Hello!
I have never started a discussion form topic before (btw-this is Dana not Terry) so please be forgiving of me. Anyways, I have a question. I was looking for groups on this site that are into the BD/SM L.S.
I know there are other websites that cover this interest, however I know of many swingers who are also into the "darker delights" such as myself. But I have found none on this site (as far as I know) that cover this subject/interest. So is there any groups that cover this topic that I can join, or if not, would anybody be interested in starting such a group on this site?I know this subject can be a little more touchy than other LS related issues. I also understand that people who partcipate in these activties would want their activties kept private. So if you don't feel comfortable posting here, please feel free to send me a private e-mail.
Thank You and have a wonderful day!
Dana
I have never started a discussion form topic before (btw-this is Dana not Terry) so please be forgiving of me. Anyways, I have a question. I was looking for groups on this site that are into the BD/SM L.S.
I know there are other websites that cover this interest, however I know of many swingers who are also into the "darker delights" such as myself. But I have found none on this site (as far as I know) that cover this subject/interest. So is there any groups that cover this topic that I can join, or if not, would anybody be interested in starting such a group on this site?I know this subject can be a little more touchy than other LS related issues. I also understand that people who partcipate in these activties would want their activties kept private. So if you don't feel comfortable posting here, please feel free to send me a private e-mail.
Thank You and have a wonderful day!
Dana
I'm fairly certain there are at least a couple of BDSM groups here. Have you tried searching in groups? Not sure why you think those interested in this type of play would necessarily want to keep it private. These days (especially with the whole "Fifty Shades" phenomena) it's practically main stream. But yes there are outside groups...many call it the "Kink Community" who pretty much do this type of play exclusively and aren't necessarily swingers. In all actuality swinging is becoming fairly watered down these days with all the different groups (I'm thinking of polys as well as many other fetishes and play styles) wanting to be included under the big umbrella of swinging. It's a wonder anyone really ends up hooking up these days. LOL
So sorry Dana I have totally ment to start one of those groups so you could join but I have been so tied up latly I could not.
Evil, just a little confused you missed that opportunity, are you slowing down with age?
Evil, just a little confused you missed that opportunity, are you slowing down with age?
KRAZYGIRL wrote:
So sorry Dana I have totally ment to start one of those groups so you could join but I have been so tied up latly I could not.
Evil, just a little confused you missed that opportunity, are you slowing down with age?
Naw, just a little distracted. Thought I'd try working for once. Don't know what the big deal about working is. It TOTALLY gets in the way of posting shit on Swingular.
Now this IS Terry. OMG, did I unleash a monster when I put a profile on Fetlife.com for her? Just kidding, she's an angel. Even if there might be just a touch of devil, or at least imp. Anyway, that didn't work out as well as hoped, like Evil said, most fetish groups don't swing, their events aren't usually about sex, just discussions, socializing, and demonstrations, with people doing scenes with the people they're already in a BDSM relationship with.
And before someone asks me "well, why don't you just ...", it's simple. She's into some things I'm not and in that life, if you aren't really into something, even if you do know what to do and how to do it, you can't really be a very good Dom. Since the guy is supposed to make the girl happy, I did the Fetlife profile for her.
The first thing a new person who's interested in some BDSM group will get told is "We don't swing", that he/she isn't going to be able to go to an event or even party and hook up with someone, that even if he/she gets invited to participate in someone's scene (it does happen occasionally) it isn't likely to culminate in actual sex. Which makes it difficult for someone who wants her BDSM to be part of actual sex.
One thing though, Evil. The Fifty Shades of Gray phenomenon notwithstanding, BDSM is more secretive than swinging. Anyone who finds a swing event online can attend, unless he's a single male and it's a no single males thing. Not so with BDSM. Fetlife, for example, has more than one sub-group that sponsors events. You can find the events on the site, but you can't just go to them. You have to be sponsored by someone from that group. And not everyone in the group, people who themselves have been through the process and can attend the group's events without a sponsor, can even be a sponsor. There are always specific requirements and a process of some sort to go through to become approved to sponsor new people.
There's still a stronger stigma attached to BDSM than there is to swinging, and the potential consequences to being outed are more severe, especially in a place like Utah. So the people are much more cautious than are swingers, and swingers don't exactly put up billboards ads on the highway. ~ Terry
And before someone asks me "well, why don't you just ...", it's simple. She's into some things I'm not and in that life, if you aren't really into something, even if you do know what to do and how to do it, you can't really be a very good Dom. Since the guy is supposed to make the girl happy, I did the Fetlife profile for her.
The first thing a new person who's interested in some BDSM group will get told is "We don't swing", that he/she isn't going to be able to go to an event or even party and hook up with someone, that even if he/she gets invited to participate in someone's scene (it does happen occasionally) it isn't likely to culminate in actual sex. Which makes it difficult for someone who wants her BDSM to be part of actual sex.
One thing though, Evil. The Fifty Shades of Gray phenomenon notwithstanding, BDSM is more secretive than swinging. Anyone who finds a swing event online can attend, unless he's a single male and it's a no single males thing. Not so with BDSM. Fetlife, for example, has more than one sub-group that sponsors events. You can find the events on the site, but you can't just go to them. You have to be sponsored by someone from that group. And not everyone in the group, people who themselves have been through the process and can attend the group's events without a sponsor, can even be a sponsor. There are always specific requirements and a process of some sort to go through to become approved to sponsor new people.
There's still a stronger stigma attached to BDSM than there is to swinging, and the potential consequences to being outed are more severe, especially in a place like Utah. So the people are much more cautious than are swingers, and swingers don't exactly put up billboards ads on the highway. ~ Terry
This is Dana- The other reason for my post was if you look on a lot of profiles,(for couples and singles) there seems to be either an interest in BD/SM or they are already in that community/lifestyle. So I thought there would be many groups on this site for such play. That's all. 
(Terry again) That's the problem with being on different schedules and me being asleep when she comes home from work. There are a couple groups on Swingular, one in Utah, which I just showed her. ~ Terry
I can't speak to the BDSM community specifically but as far as those who are also involved in the swing scene I haven't found BDSM to be any more secretive than swinging. Not that many (any?) swing parties revolve around power play but I've been to plenty that, assuming some people are into it and find like-minded people, have had people playing with restraints, spanking, etc.. And referring back again to the Fifty Shades factor I would argue that it's almost single-handedly made BDSM play (or at least the fantasy of it) FAR more accepted and mainstream than swinging will likely ever be. JMO
Well maybe you should try again, or maybe I could set up a group? Or someone else who is interested?
BDSM and Swinging, not sure they go together. We ahve found in our kinkier fetish BDSM side that it is a couples scene. Not sure how inviting someone in would work. At least not for us.
SIMPLEPLEASURES wrote:
BDSM and Swinging, not sure they go together. We ahve found in our kinkier fetish BDSM side that it is a couples scene. Not sure how inviting someone in would work. At least not for us.
Depends on your fetishes. There are plenty of BDSM relationships that take in a third, or more, people. Especially with one Dom and more than one Sub. And those Doms are not always the male, nor are the subs always all the same sex. And it can even get pretty complicated, with a Dom having a Sub who in turn has his or her own Sub. The possibilities are endless, anything from one couple to a small "family" to who knows how many people being involved. The relationships, especially between people who are "members of a house" can include Dominant, Sadist, Sadomasochist, Master, Mistress, Owner, Top, Daddy, Mommy, Brother, Sister, Being Served, Serving, Protecting, Protected by, Mentoring, Teaching, Training, and probably a dozen more. So, for Example, Mary might be Member of such and such a House, Serving John, Mommy to Anne, Mistress of and Being Served by George, Owner of Charlie and Judy, and Mentoring Elizabeth. Except the peoples' names would probably be whatever names they used in the community, not their real ones. It can get real complicated, and involve a lot of people.
And it isn't the same, really, as people who just enjoy a few kinks, say a girl who has fun playing Daddy and Bad Little Girl games once in a while, but leaves it at that. I'd guess that sharing BDSM things with many people outside of the couple probably does require some level of dedication to the whole BDSM life, not just a few kinky things.
As for the changes after Fifty Shades Of Gray, I don't think there have really been a lot of serious ones. It might be closer to mainstream knowledge, but I don't see that it's even close to mainstream acceptance. I suppose more people have become aware of BDSM, and some have even discovered kinks they didn't know they had, but I don't think it's become at all accepted, really. Remember when women supposedly had no interest in Porn? And I wonder if anyone's done any research on how many years it took before women would ever admit in public, even for limited values of "public", that they did? It can take a long time between lots of people realize that something exists, and fairly widely at that, before lots of people will accept it.
But Hell, even I'm starting to think maybe I'll read that trilogy one of those days. ~ Terry
I just wanted to Thank people who have sent me e-mails today concerning my BD/SM topic. I would still like more feedback, however if I am to form this group. I would really like to hear your ideas! So please feel free to share here or in a e-mail to me.
Once Again-Thank You!
Once Again-Thank You!
I believe a true BD/sm lifestyle demands even stricter adherence to some rules than most forms of swinging. For one, I use a checklist with a partner, meaning I invest a lot more time in communication and planning of an encounter than a random stranger pairing. The level of trust needed is quadrupled when one partner will be relinquishing control. That doesn't happen often when random entanglements occur at a typical house party, for example.
It's easier for me to downplay that part of the lifestyle in favor of being a random slut.
In my experience, having been collared in the past as well as taking my own pets- the emotional level is much more important when a contract of trust is maintained and that pretty much mandates more of a relationship than a fling.
On the other hand, perhaps you are more interested in finding secondary bottoms? Someone who the submissive will be commanded to perform on or for? This feeds into a lot of fantasies and might be easier to achieve in here.
2 cents at 6 am
It's easier for me to downplay that part of the lifestyle in favor of being a random slut.
In my experience, having been collared in the past as well as taking my own pets- the emotional level is much more important when a contract of trust is maintained and that pretty much mandates more of a relationship than a fling.
On the other hand, perhaps you are more interested in finding secondary bottoms? Someone who the submissive will be commanded to perform on or for? This feeds into a lot of fantasies and might be easier to achieve in here.
2 cents at 6 am