I see this frequently in profiles, almost exclusively those of men or couples - the assurance that there won't be pressure to do things nor will personal boundaries be disrespected.
Since pressuring someone to have sex or violating their boundaries borders at the minimum on assault, isn't it a given that one won't assault another person or attempt to do so? Those who've been around the lifestyle for awhile, what does it look like when those things happen?
Am I being naive or can I actually expect to have a person attempt to do something to me when I'm not looking in a group session?
Since pressuring someone to have sex or violating their boundaries borders at the minimum on assault, isn't it a given that one won't assault another person or attempt to do so? Those who've been around the lifestyle for awhile, what does it look like when those things happen?
Am I being naive or can I actually expect to have a person attempt to do something to me when I'm not looking in a group session?
"...isn't it a given that one won't assault another person or attempt to do so?"
One would hope. Unfortunately the lifestyle has become so adulterated (pun intended) by just about anyone who thinks it's a free, easy way to get NSA sex that you now have a virtual cornucopia of people who don't really "get it". What I guess I'm trying to say is that it seems like it's no longer wife swapping or swinging. It's now "the lifestyle" and apparently includes every manner of sexual libertine imaginable including those who view swingers (and yes I mean mostly females) as wanton sluts who are borderline nymphomaniacs that lack the capacity or will to say (or mean) "No.".
It would be very interesting to poll women who have been in the lifestyle for a considerable amount of time, say ten, fifteen or twenty years, and ask them if they're ever had to more or less fight a guy off or worse, or if they've ever entertained unwanted advances so as to not rock the boat or harsh the vibe at a swing party. Sadly I'd be willing to bet the number would be fairly high.
One would hope. Unfortunately the lifestyle has become so adulterated (pun intended) by just about anyone who thinks it's a free, easy way to get NSA sex that you now have a virtual cornucopia of people who don't really "get it". What I guess I'm trying to say is that it seems like it's no longer wife swapping or swinging. It's now "the lifestyle" and apparently includes every manner of sexual libertine imaginable including those who view swingers (and yes I mean mostly females) as wanton sluts who are borderline nymphomaniacs that lack the capacity or will to say (or mean) "No.".
It would be very interesting to poll women who have been in the lifestyle for a considerable amount of time, say ten, fifteen or twenty years, and ask them if they're ever had to more or less fight a guy off or worse, or if they've ever entertained unwanted advances so as to not rock the boat or harsh the vibe at a swing party. Sadly I'd be willing to bet the number would be fairly high.
Maybe he said he wanted her to do coke off his dick (in which case he would come across as generous and sharing with his stash)...AutoCorrect sometimes sucks. 
I hire a back doorman....Just to be safe. I have one and he is well trained. We also use code words...when things get too much!
I put it in my profile specifically because no one seems to understand what bisexual means.
It means someone is attracted to the same sex and other sex, it doesnt mean you want to automatically fuck some woman's husband. I still have what I like to see in men just like i have a type in women.
It means someone is attracted to the same sex and other sex, it doesnt mean you want to automatically fuck some woman's husband. I still have what I like to see in men just like i have a type in women.
Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts about people. If another couple is pushy or we just don't make a connection then we are not really interested, just our preference. While we are not specific in our profile we do say we like to make some sort of connection. We like to have a discussion about boundaries but the more we get to know you the farther we will take those boundaries if we trust you. For us it pretty simple.
Personally we prefer to assume everyone is guilty, until proven innocent. Let's face it, people (okay mostly guys) are douchecopters who would fuck a knothole in a tree even if the tree said "No.". The old adage "All's fair in love and war." applies doubly to swinging. We prefer the slash and burn/shock and awe method of vetting potential lovers. Remember, there's no "i" in surprise butt sex.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Personally we prefer to assume everyone is guilty, until proven innocent. Let's face it, people (okay mostly guys) are douchecopters who would fuck a knothole in a tree even if the tree said "No.". The old adage "All's fair in love and war." applies doubly to swinging. We prefer the slash and burn/shock and awe method of vetting potential lovers. Remember, there's no "i" in surprise butt sex.
Yeah that's not misanthropic at all....
Evil you are just full of surprises aren't you. Good to see not everyone takes things so seriously.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Personally we prefer to assume everyone is guilty, until proven innocent. Let's face it, people (okay mostly guys) are douchecopters who would fuck a knothole in a tree even if the tree said "No.". The old adage "All's fair in love and war." applies doubly to swinging. We prefer the slash and burn/shock and awe method of vetting potential lovers. Remember, there's no "i" in surprise butt sex.
Sorry, isn't there an "i" in surprIse?
WILYBOBCAT wrote:
So we are really new to all of this, and as such we are naive and nervous etc. We recently attended a meet and greet and while I was getting my wife another drink some guy came up to her and just shoved his tongue down her throat. Not what we were expecting from things we'd read on the site at all, but we don't really have any experience with this, so how do we know any different? We talked to another couple about it and they said that really shouldn't happen, but I guess there's always going to be pushy inappropriate assholes in any group. It almost turned us off to this whole thing, but there are still a few couples we've been in contact with who seem really cool and chill, and exactly the kind of "no pressure" "boundaries respected" people that we're looking for.
That's awful, I'm sorry your wife was assaulted like that. No, it shouldn't happen to either of you anywhere, much less at an event around a lifestyle that requires so much trust to have hopes of success. I was slow dancing w/ a guy at an event and the male half of a married couple dancing behind us started rubbing my ass out of nowhere; I asked him if he could 'fucking not' do that and while he stopped, his look of 'How dare you?' at me was priceless. There will always be the fuckheads who push it no matter the social setting and sadly it is more likely to be one gender than the other. #notallmenarefuckheads
Wilybobcat you learn that some people feel empowered to do what they want at LS events. Saw that a lot at Naughty N Nawlins last weekend. You do have to be willing to speak up and you have to be willing to ASK PERMISSION. Thats what we do most of the time. For some reason guys don't mind her kissing them, I always ask if its a stranger. Don't be bothered or get bent, its just not worth it. Move on because there are nice people out there.
We r usually too shy to cross anyone's boundaries.. Unless u get her drunk then she strips to get party going..but we kinda make sure we only go into situations where everyone is attracted and pre know what boundaries they have.. Love small parties