We know there are always a lot of noobs so this might not be the best question for them but for those of you who've been doing this a while, has the lifestyle changed? If so, in what way and has it changed for the better? We started swinging MANY years ago. In fact we were still in college! Now we've never been really hard core swingers and have taken many breaks over the years...sometimes for years; when we've had other stuff going on in our lives and/or we needed time for ourselves. But we've seen some fairly drastic shifts in the whole vibe in the lifestyle especially the past 5 years or so and wondered if anyone else has noticed this?
Evil you mention drastic shifts, can you be a little more specific. While we have only participated a couple of years it would seem that a lot more people are trying it then taking a break. Others we know say that along with Internet sites to connect are the biggest change. The vibe is gonna change the more people that participate.
I've been trying to quantify the changes we're seeing but it's a little hard to pin down. For one thing, there seem to be quite a few people sticking their heads in and quickly retreating. Perhaps it's the ease of entry that allows "lookie Lous" to sort of check things out without really risking actually MEETING someone. LOL Another thing we've noticed is that there seem to be more people treating swinging as simply another way to hook up for NSA sex. I mean I know at it's core that's what swinging is but it's almost become a wham, bam, thank you ma'am culture rather than the sensuality of sharing your body with a caring generous lover. Foreplay almost seems to have become perfunctory (if it happens at all) and there's more of a "down and dirty by nine thirty" attitude than there used to be. It's almost a hit it and quit it or get in, get out, go home culture now. Many people just seem to be in such a hurry to fuck that they don't really want to take any time to get to know each other a little first. Maybe I'm seeing things but it just seems like it's changed a lot since we started swinging. I was talking to some people on another site and one guy postulated that the changes were due to the scene being so diluted by people with varied interests that there just aren't a lot of "pure" swingers anymore. I dunno, maybe I just need more coffee. 
I may have an unusual perspective, having taken a not exactly intentional break of over 30 years, so I'm comparing back in the '80s to today, rather than the early 2000s to now. The most obvious change is the mechanics of the thing. From the old ads in the cheaply printed magazines sold only in the dirty book stores to the internet. From everything being passed by word of mouth between people to everything being on the internet where anyone can see it. From ALL parties being invite only because if someone didn't invite you, you never knew there was a party. From small, isolated groups, where one knew maybe a dozen or a couple dozen couples at most to a huge community of hundreds communicating with each other. And the addition of single men and, really, also single women. Since it was strictly a couples thing, single people, even females, didn't usually get invited by anyone. And from essentially nothing that could be called an "event" to events happening all the time, especially around holidays.
The result of all that has been a change from small groups of people who knew each other before they actually started swinging to hundreds of people who often meet for the first time at a party or an event where everyone attending intends to swing, or is at least checking it out with that in mind. And it has become, to some extent, a sort of wham, bam, thank you ma'am thing instead of, as Evil says, caring people sharing caring relationships.
Not that there's anything wrong with NSA sex, just that it's changed from being groups of people who knew each other to start with to people who might, in some cases, only ever see each other at a party or an event. And although people can still end up making a personal connection of some kind with others, it's no longer automatic, like it was, when the only way anyone started swinging was through an existing personal connection.
I don't know if the changes are, ultimately, good or bad. There are pluses and minuses with both the old way and today.
Personally, if it wasn't as open and available as it is now I probably never would have gotten back into it. So I guess, for me, that's a plus. On the other hand, as much as she likes sex, my wife isn't exactly enthusiastic over the "Hi, I'm so and so, let's go off to the bedroom and screw" approach she's encountered a lot of. (Yeah, that's exaggerated, but you know what I mean).
And I introduced her to a somewhat different lifestyle, one I guess many here would think was a little too weird but which, mostly because it involves more of a personal connection between people, and not just jumping straight into sex, she seems to like better. Which may even end up with her deciding to leave this one. And if that happens, well, I'm not a 30-something hard bodied studmuffin, so I really doubt I'd find a unicorn to swing with, and that'd pretty much leave me out in the cold. So, on my own personal level, I guess all the changes have changed swinging for what may end up being the worse. ~ Terry
The result of all that has been a change from small groups of people who knew each other before they actually started swinging to hundreds of people who often meet for the first time at a party or an event where everyone attending intends to swing, or is at least checking it out with that in mind. And it has become, to some extent, a sort of wham, bam, thank you ma'am thing instead of, as Evil says, caring people sharing caring relationships.
Not that there's anything wrong with NSA sex, just that it's changed from being groups of people who knew each other to start with to people who might, in some cases, only ever see each other at a party or an event. And although people can still end up making a personal connection of some kind with others, it's no longer automatic, like it was, when the only way anyone started swinging was through an existing personal connection.
I don't know if the changes are, ultimately, good or bad. There are pluses and minuses with both the old way and today.
Personally, if it wasn't as open and available as it is now I probably never would have gotten back into it. So I guess, for me, that's a plus. On the other hand, as much as she likes sex, my wife isn't exactly enthusiastic over the "Hi, I'm so and so, let's go off to the bedroom and screw" approach she's encountered a lot of. (Yeah, that's exaggerated, but you know what I mean).
And I introduced her to a somewhat different lifestyle, one I guess many here would think was a little too weird but which, mostly because it involves more of a personal connection between people, and not just jumping straight into sex, she seems to like better. Which may even end up with her deciding to leave this one. And if that happens, well, I'm not a 30-something hard bodied studmuffin, so I really doubt I'd find a unicorn to swing with, and that'd pretty much leave me out in the cold. So, on my own personal level, I guess all the changes have changed swinging for what may end up being the worse. ~ Terry
http://www.esquire.co.uk/culture/article/5070/how-tinder-made-me-hate-my-own-face/
Could be related to this. How the internet, and especially smart phones, have changed dating. Marriage is trending downhill, so instead of 'swinging' people are often just going for casual sex. And being online for dating often means that it's more based on physical gut responses to how much you like their picture in the first second.
Could be related to this. How the internet, and especially smart phones, have changed dating. Marriage is trending downhill, so instead of 'swinging' people are often just going for casual sex. And being online for dating often means that it's more based on physical gut responses to how much you like their picture in the first second.
I think swinging is no longer about the pure joy of exploring it's become the new cheating with permission. We have met a lot of couples who use the life style as a poor excuse to have a hall pass. Some people are respective and still do the couple thing but the majority that we have encountered have given us a bad taste for the life style. We still look around for descent couples but that's far and few...if you're out there we are looking for you..lol
Another thing we've noticed is the tendency, especially with some younger guys, to think a swing date is more or less a chance to act out their own personal porno. Everything from their verbiage to the way they actually approach the act seems like it's straight out of a script from mainstream porn. Maybe that's the only model they have to show them what having sex is about. 
As a guilty Jerk!! I've done that and have been put in my place. But all things are a learning curve what makes recoverable is to not do it again...fantasies are great to have but having control and trust is the key fact to respect also having a wife who can cut all play in a second is a fearful thing as well..we try not to judge but there are things we would never do like allow the other to have sex with a stranger in a different town...that's just asking for problems...what do we really know about people in the life style can everyone be trusted?? Sorry I want the fun with my spouse to continue as a couple...
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
We can all still hold true to whatever our personal preference might be and still be tolerant. We are not sure what the majority of the active membership is actually looking for but it is apparent there are a lot of members that are not at all what we are looking for and that is just fine. There are more than enough people we have not yet met, that are for the most part, looking for the same sorts of relationships, than we have time to meet and enjoy. We think that perhaps now more than in the past, that having a complete profile that lets others know what you are looking for and Just as importantly what you are not looking for is important. You will still get request from people out of sync with your preference but it helps to be able to just refer them to your profile. It lets your own words support your acceptance or declination of their request to meet you.
We agree personal preference is key. We do not fuck every couple we meet that are in the lifestyle. Some are just friends and others just are not compatible with our wants and needs. We agree Evil foreplay is the appetizer for better things and having a friendly relationship is much more enjoyable when it comes to meeting again. Others are entitled to their preference whatever it maybe, I am sure there will always be someone out there for everyones likes and dislikes.
Agreed so how does anyone meet anyone? Sorry boots calls are really not working and we have tried every way possible to find other couples who might be interested in developing any lasting connection. Can anyone suggest something of an approach. We've done the normal hello and hey let's meet and the parties are great but we get tired of the traveling and want to see what's in our area
STICKYSWEETCPL wrote:
It seems to us that it has really become more of a meet and greet thing.. alot of talking but zero action. . Just our feelings on the subject.
And also jv66playful
First, understand that I'm about the unlikeliest guy around to end up hooked up with someone. I'm certainly not extraordinarily handsome or well built or anything. My wife and I don't have a play together only policy, so I don't get in the bedroom 'cause someone, guy, girl, or couple, wants to play with her. And, finally, I have a lousy hookup technique. Hell, I don't even HAVE a technique. I mostly just kind of hang around and wait (hopefully) to see if some girl approaches me. NOT a great, or even good, strategy for getting in the bedroom. Yet at about half of the parties/events I've been to, I have ended up with a girl. Which seems to say, with all the odds I have against me, that there must be a whole lot of people interested in the action, rather than just the talk, part.
So maybe it's just the way you're approaching it. Are you trying to meet people online and then meet them somewhere? That might not be the best way, because people who seem to click online may not click in person. I'm thinking that maybe the best way is to go to parties or even events, and even to set up a first meeting with someone at some party or event, rather than at a restaurant or something. You'll meet the people in person, in an environment that's probably a little more conducive to hooking up in the first place, and both "sides" will be able to decide what they think of the other. And, if it doesn't seem to work out, there will be other people to talk to and maybe connect with.
If you're already doing that, and it isn't working out, then I don't have a clue. I don't even really know why what I do (or, from one point of view, don't do) works out.
Changed!! I'd say!! Since I turned 94 I get NO action....
TIFFND wrote:
Changed!! I'd say!! Since I turned 94 I get NO action....
Liar, liar, pants on fire. You KNOW you aren't a day over 91.
Terry
MAPARTY wrote:Ohhhh...we love a good challenge!TIFFND wrote:
Changed!! I'd say!! Since I turned 94 I get NO action....
TMACA wrote:Well...alrighty then...you're right..I'm not even 91....in fact....I have to say...some days when we're in the crowd of naked friends in the hot tub..I feel a lot like 18 all over again! LOLTIFFND wrote:
Changed!! I'd say!! Since I turned 94 I get NO action....
Liar, liar, pants on fire. You KNOW you aren't a day over 91.
Terry
Now...let's get that tub full!
Well, I suffer from a severe case of PeterPanism. I never have, and never will, really grow up and get old. That must be why so many poor unsuspecting people think I'm 20 years younger than I am. And I guess that's OK, but what I really need to do is figure out how to make everyone think it's 30 years, not just 20.
TMACA wrote:LOL..Let me know when you do!
Well, I suffer from a severe case of PeterPanism. I never have, and never will, really grow up and get old. That must be why so many poor unsuspecting people think I'm 20 years younger than I am. And I guess that's OK, but what I really need to do is figure out how to make everyone think it's 30 years, not just 20.
To be honest I have no clue on the how I don't get action because we do at parties. Thing is all the people we have been with from the online hook ups are for better words the type they warn you about who are two sided. We want friends not scum so is there any other site or way to hook up with couples who are classy...
In our short 5 years in the lifestyle we've seen a lot of couples come and go in a very short amount of time. Sometimes they leave in different directions too. (Divorce) I'm not sure what if anything has changed but there have been many couples that seem to just be trying it out like sampling new foods or different coffees just to say they did it and then move on. Fortunately we've met a lot of really great people who have managed to stick around and let us have some fun with them. 
SEXYRIDERS wrote:Amen! It is nice to know people long enough that you can at least call them casual friends! I know we have been around long enough now, that we can count quite a few folks who we just enjoy seeing when we go out. Some are, or were playmates, many aren't, it doesn't really matter. We just enjoy their company! I guess one of the things that makes us feel a bit closer to these folks, is that we know and are trusted with some of their intimate secrets..even if it's just what the do for fun. LOL That sort of supplies a binding thread of some sorts between all of us.
In our short 5 years in the lifestyle we've seen a lot of couples come and go in a very short amount of time. Sometimes they leave in different directions too. (Divorce) I'm not sure what if anything has changed but there have been many couples that seem to just be trying it out like sampling new foods or different coffees just to say they did it and then move on. Fortunately we've met a lot of really great people who have managed to stick around and let us have some fun with them.
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