1.) We have all heard, well most of us have heard that no means no in the lifestyle. Does that just refer to in the flesh potential physical contact or does it not also mean online approaches in the chat room or via emails?
2.) If someone will not easily accept no for an answer online when it comes to friend request or in pushing for a hook up will they be just as pushy in the flesh?
3.) If someone sends you a friend request over and over again and you give them the same reasonable reason why you do not want to accept it, and it is in your profile why you would not accept it, will you need to tell them no to anything and everything over and over again if you meet them in person?
4.) Is not understanding no at any level along the way a major reason why some swingers do not find it easy to hook up?
2.) If someone will not easily accept no for an answer online when it comes to friend request or in pushing for a hook up will they be just as pushy in the flesh?
3.) If someone sends you a friend request over and over again and you give them the same reasonable reason why you do not want to accept it, and it is in your profile why you would not accept it, will you need to tell them no to anything and everything over and over again if you meet them in person?
4.) Is not understanding no at any level along the way a major reason why some swingers do not find it easy to hook up?
11MIKE wrote:
Thank god for the block button is all I have to say
Yes but we believe that perhaps some swingers learned nothing by being blocked. They will just keep on keeping on until everybody blocks them and think it was all so unfair. We are thinking maybe some swingers need a wake up call.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:Preach. I've no doubt they'd be pushier in person as they know social pressure makes it harder for you to abruptly walk away from them than it is for you to close a tab, so they have a better shot at making you comply.
1.) We have all heard, well most of us have heard that no means no in the lifestyle. Does that just refer to in the flesh potential physical contact or does it not also mean online approaches in the chat room or via emails?
2.) If someone will not easily accept no for an answer online when it comes to friend request or in pushing for a hook up will they be just as pushy in the flesh?
3.) If someone sends you a friend request over and over again and you give them the same reasonable reason why you do not want to accept it, and it is in your profile why you would not accept it, will you need to tell them no to anything and everything over and over again if you meet them in person?
4.) Is not understanding no at any level along the way a major reason why some swingers do not find it easy to hook up?
Thank God for the block button indeed.
Our experience has been that they will be even MORE "pushy in the flesh". People who don't take rejection well, no matter how gently or politely it's offered, are a HUGE red flag to us and we will go far out of our way to avoid interacting with them in any way. In the past we grudgingly accepted a few offers to meet someone who repeatedly requested it despite our better judgement and almost immediately regretted it. We now simply ignore repeated Friend Requests from people who we've responded to previously or those who don't take the time to read our profile (okay at least skim it) and know what our preferences are. Almost invariably these repeated FR's are just spammed out anyway. We have yet to meet anyone in person at, say, a party and have them take issue with the fact that we declined a previous offer to meet or didn't respond to their repeated emails. Assholes are assholes no matter whether they're swingers or not.
AZWETNWILD wrote:DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
[quote=11MIKE]Thank god for the block button is all I have to say
Yes but we believe that perhaps some swingers learned nothing by being blocked. They will just keep on keeping on until everybody blocks them and think it was all so unfair. We are thinking maybe some swingers need a wake up call.
Learn nothing? This isn't school, I don't think you can teach them anything.[/quote]
I think for the most part you are absolutely right about that. The nature of how swingers meet each other and how meet and greets are announced online has sort blurred the concept of by invitation it seems. We have found that when we post online we are going to attend a meet and greet that some of the pushy sorts sign up too and get so pushy we have in the end just decided to not go if they are going to be there. In circumstances where the party was arranged by invitation only we have never had that problem.
MISSSMITHNSIRNEWBY wrote:
One way toDELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
1.)If someone sends you a friend request over and over again and you give them the same reasonable reason why you do not want to accept it, and it is in your profile why you would not accept it, will you need to tell them no to anything and everything over and over again if you meet them in person?
One fun alternative to blocking them is to not respond to their friend request.
SN
That does leave them in limbo. Really, I asked the 4th question;
4.) Is not understanding no at any level along the way a major reason why some swingers do not find it easy to hook up?
because we have noticed that many of the same people that we see complain about how unfair the lifestyle is toward them are the same ones that do not want to afford you any breathing room once they have your attention in the least little bit. If a few among us would just learn to relax and just let what happens happen they might actually have some success.
11MIKE wrote:
Thank god for the block button is all I have to say
Only when it actually works... we have blocked 3 S.M.s and all 3 are still sending us I.M's daily... I have put a help ticket thing in so hopefully they fix it... We only got our membership Friday. Drives me crazy... It is cool to ask but when someone tells you no it isn't going to change the more you message.,call, friend request... seriously off putting forever. At least we can see what they look like so we can stay clear of them at events, that is if they are anything than just picture trolls.
What happens if someone sends a friend request and the receiver says no? Does the sender get notified it was denied? I think I recall reading someplace here something about the sender not getting anything if you say no. If that is the case, I think a second, or maybe, just maybe, even a third, friend request might be understandable, the sender might just think the request hadn't been received.
But even if there's no notification of refusal, and no response at all, beyond a third request the sender must be an idiot to not realize that, at some point, the odds are that the request is being denied. And when someone actually answers a request, whether they give a reason or not, saying they're turning the request down, there is no excuse to keep sending them. Likewise, if the requester is, as a rather silly example, red headed and the person or couple's profile says that they are only interested in blondes, the request shouldn't have been sent in the first place. Any time a profile is specific about any facet of the people being sought, especially if it says no this or that, if you clearly do not meet whatever the standards are, you shouldn't be bothering whoever owns that profile. You're not only wasting your own time, you're annoying someone and wasting their time as well.
One thing I notice fairly frequently is something along the lines of no blind friend requests, if you can't even send a note the request will be deleted, or if you don't have any pictures the request will be deleted. Yet people who have things like that in their profile have told me they still get blind requests, or requests from people with absolutely no pics. The people who send requests under those circumstances either don't bother reading profiles before sending requests, or think that they're somehow so hot they can ignore someone's clear desires. In either case, I'd say they aren't worth your time, but a note to the sender explaining the denial might prevent further requests from the same source. In fact, anyone who gets a lot of those should probably keep a word document on the desktop, explaining that the sender had shown a complete lack of consideration by ignoring the "whatever it was" in the profile, is being denied, and any future requests will be deleted. They could then just cut and paste from the document into an email reply, and get the point across without having to spend the time actually typing the reply. ~ Terry
But even if there's no notification of refusal, and no response at all, beyond a third request the sender must be an idiot to not realize that, at some point, the odds are that the request is being denied. And when someone actually answers a request, whether they give a reason or not, saying they're turning the request down, there is no excuse to keep sending them. Likewise, if the requester is, as a rather silly example, red headed and the person or couple's profile says that they are only interested in blondes, the request shouldn't have been sent in the first place. Any time a profile is specific about any facet of the people being sought, especially if it says no this or that, if you clearly do not meet whatever the standards are, you shouldn't be bothering whoever owns that profile. You're not only wasting your own time, you're annoying someone and wasting their time as well.
One thing I notice fairly frequently is something along the lines of no blind friend requests, if you can't even send a note the request will be deleted, or if you don't have any pictures the request will be deleted. Yet people who have things like that in their profile have told me they still get blind requests, or requests from people with absolutely no pics. The people who send requests under those circumstances either don't bother reading profiles before sending requests, or think that they're somehow so hot they can ignore someone's clear desires. In either case, I'd say they aren't worth your time, but a note to the sender explaining the denial might prevent further requests from the same source. In fact, anyone who gets a lot of those should probably keep a word document on the desktop, explaining that the sender had shown a complete lack of consideration by ignoring the "whatever it was" in the profile, is being denied, and any future requests will be deleted. They could then just cut and paste from the document into an email reply, and get the point across without having to spend the time actually typing the reply. ~ Terry
TMACA wrote:
What happens if someone sends a friend request and the receiver says no? Does the sender get notified it was denied? I think I recall reading someplace here something about the sender not getting anything if you say no. If that is the case, I think a second, or maybe, just maybe, even a third, friend request might be understandable, the sender might just think the request hadn't been received.
But even if there's no notification of refusal, and no response at all, beyond a third request the sender must be an idiot to not realize that, at some point, the odds are that the request is being denied. And when someone actually answers a request, whether they give a reason or not, saying they're turning the request down, there is no excuse to keep sending them. Likewise, if the requester is, as a rather silly example, red headed and the person or couple's profile says that they are only interested in blondes, the request shouldn't have been sent in the first place. Any time a profile is specific about any facet of the people being sought, especially if it says no this or that, if you clearly do not meet whatever the standards are, you shouldn't be bothering whoever owns that profile. You're not only wasting your own time, you're annoying someone and wasting their time as well.
One thing I notice fairly frequently is something along the lines of no blind friend requests, if you can't even send a note the request will be deleted, or if you don't have any pictures the request will be deleted. Yet people who have things like that in their profile have told me they still get blind requests, or requests from people with absolutely no pics. The people who send requests under those circumstances either don't bother reading profiles before sending requests, or think that they're somehow so hot they can ignore someone's clear desires. In either case, I'd say they aren't worth your time, but a note to the sender explaining the denial might prevent further requests from the same source. In fact, anyone who gets a lot of those should probably keep a word document on the desktop, explaining that the sender had shown a complete lack of consideration by ignoring the "whatever it was" in the profile, is being denied, and any future requests will be deleted. They could then just cut and paste from the document into an email reply, and get the point across without having to spend the time actually typing the reply. ~ Terry
We almost always send them a polite e-mail explaining why we refused. In the entire time we have been at this we have blocked 7 members.
Sometimes it takes a slightly less subtle approach for people to get the message.
For friend requests it is simple. If it is someone we think we might want to get to know we respond with a polite email in response to the accompanying email stating once we have met and looks like we will be friends then we will add them. For us 180 compromising face pictures in our private folder is not for folks we do not know.
If no accompanying email we just delete the request. If you do not respond it will forever show pending and they cannot send another. What we then get is an email if they are actually more than picture trawlers. Then we respond.
We block anyone that is rude, annoying, or simply doesn't appreciate us for any reason. Why let them look at what we consider personal pictures when they don't like mr. Simple. Because we all know everyone loves mrs simple.
If no accompanying email we just delete the request. If you do not respond it will forever show pending and they cannot send another. What we then get is an email if they are actually more than picture trawlers. Then we respond.
We block anyone that is rude, annoying, or simply doesn't appreciate us for any reason. Why let them look at what we consider personal pictures when they don't like mr. Simple. Because we all know everyone loves mrs simple.
We typically respond to friend request from people we have not met or that a friend has not recommended something like this:
As said above if a email is sent and some kind of communication is in place then they would know if the friends request is or would be accepted. But a blind request when a profile said message us first please, now that is just rude. And always a no for us. We dont get out all the time so sometimes its a few weeks before we can meet some one, if they cant be patient to us that is a red flag about them and maybe we need not make special arrangements to meet them. Maybe the next party will do just fine.
We agree with most of what has been said here. I guess where we differ is that if someone does not respond or we get sent something we don't like we just ignore it and move on. We accept some friend request where we like the couples profile and pics, but not all of them. Since we go back and forth between Salt Lake and Houston we are on other sites. It's funny because the members on Swingular in Houston have never responded to emails or friend request, but who cares. We have plenty of friends on the local site in Houston and while we have not yet connected with as many friends on Swingular we hope to in the future.
I must confess I like more to tell people "no" than to say "yes"
Oh yeah! I dare ya to meet me out behind the node (under the binary trees) after school. It will be
fisticuffs. Marquess of Queensberry rules. I'll show you who's cowardly.
fisticuffs. Marquess of Queensberry rules. I'll show you who's cowardly.
Okay, using the same GIF you've used in another recent thread is an interweb faux pas. Go to your room and think about what you've done, young man! 
MAPARTY wrote:
Not necessarily true. MOST people are brave and push boundaries while hiding behind a keyboard but cowards in person.
Not always the case, but most of the time people are different in person. That "anonymity" isn't there when you're face to face.
This is a good thing! Their bullshit is out in the open. It's right there.
Protect your neck. Cut and run when someone hand-waves away a decline on a ' swinger site. It really is that simple.
Tossing this out there because there are idiots on this site that need to hear it.
If you are turned down because of 'X' reason, coming back with a response asking the disinterested party to cave because plenty of other people enjoy 'X' reason is a bad thing. You tend to come across as pathetic, creepy, and could be construed as rapey. Listen with your ears and eyes. Not your butthurt hardon.
Example; You are turned down without the word "no" being used, and called creepy for reminding someone of their dog who used to shit all over the carpet in it's final days. Responding with self-entitled offers of carpet-shitting roleplay because you didn't hear a "no" is bad form.
If you are turned down because of 'X' reason, coming back with a response asking the disinterested party to cave because plenty of other people enjoy 'X' reason is a bad thing. You tend to come across as pathetic, creepy, and could be construed as rapey. Listen with your ears and eyes. Not your butthurt hardon.
Example; You are turned down without the word "no" being used, and called creepy for reminding someone of their dog who used to shit all over the carpet in it's final days. Responding with self-entitled offers of carpet-shitting roleplay because you didn't hear a "no" is bad form.
Luckily, for me when they get in my face and too pushy. I have a body guard/Pimp dawg....My husband...Watch out he knows Karaoke!
That is a master of arts! hehehe
(He would probably Power Drop you in a Scorpion Death hold.)
That is a master of arts! hehehe
(He would probably Power Drop you in a Scorpion Death hold.)
What some women can expect when they tell a man no online. I genuinely feel badly for good guys who have these moronic meat puppets to thank for skittish women.
Since they're winnowed from numerous sites and sent in by who knows how many people, they are a sort of overkill, they are samples of what any woman will prbably encounter evenyually, uness she falls all over herself going along with anything any random man wants. They also seem to be representative of a certain type, guys who have convinced themselves they're God's gift to women, and how DARE any woman say no, or even say nothing? And when they run into that, they get nasty, which, to me, says that they don't really even believe their own bullshit, are incredibly insecure, and need to boost their ego by trying to make someone else smaller. And no matter what percentage of men are really like that, even if it were just a tiny percentage, Chefette's right that their existence makes a lot of women "skittish" concerning men in general.
And what's with all the "you're fat" stuff? If whoever she is is "too fat" in his eyes, (in my opinion, there is no such thing, what's inside is a Hell of a lot more important than what's outside, even for a really casual, NSA, relationship), then why is he trying to hit on her? I wonder if those kinds of guys only hit on girls that, in their opinion, aren't very desirable because they don't have enough confidence in themselves to even try with a girl they think is desirable. ~ Terry
And what's with all the "you're fat" stuff? If whoever she is is "too fat" in his eyes, (in my opinion, there is no such thing, what's inside is a Hell of a lot more important than what's outside, even for a really casual, NSA, relationship), then why is he trying to hit on her? I wonder if those kinds of guys only hit on girls that, in their opinion, aren't very desirable because they don't have enough confidence in themselves to even try with a girl they think is desirable. ~ Terry
TMACA wrote:
They also seem to be representative of a certain type, guys who have convinced themselves they're God's gift to women, and how DARE any woman say no, or even say nothing? And when they run into that, they get nasty, which, to me, says that they don't really even believe their own bullshit, are incredibly insecure, and need to boost their ego by trying to make someone else smaller.
You just described "Narcissistic personality disorder" and a shitload of the members here.
I reckon the assholes here may actually be scarier than the outright offensive assholes on that feed. Our assholes tend to have to actually invest a bit of effort into passing.
I don't know about scarier, but they'd certainly be nastier. If someone is actually like that and "invests a bit of effort" to conceal it from women, then he KNOWS it's a bad thing and, instead of trying to change, just tries to hide it. And it is just plain nasty, dare I even say evil, to try to keep a woman from knowing what you're really like in order to get into her pants. Just about any guy will try to show his best side to any girl he's interested in, that's natural. But trying to pass himself off as someone completely different from what he really is, that's a whole other thing. ~ Terry
Anybody want some cheese to go with that whine?