed the line is... He then wrote down his contact info, and secretly tried to give it to her without my knowledge. My GF lives part time in Los Angeles, and he is there often, so he said let's meet up to her (Her only!) He even sent another girl to try to hand the info to her. Because we were together leaving the party, the girl had no choice but to try and hand her the info discretely as we walked back to the hotel. I then grabbed the info, gave it back to her and said very uncool! My GF was planning on tossing it! What are your thoughts? Am I being uptight?
You're fine in being concerned. That's wrong. Stay away from relationship breakers....Loser.
That's a bunch of crap and very rude! Some people suck.
If that dude tried to pull that crap with me and mine, I have to say he would be picking up his teeth. Absolutely out of bounds unacceptable. He needs to be put on blast publically, so that everyone knows to avoid this douche.
I'm surprised he was able to enroll another girl into doing something so underhanded. We don't mind having people approach the other of us and hit on us (if you see us at a party, please do! 
) Let's be honest, having your ego stroked is almost as much fun as having other things stroked. I would have no problem with a guy asking the Mrs if she is interested in getting together, AS LONG AS it is followed by "would your husband be ok with that".
) Let's be honest, having your ego stroked is almost as much fun as having other things stroked. I would have no problem with a guy asking the Mrs if she is interested in getting together, AS LONG AS it is followed by "would your husband be ok with that".TOLIVELIFEAGAIN wrote:
I'm surprised he was able to enroll another girl into doing something so underhanded. We don't mind having people approach the other of us and hit on us (if you see us at a party, please do!
Totally agree with this. And side note. It was awesome to meet you two at Sinful
The point was his attempt to hook up outside of the agreed upon rules. We LOVE that people find others attractive and want to touch them on their pink parts. But if you try to sneak some on the side. Not cool.
MIKE4FUN wrote:
WOW Really-if a guy/or Gal is trying to hook up and break a couple up of course we all should be pissed. But some of these responses seem a little over the top as well,You really should be flattered they find her that attractive, I don't think most guys or gals are trying to break couples up in the lifestyle we all understand that we are all here to play and have fun. Why do so many people get upset when other find your partners very attractive. Just let them know that your not interested but that your flattered they found you to be something special, I am not here to break up anybody I don't want that kind of drama at all. I just want to have some fun make some friends and enjoy the lifestyle with people who want the same what you do in your real life is your business, who cares I don't get why so many people get so uptight after all this is suppose to be fun right????
I think you might be missing the point! Of course I'm flattered! And yes, I want people to find her sexy. I had no problem with people hitting on her at the party. Hell, a few even got a bit more!
But this was a blatant and deliberate attempt to try and meet her in another location, without me, her partner and lover. She is classy, and handled it well, but slipping a private note to someone is not cool! And having a girl do it, so that it is not as noticeable, is even lower than low! He could have said something in front of both of us, and I'd be OK. He's lucky I didn't go back inside...When a person doesn't see why it was a problem to secretly slip her a note without her partner knowing, they're part of the problem. It was clear from your explanation, PleasureChest, that this person was acting outside of integrity. Single men who don't know that it's a problem are bound to repeat this form of gesture. If it were my wife, I would be mad. And so would she. There's a boundary breach when someone tries to separate the wife from the husband or the girlfriend from the boyfriend to see each other without the partner's knowledge. It goes both ways. If a woman were to do that to me, she's shown me she can't be trusted. Next! Clearly, this person had no idea or didn't care that he had crossed that line. Either way, his actions speak for his character.
It is surprising to us what a subtle compliment this guy paid your GF, although it was bad form and in bad taste not to include you in the compliment. We always feel its best to not over react, hopefully for you, your relationship with your GF supersedes bad behavior from others. I think I would laugh this one off although its too bad you did not have the opportunity to hand his information back to him and smile and say she said to tell no thanks.
SKICOUPLE wrote:
It is surprising to us what a subtle compliment this guy paid your GF, although it was bad form and in bad taste not to include you in the compliment. We always feel its best to not over react, hopefully for you, your relationship with your GF supersedes bad behavior from others. I think I would laugh this one off although its too bad you did not have the opportunity to hand his information back to him and smile and say she said to tell no thanks.
Personally, we think it goes a little beYOND bad taste and bad form...but maybe that's because we've known more than a few people in the lifestyle who've had their marriages/relationships broken up by fucking twatwaffles like this guy. Now one might argue that if something like that broke up a relationship it must not have been a very strong relationship to begin with, but we would argue that they, perhaps, haven't yet come in contact with one of these sociopaths and witnessed first hand how insidious and relentless they can be. Hopefully, they'll never experience it firsthand. At very BEST, this asshat was trying to encourage the woman in question to cheat. Maybe we just have a different opinion about cheaters.
Not cool of this dude for sure. However.....It was on your SO to end it immediately. We have to take ownership of our "OWN" boundaries at swinger parties, or anywhere else. You can't always be there to look over her.
There are a lot of that type on here. For a few names hit us up, we have no problem sharing their names.
Mrs. simple is not so discrete. When that type thing happens even when I am not around she is vocal and loud and calls them put on it. That's why we have such Di stain for single males on this site claiming to be in the lifestyle. More likely they are cheap and want free sex, and just discussing.
Don't be coy about it. We have seen single males on this site break up unsuspecting couples that invited them In to the bedroom.
Scum!
Mrs. simple is not so discrete. When that type thing happens even when I am not around she is vocal and loud and calls them put on it. That's why we have such Di stain for single males on this site claiming to be in the lifestyle. More likely they are cheap and want free sex, and just discussing.
Don't be coy about it. We have seen single males on this site break up unsuspecting couples that invited them In to the bedroom.
Scum!
I try not to judge unless "I know for sure whats the facts are."
Seems to often judgement and gossip with the way communication changes the story big time as it flows from one to another is off. I've been on both sides. I've gossiped about someone as if it were fact and I didn't know for sure. I've had others pass judgement on me by another's story about me that seemed way off track according to how I viewed the facts. I think it's so easy to try to make another look bad if I don't like them or they've raised some sort of fear within me.
Having said that, if I understand right, trying secretly and dishonestly to go behind another's back seems to lead to back stabbing
I know nothing for sure and I'm not even sure about that ~
Seems to often judgement and gossip with the way communication changes the story big time as it flows from one to another is off. I've been on both sides. I've gossiped about someone as if it were fact and I didn't know for sure. I've had others pass judgement on me by another's story about me that seemed way off track according to how I viewed the facts. I think it's so easy to try to make another look bad if I don't like them or they've raised some sort of fear within me.
Having said that, if I understand right, trying secretly and dishonestly to go behind another's back seems to lead to back stabbing
I know nothing for sure and I'm not even sure about that ~
Yeah, no. Disrespectful as all fuck was what this guy was. Dude clearly had no concept of what this lifestyle is all about.
Evil if someone wants to cheat they will. Being encouraged by an "asshat" will not make one bit of difference. Obviously we have different opinions on this type of thing but we both agree it is bad behavior and we choose just to let it go and move on. If my woman wanted to do it with this guy in my absence then she would ask my opinion about it before even considering it.
My viewpoint is, SkiCouple, that people who will cross This boundary, will steamroll over others. And if we smile and walk away, we have just condoned their behavior. Why should we ignore poor conduct in the lifestyle? When we call out bad actors, we put those who consider doing the same on notice that this is unacceptable. Do you ignore your children when they show poor behavior? No, people in this lifestyle aren't our children, but when they act irresponsibly, it's our prerogative to Call Them Out. Don't turn your head and give them a pass or you will have others who say, "Well, he got away with it, and this wife didn't say anything and neither did the husband, so why not keep going?"
I agree with most everyone here. Communication is key not just with your own partner, but with others as well . That being said, if a guy slipped my wife his number without me knowing it, I wouldn't mind one bit. Why? Because if there was even a remote chance someone outside our marriage could break us up, we shouldn't be swinging.
No need to committ an assault over something as harmless as a number on a piece of paper. Let's all just "goosfraba" and play on.
Hope everyone has a safe and sexy weekend!
No need to committ an assault over something as harmless as a number on a piece of paper. Let's all just "goosfraba" and play on.
Hope everyone has a safe and sexy weekend!
TOLIVELIFEAGAIN wrote:
I'm surprised he was able to enroll another girl into doing something so underhanded. We don't mind having people approach the other of us and hit on us (if you see us at a party, please do!
Totally agree.. Maybe it's just us but we often laugh at these douche nuggets. We are far too secure in our relationship to worry about someone thinking they can come in and be sneaky. I think it is great when a man or women is attracted to the Mrs and vise versa but there is no play unless we both agree it would work for us. There are good people in the lifestyle and there are bad ones as well, just have fun and be secure knowing that when this happens you can chuckle and move on..