We've recently posted an orgy that we are hosting. We've also emailed well over 100 couples that lived near us and seem like they may be candidates to join our event. The responses have been varied, however, there is one that reoccurs the most. It is, basically,
"We prefer to get to know people before having sex with them."
That is certainly understandable, in fact, that is our preference too. However, in our experience, the process of "getting to know" another couple all too often leads to never having sex with them.
We are not speaking "off of the cuff," but have had years of experience behind us. He has been in-and-out of the lifestyle for about 10 years with a three different romantic partners and she for 7 years with two. Our experience has taught us, particularly in Utah, that the "getting to know" process almost never leads to sex. Everyone is very busy, most have children to juggle, most are "getting to know" more than one couple, sometimes after "getting to know" someone makes them less or completely undesirable. After all, getting four people to agree after getting to know one another to agree on something we can get quite particular about is not easy. Yet, in hindsight, we would have been happy to have had sex with them and afterwards either develop a friendship or not. Instead we've found that we've invested a great deal of precious time with nothing to show for it as a rule.
Then we got the courage up while in Vegas to go to the Thursday night orgy and had a great time, one of the most satisfying swing experiences every. A couple months later we went again and, once again, had a terrific time. All we invested was $80 and a couple of hours of our time.
This was very refreshing and led us to attempt one here in Salt Lake. While the overwhelming majority seem to be communicating that it's not for them, there are a hand-full who are jumping in.
I'm curious, has anyone else grown impatient with the "getting to know" process? If not, would you mind sharing what you feel have led to you having success?
xoxo
K&M
"We prefer to get to know people before having sex with them."
That is certainly understandable, in fact, that is our preference too. However, in our experience, the process of "getting to know" another couple all too often leads to never having sex with them.
We are not speaking "off of the cuff," but have had years of experience behind us. He has been in-and-out of the lifestyle for about 10 years with a three different romantic partners and she for 7 years with two. Our experience has taught us, particularly in Utah, that the "getting to know" process almost never leads to sex. Everyone is very busy, most have children to juggle, most are "getting to know" more than one couple, sometimes after "getting to know" someone makes them less or completely undesirable. After all, getting four people to agree after getting to know one another to agree on something we can get quite particular about is not easy. Yet, in hindsight, we would have been happy to have had sex with them and afterwards either develop a friendship or not. Instead we've found that we've invested a great deal of precious time with nothing to show for it as a rule.
Then we got the courage up while in Vegas to go to the Thursday night orgy and had a great time, one of the most satisfying swing experiences every. A couple months later we went again and, once again, had a terrific time. All we invested was $80 and a couple of hours of our time.
This was very refreshing and led us to attempt one here in Salt Lake. While the overwhelming majority seem to be communicating that it's not for them, there are a hand-full who are jumping in.
I'm curious, has anyone else grown impatient with the "getting to know" process? If not, would you mind sharing what you feel have led to you having success?
xoxo
K&M
weather it's an orgy or not, the getting to know people before has led to some undesirable results. we are here for good times and fun. Yes we like to make friends but we also like to fuck. we prefer to at least meet the people first and go from there. not take two or three weeks getting to know someone. even if it's a last minute hook-up we still like to discus between just us if it's going to be ok with both. if not then no play, but if the potential is there for a good time, lets have fun.
I think most people get a kind of mental picture when they hear the word "orgy" and imagine being in a big pile of sweaty bodies where anyone is more of less free to do what they want to anyone else. Perhaps a change in verbiage and/or a disclaimer about what will or won't happen/be allowed at said orgy would help you sell it to more people. Just a thought.
The getting to know part does grow old and some of our best friends we met, played and then got to know them. Sometimes you hook up then never seem to get a chance to reconnect with other couples all in all we've been having a great time.
Maybe a better marketing stategy would be to call it a puppy pile, everybody likes puppies.
Bob
Maybe a better marketing stategy would be to call it a puppy pile, everybody likes puppies.
Bob
We must be lucky. We have not been at this for very long but the "getting to know" has worked out quite well for us. Communication is a big part of sexual arousal for both of us. Flirting and building up is part of the foreplay. We have met some real awesome people in a short amount of time and have found almost without fail that the couple we were meeting with looked even more attractive to us after getting to know them. Part of that is due to texting and chat and getting a blind feel for somebody ahead of time. We don't need endless text or endless communication but if there is a physical attraction to begin with it is just enhanced after having some good conversation. An ideal orgy for us would be with several couples that we already know that would allow individuals to mix and match with a preferred partner. We would be the first to admit that the thought of an orgy was about the furthest thing from our minds when we first started playing but our own fantasies and desires have changed from what we first thought they were. I don't see us ever straying too far away from the more intimate setting that couple on couple dates provide but I can certainly see an orgy in our future in the right setting with a few or several selected couples. I say this because the better half of me has brought up the idea more than once. Happy Wife. Happy Life.
I believe in meeting a one on one in public. But a party is something that should be a flirting night but everyone goes to their clinqs and decides not to mingle with others there. I want to have fun and say hi then see if sex is a possibility. It seems that others just want their clinqs to hang with and never see other possibilities with others. That is what I have noticed at the current parties I have been to. When I joined the lifestyle it was a big orgy and mingle parties...in the last 15 years it has changed drastically.
We went to a private orgy, here in FLA, and had a great time. We can see others opinions that the name is a turn off, however, we can's say enough about our experience. At the one we went to it was only for couples and organized by couples. I don't know if that is the difference but we would attend another one if it were handled in the same manner.
We love getting to know people first. We have made m many friends and may friends with benefits. However there has been a party or after party that play has happened right after. It was fun, some worked out some didn't.
Guess it just depends.
I the Mrs don't really enjoy large group sex/orgy type things but to each their own.
Guess it just depends.
I the Mrs don't really enjoy large group sex/orgy type things but to each their own.
EVILDOERS wrote:
I think most people get a kind of mental picture when they hear the word "orgy" and imagine being in a big pile of sweaty bodies where anyone is more of less free to do what they want to anyone else. Perhaps a change in verbiage and/or a disclaimer about what will or won't happen/be allowed at said orgy would help you sell it to more people. Just a thought.
Never fails, you go to an Orgy, and end up with mysterious circumstances and a room full of fingerprint dust in the room next door!
PAIRPLAYERS wrote:EVILDOERS wrote:
I think most people get a kind of mental picture when they hear the word "orgy" and imagine being in a big pile of sweaty bodies where anyone is more of less free to do what they want to anyone else. Perhaps a change in verbiage and/or a disclaimer about what will or won't happen/be allowed at said orgy would help you sell it to more people. Just a thought.
Never fails, you go to an Orgy, and end up with mysterious circumstances and a room full of fingerprint dust in the room next door!
Fuck the fingerprints. I just hate the multiple body shaped chalk outlines with telltale scarlet stains in the middle. Orgy safe out there!
our invite must have got lost in the mail;-)
We have had some great experiences at what would be considered orgies but where ther was just a group of folks all naked having sex in the same room and just keeping to ourselves. Enjoying to view and enjoying others watching us.
Our perspective.. not that it really matters cause to each his own.. If we were invited to an orgy party it would not be that attractive of an invitation. It tends to imply a simple get together and fuck session and our concern would be some folks that you really have no connection with trying to get involved up close and personal with you.
Our best results and it may be symantecs is to have a house party a couple times each year. With that invite there seems to be less of an expectation of a hookup or obligation to perform or participate. The house parties normally end up with what most would call an orgy but there is never an implication, expectation or any pressures to participate.
Normally we have a party theme... Our annuals have become party in the yard.. spring and fall versions. We encourage people to set up a tent in the front yard or bring an RV.. and we will party in the back yard and scare the locals with loud music and bikers showing up in town at the same time.. We have also had fun with the week after halloween/halloween party... set up the house for the theme.. have some music going somewhere.. some movies going elsewhere.. have snacks and some drinks and the evening starts out with mingling, a few drinks and then moves to a more sexual nature as the night progresses. It takes planning for the evening to make it comfortable and seem natural. There should be a private play area and public play area and everyone should be made comfortable with whatever level they want to participate in.
Opinions are like aholes.. everyone has one but this is what has worked for us to have some awesome parties.
Our best results and it may be symantecs is to have a house party a couple times each year. With that invite there seems to be less of an expectation of a hookup or obligation to perform or participate. The house parties normally end up with what most would call an orgy but there is never an implication, expectation or any pressures to participate.
Normally we have a party theme... Our annuals have become party in the yard.. spring and fall versions. We encourage people to set up a tent in the front yard or bring an RV.. and we will party in the back yard and scare the locals with loud music and bikers showing up in town at the same time.. We have also had fun with the week after halloween/halloween party... set up the house for the theme.. have some music going somewhere.. some movies going elsewhere.. have snacks and some drinks and the evening starts out with mingling, a few drinks and then moves to a more sexual nature as the night progresses. It takes planning for the evening to make it comfortable and seem natural. There should be a private play area and public play area and everyone should be made comfortable with whatever level they want to participate in.
Opinions are like aholes.. everyone has one but this is what has worked for us to have some awesome parties.
For me, I'm happy with a mix of groups I know and "fresh " strangers as well. As someone who doesn't drink and has a condom rule, I need a level of trust/ security so that I feel enough in control of my situation amongst peer pressure while already naked. Having embraced my love of group sex does not exempt me from the ability and the right to say "Stop" or "this isn't working" or even a simple "no". I prefer to attend house parties because there tend to be natural separations of the Extremely Comfortable/naked folks and those who want to dangle their toe in the water. I will never be one to fork out big money for this, as I've never seen an Official Event that provided as much slippery fun as what my friends can come up with on short-short notice.
With that being said- I suspect that a couple in the lifestyle has it a bit rougher at an event like that- not only are they trying to gauge their own level of interest, but each other's as well. Communication isn't as easy in a group setting. And the introduction of booze complicates it even further.
With that being said- I suspect that a couple in the lifestyle has it a bit rougher at an event like that- not only are they trying to gauge their own level of interest, but each other's as well. Communication isn't as easy in a group setting. And the introduction of booze complicates it even further.
We have a group of friends that has grown over the course of 10 years into about two dozen couples, a few single ladies and some single gentlemen, and we and others take turns hosting house parties in our homes in or around Athens GA about once a month. These are sometimes smallish gatherings of 6 to 10 couples, and couples only. Other times, there are BIG parties with 50 or more people. As others have said, we think house parties are among the best ways for people to meet others in a safe, relaxed, no-pressure setting that allows newbies to mingle and meet while staying clothed if that's what they're comfortable with. But at our parties, where most of the people have known each other a long time, it's not unusual for an orgy to break out. And by "orgy," we mean a fairly large group, all in the same room, interacting with more than one person, or just watching/being watched.
Friends have told us they've gone to house parties at which the hosts said something like, "OK, it's 8 o'clock. Get naked and have at it, or leave." That's NOT the way we do our parties, and that's not one we'd want to attend. If that's what the common perception of an "orgy" is, it's no wonder it's not attractive to many people.
As for the "friends first" requirement that we see so commonly on profiles, we have found actually that most of the best friends we've made doing this are those we've had sex with after very short "courtship" periods (which can be 5 minutes, in the right setting), enjoyed them carnally, and then got to know them well during repeated meetings. We think we can learn a lot more about a person from the way he/she behaves in bed (generous or greedy, kind/mean, playful/serious, witty/silent) than we can in a month of conversation. Baring one's soul in conversation, which is essential to really get to know a person, is a lot more likely if you've already bared your body and shared a physical experience with a potential friend. That's our experience, of course, and others may operate differently.
Bill and Lyn
Friends have told us they've gone to house parties at which the hosts said something like, "OK, it's 8 o'clock. Get naked and have at it, or leave." That's NOT the way we do our parties, and that's not one we'd want to attend. If that's what the common perception of an "orgy" is, it's no wonder it's not attractive to many people.
As for the "friends first" requirement that we see so commonly on profiles, we have found actually that most of the best friends we've made doing this are those we've had sex with after very short "courtship" periods (which can be 5 minutes, in the right setting), enjoyed them carnally, and then got to know them well during repeated meetings. We think we can learn a lot more about a person from the way he/she behaves in bed (generous or greedy, kind/mean, playful/serious, witty/silent) than we can in a month of conversation. Baring one's soul in conversation, which is essential to really get to know a person, is a lot more likely if you've already bared your body and shared a physical experience with a potential friend. That's our experience, of course, and others may operate differently.
Bill and Lyn
Well stated Bill & Lyn. We've obviously been at this awhile and have frequently enjoyed playing without developing a friendship first. In a group or "orgy", one can always say no since there are plenty of opportunities for everyone. And if you just enjoy watching or are having an off-nite, this venue is perfect.
We like meeting new couples even for a first time sexual play...so yes to organized sex
We like meeting new couples even for a first time sexual play...so yes to organized sex
Then we got the courage up while in Vegas to go to the Thursday night orgy and had a great time, one of the most satisfying swing experiences every. A couple months later we went again and, once again, had a terrific time. All we invested was $80 and a couple of hours of our time.
We also invested the $80.00 on a Thursday Night Orgy and had a wonderful time. We both can say money well spent
We also invested the $80.00 on a Thursday Night Orgy and had a wonderful time. We both can say money well spent
HUGE orgy tonight at the Sheraton downtown. Buttloads of swingers have been bussed in for the event (Don't believe me? Drive down 5th South tonight). Don't miss out. Top secret security clearance required (that's one level BELOW Swingular VIP Verified fyi)
something every swinger should experience, but without connection with people you know it get's old. Better to have a small group of friends you know and feel comfortable around.
We love the idea of showing up and getting down to business. The orgy scenario seems like a to. Of fun. The part that's hard is not knowing who else is there. We tend to be picky. By the nature of our jobs and whatnot, we don't have a lot of time to play. And we prefer to play when we're both attracted to someone there, rather than fucking someone one of us is just "ok" with. The smaller the "crowd," the less likely that is (more so for the Mrs).
At a party with a couple hundred people, there's bound to be SOMEONE for each of us to play with. When we meet up 2 on 2 (or a group that we know people we like are there), we can pretty well rely on having fun and getting busy. We just don't want to get somewhere and find ourselves in a situation where one of us is interested and the other isn't. I don't mean to sound stuck up at all, we love people and everyone, we really do. But when it comes time to decide who to play with on our ONE free weekend night per quarter, we hesitate to take a risk on it. We have so Many sexy friends waiting patiently for us to have an opening in our schedules.
That's why we love the parties where you can actually play (like LifestyleManor, NOT Sks). We love doggie piles and orgies and watching other people and being watched and all that fun group stuff.
Now get all our friends to one orgy and we've got a night in heaven!!! Hehe
At a party with a couple hundred people, there's bound to be SOMEONE for each of us to play with. When we meet up 2 on 2 (or a group that we know people we like are there), we can pretty well rely on having fun and getting busy. We just don't want to get somewhere and find ourselves in a situation where one of us is interested and the other isn't. I don't mean to sound stuck up at all, we love people and everyone, we really do. But when it comes time to decide who to play with on our ONE free weekend night per quarter, we hesitate to take a risk on it. We have so Many sexy friends waiting patiently for us to have an opening in our schedules.
That's why we love the parties where you can actually play (like LifestyleManor, NOT Sks). We love doggie piles and orgies and watching other people and being watched and all that fun group stuff.
Now get all our friends to one orgy and we've got a night in heaven!!! Hehe
Sounds like LadyLuck needs to organize a party. We'll help throw it! Love, love, love them.
It's been my experiance that the fastest way to kill a sexual attraction is getting into an overly cerebral conversation. When you say "getting to know someone", you really need to choose what part of a person's personality you are going to pursue. A chess game is about the worst way to go.
That aside, every now & then, a little mindless free for all can be really fun. For me it's best if the entire group is comprised of people that have previously been with each other individually. That way, a certain level of trust exists & you already have a starting point for knowing what the others in the group like & don't like to do.
That aside, every now & then, a little mindless free for all can be really fun. For me it's best if the entire group is comprised of people that have previously been with each other individually. That way, a certain level of trust exists & you already have a starting point for knowing what the others in the group like & don't like to do.
Encore wrote:
our invite must have got lost in the mail;-)
Ours, too. I have a suspicion we all might have aged out of their candidate parameters. Which, if it is the case, might be why they didn't get lots of positive responses. It's been my observation that, in a general way, the younger people are, and the closer they are to conventionally hot they are, the less likely they are to want to even consider an actual orgy with people they don't already know fairly well.
Encore wrote:
our invite must have got lost in the mail;-)
Ours, too. I have a suspicion we all might have aged out of their candidate parameters. Which, if it is the case, might be why they didn't get lots of positive responses. It's been my observation that, in a general way, the younger people are, and the closer they are to conventionally hot they are, the less likely they are to want to even consider an actual orgy with people they don't already know fairly well.
And now, a word from a noob...
My wife and I have only been in the LS a few months, but I feel we have experienced quite a variety of experiences in that time, including house parties, LS clubs and basically an orgy party. We felt comfortable at all of them, but certainly the most pressure we have experienced came from the orgy-type party. It has been the only time when random men thought they could basically touch my wife, lift her skirt and ask to fuck her repeatedly, all without an invitation. We are pretty mellow and level-headed, so I think I did a pretty good job of turning them away without causing a scene, but had we been a little more sensitive I think it may have been a huge turnoff. So when I hear the word orgy, I think of a large party where basically everyone is there to just fuck, not socialize, and nobody really cares about who their dick is in or whose dick is in them. That is probably great for a lot of people, and I don't want this to sound flippant or elitist, but us as a couple we seem to have a higher standard than many swingers out there. In our short time we have already encountered non-clean people, irreverent people, very uneducated people, super creepy people and huge drama people. So to just show up at a party and hope that the plethora of couples we are playing with are clean, non-crazy and haven't been fucking everything from here to Texas, well... I just don't assume that to be true. Notice I didn't say much about looks. Yes, looks are important, but to us, we are looking for more just a hole and a pole. My point is, looks are secondary to many other things. And the only way to establish those "other" things, is to get to know the couple a little. Granted, we are super new to this and are moving slowly into the LS and we don't have that "notch on the belt" mentality yet, but so far, some of our best times have been getting to know the people, connecting, feeling that sexual energy between everyone, and then moving into the play room. We don't expect a couple to provide us any missing emotional support we are lacking in our marriage, as we have a great marriage. We also have a great sex life and this is just an adventure we are taking as a couple. It seems to me the orgy scene is more for people with open marriages, full swap different rooms, or people who otherwise don't care who their spouse if fucking. I trust my wife completely, but I don't trust others, and my need to protect her seems natural enough. Oh,maybe in a huge orgy you can both experience things together, but it does seem like you just jump in a pile and fuck whoever is in front of you. If not, then it is more a social, where you all talk first, enjoy each other's company, tell some jokes and get know the couple, then, if interested, you can all go fuck. So to me, that scenario is a social, not an orgy, which is the topic at hand. An orgy is more of a situation where you show up, who cares if you talk, drop your pants and start fucking. It seems more dangerous to me on an STD level as I don't imagine if you fuck 10 girls in a night you are changing condoms every time, or even wearing one, though I realize my assumption may be completely off, just giving you my opinion here as to why I wouldn't be AS interested in an orgy (it still would be fun to watch). Also, questions like "how many people have you fucked this week" and "do you wear protection" are much easier over a glass of bourbon than while sucking on a cock or pussy. Probably a little awkward.
So... to finalize this huge monstrosity, different strokes for different folks. We like meeting new couples, we like to make new friends and we feel there is a greater reward with friends with benefits. Just as in our marriage where our sex is great because we know the other person so well, so we think playing with others may be enhanced by our understanding of the other couples needs and desires. Do we ever think it is fun just to meet somebody and play immediately? Probably. But do we think that our long term goals, our health and our mutual respect for each other is better served by meeting a couple, having the time to discuss how we feel about the couple in the privacy of our marriage and then moving forward as we both agree upon is the best way for us? Most definitely. And the small amount of wasted time we may experience trying to arrange meetings is a small price to pay for that piece of mind. We have made great friends, that if we never played with again, would still be our friends, so that is just icing on the cake. And maybe we have been lucky but we haven't experienced a lot of flakes, just a lot of busy, cool people with jobs and families, just like ourselves. So say we all!!
My wife and I have only been in the LS a few months, but I feel we have experienced quite a variety of experiences in that time, including house parties, LS clubs and basically an orgy party. We felt comfortable at all of them, but certainly the most pressure we have experienced came from the orgy-type party. It has been the only time when random men thought they could basically touch my wife, lift her skirt and ask to fuck her repeatedly, all without an invitation. We are pretty mellow and level-headed, so I think I did a pretty good job of turning them away without causing a scene, but had we been a little more sensitive I think it may have been a huge turnoff. So when I hear the word orgy, I think of a large party where basically everyone is there to just fuck, not socialize, and nobody really cares about who their dick is in or whose dick is in them. That is probably great for a lot of people, and I don't want this to sound flippant or elitist, but us as a couple we seem to have a higher standard than many swingers out there. In our short time we have already encountered non-clean people, irreverent people, very uneducated people, super creepy people and huge drama people. So to just show up at a party and hope that the plethora of couples we are playing with are clean, non-crazy and haven't been fucking everything from here to Texas, well... I just don't assume that to be true. Notice I didn't say much about looks. Yes, looks are important, but to us, we are looking for more just a hole and a pole. My point is, looks are secondary to many other things. And the only way to establish those "other" things, is to get to know the couple a little. Granted, we are super new to this and are moving slowly into the LS and we don't have that "notch on the belt" mentality yet, but so far, some of our best times have been getting to know the people, connecting, feeling that sexual energy between everyone, and then moving into the play room. We don't expect a couple to provide us any missing emotional support we are lacking in our marriage, as we have a great marriage. We also have a great sex life and this is just an adventure we are taking as a couple. It seems to me the orgy scene is more for people with open marriages, full swap different rooms, or people who otherwise don't care who their spouse if fucking. I trust my wife completely, but I don't trust others, and my need to protect her seems natural enough. Oh,maybe in a huge orgy you can both experience things together, but it does seem like you just jump in a pile and fuck whoever is in front of you. If not, then it is more a social, where you all talk first, enjoy each other's company, tell some jokes and get know the couple, then, if interested, you can all go fuck. So to me, that scenario is a social, not an orgy, which is the topic at hand. An orgy is more of a situation where you show up, who cares if you talk, drop your pants and start fucking. It seems more dangerous to me on an STD level as I don't imagine if you fuck 10 girls in a night you are changing condoms every time, or even wearing one, though I realize my assumption may be completely off, just giving you my opinion here as to why I wouldn't be AS interested in an orgy (it still would be fun to watch). Also, questions like "how many people have you fucked this week" and "do you wear protection" are much easier over a glass of bourbon than while sucking on a cock or pussy. Probably a little awkward.
So... to finalize this huge monstrosity, different strokes for different folks. We like meeting new couples, we like to make new friends and we feel there is a greater reward with friends with benefits. Just as in our marriage where our sex is great because we know the other person so well, so we think playing with others may be enhanced by our understanding of the other couples needs and desires. Do we ever think it is fun just to meet somebody and play immediately? Probably. But do we think that our long term goals, our health and our mutual respect for each other is better served by meeting a couple, having the time to discuss how we feel about the couple in the privacy of our marriage and then moving forward as we both agree upon is the best way for us? Most definitely. And the small amount of wasted time we may experience trying to arrange meetings is a small price to pay for that piece of mind. We have made great friends, that if we never played with again, would still be our friends, so that is just icing on the cake. And maybe we have been lucky but we haven't experienced a lot of flakes, just a lot of busy, cool people with jobs and families, just like ourselves. So say we all!!
Well said Sameroom, and the best part of this lifestyle is your fantasy your rules and so forth for them.
no wrong way about this adventure but then your way works for you. We enjoy many levels of this and can appreciate every one eles and thier ideas. But we stick to our comforts and our fantasy and enjoy how well it intertines with others.
no wrong way about this adventure but then your way works for you. We enjoy many levels of this and can appreciate every one eles and thier ideas. But we stick to our comforts and our fantasy and enjoy how well it intertines with others.
Aww. Thanks KrazyGirl. So when can we meet randomly and fuck? haha. And seriously, we are not opposed to orgies, just probably not our thing to jump into. Kind of like a glory hole. We like to know whose mouth our precious parts are going into. eww But hey, you can invite us and we will watch and take pics.
We've now had two orgies, about 20 people each, nearly all strangers both times. I must say that it's been a bit counterintuitive for us. The level of good-heartedness, openness, respectfulness and level of sincerity of the people dramatically increased over the parties we've been to. We've been so impressed with the people who came. For years I thought orgies would be the opposite, wanted to experience one, but had so many, now apparent, misconceptions. Anyone else noticed something similar at orgy gatherings as opposed to parties?
MAPARTY wrote:
I think when most people hear the word "Orgy" Caligula comes to mind. It tends to have a negative tone to it. For us, the "getting to know" process has been hit and miss. We've had great fun texting couples but when it comes time to meet there's ALWAYS something that comes up. Whether it's legitimate or not, doesn't matter. At least it doesn't matter to me (Mr.Party) a flake is a flake.
The couples that we have had a chance to meet and get to know are now good friends, and friends with benefits. The "get to know" process may not be for everyone and that's fine. I, however, prefer friends. The "fuck and chuck" I'm not a fan of.
Call me insane, but I'd rather know the woman I'm sticking my dick into instead of just some random woman that happens to have her ass up in the air.
The "get to know you" process can get discouraging, especially when you get a string of people that pretend to show interest but really don't or (this is the most common for us) interested in just my wife.
So, we've had bad experiences, flakes, fakes and assholes but the couples we've had the chance to meet, get to know and play with. Make it all worth it. Nothing better (in my opinion) than having friends over for a BBQ and drinks, games and then sex if you feel like it. No pressure, just casual fun and just friends being friends.. with the added bonus.
An orgy however, is an experience I want to try. I'm not ruling it out, but "friends with benefits" is my personal preference.
The Mrs and I could not have said it better. It takes time and effort but it's worth it to us.
Our (admittedly limited) experiences with orgies has been that they can be fun, positive experiences given the right mix of people. But mix in one bad apple...a jealous person, someone who's had a little too much to drink, or just an asshole and it ruins the entire experience for everyone.
On paper a hedonistic, sensual, and sexual gathering of complete or near strangers sounds wonderfully sexy and wanton but we've been to and hosted enough parties to know that drama is often one person having a bad night or just extra drink away.
So tell us your secret, DEVIANTDOCS. Extensive screening methods of some kind, sheer luck, or do you have clairvoyant powers? LOL
On paper a hedonistic, sensual, and sexual gathering of complete or near strangers sounds wonderfully sexy and wanton but we've been to and hosted enough parties to know that drama is often one person having a bad night or just extra drink away.
So tell us your secret, DEVIANTDOCS. Extensive screening methods of some kind, sheer luck, or do you have clairvoyant powers? LOL
SAMEROOMONLY wrote:
And now, a word from a noob...
My wife and I have only been in the LS a few months, but I feel we have experienced quite a variety of experiences in that time, including house parties, LS clubs and basically an orgy party. We felt comfortable at all of them, but certainly the most pressure we have experienced came from the orgy-type party. It has been the only time when random men thought they could basically touch my wife, lift her skirt and ask to fuck her repeatedly, all without an invitation. We are pretty mellow and level-headed, so I think I did a pretty good job of turning them away without causing a scene, but had we been a little more sensitive I think it may have been a huge turnoff. So when I hear the word orgy, I think of a large party where basically everyone is there to just fuck, not socialize, and nobody really cares about who their dick is in or whose dick is in them. That is probably great for a lot of people, and I don't want this to sound flippant or elitist, but us as a couple we seem to have a higher standard than many swingers out there. In our short time we have already encountered non-clean people, irreverent people, very uneducated people, super creepy people and huge drama people. So to just show up at a party and hope that the plethora of couples we are playing with are clean, non-crazy and haven't been fucking everything from here to Texas, well... I just don't assume that to be true. Notice I didn't say much about looks. Yes, looks are important, but to us, we are looking for more just a hole and a pole. My point is, looks are secondary to many other things. And the only way to establish those "other" things, is to get to know the couple a little. Granted, we are super new to this and are moving slowly into the LS and we don't have that "notch on the belt" mentality yet, but so far, some of our best times have been getting to know the people, connecting, feeling that sexual energy between everyone, and then moving into the play room. We don't expect a couple to provide us any missing emotional support we are lacking in our marriage, as we have a great marriage. We also have a great sex life and this is just an adventure we are taking as a couple. It seems to me the orgy scene is more for people with open marriages, full swap different rooms, or people who otherwise don't care who their spouse if fucking. I trust my wife completely, but I don't trust others, and my need to protect her seems natural enough. Oh,maybe in a huge orgy you can both experience things together, but it does seem like you just jump in a pile and fuck whoever is in front of you. If not, then it is more a social, where you all talk first, enjoy each other's company, tell some jokes and get know the couple, then, if interested, you can all go fuck. So to me, that scenario is a social, not an orgy, which is the topic at hand. An orgy is more of a situation where you show up, who cares if you talk, drop your pants and start fucking. It seems more dangerous to me on an STD level as I don't imagine if you fuck 10 girls in a night you are changing condoms every time, or even wearing one, though I realize my assumption may be completely off, just giving you my opinion here as to why I wouldn't be AS interested in an orgy (it still would be fun to watch). Also, questions like "how many people have you fucked this week" and "do you wear protection" are much easier over a glass of bourbon than while sucking on a cock or pussy. Probably a little awkward.
So... to finalize this huge monstrosity, different strokes for different folks. We like meeting new couples, we like to make new friends and we feel there is a greater reward with friends with benefits. Just as in our marriage where our sex is great because we know the other person so well, so we think playing with others may be enhanced by our understanding of the other couples needs and desires. Do we ever think it is fun just to meet somebody and play immediately? Probably. But do we think that our long term goals, our health and our mutual respect for each other is better served by meeting a couple, having the time to discuss how we feel about the couple in the privacy of our marriage and then moving forward as we both agree upon is the best way for us? Most definitely. And the small amount of wasted time we may experience trying to arrange meetings is a small price to pay for that piece of mind. We have made great friends, that if we never played with again, would still be our friends, so that is just icing on the cake. And maybe we have been lucky but we haven't experienced a lot of flakes, just a lot of busy, cool people with jobs and families, just like ourselves. So say we all!!
Another well said opinion that we completely agree with.
We are still very new to the LS and have found it's extremely difficult to match up schedules to "get to know" people. We've been trying to get into the lifestyle since the beginning of the year and have really only been able to make time to become real friends with one couple (that we weren't friends with before). Granted, a lot of it is from our schedule. But in either case it goes both ways. We decided in our infinite wisdom and experience (lol) to host a meet-n-greet house party with a few of the couples we've really wanted to get to know but just don't have the time to do it 1-on-1, but still keeping it to 4 or 5 couples so we can get to know each other, play games, but then without having expectations, allow for chemistry to happen and see where the night takes us all.
So that is all happening on the 16th and we will report back on how it went
However, there might still be room for a couple or two so if you're interested in cumming, send us a message!
So that is all happening on the 16th and we will report back on how it went
However, there might still be room for a couple or two so if you're interested in cumming, send us a message!I find that situations vary. You can't generalize about orgies or house parties or clubs. Each has it's own flavor & most of that flavor comes from the individuals that attend. I've been to orgies where I've declined to have contact with anyone. I've been to others where I knew everybody in the room & didn't even feel the need to look to see what new set of lips was now upon me.
The only way to find out if a particular orgie is good or not, is to go to it & see for yourself.
There is a club in the Netherlands called Fun 4 Two. It's quite large. They have an Orgie Zolder up in the loft & a dark room on one of the middle levels. In the Orgie Zolder, the general practice is to give a gentle nudge to a person that you are interested in. That person then looks over & either pulls you closer or pushes you away. In the dark room, everybody finds each other by feeling around. The approval practice is similar, but there is a lot more touching involved before things get sorted out. Other rooms in that club have different settings, different themes & different social standars. The whole place seems to work pretty well. It's a friendly & mostly attractive bunch. I would estimate that only 15-20% of the people there go to those two rooms.
The only way to find out if a particular orgie is good or not, is to go to it & see for yourself.
There is a club in the Netherlands called Fun 4 Two. It's quite large. They have an Orgie Zolder up in the loft & a dark room on one of the middle levels. In the Orgie Zolder, the general practice is to give a gentle nudge to a person that you are interested in. That person then looks over & either pulls you closer or pushes you away. In the dark room, everybody finds each other by feeling around. The approval practice is similar, but there is a lot more touching involved before things get sorted out. Other rooms in that club have different settings, different themes & different social standars. The whole place seems to work pretty well. It's a friendly & mostly attractive bunch. I would estimate that only 15-20% of the people there go to those two rooms.
XANADUME wrote:
Sounds like LadyLuck needs to organize a party. We'll help throw it! Love, love, love them.
Agreed... When's the next birthday party Ladyluck???
We like both aspects at times an orgy is wonderful and as for getting the comfy level we do or do not care for us we have meet many fun people after the sex who want more at a later time but we also have our share of not so enjoyable people we have taken the time to meet. So it's a give or take on want feels fun..wife and I enjoy being a couple even with strangers
Obviously, if you're read our profile, we are totally on a different page from SameRoom, which is why this site is soooo much fun :-) I don't expect our swinging friends to also be our bicycle friends, our snowshoe friends, our backpacker friends, our travel friends, our go-to-the concert friends. Nor do I expect our bicycle friends to lend me their wives for an evening of wild sex (unfortunately because my bicycle friends have some really great looking wives). We host some great same-room play parties & try to get 1 or 2 new couples into the group each time. We've met some great (and not so great) people but that holds true for any social situation. We've never felt you had to be bosom buddies to have really fun sex with someone & most people we've met on this site are here to have FUN sex. We think the "friends first" is vastly over-rated from our experience.
Frankly, a four couple, no holds barred, open touch and taste, no gender barriers, etc kind of party sound VERY exciting. That's what I think of when you say, "Orgy".
When my husband and I go to a party, we are going for a reason. If we find another person attractive we like to have sex with them for the experience of having sex with a variety of people which we click with. We don't have to be awesome friends or know them well, but like their personality, and, of course, be physically attracted to them.
Deviantdoctors put on a great orgy party. Rules and guidelines are a must for everyone to 1. know what is expected 2.rules out the likelihood of someone getting advanced on without permission 3. makes it more likely that all involved will have a great time.
Yes, its nice to know the people you sleep with, however, its not a must for myself and my husband. I'm not into sleeping with someone and ignoring them at a later date. To the contrary, I am usually texting one of our playfriends during the week, seeing what they are up to. If we get together, great! Most times we don't because of kid schedules so its nice to have a party where the point is to have sex. We may or may not see the couple again, but if you go into the party with no set expectation but to have a fun time (even if its only with your SO), it works out very well for everyone involved.
Deviantdoctors put on a great orgy party. Rules and guidelines are a must for everyone to 1. know what is expected 2.rules out the likelihood of someone getting advanced on without permission 3. makes it more likely that all involved will have a great time.
Yes, its nice to know the people you sleep with, however, its not a must for myself and my husband. I'm not into sleeping with someone and ignoring them at a later date. To the contrary, I am usually texting one of our playfriends during the week, seeing what they are up to. If we get together, great! Most times we don't because of kid schedules so its nice to have a party where the point is to have sex. We may or may not see the couple again, but if you go into the party with no set expectation but to have a fun time (even if its only with your SO), it works out very well for everyone involved.
Swinging has changed. Back in prehistoric times, the point was having sex with people other than spouses. People found ads, replied to a P.O. box, got a response, and unless one side or another saw something really "wrong" with the other, things happened. There were some very small groups of like minded people, maybe even as many as a dozen couples, who knew each other first and somehow moved into swinging with each other, but it was still mainly about the sex.
Not so much anymore, especially in a rather socially conservative place like Utah. Now there are parties and events all over the place, anyone can find them, and you might meet 40 couples you'd never seen before. And it's in large part gotten to be a lot like dating. People don't go to them to have sex, they go to find someone they like and then have sex. Look at most large events that have playing incorporated into the event itself, as opposed to there being an after party where the sex happens. Maybe 50 or 60 couples there, and maybe 4 or 5 in the play room. And over half of them are probably people who have played together before, not strangers they just met at the event. Yes, I know that isn't always the case, but it seems to me that it is more often than it isn't.
Not saying it's good, not saying it's bad, just saying it's changed from what it used to be.
Not so much anymore, especially in a rather socially conservative place like Utah. Now there are parties and events all over the place, anyone can find them, and you might meet 40 couples you'd never seen before. And it's in large part gotten to be a lot like dating. People don't go to them to have sex, they go to find someone they like and then have sex. Look at most large events that have playing incorporated into the event itself, as opposed to there being an after party where the sex happens. Maybe 50 or 60 couples there, and maybe 4 or 5 in the play room. And over half of them are probably people who have played together before, not strangers they just met at the event. Yes, I know that isn't always the case, but it seems to me that it is more often than it isn't.
Not saying it's good, not saying it's bad, just saying it's changed from what it used to be.
From my experience it all depends on what your audience is seeking. Orgies are great for people who are ok with foregoing all the "get to know you" conversations. No need for back and forth questioning. Orgies are just straight forward, everyone is their to fuck. You can still get to know people and make friends, but everyone is on the same page. Whereas parties or dating is different. Parties are not all about hooking up. Most people just hang out, make new friends, and if there is a strong chemistry it may lead to something, but majority of the time people just flirt and talk and have a good time. Same goes for 1 on 1. Lot's of getting to know each other, and finding out hobbies and interests and trying to gauge whether there is some chemistry or not. So it's all about what you're looking for. Casual sex, new friendships/lovers, or both?
@EVILDOERS
Our secret? If I had to point to one, it would be our RULES. We've had MANY email us an chastise us for having rules. The people who come to our event are in harmony with the idea of treating us as hosts with respect and the other participants with respect. We require people to follow through with their commitment to join or not be invited in the future. Essentially, people who can choose into rules are people who can control themselves. Furthermore, we notify people that everyone will get naked or leave, a pretty bold demand. Those people make for a good group to get vulnerable with. An orgy is a very vulnerable experience.
We also curate. We are looking for people that we'd like to fuck, based on appearance, age, fitness, sense-of-humor, intelligence, etc... To the degree we can, we glean from their profile and from an email conversation if they seem like a fit. Therefore, the group has several things in common.
So far the mix has worked quite well. Not flawless, the first orgy one guy didn't get laid right away, left with his partner early and was bent out of shape. Next orgy a single woman seemed to panic and left hurriedly without a word and wouldn't respond to email message. Another woman drank too much, wasn't too disruptive, but not what we're looking for, so we stopped inviting them. All pretty minor occurrences given the nature of the event.
xoxo
k&m
Our secret? If I had to point to one, it would be our RULES. We've had MANY email us an chastise us for having rules. The people who come to our event are in harmony with the idea of treating us as hosts with respect and the other participants with respect. We require people to follow through with their commitment to join or not be invited in the future. Essentially, people who can choose into rules are people who can control themselves. Furthermore, we notify people that everyone will get naked or leave, a pretty bold demand. Those people make for a good group to get vulnerable with. An orgy is a very vulnerable experience.
We also curate. We are looking for people that we'd like to fuck, based on appearance, age, fitness, sense-of-humor, intelligence, etc... To the degree we can, we glean from their profile and from an email conversation if they seem like a fit. Therefore, the group has several things in common.
So far the mix has worked quite well. Not flawless, the first orgy one guy didn't get laid right away, left with his partner early and was bent out of shape. Next orgy a single woman seemed to panic and left hurriedly without a word and wouldn't respond to email message. Another woman drank too much, wasn't too disruptive, but not what we're looking for, so we stopped inviting them. All pretty minor occurrences given the nature of the event.
xoxo
k&m
Would it be out of line to suggest that you've been somewhat lucky thus far? Not trying to harsh your orgy buzz but despite rules and curating an event (arguably things almost any good host would do) there will always be plenty of factors that are outside of your control. Again, not criticizing, just a few thoughts and observations having been around the swinging block a few times. Orgy on.
We are new to the lifestyle (Nov 14) and trying new experiences. Some require to get out of our comfort zone. One such experience was a gangbang last week. We enjoyed it and hope to do it again. Now we are looking to try our first orgy. I'm sure it will be as much fun.
We would love to join!!
Sounds fun send us an invite