No right or wrong answer. Just curious what other couples have laid out in terms of rules to distinguish swinging from cheating. For example, we live by no secrets, no sneaking around. We don't engage in separate room play (no judgement on those who do, it's just not for us). Whatever one of us may or may not do with a third or fourth party is discussed with our partner beforehand and permission is given and maintained throughout the course of play.
So our definition of cheating would be any activity that one engages in without permission of the significant other and/or keeping any sort of activity a secret.
So our definition of cheating would be any activity that one engages in without permission of the significant other and/or keeping any sort of activity a secret.
11MIKE wrote:
I don't play with my husband but he knows what I do no need to sneak around. Cheating is when you hide things from the other persons
Perfect response
We would both define cheating as doing something behind the other ones back. We are both okay with most anything the other wants to do...and we have played in separate rooms. And, even though neither of us has ever done it, we are both free to play alone, if we want, as long as it is not done in secrecy. We have just never had the desire to do it. We really do enjoy this lifestyle together! At times...we have gone to a party..and one or the other of us has found the opportunity to slip off with someone. We both enjoy hearing about the experience later...
I guess it all comes from trust...we've never done anything to give the other any reason to question our loyalty or love. It may be different, otherwise.
I guess it all comes from trust...we've never done anything to give the other any reason to question our loyalty or love. It may be different, otherwise.
To thy own self be true ~ How do I like to be treated. For me, there in lies the answer ~
Interesting discussion. Certainly from a relationship standpoint the classic definition of cheating is being with someone other than your partner physically and/or emotionally. As swingers, however, we often hold ourselves above others and fall back on the lying and/or sneaking around aspect. Personally I feel that being dishonest with the person you hold most dear in this life to be the essence of cheating for me. When information is withheld you take away that person's prerogative to choose whether or not to stay in the relationship with you based on your actions outside of the relationship. There are a million ways people rationalize cheating. I find that a person's attitude towards cheating is a very good litmus test for the depth of their character. Now should we talk about cheating on a test or cheating other people out of their hard earned money? How about cheating on your taxes or at a poker game with friends? At what point DOES cheating become morally reprehensible or should it be "all's fair in love and war" and "every man (or woman) for himself"? Or as SIRNEWBY asserts, is self deception/lying/cheating really the only valid metric? Or did I misunderstand your point, SN? It would be interesting to get feedback from people (I'm sure there are plenty) who've been cheated on.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:FUCKCHASTITY wrote:
No right or wrong answer. Just curious what other couples have laid out in terms of rules to distinguish swinging from cheating. For example, we live by no secrets, no sneaking around. We don't engage in separate room play (no judgement on those who do, it's just not for us). Whatever one of us may or may not do with a third or fourth party is discussed with our partner beforehand and permission is given and maintained throughout the course of play.
So our definition of cheating would be any activity that one engages in without permission of the significant other and/or keeping any sort of activity a secret.
Our definition of cheating is really same as yours. We will play in separate rooms if it feels right but we would rather do same room. We have hall passes but we choose to use them only with well established friends and infrequently at that. We tell each other everything.
We agree with both of you on this. We also would like to add that if you feel guilt at anytime, you probably know you've overstepped the limits you and your significant other have set. This is obviously different for everyone and everyone has their own set of rules and expectations. That is just how we feel.
A
Yup. If your partner doesn't know, it's cheating. Period. But there are different kinds of "knowing". Some people want to know every single time their partner is playing with someone else, and who it is. Some don't. We're kind of in the middle somewhere. I need to meet any single guy, and usually any couple, that Dana is thinking of playing with. But that's just a safety thing, it's her call whether or not she wants to play with someone. If either of us goes to an event or party without the other, we don't need to call and tell our partner we're about to play with so and so, but we do make sure we each know what event or party the other is going to. And afterwards we usually tell each other what we did, if we met any new people,stuff like that.
As to other kinds of cheating, we try our best to live by a very simple moral code. Do whatever you want to do, provided you don't hurt anyone else. And cheating, in love, sex, poker, buying or selling something, whatever, is hurting someone, on a test. And sometimes, even though one doesn't realize it, the one of the ones they're hurting is actually themselves. ~ Terry
As to other kinds of cheating, we try our best to live by a very simple moral code. Do whatever you want to do, provided you don't hurt anyone else. And cheating, in love, sex, poker, buying or selling something, whatever, is hurting someone, on a test. And sometimes, even though one doesn't realize it, the one of the ones they're hurting is actually themselves. ~ Terry
Personally the only way we can cheat on each other is by lying to or not sharing with one another. We have removed all rules and allow each other to play as they wish as long as the experience is shared between the 2 of us either before or after it occurs.