Outing anyone in the LS for any reason is a really awful thing to do. But is there a line somewhere between that rule for people's privacy and safety, and behavior that can endanger that very privacy and safety?
Some time back we met someone, a single male, and, without going into the details, found out that this single male is married and using the LS and the site to cheat behind his wife's back.
Over some time, we've talked to him; he claims, for various reasons, that his wife would likely like the idea of swinging and other things that don't make much sense given that he won't even approach her about the subject. We've even invited him to bring her to one of the coffee meet n greet things. After a while, probably after he finally realized that he wasn't going to get into Dana's pants without his wife knowing and being OK with it, he lost interest in us.
But Dana just brought him up again. She says he still has his "single male" profile up, and still posts booty calls, as a single male, every once in a while.
So you never out anyone. I get that, and I'm behind it 100%. But at the same time, I see a situation where girls hook up with someone that they think is single, so he's lying to them. And I can also see his wife finding out eventually, and all Hell breaking loose, and landing on whatever innocent girl from the LS is involved.
So what the Hell is the right thing to do here? Dana thinks he should be outed to the community, I kind of think the same, because I see what he's doing as a danger to others, but...
Need some advice here, folks. ~ Terry
Some time back we met someone, a single male, and, without going into the details, found out that this single male is married and using the LS and the site to cheat behind his wife's back.
Over some time, we've talked to him; he claims, for various reasons, that his wife would likely like the idea of swinging and other things that don't make much sense given that he won't even approach her about the subject. We've even invited him to bring her to one of the coffee meet n greet things. After a while, probably after he finally realized that he wasn't going to get into Dana's pants without his wife knowing and being OK with it, he lost interest in us.
But Dana just brought him up again. She says he still has his "single male" profile up, and still posts booty calls, as a single male, every once in a while.
So you never out anyone. I get that, and I'm behind it 100%. But at the same time, I see a situation where girls hook up with someone that they think is single, so he's lying to them. And I can also see his wife finding out eventually, and all Hell breaking loose, and landing on whatever innocent girl from the LS is involved.
So what the Hell is the right thing to do here? Dana thinks he should be outed to the community, I kind of think the same, because I see what he's doing as a danger to others, but...
Need some advice here, folks. ~ Terry
Cheating is odious IMHO but not necessarily an outworthy offense. Is he a douchecopter for cheating? I think so. But I'm certain there are those who don't care if he's a cheater. Now if he poses some kind of safety threat to people then it becomes a grey area for me and would depend on the specific threat/circumstances. YMMV
just have fun.. stop the drama..! this is swinger site please!
RICKYANDJESS wrote:
just have fun.. stop the drama..! this is swinger site please!
100% agree. Terry is the energizer bunny of drama.
I think the actual crime here is RICKYANDJESS only having 1 pic available of a tush that sexy!
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
We no longer even consider playing with a single male unless he gets recommended by someone we know that knows him well enough to know he is not married and playing behind his wife's back. We don't care if 99.9999% of the people with memberships here do not have a problem with that we do. It is like any other sexual preference we all have the right to say or no to anything and anyone we want to. There are people that it would not bother so the dude should just be honest and play with people thst don't care.
Well I am a single male and new but this gives the singles a bad name and I can see because of this if you are a single male and more over new on the site it is so much harder to meet anyone. I have heard that a single should be able to host if he is not married but that may not always be the case now a days with all a single dad has to pay for he may have roommates or be back with family to make it by. I can't say out him or not but want to point out what a legit single male is up against. I even posted a pic showing part of my divorce decree with the date last year in my pics. It doesn't 100% prove I am single but divorced less than a year with that pic I hope it adds some credit to my profile
RICKYANDJESS wrote:
just have fun.. stop the drama..! this is swinger site please!
Couldn't agree more! If he is cheating that is between him and his wife. There could be unknown reasons for this guy to be unfaithful to his spouse. JUST HAVE FUN!
A HUGE part of the lifestyle is no judgement!
What folks do is their own business.
Now that being said...word of mouth plays a big part, have a friend that may be interested in this guy?...Psssst.....
There are plenty of guys and girls that we have met over the years that word of mouth has turned us away from or turned us towards....it works both ways.
TJ
What folks do is their own business.
Now that being said...word of mouth plays a big part, have a friend that may be interested in this guy?...Psssst.....
There are plenty of guys and girls that we have met over the years that word of mouth has turned us away from or turned us towards....it works both ways.
TJ
Enough said!!!
Yeah, well that's why I asked. Everyone seems to think "just ignore it". Fine. But one thing not many seem to get. I personally do not give a damn if someone cheats or not, but I have seen what can happen to the girl the husband is cheating with when the wife finds out. Ever see some girl labeled "home wrecker" even when she had no idea the guy was married? I have, a couple of times. It ain't pretty, and the problems don't always come just from guy's wife. And for some strange reason, it seems like it's usually somehow the girl's fault, not the guy's. Not to mention how so many people are automatically suspicious of all single guys just because some small number of them are cheating. And how it creates even more barriers for single men, most of whom haven't done anything to deserve being treated with automatic suspicion.
The problem I have with it isn't that the guy's cheating. That IS his and his wife's problem. The problem is lying to girls about it. If so many people think it's just fine, then why doesn't he just stick it in his profile that he's married and his wife doesn't know? Because he knows he'd catch Hell from a lot of people, just like someone did a few days ago on another post. If everybody really thought it was just a private matter between a guy and his wife, nobody would have said a thing to that other guy.
And energizer bunny of drama? What, because I run into something that I'm not sure how to handle and ask for people's advice? Jesus H. Christ, Virgin, if this had shit to do with drama I'd have told everyone who the guy is. ~ Terry
The problem I have with it isn't that the guy's cheating. That IS his and his wife's problem. The problem is lying to girls about it. If so many people think it's just fine, then why doesn't he just stick it in his profile that he's married and his wife doesn't know? Because he knows he'd catch Hell from a lot of people, just like someone did a few days ago on another post. If everybody really thought it was just a private matter between a guy and his wife, nobody would have said a thing to that other guy.
And energizer bunny of drama? What, because I run into something that I'm not sure how to handle and ask for people's advice? Jesus H. Christ, Virgin, if this had shit to do with drama I'd have told everyone who the guy is. ~ Terry
Tam has been in the same position and will never do anything without talking to the Wife first. Alerting others would do you more harm than good so do what I have. LET HIS WIFE KNOW. You just might do him a favor and make him single for real. Your credibility is intact and you have done nothing wrong except save the rest of us from going through the same problem
OY
Lions and Tigers and Bears ... Oh my ~ ~ ~
Deliberate false information is bullshit and makes that persons profile worthless and lacking any integrity. What else might be false?
So those that have no problem with this, does that mean your profile is total bullshit and misleading too?
This is just more fuel on the fire that trashes single males.
So those that have no problem with this, does that mean your profile is total bullshit and misleading too?
This is just more fuel on the fire that trashes single males.
Let people play how they want. If he says he is single let him behave that way. Cheating is not the problem, it is a symptom of problems. I have had wives come to me upset about their husband cheating, but instead of being mad at me I was able to rationalize with them. There were problems so he went looking for attention, sex, a blowjob, elsewhere. Sometimes her finding out is a good thing, but it is not my (or your) job to out him. If she catches him then you can get involved. The phrase "home wrecker" is stupid when the man is out looking to fulfill a need. The girls who go out of their way to seduce a man and create problems in his marriage in order to steal the husband from the wife just to get into a relationship with him is a home wrecker. A guy who is not getting enough at home and has a lover on the side is not with a home wrecker. In fact him getting some on the side often times makes him able to function better at home because he has a stress release.
TENANDJOE wrote:
Let people play how they want. If he says he is single let him behave that way. Cheating is not the problem, it is a symptom of problems. I have had wives come to me upset about their husband cheating, but instead of being mad at me I was able to rationalize with them. There were problems so he went looking for attention, sex, a blowjob, elsewhere. Sometimes her finding out is a good thing, but it is not my (or your) job to out him. If she catches him then you can get involved. The phrase "home wrecker" is stupid when the man is out looking to fulfill a need. The girls who go out of their way to seduce a man and create problems in his marriage in order to steal the husband from the wife just to get into a relationship with him is a home wrecker. A guy who is not getting enough at home and has a lover on the side is not with a home wrecker. In fact him getting some on the side often times makes him able to function better at home because he has a stress release.
Love the comment. We say let Karma take over. As a couple who have tried so hard to stay drama free, we've made mistakes. But have since decided to let Karma take over...and she will. Like so many have already said..."just go and have fun."
To clarify, we have friends that we have known for almost 10 years in the LS. Ones that we trust enough that when they mention a concern we listen. Someone we met last year at a party? Not so much. It tends to be concerns over behaviors exhibited. We have never, nor would ever "out" someone. And steer clear of anyone that would consider doing so. This includes those that think it's okay to point out who they have been with at parties etc. What happens between people is between those involved only and should stay that way. Our personal choice is we aren't interested in married cheating people period. But if we came across one after the fact? I would never consider telling the spouse! Though the cheater would sure get an ear full from me! 
FUCKADOODLEDOO wrote:FLAME_N_TJ wrote:
A HUGE part of the lifestyle is no judgement!
What folks do is their own business.
Now that being said...word of mouth plays a big part, have a friend that may be interested in this guy?...Psssst.....
There are plenty of guys and girls that we have met over the years that word of mouth has turned us away from or turned us towards....it works both ways.
TJ
I don't deal to much with Word of Mouth due to the fact that sometimes people talk crap about others due to jealousy or they didn't get their way with that person or couple. I think people should just make up their own minds about SO and SO after all we are adults. As far as outing some one I really think it is up to the person who feels wronged. Personally I think if people wanna know who so and so is they should just email the OP and get the info that way, I have seen forums taken down due to outing. Just my 2 cents
Gina
AROUSINGTIMES wrote:
Lions and Tigers and Bears ... Oh my ~ ~ ~
I like this. Maybe a twist would be: Lyins and Kitties and claws... Oh my?
TMACA wrote:
Outing anyone in the LS for any reason is a really awful thing to do. But is there a line somewhere between that rule for people's privacy and safety, and behavior that can endanger that very privacy and safety?
Some time back we met someone, a single male, and, without going into the details, found out that this single male is married and using the LS and the site to cheat behind his wife's back.
Over some time, we've talked to him; he claims, for various reasons, that his wife would likely like the idea of swinging and other things that don't make much sense given that he won't even approach her about the subject. We've even invited him to bring her to one of the coffee meet n greet things. After a while, probably after he finally realized that he wasn't going to get into Dana's pants without his wife knowing and being OK with it, he lost interest in us.
But Dana just brought him up again. She says he still has his "single male" profile up, and still posts booty calls, as a single male, every once in a while.
So you never out anyone. I get that, and I'm behind it 100%. But at the same time, I see a situation where girls hook up with someone that they think is single, so he's lying to them. And I can also see his wife finding out eventually, and all Hell breaking loose, and landing on whatever innocent girl from the LS is involved.
So what the Hell is the right thing to do here? Dana thinks he should be outed to the community, I kind of think the same, because I see what he's doing as a danger to others, but...
Need some advice here, folks. ~ Terry
Single male profile? Swinging? Booty calling? I wouldn't worry about him getting with anybody. And the community will just look at him and laugh.