How often do you think a person with average looks should be able to hook up in the lifestyle? My husband thinks majority of people hook up ALL the time. I think he's way off base. I think it's more on the rare side. So to use a parameter: if an average (or slightly above average) looking couple goes out to M&G's or house party's 3 to 4 times a month, how many times do you think they would get the opportunity to hook up with another couple? (same room only)
Well there are allot of variables to your question, for us the general vibe of the party can set the stage for what happens. Good vibe, people all get along well and the most importantly, if the ladies are in the mood it's pretty smooth sailing. However if something throws the vibe off, like a creeper or couple of obnoxious over intoxicated people or someone gets too pushy and annoys the ladies you can pretty much plan on having a good time with just our spouse. So I would put your odds at 0 to 8 times a month.
Bob
Bob
Depends entirely on how picky you are. Don't care much about age, weight, looks, marital status? Yeah you'll probably only be able to hook up about 2 or 3 times a day. 
We kind of go through hot and cold periods, sometimes we hook up quite a bit, then we'll go for several months of not, even though we go to the parties or m&g's. Kinda depends on my mood (he always let's me decide on whether or not we hook up).
But yeah, a creeper at a party can really throw off the vibe.
But yeah, a creeper at a party can really throw off the vibe.
It depends on the area you live in & how well you network. Some areas are just target rich environments. Others are not. AFter you build up a circle of regular play partners, then ...things just sort of fall together almost whenever you want them to.
My wife and I are neither of us models or movie stars. She's kinda large, I'm some overweight and real old. She hooks up (NOT same room stuff, either) every time, I do more than half the time, and part of my "problem" is just me and my "method", I just sort of hang around and never even try to get anything started unless a girl somehow approaches me first. So I'd say that in most cases, people should be able to hook up fairly frequently, unless maybe there's a real big age group difference between them and everybody else. And even that isn't a guaranteed killer, not on the individual to individual level. The oldest girl I've played with was 19 years younger than me, and the last one was 35 years younger. And I ain't no Adonis. Of course, it probably has something to do with me being older than damned near everyone, and maybe they're just curious to see if things still work. 
But in a completely serious vein, it depends. M&Gs are not a great place to hook up. And, for me, events are near useless for that purpose. House parties, though, are great. So if you get to know plenty of people and get invited to plenty of parties, there really shouldn't be much of a problem.
Hmmm. One of the 3 people who have regular parties to which we get invited has just been told by Uncle Sam that he's going to LA county. And one of the remaining two is a pretty long drive from here. So since I'm just not social enough to know a lot of people, I just may be in trouble now. Damn. ~ Terry
But in a completely serious vein, it depends. M&Gs are not a great place to hook up. And, for me, events are near useless for that purpose. House parties, though, are great. So if you get to know plenty of people and get invited to plenty of parties, there really shouldn't be much of a problem.
Hmmm. One of the 3 people who have regular parties to which we get invited has just been told by Uncle Sam that he's going to LA county. And one of the remaining two is a pretty long drive from here. So since I'm just not social enough to know a lot of people, I just may be in trouble now. Damn. ~ Terry
Encore wrote:
How often do you think a person with average looks should be able to hook up in the lifestyle? My husband thinks majority of people hook up ALL the time. I think he's way off base. I think it's more on the rare side. So to use a parameter: if an average (or slightly above average) looking couple goes out to M&G's or house party's 3 to 4 times a month, how many times do you think they would get the opportunity to hook up with another couple? (same room only)
It of course all depends on the adventure you seek. If you are looking for the frequent random encounters you would likely be able to hook up very frequently. Now you have to consider a couple of things. What is your filtering process.. what things make it work for you and what things do not. The more you filter the less you will hook up.
Next consider your personality. How do you come across to others? Most do not really want to give serious consideration or thought to possible shortcomings in this area but if you are not having much success perhaps step back and put yourself on the other side of the table and try to see yourself as others might see you.
The ladies can pretty much be guaranteed to hook up any time they want so if there is an issue with others coming together with you.. to be quite frank and up front.. look at what the male half is contributing or detracting from the equation.
Not so sure this is the politically correct answer but an attempt at an honest opinion that you can take or leave. Opinions are like aholes... everyone has one.
The "variables to your question" (as Bob called it) is the real answer. For us we only play together or in the same room and neither will "take one for the team". So that limits us as the odds of both guys being comfortable with each other, both girls being into or comfortable with each other, and both male/female's having chemistry is pretty slim. Therefore we seldom wind up playing when we go out, but we always have great sex after parties.
We have found that we can increase our odds, and typically have better sex, by having more than 2 couples playing in the same room. Here's to lots of close friends...
We have found that we can increase our odds, and typically have better sex, by having more than 2 couples playing in the same room. Here's to lots of close friends...
Somebody please define "Creeper" I know that young women think a guy over 35 trying to seduce them is a creeper. How about us adults?
Being a "creeper" definitely isn't age dependent. In fact we've met MANY young attractive people who are at least elevens on the creeper scale.
2MUSTBEBETTER wrote:
Somebody please define "Creeper" I know that young women think a guy over 35 trying to seduce them is a creeper. How about us adults?
I don't know about a certain age or age difference, but I know creeper when I feel it. A sense that the person is trying harder than they should be considering a situation but not in a naive way; more of a devious, controlling way. That's been my experience w/ men and women.
I have been in and out of the lifestyle since '98 and can say it is as much about networking and socializing as it is about looks. I know some guys and gals that are absolute bombshells that have trouble getting laid and some people who are average to actually kind of nasty looking who get laid every time they go out (Or even every night). I mean just look at Ron Jeremy, even at his prime he was never that prime.
That said, it is about you and how you work yourself. The more comfortable with yourself you are the more likely you are to find someone to play with.
That said, it is about you and how you work yourself. The more comfortable with yourself you are the more likely you are to find someone to play with.
I'm not the best looking dude out there and I've not had a problem getting offers to sleep with people. There's a lot more to people than just their looks that make them sexy. I would rather hook up with an average looking person with a good personality and SMART than the best looking bombshell dimwit anyday of the week. I'm attracted to smart women, and they are attracted to me. People will hook up as often as they are deemed to have value to others, and that's not based on Ken/Barbie looks.
Thank you all for your responses. This did go a slightly different direction than intended. I was talking to the Mrs about going to events such as house parties. We hook up as much as we want to. Maybe we could more, but we don't put out the effort as much as we should, but that is our choice. The real question I was asking is that, in my view, 80% of couples are hooking up at these events. And I thought maybe we were out of place because we don't very often. She says it more like 10% that do and we're normal. I know that just like most things, you get out of it what you put into it, and the parties we attend are rare. Maybe one every 6 months. So the question is: what percent of couples hook up at a party? And are we weird for not hooking up at a party?
Having been there and consider myself something close to what you describe yourself as, in all reality, if you hook up once a month you are doing good. I've been down the road of going to parties and even hosting parties and still the average has been about once a month and not always with the person or body type you prefer. life happens and to each their own. sometimes you win but in my experience most the time you loose. at least for exactly what you are wanting at the beginning of the night.
I would again say, "That depends." We rarely hook up at parties either but it's because at this point in our swinging career we no longer feel the need/desire to fuck just to say we fucked. We're not prudes by any means but our curiosity has been more than satisfied over the years and we now only hook up with people we find a really good connection with. And we're no longer upset or disappointed when we go out and DON'T hook up, although we have been at times in the past and know quite a few couples who really feel like they've wasted their time (and maybe a good babysitter) when they don't hook up. It very much depends on who we meet at a party, how well we connect, our general mood and other intangibles. We've found that there are generally two types of swingers; those who really just want to forego all the bullshit and fuck and those who want to get to know people a little bit first (even if just briefly) before they decide if they want to fuck them. Which type you are will likely determine how often you hook up. But you know what? There isn't just one way to swing.
Take it from a couple that have been swinging for over 30 years. If you're into this lifestyle for sex only, you're in for a huge let down. And you aren't going to meet quality people that you can cultivate a lasting relationship with. Don't be so hung up on looks, just be yourself and enjoy life. Remember, Barbie & Ken are made of plastic and they feel & taste like it.
We have always gone to an M&G or party with no expectations. If something happens, then it will happen. We look for folks that we click with and seem to have something in common with. We do not look for the "Ken & Barbie" type, but as with all of us, we do have some standards, not unlike any of the rest of us.
Mr. Main
Mr. Main
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:2MUSTBEBETTER wrote:
Somebody please define "Creeper" I know that young women think a guy over 35 trying to seduce them is a creeper. How about us adults?
Even that is dependent on the young woman. We have played with couples 30 years younger than we were but frankly they made first contact. We do not try and hook up with couples a lot younger than us unless they make the first move. Not sure what a "creeper" is exactly but they probably come in all sorts of ages.
Which is the main reason I just hang around and wait to see if some girl approaches me. I'm almost always the oldest person there (I've only come across one guy once who was a year older, and only one other who was as old. I just plain don't want some girl offended because I even tried. My philosophy is I'd rather end up having to go home and jerk off than go home with someone thinking I'd been a jerk. ~ Terry
And here's a question I haven't noticed anyone asking yet. Is the problem when you don't hook up usually that nobody else was interested, or that you weren't interested in anyone that was there?
DE2OFUS wrote:
I take issue with the label of "average looks". Who determines what is beautiful, what is average, below average, etc? I see this too often in and out of the lifestyle and, frankly, it sucks.
Not everyone finds everyone else attractive...sure but, demoralizing people to the point where they consider themselves "average", quite frankly, sucks.
Nothing is sexier that a person who feels confident in their own skin and, believe me, we have had great times with more "average" looking folks than 1 percenters and there have been a few very disappointing times with 1 percenters that would have been labeled "gorgeous" by most.
Don't be an elitist, carry yourself with confidence, and be approachable...that's the key to a good time with good people..."average" or not.
I KNOW what is a good looking woman. There are two requirements. First, she has to be a woman. Second, she has to be a nice person. If she's both of those, then as far as I'm concerned she's damned good looking.
Oh, people mean how tall she is and how much she weighs, how big her boobs are, what shape her nose is, the color of her eyes or her hair, how round and firm her ass is, all that kind of stuff? Who cares? I certainly don't. The most conventionally "beautiful" woman in the world could be a nasty person. And I can't imagine having sex with a woman I don't much like, nor can I imagine wanting not to have sex with a woman that I did like. ~ Terry
I did the math and its 6794.3 times a year. Dose that sound a little low?
ROCKCANDY wrote:
I did the math and its 6794.3 times a year. Dose that sound a little low?
We'd like to know who the .3 was - it'll save us the effort.