More and more researchers are linking male sexual dysfunction to the consumption of hard core pornography. And I've personally seen many instances in the lifestyle where men act like they're acting out a scene from their fav porno. Someone posted this TED talk on another swing site we're on. Found it very interesting.
Can't embed the fucking video so click here
Can't embed the fucking video so click here
Male dysfunction is an interesting term to use here. It's loaded to mean failure to perform and that's not really what's happening here in my view. They male is performing more and happily so, perhaps not as much with a particular partner. I think she's cherry picked porn she finds offensive, and I find a lot of gender biased cues in her site design.
There are a lot of loaded assumptions in the view she presents. So called hard core porn tends to be highly specialized for a target audience. For example, choking and spanking are things that turn me off in porn. But there are some men and (probably proportionally fewer) women who like that. I was watching some warm-up porn with a couple once and he put on a male dominating and slapping a woman and forceful oral sex. And that was the end of that for me with them. We weren't a good match.
These kinds of kinks are about specialization/fetishization of porn/masturbation, not the kind of sex people have in general. I've had some partners who wanted me to cum on their face. It's not really my thing, but it's not a buzzkill for me either. So I did it for them, not for me. Part of the fun of sex is helping someone else have a good time. Personally, I much prefer to ejaculate in the person (with a condom of course) but I'm open to helping out my partner too within my limits.
To me Hard core porn is a way to safely explore the kinds of possible sexual expression to help you and your partner(s) find the things you mutually enjoy. And when you find what turns your crank to enjoy that in porn, then in person if you find partners who agree.
I think she paints with to broad a brush and too limited a view of what sexual function is. I think the couple relationship that has evolved in society is starting to change and new relationships are being tried out to see how it best serves people individually and then in the groups of the size and taste they choose. The life-time diad is an endangered relationship model imho.
There are a lot of loaded assumptions in the view she presents. So called hard core porn tends to be highly specialized for a target audience. For example, choking and spanking are things that turn me off in porn. But there are some men and (probably proportionally fewer) women who like that. I was watching some warm-up porn with a couple once and he put on a male dominating and slapping a woman and forceful oral sex. And that was the end of that for me with them. We weren't a good match.
These kinds of kinks are about specialization/fetishization of porn/masturbation, not the kind of sex people have in general. I've had some partners who wanted me to cum on their face. It's not really my thing, but it's not a buzzkill for me either. So I did it for them, not for me. Part of the fun of sex is helping someone else have a good time. Personally, I much prefer to ejaculate in the person (with a condom of course) but I'm open to helping out my partner too within my limits.
To me Hard core porn is a way to safely explore the kinds of possible sexual expression to help you and your partner(s) find the things you mutually enjoy. And when you find what turns your crank to enjoy that in porn, then in person if you find partners who agree.
I think she paints with to broad a brush and too limited a view of what sexual function is. I think the couple relationship that has evolved in society is starting to change and new relationships are being tried out to see how it best serves people individually and then in the groups of the size and taste they choose. The life-time diad is an endangered relationship model imho.
So we have an overabundance of single males on here...and you want them to give up porn while they wait for the privilege of playing?
Neither Evil nor anyone else said a damned thing about single men, or anyone, giving up porn. He just posed a question about its effects. Damn, talk about an unnecessarily defensive reaction. And I can see where porn could be connected to dysfunction sometimes.
There seem to be two things going on. The first is maybe dysfunction in the sense of not oding it as easily as before.
Think about it. Sexual function requires arousal. When you were a kid a picture of a girl's naked boobs probably gave you a raging hardon. Now your reaction, even to the real things on a girl walking past you at a party is simply "gee, they're nice ones" or "they're cute". When someone gets overly familiar with something, it loses some of its attraction, becomes less interesting than it used to be, and has less of an effect on him.
So someone who ODs on porn (as opposed to someone who just looks at it sometimes - and I suspect a lot of these studies only study people who use porn every single chance they get) could easily find himself reacting less and less to the naked female, and being aroused less by it, to the point of finding it more difficult to get aroused enough to perform.
The other possible effect of tons of porn is, as has already been mentioned, more porn-type behavior.
It's well known that people form lots of their attitudes, personalities, etc. as they grow up. It's also well known that kids imitate what they see on TV, in movies, and, nowadays, online. Porn has been easily available on the internet since at least the late '90s. And available, although a little less easily, earlier than that, as soon as lots of people were online. So people who went through their teens with easy internet access are now adults. Sex is, in our society, even today, is still "dirty". It's , something that isn't talked about in the family. You say that isn't so? Oh yeah? Can you imagine parents talking with their, say, 14 or 15 year old daughter about whether or not it is the norm for a guy to cum in a girl's face? Or even their 14 or 15 year old son? Those kids are going to "learn" about sex from their friends, whio themselve don't actually "know" anything, and from porn.
And porn is full of things that are NOT the norm. It's supposed to be. It's designed to arouse, and the same old, same old, isn't terribly arousing. But the unusual, the forbidden, the kinky, is. So porn is full of it. And there isn't a think wrong with the kinky. Just about everyone has at least some kink, and some kinks are for some and some aren't. But going by porn, sex is almost all kinks,and there is a problem with a generation having "learned" their sex that way. The way it's done on the screen is how they learned to do it. So we see things changing even in swing. More hook up, get in the bedroom, and immediately start pumping away. Less kissing, caressing, gentle contact, less foreplay. Less staying there for at least a bit afterwards, touching and caressing. We see women in their profiles needing to specifically mention that they don't like being called whore, bitch, cunt, etc., like having their face cummed in, or their hair pulled, or being slapped, or whatever. If they hadn't encountered guys who did those things without asking if it was OK, and probably more than once, they wouldn't be mentioning it. And lots of profiles mention respecting the woman, something that not TOO many years ago wouldn't have been mentioned, it was expected. And my wife was complaining just a couple days ago about how so many guys want to just go into the bedroom and instantly start fucking. There HAS been a slow, but steady, increase in guys treating women as toys to use just for the guy's pleasure. Now where do we see THAT point of view all the time? Porn, of course. And the generation that in large part learned about sex from porn is coming up, and things HAVE been changing. ~ Terry
There seem to be two things going on. The first is maybe dysfunction in the sense of not oding it as easily as before.
Think about it. Sexual function requires arousal. When you were a kid a picture of a girl's naked boobs probably gave you a raging hardon. Now your reaction, even to the real things on a girl walking past you at a party is simply "gee, they're nice ones" or "they're cute". When someone gets overly familiar with something, it loses some of its attraction, becomes less interesting than it used to be, and has less of an effect on him.
So someone who ODs on porn (as opposed to someone who just looks at it sometimes - and I suspect a lot of these studies only study people who use porn every single chance they get) could easily find himself reacting less and less to the naked female, and being aroused less by it, to the point of finding it more difficult to get aroused enough to perform.
The other possible effect of tons of porn is, as has already been mentioned, more porn-type behavior.
It's well known that people form lots of their attitudes, personalities, etc. as they grow up. It's also well known that kids imitate what they see on TV, in movies, and, nowadays, online. Porn has been easily available on the internet since at least the late '90s. And available, although a little less easily, earlier than that, as soon as lots of people were online. So people who went through their teens with easy internet access are now adults. Sex is, in our society, even today, is still "dirty". It's , something that isn't talked about in the family. You say that isn't so? Oh yeah? Can you imagine parents talking with their, say, 14 or 15 year old daughter about whether or not it is the norm for a guy to cum in a girl's face? Or even their 14 or 15 year old son? Those kids are going to "learn" about sex from their friends, whio themselve don't actually "know" anything, and from porn.
And porn is full of things that are NOT the norm. It's supposed to be. It's designed to arouse, and the same old, same old, isn't terribly arousing. But the unusual, the forbidden, the kinky, is. So porn is full of it. And there isn't a think wrong with the kinky. Just about everyone has at least some kink, and some kinks are for some and some aren't. But going by porn, sex is almost all kinks,and there is a problem with a generation having "learned" their sex that way. The way it's done on the screen is how they learned to do it. So we see things changing even in swing. More hook up, get in the bedroom, and immediately start pumping away. Less kissing, caressing, gentle contact, less foreplay. Less staying there for at least a bit afterwards, touching and caressing. We see women in their profiles needing to specifically mention that they don't like being called whore, bitch, cunt, etc., like having their face cummed in, or their hair pulled, or being slapped, or whatever. If they hadn't encountered guys who did those things without asking if it was OK, and probably more than once, they wouldn't be mentioning it. And lots of profiles mention respecting the woman, something that not TOO many years ago wouldn't have been mentioned, it was expected. And my wife was complaining just a couple days ago about how so many guys want to just go into the bedroom and instantly start fucking. There HAS been a slow, but steady, increase in guys treating women as toys to use just for the guy's pleasure. Now where do we see THAT point of view all the time? Porn, of course. And the generation that in large part learned about sex from porn is coming up, and things HAVE been changing. ~ Terry
JEFFSMITH1972 wrote:
So we have an overabundance of single males on here...and you want them to give up porn while they wait for the privilege of playing?
Actually I was looking at this more from the standpoint of an oft mentioned problem of many guys not being able to get it up in a play situation (something that was pretty much unheard of way back when we started swinging) and also from the perspective of many ladies I've talked to who mention how inattentive to their needs many of their play partners seem to be. I've heard MANY women complain that the "go to" technique for some guys seems to be pounding away at their pussies in as many different (camera friendly?) positions as possible. But if ya wanna somehow make this a single male bashing thread be my guest.
TMACA wrote:
Think about it. Sexual function requires arousal. When you were a kid a picture of a girl's naked boobs probably gave you a raging hardon. Now your reaction, even to the real things on a girl walking past you at a party is simply "gee, they're nice ones" or "they're cute". When someone gets overly familiar with something, it loses some of its attraction, becomes less interesting than it used to be, and has less of an effect on him.
So someone who ODs on porn (as opposed to someone who just looks at it sometimes - and I suspect a lot of these studies only study people who use porn every single chance they get) could easily find himself reacting less and less to the naked female, and being aroused less by it, to the point of finding it more difficult to get aroused enough to perform.
This is my thought on it exactly. We as a couple watch porn occasionally and it is fun, but we do not take it to the point that it is an every day thing. I think that a better culprit for male dysfunction is alcohol and or drug induced. There have been times when I have had a difficult time getting it up when I have had too much to drink.
As far as acting out what is seen in porn, yes it happens but most of the positions and/or techniques used in porn are for the view of the camera and are not at all comfortable. When it comes down to spanking and choking I believe that should be something that is talked about before it happens so there is no confusion as to what either partner is in to.
@JEFFSMITH1972, nobody is telling anyone to give up anything. If porn is what you want then by all means have at it. We are simply sharing experiences and opinions.
So are people drinking and doing drugs more now than in the late 80's? Or are there just way more swingers and that automatically means more potential for failure?
I wouldn't say that there are more people drinking and doing drugs than the 80s. However I do believe that the performance issues were around then as well. I can not say from experience since back then I was still a pre-teen but as I stated before when I've had problems it was while drinking. I do not do drugs so that is a non issue for me. That does not at all that I was not into what, or rather who I was doing it was just my state of mind.
My two cents....ED...Drugs. Yep. But not what you are thinking. Many more folks are diagnosed now with high blood pressure and diabetes issues. The medication prescribed for these are BOTH pretty hard on a..a..hard on. Especially on those that may have minor mental or anxiety concerns, as well.
I don't know about diabetes drugs, but Viagara was originally a high BP drug, for a specific, and really dangerous, kind of high BP, Pulmonary Hypertension. Then someone figured out that relaxing artery walls and lowering the BP also increased blood flow into the penis for guys with circulatory problems, it became the boner pill, and the price got insane. Strange. how they can get so much more for a pill that helps someone get a hardon than they could for the same med when all it was good for was keeping you alive. Cialis and that other one, I forget what it's called, do the same thing. They relax artery walls, improving blood flow to the genitals, and lowering BP. And I don't think the normal BP meds themselves are the problem, but that it's having had high BP, which people usually have for quite a while before anything gets done about it. It can cause the artery walls to stiffen, and restrict blood flow, in this case to the genitals, messing with the ability to get an erection. I'm not sure if BP meds themselves inhibit erections, since something that lowers BP helps restore them. But there are several completely different types of BP meds, which deal with high BP in different ways, so maybe one or more of them does have a bad effect.
Everyone has always know that if you get too drunk or high your shit won't work, and it was never seen as some kind of "dysfunction" when that happened to someone. There were a lot more drugs in the '70s, and easily as much alcohol in both the '70s and '80s as is the case now, and dysfunction either wasn't the problem it is now or nobody knew it, one or the other. But what I think this whole discussion is really about is specifically guys who do not have the "normal" ED, or any other erection related medical problem, and who aren't drunk or high, having a problem getting an erection in a swing situation. And I think that kind of difficulty has to be based on lack of arousal. ~ Terry
Everyone has always know that if you get too drunk or high your shit won't work, and it was never seen as some kind of "dysfunction" when that happened to someone. There were a lot more drugs in the '70s, and easily as much alcohol in both the '70s and '80s as is the case now, and dysfunction either wasn't the problem it is now or nobody knew it, one or the other. But what I think this whole discussion is really about is specifically guys who do not have the "normal" ED, or any other erection related medical problem, and who aren't drunk or high, having a problem getting an erection in a swing situation. And I think that kind of difficulty has to be based on lack of arousal. ~ Terry
TMACA wrote:
I don't know about diabetes drugs, but Viagara was originally a high BP drug, for a specific, and really dangerous, kind of high BP, Pulmonary Hypertension. Then someone figured out that relaxing artery walls and lowering the BP also increased blood flow into the penis for guys with circulatory problems, it became the boner pill, and the price got insane. Strange. how they can get so much more for a pill that helps someone get a hardon than they could for the same med when all it was good for was keeping you alive. Cialis and that other one, I forget what it's called, do the same thing. They relax artery walls, improving blood flow to the genitals, and lowering BP. And I don't think the normal BP meds themselves are the problem, but that it's having had high BP, which people usually have for quite a while before anything gets done about it. It can cause the artery walls to stiffen, and restrict blood flow, in this case to the genitals, messing with the ability to get an erection. I'm not sure if BP meds themselves inhibit erections, since something that lowers BP helps restore them. But there are several completely different types of BP meds, which deal with high BP in different ways, so maybe one or more of them does have a bad effect.
But what I think this whole discussion is really about is specifically guys who do not have the "normal" ED, or any other erection related medical problem, and who aren't drunk or high, having a problem getting an erection in a swing situation. And I think that kind of difficulty has to be based on lack of arousal. ~ Terry
If I'm the only one please let me know, but every time I see this joker post a diatribe I think of this nonsensical story. Yes, Terry, I know you'll have your feathers ruffled, but same some of the internet for the rest of us.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701151/quotes?item=qt0348826
TMACA wrote:
I don't know about diabetes drugs, but Viagara was originally a high BP drug, for a specific, and really dangerous, kind of high BP, Pulmonary Hypertension. Then someone figured out that relaxing artery walls and lowering the BP also increased blood flow into the penis for guys with circulatory problems, it became the boner pill, and the price got insane. Strange. how they can get so much more for a pill that helps someone get a hardon than they could for the same med when all it was good for was keeping you alive. Cialis and that other one, I forget what it's called, do the same thing. They relax artery walls, improving blood flow to the genitals, and lowering BP. And I don't think the normal BP meds themselves are the problem, but that it's having had high BP, which people usually have for quite a while before anything gets done about it. It can cause the artery walls to stiffen, and restrict blood flow, in this case to the genitals, messing with the ability to get an erection. I'm not sure if BP meds themselves inhibit erections, since something that lowers BP helps restore them. But there are several completely different types of BP meds, which deal with high BP in different ways, so maybe one or more of them does have a bad effect.
But what I think this whole discussion is really about is specifically guys who do not have the "normal" ED, or any other erection related medical problem, and who aren't drunk or high, having a problem getting an erection in a swing situation. And I think that kind of difficulty has to be based on lack of arousal. ~ Terry
If I'm the only one please let me know, but every time I see this joker post a diatribe I think of this nonsensical story. Yes, Terry, I know you'll have your feathers ruffled, but same some of the internet for the rest of us.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701151/quotes?item=qt0348826
TMACA wrote:
I don't know about diabetes drugs, but Viagara was originally a high BP drug, for a specific, and really dangerous, kind of high BP, Pulmonary Hypertension. Then someone figured out that relaxing artery walls and lowering the BP also increased blood flow into the penis for guys with circulatory problems, it became the boner pill, and the price got insane. Strange. how they can get so much more for a pill that helps someone get a hardon than they could for the same med when all it was good for was keeping you alive. Cialis and that other one, I forget what it's called, do the same thing. They relax artery walls, improving blood flow to the genitals, and lowering BP. And I don't think the normal BP meds themselves are the problem, but that it's having had high BP, which people usually have for quite a while before anything gets done about it. It can cause the artery walls to stiffen, and restrict blood flow, in this case to the genitals, messing with the ability to get an erection. I'm not sure if BP meds themselves inhibit erections, since something that lowers BP helps restore them. But there are several completely different types of BP meds, which deal with high BP in different ways, so maybe one or more of them does have a bad effect.
But what I think this whole discussion is really about is specifically guys who do not have the "normal" ED, or any other erection related medical problem, and who aren't drunk or high, having a problem getting an erection in a swing situation. And I think that kind of difficulty has to be based on lack of arousal. ~ Terry
If I'm the only one please let me know, but every time I see this joker post a diatribe I think of this nonsensical story. Yes, Terry, I know you'll have your feathers ruffled, but same some of the internet for the rest of us.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701151/quotes?item=qt0348826
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:JEFFSMITH1972 wrote:
So we have an overabundance of single males on here...and you want them to give up porn while they wait for the privilege of playing?
We all had to give up white onions during the war.....Is it really too much to ask Jeff?
See reference http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701151/quotes?item=qt0348826 if you don't believe me.
Did you have to play the race card? I mean really, between that dribble about white onions and Experienced_Virgin triple posting, how will there ever be enough Internet left for the wife and I to watch XTube tonight?
sex and swinging been dead for years blame this forum and this damn thread 
SUENDAN wrote:
sex and swinging been dead for years blame this forum and this damn thread
Oh Shit. There goes the planet.
STOPHER29 wrote:SUENDAN wrote:
sex and swinging been dead for years blame this forum and this damn thread
Oh Shit. There goes the planet.
this is also killing sex
Bump.....
(Just had to do it.....)
(Just had to do it.....)
Is a Roku some kind of high end Japanese sex toy? Double ended butt plug that plays the "love" theme from 50 Shades of Grey?
ERASEDPANTS33 wrote:EVILDOERS wrote:
Is a Roku some kind of high end Japanese sex toy? Double ended butt plug that plays the "love" theme from 50 Shades of Grey?
That is EXACTLY what it is! Isn't that song catchy? Perfect to play softly whilst being penetrated anally.
It also happens to be a streaming "box" that you can watch movies, TV shows and porn on. You can watch free porn as well as the high end stuff(Japanese high end as well).
I think you meant to write STEAMING "box" but were distracted by a gleaming, jewel encrusted, 50 Shades of Grey official signature butt plug lodged up the nether regions of your rectum and or colon.
ERASEDPANTS33 wrote:MAPARTY wrote:
Porn on my 4K TV would be interesting to see... Hmm...
Speaking of which, we just got a 240mHz super high def TV in our room. It is going to take a while to get up use to. Now every movie looks like we are watching the BBC. I think there is a point where the picture is "too good". Haha
The BBC?!!? Holy shit! Is there like some kind of Instagram filter you can apply to fix their teeth? Or did you mean Big Black Cock?
Yeah, not a big fan of 4K tv and porn. Don't need to see ultra clear ass zits or hi rez genital warts that look like little flesh colored cauliflowers.
ok fine, but in general most of the articles that blame something on hardcore porn are focusing on one or 2 cases where a person also happened to enjoy porn, (ie porn turns people into serial killers, anybody who watches porn is abusive, etc.) and rarely is any research done into how porn actually affects people.
If we find a study that actually focuses on what porn does to the brain, then I'll be interested in the results. So far my own personal results go against what people say about porn.
1) You watch harder and weirder stuff the more you watch porn
My experience: I switch it up. And I looked at weirder stuff when I was a teen trying to find out weirder things.
2) You focus on more violent porn the the more you watch porn.
My experience: Never been into the violent porn. Second it gets violent or coercive is the second I stop performing.
3) Porn makes you unable to perform in the bedroom or have an orgasm.
My experience: getting older and fatter has affected things, and whether or not i masturbated that day or not. That being said, holding hands with a woman is usually 1 million times sexier and more potent than porn.
If we find a study that actually focuses on what porn does to the brain, then I'll be interested in the results. So far my own personal results go against what people say about porn.
1) You watch harder and weirder stuff the more you watch porn
My experience: I switch it up. And I looked at weirder stuff when I was a teen trying to find out weirder things.
2) You focus on more violent porn the the more you watch porn.
My experience: Never been into the violent porn. Second it gets violent or coercive is the second I stop performing.
3) Porn makes you unable to perform in the bedroom or have an orgasm.
My experience: getting older and fatter has affected things, and whether or not i masturbated that day or not. That being said, holding hands with a woman is usually 1 million times sexier and more potent than porn.
Also: I used to masturbate without lube. Since I started using a lube, making masturbation much nicer, it feels like the quality difference between sex and masturbation isn't as great as it used to be.
So.....ban the use of high-quality lubes?
So.....ban the use of high-quality lubes?
You're gonna go blind! 
And yes that was a direct insinuation that single males jerk off too much and should just sit around waiting for someone to offer to let them play with their wife.
And yes that was a direct insinuation that single males jerk off too much and should just sit around waiting for someone to offer to let them play with their wife.
MAPARTY wrote:
There's a reason the show was canceled.
Yeah, the writers were watching too much porn.
Wait, you forgot "guy slaps girl in the face with his dick and spits in her mouth"...you know, the romantic part. 
Here is the Generic form of Viagra. The one that is the most used.
Brand Name Viagra is rarely used as it cost to much for most RX plans to cover.
Most have to pay out of pocket.
Your text to link here...
Brand Name Viagra is rarely used as it cost to much for most RX plans to cover.
Most have to pay out of pocket.
Your text to link here...
And I don't think porn in and of itself is necessarily desensitizing guys to regular old non-cum drowning the chick with a ginormous facial sex but I do think that quick easy access to it might be a factor. For fucks sake, there are probably guys you work with who are taking their iPhones into the john for a quick jaunt into Xvideos.com. Kinda makes you not want to take that slice of cake they offer you during an office birthday party, huh. 
I'll have you know that I just purchased a superior lager not 15 minutes ago at Smith's. Yardsale by Uinta is my second fav lager (next to First Amendment) of all time. And the name Yardsale is an excellent representation of the first time I skied after drinking a whole six pack as a teenager. 
And I still very much enjoy many kinds of porn but I do notice I'm not on my "A" game if I choke the chicken too many times in the week leading up to a play party.
And I still very much enjoy many kinds of porn but I do notice I'm not on my "A" game if I choke the chicken too many times in the week leading up to a play party.
I shouldn't have emphasized male sexual dysfunction in the lead-in to this thread. The main point I wanted to make was how many women have seen a real decline in "skills" in male sex partners after the ubiquitous availability of online porn, especially younger males.
I had my dark beer phase about a decade ago. Still love a Guinness on occasion and Dry Irish Stout on nitro is still a St. Paddy's Day fav. Hmmmm wonder what the firkin is tomorrow. Wait, what were we talking about again?