Hi! My husband and i have kids and are curious about doing a hall pass so we can get out more without paying a shit load for babysitting. Both of us would have hall passes. What are the community's thoughts on a couple with hall passes and how do you find action with those hall passes?
ladykink
ladykink
Well, we both have them, but she uses hers more than I do. I guess it's mostly a numbers thing, lots and lots more males and couples looking for a female than there are females and couples looking for a male (sigh), plus women can go alone to essentially all events and parties, while the number of them to which a male alone can go, even places/events where people know you, are so extremely limited that they might as well not even exist.
So I think it's a kind of do it how you want to kind of thing. It will help to state on your profile that you both have hall passes, but be aware that some people will want to contact the spouse to verify the hall pass, especially in the case of a male who has one; other than that, contact people on the site, go to events and/or parties, whatever you want. Just expect that the male half probably won't have even close to as much success as will the female through online contacts, and that he just won't be allowed at the vast majority of parties and events. This is, after all, one of the small corners of the world that is, in almost every way, run by the women and not the men.
So I think it's a kind of do it how you want to kind of thing. It will help to state on your profile that you both have hall passes, but be aware that some people will want to contact the spouse to verify the hall pass, especially in the case of a male who has one; other than that, contact people on the site, go to events and/or parties, whatever you want. Just expect that the male half probably won't have even close to as much success as will the female through online contacts, and that he just won't be allowed at the vast majority of parties and events. This is, after all, one of the small corners of the world that is, in almost every way, run by the women and not the men.
We both have a hall pass but wife likes me to be near by when she plays. Plus she gets more aroused when I take video or take picture to post here in our private photo's. So she tends to bring them home or she has me screen them for a meet-n-great to give her final approval. If she like the guy he's getting laid and I'm getting more video and or photos, but the kicker is the single guys tend to disappear and her goal of a possible DVP has gone out the window.
As for me if I bring them home it saves me on hotel fees and the wife is around somewhere or at work
it doesn't matter but on the rare occasion she takes video and pictures of the encounter. So it comes down to what you guys are comfortable with when it comes to the hall pass thing just set up your ground rules and always honor it.
Just our 2 cents Poet & Dawn
As for me if I bring them home it saves me on hotel fees and the wife is around somewhere or at work
it doesn't matter but on the rare occasion she takes video and pictures of the encounter. So it comes down to what you guys are comfortable with when it comes to the hall pass thing just set up your ground rules and always honor it.
Just our 2 cents Poet & Dawn
We have recently started to explore the idea of couples with hall passes. We would prefer a couple who had interest in both of us. We are interested in a couple who we could spend some sexy time with the male and female on seperate occassions. We prefer to meet as couples first. So yes there is interest out there for hall passes.
InvestigatingKink, it looks like we have been in the LS (lifestyle) about the same time, less than a year. Everyone has different needs and weaknesses in their marriage, and I certainly don't judge what other people do, at least not ethically. We were at a party just last night and talking to several couples who have been in the LS for a lot of years. We were discussing this very subject. They all had stories of people who started playing separately and most of those couples are now divorced. Their belief is that it is often very difficult on marriages and definitely not for the majority of swingers. Now all of you hall pass and open marriage people, don't get freaky on me. This is just speculation on my part and opinion of those I talk to. There are many I'm sure it works great for.
I believe the LS can be seriously hard on your marriage if you are not in prime shape. We ourselves have had struggles just doing what we do (as I think everyone has had at some point) so to add more uncertainty to the situation would be tough. Also, to us (again, not judging) this is about a journey we are taking together. I like to watch her interact with people and be flirted with and she enjoys the same. If we were not together it feels as if we have moved on to something different. But we are probably rare. Our name alone, SameRoomOnly, should give you and idea of our ideals. I know this is going to sound crazy, but we aren't in the LS just to fuck a bunch of people. We truly enjoy the fun people, making friends and experiencing new things together.
An analogy could be made to travel. We both love to travel. But if we started taking separate vacations all of the time, it wouldn't be as enjoyable. Hawaii is wonderful if I am there alone, but if she is with me, it makes the experience so much better. I want her to share in my experiences.
Last thing is that we communicate together, almost always. It isn't that we are jealous of what a person says to either on of us, but we like to know what is being said, as a team. It keeps us honest and open and prevents us from having to recap any conversations. We trust each other completely, but we also realize that anyone can mess up and by putting yourself in a situation that could potentiate cheating or dishonesty doesn't seem wise to us. I'm sure some of you will want to interject and say "well, you two must not trust each other. We never worry about things like that. We love each other too much." Maybe so. But our opinion is that when you start to spend alone time with another person, talking freely about whatever the subject may be and are fucking that person, well...it seems dangerous. It's just like when I am at work. If a girl flirts with me or gets too close, I make sure to tell my wife and keep her updated and I also try to distance myself from that person. Not that I plan on cheating, but we are all human and have weaknesses. And by always being honest and open it helps to keep our marriage strong.
So, maybe the truth is that we are just not secure enough in our relationship to do something like hall passes or an open marriage, or maybe the truth is that everyone who tries it will fail miserably and end up divorced. It probably is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, as most things are. Few things are black or white. But we wouldn't entertain the idea of a consistent hall pass. Maybe once, or twice, just to experience it, but an ongoing thing, no way.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Mr. SameRoomOnly
I believe the LS can be seriously hard on your marriage if you are not in prime shape. We ourselves have had struggles just doing what we do (as I think everyone has had at some point) so to add more uncertainty to the situation would be tough. Also, to us (again, not judging) this is about a journey we are taking together. I like to watch her interact with people and be flirted with and she enjoys the same. If we were not together it feels as if we have moved on to something different. But we are probably rare. Our name alone, SameRoomOnly, should give you and idea of our ideals. I know this is going to sound crazy, but we aren't in the LS just to fuck a bunch of people. We truly enjoy the fun people, making friends and experiencing new things together.
An analogy could be made to travel. We both love to travel. But if we started taking separate vacations all of the time, it wouldn't be as enjoyable. Hawaii is wonderful if I am there alone, but if she is with me, it makes the experience so much better. I want her to share in my experiences.
Last thing is that we communicate together, almost always. It isn't that we are jealous of what a person says to either on of us, but we like to know what is being said, as a team. It keeps us honest and open and prevents us from having to recap any conversations. We trust each other completely, but we also realize that anyone can mess up and by putting yourself in a situation that could potentiate cheating or dishonesty doesn't seem wise to us. I'm sure some of you will want to interject and say "well, you two must not trust each other. We never worry about things like that. We love each other too much." Maybe so. But our opinion is that when you start to spend alone time with another person, talking freely about whatever the subject may be and are fucking that person, well...it seems dangerous. It's just like when I am at work. If a girl flirts with me or gets too close, I make sure to tell my wife and keep her updated and I also try to distance myself from that person. Not that I plan on cheating, but we are all human and have weaknesses. And by always being honest and open it helps to keep our marriage strong.
So, maybe the truth is that we are just not secure enough in our relationship to do something like hall passes or an open marriage, or maybe the truth is that everyone who tries it will fail miserably and end up divorced. It probably is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, as most things are. Few things are black or white. But we wouldn't entertain the idea of a consistent hall pass. Maybe once, or twice, just to experience it, but an ongoing thing, no way.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Mr. SameRoomOnly
We both have hall passes as well, have yet to use them. We would like to meet a couple we can both connect with and go from there.
LDSFUNCOUPLE wrote:
We both have hall passes as well. It's easier for us to do it that way because of small kids and babysitters....it works for us to take turns going out while the other one stays home watching kids. We prefer a couple that would be open to this type of setup, and every couple of months we all get together.
LDSFUNCOUPLE bring us your hall pass and go to my room!
Not going to lie, I'm loving the hall pass. It allows me to seek out who I'm interested in without having to worry about what the hubby is looking for. Also, as you said it makes life easier for those of us who still have little ones at home. I would also second/third/fourth the above about difficulty for the single male. In fact, he's not really using his hall pass and instead plays only with me and other couples as we find the ones we click with. It's awfully hard to be single guy out there!
LDSFUNCOUPLE wrote:
We both have hall passes as well. It's easier for us to do it that way because of small kids and babysitters....it works for us to take turns going out while the other one stays home watching kids. We prefer a couple that would be open to this type of setup, and every couple of months we all get together.
my words exactly...except small kids....it would be so much easier having another couple that you click with then try to find a single women for the hubby...men are dime a dozen, they call SF unicorns for a reason cuz they are rare....and what LDSFUNCOUPLE said the couples go off play alone then every couple of months you all get together and play...LOVE THE IDEA
POET_RAYL wrote:
We both have a hall pass but wife likes me to be near by when she plays. Plus she gets more aroused when I take video or take picture to post here in our private photo's. So she tends to bring them home or she has me screen them for a meet-n-great to give her final approval. If she like the guy he's getting laid and I'm getting more video and or photos, but the kicker is the single guys tend to disappear and her goal of a possible DVP has gone out the window.
As for me if I bring them home it saves me on hotel fees and the wife is around somewhere or at work
it doesn't matter but on the rare occasion she takes video and pictures of the encounter. So it comes down to what you guys are comfortable with when it comes to the hall pass thing just set up your ground rules and always honor it.
Just our 2 cents Poet & Dawn
We both have hall passes, but, that is a big but, certainly understand a wife wanting her husband to be near by and even the final approval comment, but isn't that just swinging or hall passes with your ground rules?
SAMEROOMONLY wrote:
Also, to us (again, not judging) this is about a journey we are taking together. I like to watch her interact with people and be flirted with and she enjoys the same. If we were not together it feels as if we have moved on to something different. I know this is going to sound crazy, but we aren't in the LS just to fuck a bunch of people. We truly enjoy the fun people, making friends and experiencing new things together.
We trust each other completely, but we also realize that anyone can mess up and by putting yourself in a situation that could potentiate cheating or dishonesty doesn't seem wise to us. I'm sure some of you will want to interject and say "well, you two must not trust each other. We never worry about things like that. We love each other too much." Maybe so. But our opinion is that when you start to spend alone time with another person, talking freely about whatever the subject may be and are fucking that person, well...it seems dangerous. It's just like when I am at work. If a girl flirts with me or gets too close, I make sure to tell my wife and keep her updated and I also try to distance myself from that person. Not that I plan on cheating, but we are all human and have weaknesses. And by always being honest and open it helps to keep our marriage strong.
So, maybe the truth is that we are just not secure enough in our relationship to do something like hall passes or an open marriage, or maybe the truth is that everyone who tries it will fail miserably and end up divorced. It probably is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, as most things are. Few things are black or white. But we wouldn't entertain the idea of a consistent hall pass. Maybe once, or twice, just to experience it, but an ongoing thing, no way.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Mr. SameRoomOnly
Ok. I love what you wrote! This is the type of LS I see as exciting. Being with someone I love and trust and enjoying the sexual experience of seeing & helping my partner enjoy himself. I ALWAYS wish I could SEEEEEE when I'm just engulfed in incredible passion & It PISSES ME OFF! Lol. I see sharing and sexual encounters with other people as just a further step in our sexual experience. I would rather they don't play separately as what's the point in that??
In response to the insecurities, I don't see that as insecure. I see that as being proactive in considering your partners feelings. They matter the most. They are the important one. Not that unicorns aren't, we shouldn't be treated like free hookers and that happens ALLLL the time, but when you have a life with someone, that investment and love matters greatly. I've always been able to say that my partner will always feel #1 because I am open about everything. That's important in the LS. Too many people turn it into a fuck fest and forget about the actual PEOPLE involved. That's very selfish IMO. That's when relationships are destroyed. Lack of consideration. So I love what you have to say! Thanks for sharing!
Nicely said Unicorn73.
If there are any wives with a hall pass, we'd love to chat. We're not opposed to meeting both but we'd like to have some fun with just a woman.
My rule with hall passes is I verify EVERY time to make sure they actually have one. And I make it available to anyone that wants to get together with me to check my hall pass, and make sure to disclose that people do know if they approach me that I'm not single. Ethics are a big deal for me, and as long as nothing is done in the dark hall passes are fine in my opinion.
DEEPMOAN wrote:POET_RAYL wrote:
We both have a hall pass but wife likes me to be near by when she plays. Plus she gets more aroused when I take video or take picture to post here in our private photo's. So she tends to bring them home or she has me screen them for a meet-n-great to give her final approval. If she like the guy he's getting laid and I'm getting more video and or photos, but the kicker is the single guys tend to disappear and her goal of a possible DVP has gone out the window.
As for me if I bring them home it saves me on hotel fees and the wife is around somewhere or at work
it doesn't matter but on the rare occasion she takes video and pictures of the encounter. So it comes down to what you guys are comfortable with when it comes to the hall pass thing just set up your ground rules and always honor it.
Just our 2 cents Poet & Dawn
We both have hall passes, but, that is a big but, certainly understand a wife wanting her husband to be near by and even the final approval comment, but isn't that just swinging or hall passes with your ground rules?
It is definitely a hall pass with our ground rules. I am allowed to play without him there, but I prefer him around. He is allowed to play without me. It works out well for us.
Dawn
We can't imagine a hall pass. We do this as an extension of our sex life together. If either one of us is not there, there is no point. Both of us were cheated on in our former marriage. It hurt.,,badly. We never want to feel that again. So we thought we could take away the possibility of forbidden fruit. We even say that if we find someone attractive, while we are at work, etc., if we are honest and open about it, we can always find out if they would want to join us. If not, we move along and go have fun with friends old and new. That way, we never feel the weight of monogamy. Or that things are forbidden. Once everything is permissible, it takes away that longing for something new or different.
That's how we feel Erasedpants. We've done different room play but even that felt weird to both of us. We're in it for our fantasies together and it felt kinda like we were just both cheating on each other, lol. Plus i don't have the visual of seeing her pleasured.
Cheaters don't tell there other half, where swingers go home and brag off the experience.
Thank you for all your honest posts, we have decided to try it. But just so you know the background. I have researched all forms of consensual non-mongamy in my career and it really all depends on the couple decides and what they believe is good for the relationship. We are completely open with each other and always check in with each other to make sure we are happy and safe. I totally understand why couples would choose to only participate in the lifestyle together. It makes sense for them and for many other people and their relationships. We find joy in our partner being pleasured or having an intimate experience with another partner. We are not the jealous type. Jealousy has it's uses and it isn't always negative. Jealousy can lead to a feeling of possessiveness that some people like. My husband is possessive, but not jealous. From my experiences in the lifestyle some of the men are possessive in that they don't like seeing women hurt or uncared for, they treat the women with respect and the women treat them the same. This lifestyle isn't for every relationship. But I believe that if a couple takes the time to set rules, keep them and reevaluate them at each step it can work for some.
POET, I guess you missed the lol at the end of the statement. Just saying we tried it and it Wasn't what we liked. Just our preference and we weren't saying there was anything wrong with it for anybody else.
INVESTIGATINGKINK wrote:
Thank you for all your honest posts, we have decided to try it. But just so you know the background. I have researched all forms of consensual non-mongamy in my career and it really all depends on the couple decides and what they believe is good for the relationship. We are completely open with each other and always check in with each other to make sure we are happy and safe. I totally understand why couples would choose to only participate in the lifestyle together. It makes sense for them and for many other people and their relationships. We find joy in our partner being pleasured or having an intimate experience with another partner. We are not the jealous type. Jealousy has it's uses and it isn't always negative. Jealousy can lead to a feeling of possessiveness that some people like. My husband is possessive, but not jealous. From my experiences in the lifestyle some of the men are possessive in that they don't like seeing women hurt or uncared for, they treat the women with respect and the women treat them the same. This lifestyle isn't for every relationship. But I believe that if a couple takes the time to set rules, keep them and reevaluate them at each step it can work for some.
Just a couple of observations from a couple who has tried just about every iteration of swinging and even a little poly. The wild card is the other person you're playing with that isn't part of your relationship. Most people are on the up and up and don't have any hidden agendas but there ARE people out there who for whatever reason may try to subvert your primary relationship. Even if, as a couple, you have all your ducks in a row there are those who can insidiously try (and sometimes succeed) in undermining your marriage. It can be overt or very subtle and even subliminal to some degree. Something as innocent as doing something you've secretly wished your spouse would do or saying something like, "If you were mine I wouldn't want to share you." Our advice to those who want to play with hall passes is simple. Don't have repeat performances. Playing alone can be a freeing, heady experience but when you do it more than once with the same person feelings can start to develop even if only by one person. Don't discount the power of hormones like oxytocin (the so called 'love hormone') in making someone believe there is more there than just sexual fun. We were counting the other day and during our tenure in swinging we've known upwards of 60 couples who have split up. Almost half of those were due in some part to developing feelings for another swinger. In the end it's absolutely your decision but know that in many real ways you're playing with fire.
The 'Doers
EVILDOERS wrote:INVESTIGATINGKINK wrote:
Thank you for all your honest posts, we have decided to try it. But just so you know the background. I have researched all forms of consensual non-mongamy in my career and it really all depends on the couple decides and what they believe is good for the relationship. We are completely open with each other and always check in with each other to make sure we are happy and safe. I totally understand why couples would choose to only participate in the lifestyle together. It makes sense for them and for many other people and their relationships. We find joy in our partner being pleasured or having an intimate experience with another partner. We are not the jealous type. Jealousy has it's uses and it isn't always negative. Jealousy can lead to a feeling of possessiveness that some people like. My husband is possessive, but not jealous. From my experiences in the lifestyle some of the men are possessive in that they don't like seeing women hurt or uncared for, they treat the women with respect and the women treat them the same. This lifestyle isn't for every relationship. But I believe that if a couple takes the time to set rules, keep them and reevaluate them at each step it can work for some.
Just a couple of observations from a couple who has tried just about every iteration of swinging and even a little poly. The wild card is the other person you're playing with that isn't part of your relationship. Most people are on the up and up and don't have any hidden agendas but there ARE people out there who for whatever reason may try to subvert your primary relationship. Even if, as a couple, you have all your ducks in a row there are those who can insidiously try (and sometimes succeed) in undermining your marriage. It can be overt or very subtle and even subliminal to some degree. Something as innocent as doing something you've secretly wished your spouse would do or saying something like, "If you were mine I wouldn't want to share you." Our advice to those who want to play with hall passes is simple. Don't have repeat performances. Playing alone can be a freeing, heady experience but when you do it more than once with the same person feelings can start to develop even if only by one person. Don't discount the power of hormones like oxytocin (the so called 'love hormone') in making someone believe there is more there than just sexual fun. We were counting the other day in during our tenure in swinging we've known upwards of 60 couples who have split up. Almost half of those were due in some part to developing feelings for another swinger. In the end it's absolutely your decision but know that in many real ways you're playing with fire.
The 'Doers
Thanks 'Doers. great advice.
Very good advice Doers. We're not a hall pass couple now but if anything changes that's definitely a good rule.
Looking at the time of post ICEWATER, that was dawn posting. Since I just got home from shoveling way too much snow, so maybe she did miss your lol part.
Gotcha. Lol. No worries. You were shoveling it and i was on my way back from vegas driving in it. Damn snow.
If I'd invest in a machine than probably wouldn't take me so long.
Just bought a snow blower today! We have a service, but they are here later than we leave for work. No more shoveling for me.
My husband and I both have hall passes and we mainly just play solo now it makes it a lot easier when you have small children. Just like the others have said it is more difficult for the male half to find fun. We communicate our play experiences with each other and also try and take turns on playing this makes things work in our relationship.
ZAKANDTOSH wrote:
My husband and I both have hall passes and we mainly just play solo now it makes it a lot easier when you have small children. Just like the others have said it is more difficult for the male half to find fun. We communicate our play experiences with each other and also try and take turns on playing this makes things work in our relationship.
Nice! As long as you are both happy.
ZAKANDTOSH
Since you both play alone or do your set up like Dawn and I do, you may want to toss up some neck to knee cap photos of your man since when we are looking for a 2nd dick to help out she tends to look at couples over single males since in the long run we get to share each other just not in the full couple setting. since if we pull from a couple we know there keeping the 3D rules of the relationship.
Poet
Since you both play alone or do your set up like Dawn and I do, you may want to toss up some neck to knee cap photos of your man since when we are looking for a 2nd dick to help out she tends to look at couples over single males since in the long run we get to share each other just not in the full couple setting. since if we pull from a couple we know there keeping the 3D rules of the relationship.
Poet