Brenda is DEFINATELY the pro in our lifestyle couple world where I am just a three year old swinger who still have newbie issues sometimes. Case in point: We have a dear friends we met at one of the clubs we went to who are very sweet, funny and dear to us. Brenda and her are like magnets together and the times they get to play with one another they are exclusively for each other. This past weekend they were definatly all over each other in some hot sessions. I was happy for Brenda, for our friend, and her hubby was happy to watch them both. However, when it came down to me I wanted to play too.
Don't get me wrong I know what the rules are with the couple: Soft Swap, some sexual play with the ladies, but the lady from the SS couple only has intercourse with her hubby alone because it is something special between them. I respect that and appreciate that...my mind says that. I'm also happy when Bren gets to enjoy her bi side and I know her heart is with me. But, and this could be a combination of selfishness or desire or both, but I feel left out when the three of them are happy with the situation, but I feel like I am either butting in on their fun or that I should let them have fun and stay out of the way. There were a few times I found another woman to play with seperately while they had fun together.
Now when Bren and this other lady play the other lady wants me to sit close by with them while they play and I don't want to so that I don't violate the space. If you are wondering what is my beef the question is I'm not sure. It may be a combination of jealousy, uncomfortableness, or a bit of both. But what I know is my mind knows that I want Brenda and this couple to be happy I just don't know how to reconcile my feelings and somehow let them know that it is okay the ladies play with each other and I am happy to stay close and watch them.
Am I the only newbie guy feeling this way or am I just way too selfish or self involved over the whole thing? I welcome some needed advice.
Ed
(EdNBrenda)
Don't get me wrong I know what the rules are with the couple: Soft Swap, some sexual play with the ladies, but the lady from the SS couple only has intercourse with her hubby alone because it is something special between them. I respect that and appreciate that...my mind says that. I'm also happy when Bren gets to enjoy her bi side and I know her heart is with me. But, and this could be a combination of selfishness or desire or both, but I feel left out when the three of them are happy with the situation, but I feel like I am either butting in on their fun or that I should let them have fun and stay out of the way. There were a few times I found another woman to play with seperately while they had fun together.
Now when Bren and this other lady play the other lady wants me to sit close by with them while they play and I don't want to so that I don't violate the space. If you are wondering what is my beef the question is I'm not sure. It may be a combination of jealousy, uncomfortableness, or a bit of both. But what I know is my mind knows that I want Brenda and this couple to be happy I just don't know how to reconcile my feelings and somehow let them know that it is okay the ladies play with each other and I am happy to stay close and watch them.
Am I the only newbie guy feeling this way or am I just way too selfish or self involved over the whole thing? I welcome some needed advice.
Ed
(EdNBrenda)
Classic cuckold, If your fine with that, Thats cool
If not, when the other husband joins in you do too.
Most of all, talk to your wife about your feelings.
If not, when the other husband joins in you do too.
Most of all, talk to your wife about your feelings.
We face the same issue and tonight was just another case. They got my wife involved and then I seemed to be a fourth wheel. We put it up with it for most first time meetings, if we meet someone a second and third and they continue this way, then we stop.
As for you not wanting to move closer to keep boundries, thats where you need to speak to them about the boundries. Perhaps its okay for you to fondle or kiss while the girls are playing. Understanding the expectations of everyone involved definitely makes for a better time.
As for you not wanting to move closer to keep boundries, thats where you need to speak to them about the boundries. Perhaps its okay for you to fondle or kiss while the girls are playing. Understanding the expectations of everyone involved definitely makes for a better time.
Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the issue at heart doesn't seem to be that three people are getting the /action/. The issue at heart is that three people are /enjoying/ the action.
The action itself appears to be confined to just the two women. I believe Ed's issue is that the other husband is perfectly happy to watch (This was the instance he used in his example) and if the other husband is actually participating, then that's something Ed has left out. So, for the moment, we'll have to assume that the other guy is merely watching.
Ed stated that he has a problem just watching. He's not enjoying it. He wants to be in on it. The other husband, meanwhile, appears to enjoy just watching the women together.
In this instance, Ed, my advice to you is to bring it up first with your wife and then with the other Husband, privately, away from the women. I say talk to the other husband alone because you might just be able to find out or home in on what it is he's enjoying so much about it and it could help you. Hell, for all you know, he could be thinking the exact same thing as you. If that's the case, then maybe the women could just get together when they're feeling randy and you and the other husband roll out to a club and go fishing, with your wife's permission, of course.
Just my two cents and probably not worth that. Only you know the details. Interesting subject, though.
-C
The action itself appears to be confined to just the two women. I believe Ed's issue is that the other husband is perfectly happy to watch (This was the instance he used in his example) and if the other husband is actually participating, then that's something Ed has left out. So, for the moment, we'll have to assume that the other guy is merely watching.
Ed stated that he has a problem just watching. He's not enjoying it. He wants to be in on it. The other husband, meanwhile, appears to enjoy just watching the women together.
In this instance, Ed, my advice to you is to bring it up first with your wife and then with the other Husband, privately, away from the women. I say talk to the other husband alone because you might just be able to find out or home in on what it is he's enjoying so much about it and it could help you. Hell, for all you know, he could be thinking the exact same thing as you. If that's the case, then maybe the women could just get together when they're feeling randy and you and the other husband roll out to a club and go fishing, with your wife's permission, of course.
Just my two cents and probably not worth that. Only you know the details. Interesting subject, though.
-C
Hey there,
Got an update for you which I posted on another board which explains a bit what happened this weekend when we went out to meet up with the same soft swap couple so read and be amazed. *L*
UPDATE!
We went out to a non-on premise party at a bar situatied in a motel just south of I75/70 in Dayton. I talked to Brenda in between lines from DMB and sitting in our vechle about the whole thing. One: She doesn't mind playing together with another couple if the opportunity is right, heck she is fine if I find someome to play with while she's busy with the soft swap couple provided she gives the OK on the girl I'm going with. But she made it clear the female of the ss couple is exclusively hers to play with first and foremost;anyone else is icing on the cake when we play together.
TWO: Since she's got better insight about me and us she went on to proceed that the problem I'm having may have to do with being such a vouyer most of my life always wanting to be a part of it, but being able to compartmentalize everything so I didn't have to associate with the feelings involved. She feels the problems I'm having is because now I have opportunity to have fun with other people the little jealousy, intimindation, and other feelings tend to creep up and keeps me from just enjoying sex as a recreation and nothing else. I asked her was there a pill or treatment for it and her answer was "no, you got to fix your own head through this so you don't get hung up on all this."
THREE: I made it clear I would like to have fun too and she agreed as well. In fact, so long as she is open to it (which, I found out this weekend, she is more open and kinky than I ever imagine it's fine with her) and there's no issues with the person(s) involved.
What was cool is we had a great time with the couple we were with, had a great crowd and the meet and greet session, went to a "straight" dance club and let them get to see my inner "club kid" come out, had some hot times with Brenda to the point where I want to get a few more moments with her before this weekend is out, and five, even had some sexy times with the other couple where I felt a bit more comfortable with them now that Brenda and I talked it out.
I guess what I need to do is deal with the mental issues and emotions which tend to creep up (mainly as of lately, before I was fine) and get it in order so I can grow up a bit and be able to look at sex in the right context.
---
Ed
(EdNBrenda)
Got an update for you which I posted on another board which explains a bit what happened this weekend when we went out to meet up with the same soft swap couple so read and be amazed. *L*
UPDATE!
We went out to a non-on premise party at a bar situatied in a motel just south of I75/70 in Dayton. I talked to Brenda in between lines from DMB and sitting in our vechle about the whole thing. One: She doesn't mind playing together with another couple if the opportunity is right, heck she is fine if I find someome to play with while she's busy with the soft swap couple provided she gives the OK on the girl I'm going with. But she made it clear the female of the ss couple is exclusively hers to play with first and foremost;anyone else is icing on the cake when we play together.
TWO: Since she's got better insight about me and us she went on to proceed that the problem I'm having may have to do with being such a vouyer most of my life always wanting to be a part of it, but being able to compartmentalize everything so I didn't have to associate with the feelings involved. She feels the problems I'm having is because now I have opportunity to have fun with other people the little jealousy, intimindation, and other feelings tend to creep up and keeps me from just enjoying sex as a recreation and nothing else. I asked her was there a pill or treatment for it and her answer was "no, you got to fix your own head through this so you don't get hung up on all this."
THREE: I made it clear I would like to have fun too and she agreed as well. In fact, so long as she is open to it (which, I found out this weekend, she is more open and kinky than I ever imagine it's fine with her) and there's no issues with the person(s) involved.
What was cool is we had a great time with the couple we were with, had a great crowd and the meet and greet session, went to a "straight" dance club and let them get to see my inner "club kid" come out, had some hot times with Brenda to the point where I want to get a few more moments with her before this weekend is out, and five, even had some sexy times with the other couple where I felt a bit more comfortable with them now that Brenda and I talked it out.
I guess what I need to do is deal with the mental issues and emotions which tend to creep up (mainly as of lately, before I was fine) and get it in order so I can grow up a bit and be able to look at sex in the right context.
---
Ed
(EdNBrenda)
You need to know what the "right context" is, I think it's great that your wife is helping you resolve your issues, but remember that you're your own person, and if you feel uncomfortable with a situation, you aren't wrong, you're uncomfortable. And, expecting someone to just get over it. sounds a little strange.
I know nothing about you guys but, you shouldn't let anybody negate your feelings.
Your feelings are yours and only you need to figure out if they are justified.
I know nothing about you guys but, you shouldn't let anybody negate your feelings.
Your feelings are yours and only you need to figure out if they are justified.