Amy and I were talking on the way home from a party and I was a little tipsy(She was driving). I tend to wax philosophical when I imbibe and the subject popped up of what our triggers were?
What I mean is that there's a certain thing that happens at which you decide you're going to take it to the next level with another person. For Amy, it's when she flirts with someone and then they flirt back, which ratchets it up another notch. For me, it's a bit more direct. If I receive a full mouth kiss with tongue, or if a hand goes to my crotch, or if I'm promped to touch a woman's breasts or crotch, that's my trigger where I know it's safe to progress further.
I'd like to think that it's because I'm a man, and I'm a bit dense when it comes to the subtle social signals of "dating", but part of me is just afraid to fuck things up. And last night, I had an epiphany. Socially, I just turn myself off and wait for the stimulus to trip my trigger. I think it's because there are so many of those subtle social signals that it gets too damn confusing and my brain just pulls off the road for a rest. Once the trigger has been hit, though, I'm full on with my brain running in full "swing" (pardon the pun).
Amy is EXCELLENT at picking up "the vibe". That little feeling you get when someone is attracted to you. I'm a sap when it comes to it. Amy will say, "She was SO into you!", and I'll say, "What? You're kidding?".
Am I just grasping at straws here or could this be something that other guys deal with as well? Are there any women that experience this? Anyone else have an alternate explanation?
-Greg
What I mean is that there's a certain thing that happens at which you decide you're going to take it to the next level with another person. For Amy, it's when she flirts with someone and then they flirt back, which ratchets it up another notch. For me, it's a bit more direct. If I receive a full mouth kiss with tongue, or if a hand goes to my crotch, or if I'm promped to touch a woman's breasts or crotch, that's my trigger where I know it's safe to progress further.
I'd like to think that it's because I'm a man, and I'm a bit dense when it comes to the subtle social signals of "dating", but part of me is just afraid to fuck things up. And last night, I had an epiphany. Socially, I just turn myself off and wait for the stimulus to trip my trigger. I think it's because there are so many of those subtle social signals that it gets too damn confusing and my brain just pulls off the road for a rest. Once the trigger has been hit, though, I'm full on with my brain running in full "swing" (pardon the pun).
Amy is EXCELLENT at picking up "the vibe". That little feeling you get when someone is attracted to you. I'm a sap when it comes to it. Amy will say, "She was SO into you!", and I'll say, "What? You're kidding?".
Am I just grasping at straws here or could this be something that other guys deal with as well? Are there any women that experience this? Anyone else have an alternate explanation?
-Greg
My husband is the same way - only likely much worse. He is totally oblivious at catching clues. I, myself, practically had to throw myself into his lap to give him the hint that I was into him!
He has very little flirting experience. Not only is he not good at initiating a flirt, but he's not good at understanding when someone else is flirting with him. Because of that, I have no idea what his trigger would be. A girl throwing themself at him, hah. Or me saying, "Honey, go!" Since we're "new", I couldn't say for sure.
My trigger isn't really something specific - it's more of getting the feeling that someone is into me, and that they're okay with how I am. I have issues with the way my body is, and my biggest fear is someone being disappointed once my clothes come off. In order for me to progress, generally all I need is to hear the person express that they don't care.
If everyone's triggers are all so different, how does any group of people ever all click together? It all seems to complicated, I'll never understand the logistics of it all. But I suppose the fun is in not questioning it.
He has very little flirting experience. Not only is he not good at initiating a flirt, but he's not good at understanding when someone else is flirting with him. Because of that, I have no idea what his trigger would be. A girl throwing themself at him, hah. Or me saying, "Honey, go!" Since we're "new", I couldn't say for sure.
My trigger isn't really something specific - it's more of getting the feeling that someone is into me, and that they're okay with how I am. I have issues with the way my body is, and my biggest fear is someone being disappointed once my clothes come off. In order for me to progress, generally all I need is to hear the person express that they don't care.
If everyone's triggers are all so different, how does any group of people ever all click together? It all seems to complicated, I'll never understand the logistics of it all. But I suppose the fun is in not questioning it.
Over 18 years now in lifestyles, (off and on), for us now, yet I don't think I could offer a definite answer to your question. Experience for us has just been that every situation has its own answer.
A few observations however... I have noticed with time, my once very social, right in the middle of everything husband has slowly withdrawn into the shadows with the comments that he no longer has the sexual appeal he once felt in his earlier years. However, I have seen many very lovely ladies make gestures or attempts to gain his attention and show their interest, and he hasnt responded. When I confront him, his only comment is that he didnt notice. Its my opinion that sometimes we mentally withdraw and dont recognize the very things we are looking for, we block them out feeling inadequit. I recognize too that we all become very aware of our bodies and how they appeal to others especially in the raw. My solution... turn of the lights when you get undressed.... then everyone is equal.
As for what trips our triggers... for me its easy... I love to be flirted with, respectfully, but with a little naughty conversation. Polite physical contact. Things that let me know there is interest without making me feel pawed at. I enjoy alittle chasing before I give in... its a bit of thrill that gets my emotions warmed up. As for him... knock him in the head with a 2X4. What gets him going is the blunt and straight forward comment... "I want you to play with me." Otherwise he will have fantasies in his mind and remain a flirtatious gentlemen who feels too old to attract any more attention.
Last comment. Not everyone has the perfect body, and even if you do, mother nature often recalls it. We find that the people who make the effort to take care of what they have been given, but let the inner beauty from within come out are socially, sexually and all around much better freinds and more desirable. A cute body with no personality is boring in public and the bedroom, even though it might be fun to look at, that soon fades.
Lifestyles isnt a beauty contest or popularity venue, its a way of making good, long lasting friendships and thats what trips our trigger every time.
Cyn and Him
A few observations however... I have noticed with time, my once very social, right in the middle of everything husband has slowly withdrawn into the shadows with the comments that he no longer has the sexual appeal he once felt in his earlier years. However, I have seen many very lovely ladies make gestures or attempts to gain his attention and show their interest, and he hasnt responded. When I confront him, his only comment is that he didnt notice. Its my opinion that sometimes we mentally withdraw and dont recognize the very things we are looking for, we block them out feeling inadequit. I recognize too that we all become very aware of our bodies and how they appeal to others especially in the raw. My solution... turn of the lights when you get undressed.... then everyone is equal.
As for what trips our triggers... for me its easy... I love to be flirted with, respectfully, but with a little naughty conversation. Polite physical contact. Things that let me know there is interest without making me feel pawed at. I enjoy alittle chasing before I give in... its a bit of thrill that gets my emotions warmed up. As for him... knock him in the head with a 2X4. What gets him going is the blunt and straight forward comment... "I want you to play with me." Otherwise he will have fantasies in his mind and remain a flirtatious gentlemen who feels too old to attract any more attention.
Last comment. Not everyone has the perfect body, and even if you do, mother nature often recalls it. We find that the people who make the effort to take care of what they have been given, but let the inner beauty from within come out are socially, sexually and all around much better freinds and more desirable. A cute body with no personality is boring in public and the bedroom, even though it might be fun to look at, that soon fades.
Lifestyles isnt a beauty contest or popularity venue, its a way of making good, long lasting friendships and thats what trips our trigger every time.
Cyn and Him
Ditto, CYNANDHIM! By the way, ya'll look pretty damn hot to us. Don't laugh at us saying, "ya'll." We are in South Carolina. We don't know any better.
Perhaps the reverse happens too often also: I the male half, start to flirt with a charming woman and things start very well and we are making progress towards something inevitable. But on the reverse side, some of the men are acting so shy, that the our female side does not know if she is in any way desireble to there male half. It sure seems more as to how your social graces can be projected, more than much of anything else. Its so much easier with the person we love and have spent much time with. But remember, that also might be part of the problem. Familierty breeds complacency, So just as a reminder, always try to flirt and improve your social graces at home then try them on your next date out. Don't wear your heart on your shoulder, and tell your partner to be as frank with you as possible, Tell you what you need to do to just move you off center one inch at a time. Then get out there and try to be more forward, out going, intrduce your self and Please have Fun. The Tool Man PS. My trigger is not as quick as it was when I was a kid. It takes a little more to get me going. And If you want issues, try being, Old, Fat, and Grey Haired. The Only Damn Thing I Have Left, Charm? I best be one Charming "SOB" or I aint going anywhere.
Greg, you aren't the only one that feels like you need a significant sign to proceed, or that you don't always catch signs... I think (and this is just MHO) that most men are like that. We aren't as socially "tuned" as women are, because men have never been encouraged to express or experience their emotions as much as women are encouraged to...
Having said that, the same perception (or lack thereof on my part) is a common thing for me to deal with. I recently broke off contact with a close friend, and potential partner, because of my inability to read her signals. We went out not long ago, and I thought it was just another normal evening out with friends. Although we'd exchanged messages earlier in the day that pretty much spelled out that more was supposed to happen. I went home (alone) at the end of the evening, and the next day, she was angry with me. "Don't you remember everything I did last night? I practically threw myself on you!". I didn't remember any such thing, and I told her so. She pointed out several actions she took, and one or two comments she made, and I honestly didn't interpret them as "take me now, Studmuffin"... And I said so.
Long story much shorter, I told her that I simply don't "do" signals, and if people want something from me, they need to come right out and say so. And I broke it off.
I know how you feel, and frankly, I think the women do have a better sense of what really are signals and what aren't. Cyn and SoHot replied that they knew the signs, and I think they both were dead on the money in articulating it. Hit us guys over the head with that proverbial 2x4, and just say "Come and play, you big hunk of man you..."
That would work on me... LOL!
Now if I could just get someone to say it to me!
<snicker>
Having said that, the same perception (or lack thereof on my part) is a common thing for me to deal with. I recently broke off contact with a close friend, and potential partner, because of my inability to read her signals. We went out not long ago, and I thought it was just another normal evening out with friends. Although we'd exchanged messages earlier in the day that pretty much spelled out that more was supposed to happen. I went home (alone) at the end of the evening, and the next day, she was angry with me. "Don't you remember everything I did last night? I practically threw myself on you!". I didn't remember any such thing, and I told her so. She pointed out several actions she took, and one or two comments she made, and I honestly didn't interpret them as "take me now, Studmuffin"... And I said so.
Long story much shorter, I told her that I simply don't "do" signals, and if people want something from me, they need to come right out and say so. And I broke it off.
I know how you feel, and frankly, I think the women do have a better sense of what really are signals and what aren't. Cyn and SoHot replied that they knew the signs, and I think they both were dead on the money in articulating it. Hit us guys over the head with that proverbial 2x4, and just say "Come and play, you big hunk of man you..."
That would work on me... LOL!
Now if I could just get someone to say it to me!
<snicker>
We see a common thread here..Corey is just like the rest of you guys. Just like it says in our profile, sometimes the ladies have to reach out and grab crotch. As for Tamara, she likes it when a guy will give your undivided attention, and physical contact(hand on shoulder, or something else ).
What makes it hard for us is we are two people that like interaction, and when at a party, people chat for a few seconds and the leave, then come back, chat for a few seconds, leave, so and so forth, it leaves an impression of not being interested.
We like to dance. Dance with us, that will get triggers going.
).What makes it hard for us is we are two people that like interaction, and when at a party, people chat for a few seconds and the leave, then come back, chat for a few seconds, leave, so and so forth, it leaves an impression of not being interested.
We like to dance. Dance with us, that will get triggers going.
Triggers. HMMMMm Hers is pretty much flirting and lots of kisses. Mine.....I would say leaning into me and making full body contact.
Amy here,
I definitely know what you mean about dancing the2uvus...I love love LOVE to dance and if someone asks me and then gets into it with me...that totally sends me!!! (Club Vegas 3-10 sooo looking forward to it!!!)
Flirting is the biggest thing for me, talk to me, touch me (I like it all btw) whisper in my ear....that totally sets me off(in a good way). Come up behind me and say something or put your hands on my shoulders and I will go NUTS!
As for Greg, yes sometimes you do need the 2x4 but he is getting better. And it always seems to help if I just give him that look like "Go get 'em tiger" then he kinda gets it. He still misses more clues than he catches...but he is learning.
I think the oddest thing for me is NOT getting signals back at all, good or bad. I have noticed that there are those guys in the lifestyle that just sit back and wait. Not being arrogant mind you, but they are really hot or have a really self assured stance and women just seem to flock to them. I love watching people, and at parties and such its just amazing to see all the women, one by one, flock to the guy sitting in a chair, being quiet, yet sure of himself.
But for a woman like me, that throws me a curve ball, because I have no idea how to react to him. He's not the typical flirt back kinda guy. He doesn't have to be, because women come to him naturally. And because I am who I am, I don't know how to approach him because I can't read whether or not he is at all attracted to me.
So, in a way, I have my own issues with "triggers" in that respect. Because I tend to get gun-shy in this case because I don't want to be rejected, yet without putting my ass on the line, I don't know how to figure out if the guy is interested.
I'm a very open and straight forward kind of woman and sometimes that throws guys off because they're used to women being more shy and coy. I like it when guys come up to me and are straight forward about what they like or want, unfortunately because so many women are NOT like me, I rarely get that type of conversation hehe. But when I do...its a sure fire winner right off.
I definitely know what you mean about dancing the2uvus...I love love LOVE to dance and if someone asks me and then gets into it with me...that totally sends me!!! (Club Vegas 3-10 sooo looking forward to it!!!)
Flirting is the biggest thing for me, talk to me, touch me (I like it all btw) whisper in my ear....that totally sets me off(in a good way). Come up behind me and say something or put your hands on my shoulders and I will go NUTS!
As for Greg, yes sometimes you do need the 2x4 but he is getting better. And it always seems to help if I just give him that look like "Go get 'em tiger" then he kinda gets it. He still misses more clues than he catches...but he is learning.
I think the oddest thing for me is NOT getting signals back at all, good or bad. I have noticed that there are those guys in the lifestyle that just sit back and wait. Not being arrogant mind you, but they are really hot or have a really self assured stance and women just seem to flock to them. I love watching people, and at parties and such its just amazing to see all the women, one by one, flock to the guy sitting in a chair, being quiet, yet sure of himself.
But for a woman like me, that throws me a curve ball, because I have no idea how to react to him. He's not the typical flirt back kinda guy. He doesn't have to be, because women come to him naturally. And because I am who I am, I don't know how to approach him because I can't read whether or not he is at all attracted to me.
So, in a way, I have my own issues with "triggers" in that respect. Because I tend to get gun-shy in this case because I don't want to be rejected, yet without putting my ass on the line, I don't know how to figure out if the guy is interested.
I'm a very open and straight forward kind of woman and sometimes that throws guys off because they're used to women being more shy and coy. I like it when guys come up to me and are straight forward about what they like or want, unfortunately because so many women are NOT like me, I rarely get that type of conversation hehe. But when I do...its a sure fire winner right off.