Last few months I've had an uptick in getting approached here by what turn out to be lying SMs who are partnered and hoping to use any available woman to fill whatever sexual gap their relationship has; tis the season, I guess? For the most part they follow a pattern w/ obvious differences* from genuinely single men so they're easier to spot all the time; but why do they think it's ok to lie and use anyone just to get off? The more I think of it the more their actions look sociopathic.
*The need for levels of discretion a Cold War spy would find oppressive, for example. No, I will not wait until I meet you in person to see what your face looks like and learn your real name.
*The need for levels of discretion a Cold War spy would find oppressive, for example. No, I will not wait until I meet you in person to see what your face looks like and learn your real name.
It's as if they all read The Idiot's Guide To Lies and Code Phrases For Cheaters.
It's a blessing that they're typically too stupid or caught up in the possibility of sex w/ a new person to realize how they're giving themselves away. When I called out one guy his no shit response was, 'How did you guess?'; yes, Herr Dumbass, I'm going to tell you how to lie to others more effectively and get away w/ it. That is a thing I will surely do, post-haste.
I don't discount that there are women on the site who are lying cheaters as well; it's statistically likely but I have no personal experience of it.
It's almost fun in a sporting way when I show them my incontrovertible proof and they attempt to refute it in arguments until they suddenly vanish from the site. My hope is it puts some new POV in their life and maybe they'll stop trying to straddle the yellow line; I know that's unlikely but a gal can hope.
I don't discount that there are women on the site who are lying cheaters as well; it's statistically likely but I have no personal experience of it.
It's almost fun in a sporting way when I show them my incontrovertible proof and they attempt to refute it in arguments until they suddenly vanish from the site. My hope is it puts some new POV in their life and maybe they'll stop trying to straddle the yellow line; I know that's unlikely but a gal can hope.
LUCKYGUY6733 wrote:
my wife and I both allow each other to play alone. is this acceptable in the swinger lifestyle? i think so. but i suspect individuals sometimes think it i a deception. thoughts, opinions?
Though I'm not part of the couple scene itself I can only say that it looks like playing alone w/ the full knowledge that's going on is fine here.
There's no one right way to show hone's earnestness but in my experience it begins by being upfront, starting as you mean to continue. Simply be open and aboveboard in all your interactions btwn interested persons and that will be the greenest flag there can be. You can still exercise discretion while building trust. If you want to wait to share your last name till meeting for example, simply say why that's important to you. 'I work in a sensitive field so until I can tell you in person I prefer to wait.' is perfectly valid. 'I want to be discreet b/c I think it's so sexy to be mysterious.' is shaky ground.
SJ1974 wrote:
I read your profile (some of us do that). And you make it very, painfully clear you are looking for single men. So just a suggestion, from a couple who hates people that never read our profile. Maybe put a question in the profile they need to answer when they first contact you. That way you can find out immediately who has read the fine print. Once you have established they have been warned, I think you should feel free to agree to meet them at an expensive hotel somewhere and have them order expensive room service for two (so that you can go for hours uninterrupted). Then fail to show. If you don't hit them in their wallet and force them to pay the dishonesty fine, I doubt they will change. Just a thought.
Also, our profile reads as very vanilla, which tends to discourage the 'hit it n quit it' crowd. Ever since doing that, we get contacted by a higher quality of swinger (read: those with brains). We are full swap, but until you take the time to get to know us, you'll never be that lucky. But your profile reads like a fantasy woman, so I'm sure you are unintentionally attracting a different sort of fellow.
Best of luck in your search!
Thank you for reading my profile and calling me a fantasy woman! I like to think I'm a pretty good FWB package all around. In fact, I have TWO traps built into my profile that show me when a thoughtless person hasn't read it before messaging me - hell, I explain one of them in my profile. The other is when a first message talks about how pretty my eyes are or what a sexy smile I have. Then my 'Oh sir, this will not go well for you.' fun begins.
As for running up a hotel bill, well - big hint #2 they're married is their eventual refusal to make concrete plans. They press for nekkid pics hard early on, then appear to consider meeting up, then I think fear sets in when I get pushy about planning to meet; I like to meet soon anyway, but I will be aggressive as a bulldog about it if I believe they're partnered but not 100% sure. I suspect these men are rarely able to go through w/ the cheating they'd hoped for. They're on here trying b/c this site is about fantasy; men who are going to walk right out and find a stranger to fuck aren't going to fantasize about scenarios and kinky sexual fantasies too long before doing so; they're just going to hit up the Asian massage places or elsewhere women are trafficked for sex and pay to get off.
Those who join up here to cheat have seen too many movies and tv shows about infidelity and make things more complicated for themselves than they need to be.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
In our experience a couple, or a single, with a recommendation from someone we already know, is the safest place to start. It is ridiculous how much of a vetting process is required, and all the many ways people looking for sex, discover to circumvent a truthful disclosure as to who they really are, what they really want, and what their real life significant relationships and living arrangements actually are. Best of luck!
We allow each other to play alone with voice verification if needed,I can see your point about people who are really married but are posting as a SM. The ass clowns are making it more difficult for a male who's part of a couple who can play alone and the single males. It's getting more and more difficult to find people willing to play without having a female in the equation. Let alone get a recommendation.
We only play together with couples that play together when it happens that is... We definitely are not a hall pass couple, in fact when we're at a party and one of starts to p,as with someone we stop until the other is found and present.
The only singles w invite I are those we know are single. We would NEVER EVER trust an single that claims they have a hall pass. Not going to happen unless we know the spouse. And even then it does not interest us.
Far too many cheaters. Scum bags, low life's. We have a real issue even with aingle in the lifestyle. Our view they are here for cheap fre sex, and that's discussing and cheap...
The only singles w invite I are those we know are single. We would NEVER EVER trust an single that claims they have a hall pass. Not going to happen unless we know the spouse. And even then it does not interest us.
Far too many cheaters. Scum bags, low life's. We have a real issue even with aingle in the lifestyle. Our view they are here for cheap fre sex, and that's discussing and cheap...
We agree voice conformation is the best plus we like to get the know person first and met them as a couple before playing alone.
SJ1974 wrote:
I read your profile (some of us do that). And you make it very, painfully clear you are looking for single men. So just a suggestion, from a couple who hates people that never read our profile. Maybe put a question in the profile they need to answer when they first contact you. That way you can find out immediately who has read the fine print. Once you have established they have been warned, I think you should feel free to agree to meet them at an expensive hotel somewhere and have them order expensive room service for two (so that you can go for hours uninterrupted). Then fail to show. If you don't hit them in their wallet and force them to pay the dishonesty fine, I doubt they will change. Just a thought.
Also, our profile reads as very vanilla, which tends to discourage the 'hit it n quit it' crowd. Ever since doing that, we get contacted by a higher quality of swinger (read: those with brains). We are full swap, but until you take the time to get to know us, you'll never be that lucky. But your profile reads like a fantasy woman, so I'm sure you are unintentionally attracting a different sort of fellow.
Best of luck in your search!
Yeah the hit it and quit it crowd gets frustrated with us as well. We love to have a fun time but only if you take the time to build a friendship.
What is interesting to me, is that as a single male, I sometimes see the other side of this. Single Males (or the male half of the couple) messaging me talking about how they would like to to join them and their wife. I tend to trust them that they do have a wife that would like to join, but sometimes you get the "couple" who has no pics of her in the private album and the description is all first person "I" and not "We."
What do they expect? Me to show up, and have them be like "oh sorry, actually she couldn't make it/doesn't exist. Since you are here, why don't you fuck me?" and then I just drop my pants and go at it? I hope SMs aren't that dumb...
What do they expect? Me to show up, and have them be like "oh sorry, actually she couldn't make it/doesn't exist. Since you are here, why don't you fuck me?" and then I just drop my pants and go at it? I hope SMs aren't that dumb...
Meh. People lie all the time about all kinds of things to get what they want. Why should sex be any different? We sorta just assume people are lying about all kinds of shit (DDD status, age, weight, whether or not they pay a full tithe and have done their home teaching this month), then if (when?) we find out they lied about something we aren't terribly shocked, disappointed or discombobulated.
hell just say you want to play but it has to be at there place . if there single it shouldn't be a problem , unless they live in a cardboard box under the underpass down by the river like me ! and are to embarrassed to have you come over until the maid finishes cleaning .
KELLYTOPLAY wrote:
hell just say you want to play but it has to be at there place . if there single it shouldn't be a problem , unless they live in a cardboard box under the underpass down by the river like me ! and are to embarrassed to have you come over until the maid finishes cleaning .
How do they know you don't have a gimp in the basement and a 6 foot ditch already dug out down there? I mean I'm sure there is a good reason for the ditch, fires in the winter time to keep the house warm...
Why are they on here cheating? Don't they know that Tinder is a better bet?
JEFFSMITH1972 wrote:
Why are they on here cheating? Don't they know that Tinder is a better bet?
I'm not wholly familiar w/ all that Tinder entails (I mostly grok what I read about it on Buzzfeed), but knowing in general does not seem to be a cheater's strongest suit.
JADEANDJAY wrote:DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
In our experience a couple, or a single, with a recommendation from someone we already know, is the safest place to start. It is ridiculous how much of a vetting process is required, and all the many ways people looking for sex, discover to circumvent a truthful disclosure as to who they really are, what they really want, and what their real life significant relationships and living arrangements actually are. Best of luck!
We allow each other to play alone with voice verification if needed,I can see your point about people who are really married but are posting as a SM. The ass clowns are making it more difficult for a male who's part of a couple who can play alone and the single males. It's getting more and more difficult to find people willing to play without having a female in the equation. Let alone get a recommendation.
Holy smokes you couldn't have hit it more on the head! I seem to be the strike out King and I attribute it this exact problem. And to be honest it's a real kick in teeth to guys like me who loves his wife and is honest and open about improving my marriage but genuinely want to play openly!
JADEANDJAY wrote:DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
In our experience a couple, or a single, with a recommendation from someone we already know, is the safest place to start. It is ridiculous how much of a vetting process is required, and all the many ways people looking for sex, discover to circumvent a truthful disclosure as to who they really are, what they really want, and what their real life significant relationships and living arrangements actually are. Best of luck!
We allow each other to play alone with voice verification if needed,I can see your point about people who are really married but are posting as a SM. The ass clowns are making it more difficult for a male who's part of a couple who can play alone and the single males. It's getting more and more difficult to find people willing to play without having a female in the equation. Let alone get a recommendation.
Holy smokes you couldn't have hit it more on the head! I seem to be the strike out King and I attribute it this exact problem. And to be honest it's a real kick in teeth to guys like me who loves his wife and is honest and open about improving my marriage but genuinely want to play openly!
Fuckin' rakes ruin things for EVERYBODY!
Ya, What He Said?
CHEFFETTE wrote:
Thank you for reading my profile and calling me a fantasy woman! I like to think I'm a pretty good FWB package all around. In fact, I have TWO traps built into my profile that show me when a thoughtless person hasn't read it before messaging me - hell, I explain one of them in my profile. The other is when a first message talks about how pretty my eyes are or what a sexy smile I have. Then my 'Oh sir, this will not go well for you.' fun begins.
As for running up a hotel bill, well - big hint #2 they're married is their eventual refusal to make concrete plans. They press for nekkid pics hard early on, then appear to consider meeting up, then I think fear sets in when I get pushy about planning to meet; I like to meet soon anyway, but I will be aggressive as a bulldog about it if I believe they're partnered but not 100% sure. I suspect these men are rarely able to go through w/ the cheating they'd hoped for. They're on here trying b/c this site is about fantasy; men who are going to walk right out and find a stranger to fuck aren't going to fantasize about scenarios and kinky sexual fantasies too long before doing so; they're just going to hit up the Asian massage places or elsewhere women are trafficked for sex and pay to get off.
Those who join up here to cheat have seen too many movies and tv shows about infidelity and make things more complicated for themselves than they need to be.
It's your own fault. You just HAD ro add a couple more pics. You see, they're digital age supermen (just ask them, they'll tell you) and with the almost head to hips pic they're using their mutated, extended field of view, all inclusive, internet adapted, vision to see above your neck. Back when it was just your feet, they couldn't do that, 'cause their powers, as mighty as they are, are not unlimited. ~ Terry
TMACA wrote:CHEFFETTE wrote:
Thank you for reading my profile and calling me a fantasy woman! I like to think I'm a pretty good FWB package all around. In fact, I have TWO traps built into my profile that show me when a thoughtless person hasn't read it before messaging me - hell, I explain one of them in my profile. The other is when a first message talks about how pretty my eyes are or what a sexy smile I have. Then my 'Oh sir, this will not go well for you.' fun begins.
As for running up a hotel bill, well - big hint #2 they're married is their eventual refusal to make concrete plans. They press for nekkid pics hard early on, then appear to consider meeting up, then I think fear sets in when I get pushy about planning to meet; I like to meet soon anyway, but I will be aggressive as a bulldog about it if I believe they're partnered but not 100% sure. I suspect these men are rarely able to go through w/ the cheating they'd hoped for. They're on here trying b/c this site is about fantasy; men who are going to walk right out and find a stranger to fuck aren't going to fantasize about scenarios and kinky sexual fantasies too long before doing so; they're just going to hit up the Asian massage places or elsewhere women are trafficked for sex and pay to get off.
Those who join up here to cheat have seen too many movies and tv shows about infidelity and make things more complicated for themselves than they need to be.
It's your own fault. You just HAD ro add a couple more pics. You see, they're digital age supermen (just ask them, they'll tell you) and with the almost head to hips pic they're using their mutated, extended field of view, all inclusive, internet adapted, vision to see above your neck. Back when it was just your feet, they couldn't do that, 'cause their powers, as mighty as they are, are not unlimited. ~ Terry
Digital age supermen who have been dumb enough on occasion to give me the email or phone number they have linked to their Facebook page that shows them w/ a wife and at their job (one's a high school counselor right here in Syracuse while his wife's a higher-up at the Board of Ed bwahahahahaha).