So I guess this is a question for the women out there that have experience in bdsm role play in various forms...I've been carrying on a conversation with this girl about simulating a real rape encounter. I don't suppose she really wants to be raped by a complete stranger, it's something she's been wanting to have done to her. We've talked in depth about the details such as location and certain things she will and will not do. At first she agreed to meet at a neutral location and let me put a blindfold on her. After that I would drive her to my place, we'd have this encounter then I'll drop her back to her car. She would never know my true identity and vice versa. The week we were to make arrangements she chickened out saying she's too scared. We didn't talk for a while...later she sent an email saying she will only do it if we met in public first and had coffee. She says it's for her safety and to build a level of trust, otherwise she will not go forward with it.
I'm just curious why the sudden departure from our original discussion. She was all ready to make it happen then this stuff comes up.
Now I'm kinda worried myself...if we do carry this out as planned and something goes bad, what if she comes back and files criminal charges on me for rape? I still have all the emails and in one of them she even states, "...regardless if we do this or you find someone else, you should get something in writing in case she cries rape".
Just wanna get some thoughts on how I should proceed
I'm just curious why the sudden departure from our original discussion. She was all ready to make it happen then this stuff comes up.
Now I'm kinda worried myself...if we do carry this out as planned and something goes bad, what if she comes back and files criminal charges on me for rape? I still have all the emails and in one of them she even states, "...regardless if we do this or you find someone else, you should get something in writing in case she cries rape".
Just wanna get some thoughts on how I should proceed
Couple years back some one else asked the same thing, he's now sitting in jail for rape, you decide.
As a Male who is involved in SM doing a role play of "simulating a real rape encounter" doesn't happen. Everything is control, what you're asking her to do give up her safety and I can see why she has a change of heart. So until you understand the Rules of BDSM or SM you might need to go to a place in Las Vagus learn rule number 1. You are never fully in control for your partner can always and I mean always say Stop,"simulating a real rape encounter" is taking that away. Once your partner has stated that and you continue, than plan on going to jail. For some one who clams to do BDSM you for got the number one rule, for if you didn't you wouldn't be asking people in "Vanilla" general population. Since very little people in Swingular get it and get appall and call you names and crap for they have no clue what your asking.
ILLUSTRATOR wrote:
I agree with Delicious. Far too much risk in fulfilling this type of fantasy. There are many women who have a rape fantasy, but I don't see there being as many men who would enjoy performing that for them.
There is more than you think that would, but you never here about it, But for people who give themseves the title of BDSM,SM, we have rule and guidelines we go by So as I stated above he need to go learn them from people who do use them.
"I don't suppose she really wants to be raped by a complete stranger, it's something she's been wanting to have done to her."
I sincerely doubt ANYONE actually wants to be raped and that statement is troubling. Are you sure this is HER fantasy or is it possibly something that you've perhaps suggested? Your post certainly doesn't make it clear who initiated the idea for this scenario. And it sounds like you're more concerned about protecting yourself legally than anything else so why don't you just tell her you don't think it's a good idea and that you're really not interested. Hopefully you aren't so hard up to have sex that you think you need to get involved in something like this simply to get laid.
Personally, I don't know why any guy would want to get into any kind of forced sexual encounter, simulated or not. Maybe I'm the exception but I really don't see the turn on in pretending to rape a woman. Perhaps you can explain to us your thought process and reasoning for agreeing to this in the first place. What about it appeals to you? Have you always wanted to rape a woman but have been afraid to do so because you thought you might go to jail? Are the legal ramifications the only thing that have kept you from doing this before now? Or are you just a caring, giving guy who wants to help women all over the world fulfill their rape fantasies? (Btw, THAT is sarcasm, people, some don't seem to understand the difference between sarcasm and facetiousness.)
I sincerely doubt ANYONE actually wants to be raped and that statement is troubling. Are you sure this is HER fantasy or is it possibly something that you've perhaps suggested? Your post certainly doesn't make it clear who initiated the idea for this scenario. And it sounds like you're more concerned about protecting yourself legally than anything else so why don't you just tell her you don't think it's a good idea and that you're really not interested. Hopefully you aren't so hard up to have sex that you think you need to get involved in something like this simply to get laid.
Personally, I don't know why any guy would want to get into any kind of forced sexual encounter, simulated or not. Maybe I'm the exception but I really don't see the turn on in pretending to rape a woman. Perhaps you can explain to us your thought process and reasoning for agreeing to this in the first place. What about it appeals to you? Have you always wanted to rape a woman but have been afraid to do so because you thought you might go to jail? Are the legal ramifications the only thing that have kept you from doing this before now? Or are you just a caring, giving guy who wants to help women all over the world fulfill their rape fantasies? (Btw, THAT is sarcasm, people, some don't seem to understand the difference between sarcasm and facetiousness.)
Yeah I asked Ms. Evil and she said it would be totally HOT if a guy tried to do a little "fantasy" rape and just as he pulled down his pants a couple of big dudes ass raped HIM!
Yup, sarcasm again.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:ILLUSTRATOR wrote:
There truly is a large number of women who have a rape fantasy. They don't actually want it to be fulfilled, but it is a fantasy, nonetheless. Here is a video (by Laci Green) that talks about the most common fantasies including Rape Fantasies: Female Fantasies
Long sigh......Have we, as a society, fucked up sex in peoples heads, so much, with all the taboos and condemnation, that we all start hearing incessantly, from a young age, about openly wanting sex and having sex, that perhaps, being forced to have sex for some, actually feels more socially acceptable, and or acceptable before some notion of a god, than to own ones sexuality, bravely, passionately with so much self acceptance that it remains free, healthy and compassionate?
And we wonder how we ever got to the point of talking about "rape culture" in this country and how some boys/men get it in their heads that maybe, just maybe, deep down, the woman really WANTS it.
Not slut shaming in any way, shape, or form. Just EXTREMELY concerned that some people who don't really understand consent in the first place will absolutely get the wrong idea about this. Look at what's going on on our college campuses and tell me we don't have a HUGE problem. I'd rather err on the side of stifling someone's fantasy than giving someone else license to rape. Sorry, but I feel pretty strongly about this. Imagine what might happen to our little community here if a couple of women were raped and the perpetrator defended himself by saying that it was the woman's fantasy. Do you think a judge or jury would be particularly sympathetic to a woman who was regularly recreationally fucking many men? Hell, I think even many in the anti-rape movement might not look very favorably on a victim from the swing or kink community.
ILLUSTRATOR wrote:
You're right. I'm just telling it the way I see it from what I know. I just wanted to voice the other side of this because I know women who feel this way and, although I understand how you feel, I see their side of it, too.
And the men on here who think that women truly want to be raped need to understand that they may think it's what they want, but what they really want is the unrealistic fantasy that's played out so often in the Romance Novels that are flying off the shelves. There's a reason for their high sales. But it's merely a Fantasy. These men might come across videos like that of Laci Green's and think that means all women want to be raped. They should know that, in reality, women don't want it played out. That's what the OP should know and consider.
And a certain percentage of men may have just read that and only saw (or acknowledged), "...all women want to be raped." When we already have a very pervasive bias in our culture towards patriarchy and women being subservient to men, especially sexually, then discussions like this, IMHO, cause more harm than good. It doesn't take much looking on the internet to find sites and discussion boards where violence against women is not only overtly depicted through text and image but also actively discussed and even encouraged. Fantasize all you want but openly discussing how to fulfill rape fantasies in a swingers forum can only cause harm I think.
With any kind of BDSM play there has to be trust given and earned. I would never attempt this kind of play with a complete stranger. I know for some this might take the excitement away, but if done right it can be very exciting with someone you know and trust.
I'm a full time submissive and have friends in the BDSM community who share this fantasy. For them at least, it's both a sense of having no control and having a man who wants them so badly that he can't help himself that attracts them. However, none of them feel that it's safe enough to actually go through with it, and I've heard a few stories that didn't end well. I would be wary of this, especially with someone who seems as hesitant as she does.
Ha ha, yes, unfortunately far too many men took 50 shades to heart and think that everyone is into it or responds well to that kind of talk. And far too many use the designation "dominant" to justify being an abusive asshole. It's a god awful representation of what a dominant/submissive relationship should be.
S&M is totally different than BDSM but both have high levels of trust set up between the parties. But for people who don't do either have a hard time comprehending and some are appalled with the idea since they have no clue of what goes into this style of life. It's easier to just stick to what some call natural style of sex. I still recommend OP to look here. http://saltlakecity.backpage.com/Domination/ once he gets his mate than look here on swingular for other couples.
HISLITTLEONE wrote:
Ha ha, yes, unfortunately far too many men took 50 shades to heart and think that everyone is into it or responds well to that kind of talk. And far too many use the designation "dominant" to justify being an abusive asshole. It's a god awful representation of what a dominant/submissive relationship should be.
Therein lies the rub. If "far too many men took 50 Shades to heart" how many (even if it's far fewer) will 'take to heart' that many women purportedly have some kind of rape fantasy and will act accordingly?
Those books certainly haven't helped. There is no excuse for rape, and I hope anyone who thinks differently finds themselves where they belong. Also agree with ILLUSTRATOR, she changed her mind and is absolutely within her right to do so just like in any sexual encounter.
Evidently 57% of women have some kind of rape fantasy. But there's no way in hell I would ever try to fulfill that. 1) You can go to jail 2) they might think they want it but could get seriously hurt when experiencing it. 3) I value reciprocation.
Seems like the cart got before the horse so to speak. Myself, would only be talking about this with a trusted partner, not with someone I don't know, let alone have never met. Have no idea where you meet someone like that and not in person?
The world has shifted, Jeff lost his Creme Brulee
The world has shifted, Jeff lost his Creme Brulee
DEEPMOAN wrote:
Seems like the cart got before the horse so to speak. Myself, would only be talking about this with a trusted partner, not with someone I don't know, let alone have never met. Have no idea where you meet someone like that and not in person?
The world has shifted, Jeff lost his Creme Brulee
The Creme Brulee was ordered to be removed. I guess it doesn't accurately represent my body?
ILLUSTRATOR wrote:JEFFSMITH1972 wrote:
Evidently 57% of women have some kind of rape fantasy. But there's no way in hell I would ever try to fulfill that. 1) You can go to jail 2) they might think they want it but could get seriously hurt when experiencing it. 3) I value reciprocation.
Thank you for making my point. There are women who have the fantasy, but far fewer men who want to fulfill it.
Glad to help a person with a picture of a fine intelligent lady
DJBROW wrote:
So I guess this is a question for the women out there that have experience in bdsm role play in various forms...I've been carrying on a conversation with this girl about simulating a real rape encounter. I don't suppose she really wants to be raped by a complete stranger, it's something she's been wanting to have done to her. We've talked in depth about the details such as location and certain things she will and will not do. At first she agreed to meet at a neutral location and let me put a blindfold on her. After that I would drive her to my place, we'd have this encounter then I'll drop her back to her car. She would never know my true identity and vice versa. The week we were to make arrangements she chickened out saying she's too scared. We didn't talk for a while...later she sent an email saying she will only do it if we met in public first and had coffee. She says it's for her safety and to build a level of trust, otherwise she will not go forward with it.
I'm just curious why the sudden departure from our original discussion. She was all ready to make it happen then this stuff comes up.
Now I'm kinda worried myself...if we do carry this out as planned and something goes bad, what if she comes back and files criminal charges on me for rape? I still have all the emails and in one of them she even states, "...regardless if we do this or you find someone else, you should get something in writing in case she cries rape".
Just wanna get some thoughts on how I should proceed
The good news is it's probably a dude having a laugh and not a woman likely to go through w/ it. Anyone reading your profile would know which buttons to push to keep your rapt attention.
"The good news is it's probably a dude having a laugh and not a woman likely to go through w/ it. Anyone reading your profile would know which buttons to push to keep your rapt attention."
Dammit, CHEFFETTE! I was just about to get him to give me an Amazon gift card!
Dammit, CHEFFETTE! I was just about to get him to give me an Amazon gift card!
EVILDOERS wrote:
"The good news is it's probably a dude having a laugh and not a woman likely to go through w/ it. Anyone reading your profile would know which buttons to push to keep your rapt attention."
Dammit, CHEFFETTE! I was just about to get him to give me an Amazon gift card!
You know that's a website, right? You will not get a discount off an actual Amazon, and she'd tear your ass up anyway.
"...she'd tear your ass up anyway."
You say that like it's a BAD thing.
You say that like it's a BAD thing.
EVILDOERS wrote:
"...she'd tear your ass up anyway."
You say that like it's a BAD thing.
Hadn't pegged you for the sort, but I guess it's not always the quiet ones.
I see what you did there with the "pegged" pun. Ten points to Gryffindor. 
First of all, I appreciate the many thoughtful responses. Setting aside individual sensibilities and application of social values...the aim of my post is to hear from those who wish to offer a different voice of reason. I do understand the sensitive nature of this topic and the need for cognizant discussion. With that being said I would like to respond to a few replies...
Very true. Often what you get from a person is what they're most comfortable revealing to you at any given point. Sometimes you get the sense that your continued association hinges on their personality and demeanor falling within your personal beliefs.
ILLUSTRATOR wrote:
Fulfilling this fantasy is a risk to you in more ways than just legal ramifications. Wanting to fulfill this sort of fantasy may open a Pandora's box you wish you had never touched. And, as mentioned above, the woman has the right to revoke consent at any time, although you may not know that due to your playing out of the act and believing she is, too.
Very true. Often what you get from a person is what they're most comfortable revealing to you at any given point. Sometimes you get the sense that your continued association hinges on their personality and demeanor falling within your personal beliefs.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
DJBROW,
You wrote:The week we were to make arrangements she chickened out saying she's too scared. We didn't talk for a while...later she sent an email saying she will only do it if we met in public first and had coffee. She says it's for her safety and to build a level of trust, otherwise she will not go forward with it.
Certainly, the nature of the relationship changed right there. Whoever she is and whoever you are.....Won't that change how you see each other once you meet? What if you walk away and say to yourself that you really, really like this girl? Is it possible, that whatever, was in your minds in the beginning, is already at a start over phase?
You're most perceptive. I'd never thought of it that way until just now. Yes, that would've definitely changed our interaction going forward. I think at the beginning we were both on the same page in carrying out this fantasy. Something obviously changed in her mind and she wanted more than what I was willing to offer.
SUBUTCOGUY wrote:
With any kind of BDSM play there has to be trust given and earned. I would never attempt this kind of play with a complete stranger. I know for some this might take the excitement away, but if done right it can be very exciting with someone you know and trust.
Point taken. For me I view it as a relationship period where we invade each other's personal space with due diligence. There's arousal, there's mutual dependency, and there's an element of danger. You simply can't duplicate that with someone you know well.
TD_NINE wrote:
I think that we've tone has some type of fantasy in Thor lives, that's what brings a lot of single men to the swinging culture. However it's only up to ou to decide what your comfort level is and how much risk your willing to take. As for myself being placed in that type of situation, I wouldn't go through with it. The risk is to big on that one.
I do not remember ONE SINGLE fantasy rape in Thor. I do remember this...
Not sure why watching Thor would bring lots of single men into "the swinging culture". Free Pop-Tarts?
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
Rape it would seem to us, not as a fantasy, but as a reality, is a sign of weakness, cowardliness, selfishness and most every other despicable aspects of the lowest expression of human behavior. It isn't something, that either of us really want to imagine, but, all we can say is that we both would imagine a best possible outcome upon any such attempt would be to remove the testicles from any said assailant. Just so any little pussy boys, harboring such said fantasy know to stay clear of either of the two of us.
'Round these here parts we call that 'makin' a bull into a steer'...and we do it by hand.
TD_NINE wrote:
But then you wouldn't have anything funny to talk about..I'm just trying to give you a laugh is all. What kind of horrible person would I be if I wasn't able to make people laugh? I don't even want to think about that type of terror
AUTOCORRECT HATES YOU
DJBROW wrote:
I think at the beginning we were both on the same page in carrying out this fantasy. Something obviously changed in her mind and she wanted more than what I was willing to offer.
What more than pretend rape do you think she wanted from you?
Have you decided how you'll proceed, w/ this person or others in the future?
KIDSATPLAY wrote:JEFFSMITH1972 wrote:
Evidently 57% of women have some kind of rape fantasy.
I seriously DOUBT that high of a percentage. I would like to see the survey questions and how well they distinguished between forceful selfish rape, from that of the desire of a woman to have a secret admirer who she may be acquainted with, who she will fantasize that he has become so overwhelmed with desire to have her, that due to his great need to have her and only her, somehow waits for the chance to find her alone, and takes opportunity to seduce her, irregardless of her insincere protests.
But even this type of seduction is called rape in the Bible, because the man is required to make good on his love by marriage or by offering some dowry to recompense her deflowering.
So the word rape needs to have several type definitions, but all of them should probably merit some level of criminal type consequences.
I'd welcome you coming up with your own survey for that:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201508/why-do-women-have-rape-fantasies
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy#cite_note-3
" In 1985, Louis H. Janda who is an associate professor of psychology at Old Dominion University[2] said that the sexual fantasy of being raped is the most common sexual fantasy for women.[3] A 1988 study by Pelletier and Herold found that over half of their female respondents had fantasies of forced sex"
You're welcome to look for more sources.
If u do do it.. Make sure to keep a complete thread of messages or emails showing what she wanted
http://www.slate.com/blogs/humannature/2009/01/26/rape_fantasies_and_female_arousal.html
More thoughts on rape fantasies
More thoughts on rape fantasies
Wish we could do anonymous polls on Swingular like you can do on other swing sites. It would be quite interesting to allow the ladies to honestly answer whether or not they've ever fantasized about being raped (or taken forcefully or however else you want to water it down) without the obvious inhibition of everyone here knowing that they'd had that fantasy.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Wish we could do anonymous polls on Swingular like you can do on other swing sites. It would be quite interesting to allow the ladies to honestly answer whether or not they've ever fantasized about being raped (or taken forcefully or however else you want to water it down) without the obvious inhibition of everyone here knowing that they'd had that fantasy.
Yeah, more info is always better. Modify this somehow? https://www.surveymonkey.com/
Yeah, after sleeping on it I'm not sure even an anonymous poll is going to be helpful. Too much potential for abuse by someone with an agenda. Could even get a bunch of rapey guys answering in the affirmative to skew the results. I think maybe even just talking about this is a no win situation especially since we've recently had threads where people don't seem to understand what consent actually is.
FIXED IT FOR YOU
In this day and age, when we have public officials discussing rape and whether a particular rape is "legitimate" or not and/or insinuating the sometimes a rape could even be "part of God's plan" when it results in a pregnancy I personally think it's prudent to err on the side of caution whenever talking about a violent act even if it IS "pretend".
In this day and age, when we have public officials discussing rape and whether a particular rape is "legitimate" or not and/or insinuating the sometimes a rape could even be "part of God's plan" when it results in a pregnancy I personally think it's prudent to err on the side of caution whenever talking about a violent act even if it IS "pretend".
CHEFFETTE wrote:DJBROW wrote:
I think at the beginning we were both on the same page in carrying out this fantasy. Something obviously changed in her mind and she wanted more than what I was willing to offer.
What more than pretend rape do you think she wanted from you?
Have you decided how you'll proceed, w/ this person or others in the future?
I'm thinking she's playing me to some degree...constantly sizing me up and formulating a response accordingly. From the start I made it very clear that we'd remain completely anonymous and I'd never initiate contact regardless of familiarity(basically, she would make the final call if she really wants to carry out this encounter) I asked her if she ever had this type of encounter, she said,"I have not had anything like this before." I asked her if she's ok with remaining completely anonymous, she replied, "I have no problem with you remaining completely anonymous. I actually find that kinda hot. I worry about safety and privacy and what I wouldn't be able to see though. Does that make sense?" Later she reiterated, "I am completely OK with that, but I do have come concerns mostly about personal safety."
When we got into the actual meeting and arranging a predetermined location, specifically, mutual expectations going forward and following strict protocol...she came back with this, "You want a fight? You want the no and the resistance in the same fervor you put into taking it? You would put the time and effort into achieving all that and then just simply walk away? Is that what you hope for afterwards? What if she wants more? More debasement, more intensity, more animalistic encounter? Would you deny her that?
So let me you ask you, being that you're a single female with complete autonomy in the lifestyle...what is the true intention of your brethren?
This day and age everything is very disturbing.