*****I have got to stop drunk posting shit lol******
Hello everyone, first I as well as my partner we are from former swinger relationships so it's not as if we are new this.
The question I am asking of the group is of the men and just why they are here....I have personally been in the lifestyle for 12+ years with 2 different women now. I have to say I have learned a huge amount. One of those things is that woman control this (sex)world, I'm not saying they should not, all I am saying is that is is the truth.
Now with two different spouses, it seems they can get all the male attention they want, however if I am not basically a ripped underwear model I do not get the time of day. I have a nice size package and am not morbidly obese so it makes me wonder about the other men here, why are they here? Maybe because it turns them on to see their woman getting fucked (yes been there) or is it a complete release of control issues (been there too).
Not just this site but swinging in general is a mans sport ( or so he THOUGHT!), as in a man thought it up and thought it would be a good idea. Times have changed fellas and it is now a woman's game. The woman in your relationship will get 100x the attention you ever will so I wonder why are you still in it? It's not a who wins game but a relationship. I have personally seen at least 10 couples divorced due to the lifestyle as all it does is show the weakness that already exists. So for the rest of us, we go out and make one another happy than after a few committed years then look to this lifestyle.
On a side note my second wife and I got into swinging and that is where it started for me. As a result we are divorced as well as 10 other people we met along the way. Please be sure this is what you truly want. The FAQ might give you a ton of reasons why swinging is good and a lot of them are true but please do not be blind sided as you were into thinking it will fix your issues. It will make them worse, and maybe that is a good thing and you can end your relationship even sooner, who knows.
I am not saying it is all bad however I will say if there is ANY, and I do mean ANY chink in the Armor of your relationship swinging will find it, and swinging will amplify it and bring it to the surface....which for MOST of us is a good thing!
I do NOT condemn the lifestyle, only trying to make sure new people coming in know what it really is all about. It's not all fun and games....there are serious feelings and relationships at steak. By the way single men....fuck off and put in the work to win a woman over on your own time ... no, don't care of the excuses.....move along!
This is all a lot of fun and it has been for me and my two spouses .... One last thought .... where do you each see yourselves when you are 70+ ... who will be taking care of you..... Some say have fun until then ....I say forge close relationships swinger or not so when the time comes we are not alone.... except single men .... do your part and actually convince a woman you are worth staying around for ....
...and NO I do not give a shit about negative comments, agree or disagree, I'm a die hard chivalry man ... bless you all and have great lives ... just don't destroy others....
Mr.!
Hello everyone, first I as well as my partner we are from former swinger relationships so it's not as if we are new this.
The question I am asking of the group is of the men and just why they are here....I have personally been in the lifestyle for 12+ years with 2 different women now. I have to say I have learned a huge amount. One of those things is that woman control this (sex)world, I'm not saying they should not, all I am saying is that is is the truth.
Now with two different spouses, it seems they can get all the male attention they want, however if I am not basically a ripped underwear model I do not get the time of day. I have a nice size package and am not morbidly obese so it makes me wonder about the other men here, why are they here? Maybe because it turns them on to see their woman getting fucked (yes been there) or is it a complete release of control issues (been there too).
Not just this site but swinging in general is a mans sport ( or so he THOUGHT!), as in a man thought it up and thought it would be a good idea. Times have changed fellas and it is now a woman's game. The woman in your relationship will get 100x the attention you ever will so I wonder why are you still in it? It's not a who wins game but a relationship. I have personally seen at least 10 couples divorced due to the lifestyle as all it does is show the weakness that already exists. So for the rest of us, we go out and make one another happy than after a few committed years then look to this lifestyle.
On a side note my second wife and I got into swinging and that is where it started for me. As a result we are divorced as well as 10 other people we met along the way. Please be sure this is what you truly want. The FAQ might give you a ton of reasons why swinging is good and a lot of them are true but please do not be blind sided as you were into thinking it will fix your issues. It will make them worse, and maybe that is a good thing and you can end your relationship even sooner, who knows.
I am not saying it is all bad however I will say if there is ANY, and I do mean ANY chink in the Armor of your relationship swinging will find it, and swinging will amplify it and bring it to the surface....which for MOST of us is a good thing!
I do NOT condemn the lifestyle, only trying to make sure new people coming in know what it really is all about. It's not all fun and games....there are serious feelings and relationships at steak. By the way single men....fuck off and put in the work to win a woman over on your own time ... no, don't care of the excuses.....move along!
This is all a lot of fun and it has been for me and my two spouses .... One last thought .... where do you each see yourselves when you are 70+ ... who will be taking care of you..... Some say have fun until then ....I say forge close relationships swinger or not so when the time comes we are not alone.... except single men .... do your part and actually convince a woman you are worth staying around for ....
...and NO I do not give a shit about negative comments, agree or disagree, I'm a die hard chivalry man ... bless you all and have great lives ... just don't destroy others....
Mr.!
Shit I had to read thru that whole thing like almost twice. Okay fine, I skimmed it almost twice. Why am I (or we) still in swinging (it will be thirty years in the not too distant future!)? For us it's about the great friendships. Sex is great. It's fun to explore that not only with each other but with other people occasionally. But it's totally secondary for us. With swingers, more than any other group of people we've found, we can be ourselves, say pretty much what we want, and not have to filter anything. With most vanillas, especially here in Utah, we really have to tread lightly and watch what we say and do. With swingers we can laugh our asses off, totally make fun of the world and even flirt without anyone getting too bent out of shape. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what would happen if you did that with most of your vanilla friends. So yeah, friendships are why we stay. Any sex that happens is just the frosting on the Pop-Tart for us.
As for when we're "70+...who will be taking care of you"...I would hope I can pretty much take care of myself, still control my bowels and bladder and occasionally still climb in the saddle and give Ms. Evil a jolly good geriatric rodgering. If I can't I would hope one of my good swinger friends will put me out of my misery by locking me in a room with an insatiable 22 year old redhead for a few hours and then scattering my ashes over the beach at Hedo II. ;-)
Seriously, 70 AIN'T that old! I know a guy who still runs marathons (admittedly not very fast) in his 90's!
As for when we're "70+...who will be taking care of you"...I would hope I can pretty much take care of myself, still control my bowels and bladder and occasionally still climb in the saddle and give Ms. Evil a jolly good geriatric rodgering. If I can't I would hope one of my good swinger friends will put me out of my misery by locking me in a room with an insatiable 22 year old redhead for a few hours and then scattering my ashes over the beach at Hedo II. ;-)
Seriously, 70 AIN'T that old! I know a guy who still runs marathons (admittedly not very fast) in his 90's!
Because every time the female half gets on all she gets is here's a pic of my cock, want to fuck?
CPL4SOFT wrote:
Because every time the female half gets on all she gets is here's a pic of my cock, want to fuck?
At the risk of further pizzing off a few of the single dudes around here...
That's because a fair number of guys assume that since you're swingers (i.e. you "allow" your partner to fuck other men) you must by default be a cuckold. It's bullshit and it unfairly affects the single guys who DON'T assume that married male swingers are all cucks (or won't openly admit it-lol). To be fair, we've run into more than a few married guys who feel this way too. They're easy to pick out because they say up front their lady doesn't fuck other guys or they try to bait and switch you after you meet.
Okay, lemme have it!
(from Terry)
And now I'm starting to understand why Evil and I seem to have senses of huimor that sometimes run in the same direction. It's because, in at least some pretty important ways, we see the world in the same way. I'm here for two reasons. First, I was doing this for a while back when it was one Hell of a lot harder than it is now for single men, they were very nearly completely excluded from the lifestyle which, then, was usually called, by both those inside and outside of it, "wife swapping". The very title, and the basic premise of things then, essentially disqualified single men. Now I'm talking about the late '70s and early '80s. Actual "hippiedom", and the free love philosophy was either diminishing, dying off, or dead, depending on where in the country you were. But we'd managed to change society's general view of some things, and sex was one of the biggest. The attitude change, especially on the part of women, who were no longer automatically "sluts" if they enjoyed sex and didn't need to be married, or engaged, or even "going steady" to indulge, together with effective and easily available birth control (illegal in every state until sometime in the early '60s, even condoms were ostensibly sold as and were labeled as being specifically for "disease prevention", and no worries about deadly and/or incurable STDs had changed the world, and birthed what is often referred to as a "sexual revolution". It was almost like falling off a log to go out on a weekend and find an amenable girl. So why the Hell was I bothering with the "wife swapping" world, when it was so damned difficult to even penetrate, let alone to "get something"? For the same reason I was one of those long-haired (except for my 3 years in the Army) hippie freak. I LOVE people who ignore what the rest of the world is telling them to do or not to do, and I want to be around them. Yeah, there are all sorts of individual exceptions, but, for the most part, as compared to the vanilla people, swingers are more intelligent, more likely to use their heads for something besides a hat rack, and, despite the various complaints about certain kinds of people or actions that pop up here, a Hell of a lot less judgmental and intolerant of people who aren't the same as they are. They, again as a general rule, think for themselves, and don't just latch on to the currently popular opinion about whatever.
Why I'm here now is that I'm married to a girl 24 years younger than me, who happens to enjoy a couple things I can do but which I'm not really into, and she's at that so-called female sexual peak point in her life. And I figure that my main purpose in the world is to do everything I can to make her as happy as she can be. Being witches, we don't have the standard "you belong to me and only me" attitude about our life partners, we don't think sexual fun with some other person does a damned thing to diminish our relationship; if I have sex with Jane Doe or she has sex with John Smith (and maybe Jane Smith, too), we are still the same people afterwards that we were beforehand. So getting back into it, and bringing her into it, was a great way to help her have the kinds of fun she likes, and for me to hang around with a group of people that I really like. And meet and play with girls I really like. I'm one of those weird guys who does read the profiles before looking at the pics, and even once in a great while even send off an email before I've even seen any of the pics besides the main profile pic. It's just a lot more important who she is and what she's like than it is what she looks like. And I'll find lots more girls that I like and respect here than I ever could in the vanilla world.
One thing about what Team said, though. Swinging can bring out and amplify problems in a relationship. But avoiding that is just a question of attitude. First, you have to absolutely trust in your partner's honesty with you. Even though the Mrs. has a hall pass, the only provision being that I meet any guy she might play with before she does, so I can feel like she's going to be safe with him, I know I'd be really upset if she ever started messing around with someone on the side without me even knowing it was going on. But In don't ever even worry about that actually happening, because I trust her completely. Just like she trusts me, not only to not start a secret "affair" with someone, but to never try to even influence who she does or doesn't play with. She knows that when I meet some potential playmate of hers, even if for some reason I think he's a total jerk, I'm not going to say anything. She's the one who will be playing with him, not me, so it's her job, not mine, to decide who's worth playing with. She knows the only time I'll have anything to say about whether she should or not is if I get an impression somehow that the guy can't be trusted to treat her well, and not ever hurt her, ever do or try to do anything she doesn't want. Point is, if you both don't totally trust each other, you're likely to have problems, even if neither of you ever actually does anything sneaky.
The second thing is that you can't have the "normal" attitude about your partner, where you feel he or she is in a way your property, and if anyone else uses your property, you're being stolen from. You can't have that feeling that sex equates to love, the kind of love that makes someone want to permanently be with someone. else. If you feel that way, you'll end up worrying that having sex with another person might make him or her decide they've found a better companion, and leave you. Sex is something that goes with that permanent relationship kind of love, but it isn't what determines it. If you can't truly see, and feel, that sex itself is just another enjoyable activity that you do with people you like, just another form of friendship based intimacy like discussing some problem you have with a friend, you're probably going to have problems. If you're at all, in any way or for any reason, at all uncomfortable with your partner having sex with other people, or he or she is uncomfortable with you doing it, then you're probably going to run into difficulties.
So it's all a matter of attitude. If you and your partner are truly completely fine with the other having sex with someone else, and if you both trust each other completely, swinging isn't going to destroy your relationship. If both of those attitude type things are not really and truly true for either of you, then it just might.
And about that 70 years old thing, Hell, I'm only 6 years away from it, and I haven't yet run into any indications of decline. So far, the girls I've ended up in the bedroom with have been happy with the results. While I haven't yet (thank the Goddess), had to just rely on that ages old bit of wisdom, the one that says "when you're too old to cut the mustard, you can always lick the jar", it ain't everyone that can tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue, and I suppose that might be helping me out, but, then again, that always helps out, no matter how young you are
But just in case that needing to be taken care of bit is one of those things that happens all of a sudden, like maybe it hits you at one minute past midnight on your 70th birthday, I think I better get Evil to hook me up with those friends of his, so we can have that room all arranged for and booked. Only Evil's limiting himself. I want 3 if those insatiable 22 year olds, one redhead, one blonde, and one brunette. When I commit suicide, I want it to be a truly memorable event, even though I won't be around to remember it.
I mean, we can set up cameras and stuff in there, then my wife can get it all edited into a good porn flick, and the proceeds can help her out, in case we haven't managed to find her a nice sugar daddy by then.
And now I'm starting to understand why Evil and I seem to have senses of huimor that sometimes run in the same direction. It's because, in at least some pretty important ways, we see the world in the same way. I'm here for two reasons. First, I was doing this for a while back when it was one Hell of a lot harder than it is now for single men, they were very nearly completely excluded from the lifestyle which, then, was usually called, by both those inside and outside of it, "wife swapping". The very title, and the basic premise of things then, essentially disqualified single men. Now I'm talking about the late '70s and early '80s. Actual "hippiedom", and the free love philosophy was either diminishing, dying off, or dead, depending on where in the country you were. But we'd managed to change society's general view of some things, and sex was one of the biggest. The attitude change, especially on the part of women, who were no longer automatically "sluts" if they enjoyed sex and didn't need to be married, or engaged, or even "going steady" to indulge, together with effective and easily available birth control (illegal in every state until sometime in the early '60s, even condoms were ostensibly sold as and were labeled as being specifically for "disease prevention", and no worries about deadly and/or incurable STDs had changed the world, and birthed what is often referred to as a "sexual revolution". It was almost like falling off a log to go out on a weekend and find an amenable girl. So why the Hell was I bothering with the "wife swapping" world, when it was so damned difficult to even penetrate, let alone to "get something"? For the same reason I was one of those long-haired (except for my 3 years in the Army) hippie freak. I LOVE people who ignore what the rest of the world is telling them to do or not to do, and I want to be around them. Yeah, there are all sorts of individual exceptions, but, for the most part, as compared to the vanilla people, swingers are more intelligent, more likely to use their heads for something besides a hat rack, and, despite the various complaints about certain kinds of people or actions that pop up here, a Hell of a lot less judgmental and intolerant of people who aren't the same as they are. They, again as a general rule, think for themselves, and don't just latch on to the currently popular opinion about whatever.
Why I'm here now is that I'm married to a girl 24 years younger than me, who happens to enjoy a couple things I can do but which I'm not really into, and she's at that so-called female sexual peak point in her life. And I figure that my main purpose in the world is to do everything I can to make her as happy as she can be. Being witches, we don't have the standard "you belong to me and only me" attitude about our life partners, we don't think sexual fun with some other person does a damned thing to diminish our relationship; if I have sex with Jane Doe or she has sex with John Smith (and maybe Jane Smith, too), we are still the same people afterwards that we were beforehand. So getting back into it, and bringing her into it, was a great way to help her have the kinds of fun she likes, and for me to hang around with a group of people that I really like. And meet and play with girls I really like. I'm one of those weird guys who does read the profiles before looking at the pics, and even once in a great while even send off an email before I've even seen any of the pics besides the main profile pic. It's just a lot more important who she is and what she's like than it is what she looks like. And I'll find lots more girls that I like and respect here than I ever could in the vanilla world.
One thing about what Team said, though. Swinging can bring out and amplify problems in a relationship. But avoiding that is just a question of attitude. First, you have to absolutely trust in your partner's honesty with you. Even though the Mrs. has a hall pass, the only provision being that I meet any guy she might play with before she does, so I can feel like she's going to be safe with him, I know I'd be really upset if she ever started messing around with someone on the side without me even knowing it was going on. But In don't ever even worry about that actually happening, because I trust her completely. Just like she trusts me, not only to not start a secret "affair" with someone, but to never try to even influence who she does or doesn't play with. She knows that when I meet some potential playmate of hers, even if for some reason I think he's a total jerk, I'm not going to say anything. She's the one who will be playing with him, not me, so it's her job, not mine, to decide who's worth playing with. She knows the only time I'll have anything to say about whether she should or not is if I get an impression somehow that the guy can't be trusted to treat her well, and not ever hurt her, ever do or try to do anything she doesn't want. Point is, if you both don't totally trust each other, you're likely to have problems, even if neither of you ever actually does anything sneaky.
The second thing is that you can't have the "normal" attitude about your partner, where you feel he or she is in a way your property, and if anyone else uses your property, you're being stolen from. You can't have that feeling that sex equates to love, the kind of love that makes someone want to permanently be with someone. else. If you feel that way, you'll end up worrying that having sex with another person might make him or her decide they've found a better companion, and leave you. Sex is something that goes with that permanent relationship kind of love, but it isn't what determines it. If you can't truly see, and feel, that sex itself is just another enjoyable activity that you do with people you like, just another form of friendship based intimacy like discussing some problem you have with a friend, you're probably going to have problems. If you're at all, in any way or for any reason, at all uncomfortable with your partner having sex with other people, or he or she is uncomfortable with you doing it, then you're probably going to run into difficulties.
So it's all a matter of attitude. If you and your partner are truly completely fine with the other having sex with someone else, and if you both trust each other completely, swinging isn't going to destroy your relationship. If both of those attitude type things are not really and truly true for either of you, then it just might.
And about that 70 years old thing, Hell, I'm only 6 years away from it, and I haven't yet run into any indications of decline. So far, the girls I've ended up in the bedroom with have been happy with the results. While I haven't yet (thank the Goddess), had to just rely on that ages old bit of wisdom, the one that says "when you're too old to cut the mustard, you can always lick the jar", it ain't everyone that can tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue, and I suppose that might be helping me out, but, then again, that always helps out, no matter how young you are
But just in case that needing to be taken care of bit is one of those things that happens all of a sudden, like maybe it hits you at one minute past midnight on your 70th birthday, I think I better get Evil to hook me up with those friends of his, so we can have that room all arranged for and booked. Only Evil's limiting himself. I want 3 if those insatiable 22 year olds, one redhead, one blonde, and one brunette. When I commit suicide, I want it to be a truly memorable event, even though I won't be around to remember it.
I mean, we can set up cameras and stuff in there, then my wife can get it all edited into a good porn flick, and the proceeds can help her out, in case we haven't managed to find her a nice sugar daddy by then.
EVILDOERS wrote:
[quote=CPL4SOFT]Because every time the female half gets on all she gets is here's a pic of my cock, want to fuck?
At the risk of further pizzing off a few of the single dudes around here...
That's because a fair number of guys assume that since you're swingers (i.e. you "allow" your partner to fuck other men) you must by default be a cuckold. It's bullshit and it unfairly affects the single guys who DON'T assume that married male swingers are all cucks (or won't openly admit it-lol). To be fair, we've run into more than a few married guys who feel this way too. They're easy to pick out because they say up front their lady doesn't fuck other guys or they try to bait and switch you after you meet.
Exactly... Bty EvilDoers, you guys are awesome! We laughed so hard reading your profile! Xoxo!
Why I am here just so the single men have someone to chase, I get nothing out of it but I am so worried about those poor single guys that I just had to push her to let them have her all the time. Or so they ( ok some think )
This for us is a 5 year or so play time for us, we will do this untill we feel its not just fun and then just fade away, we have had our troubles in our marriage and fixed them, and had more and fixed them to. Not to say we will not have more but this is a big help for us to understand each other and help us give willingly for each other and thier wants. Has been a good thing for the most part.
And the chivalry thing, is not around neer as much as it should be, I am with the OP on this it will be the most important thing in my life besides my wife. It will keep us from getting as much as the pushy ass holes will on some parts because they dont care who or why and if they are hurting who or why so they may get a little more then me, but I can look myself in the mirror and like who I am. Thats all I care about. I am here for the fun and friendship with the few people that stick around. And good friends they are. Hope we can get a few more to boot.
Ok now I am ready for the yelling and ass chewing to begine.
This for us is a 5 year or so play time for us, we will do this untill we feel its not just fun and then just fade away, we have had our troubles in our marriage and fixed them, and had more and fixed them to. Not to say we will not have more but this is a big help for us to understand each other and help us give willingly for each other and thier wants. Has been a good thing for the most part.
And the chivalry thing, is not around neer as much as it should be, I am with the OP on this it will be the most important thing in my life besides my wife. It will keep us from getting as much as the pushy ass holes will on some parts because they dont care who or why and if they are hurting who or why so they may get a little more then me, but I can look myself in the mirror and like who I am. Thats all I care about. I am here for the fun and friendship with the few people that stick around. And good friends they are. Hope we can get a few more to boot.
Ok now I am ready for the yelling and ass chewing to begine.
I agree pretty much with evil.
I probably get less sex here than before I signed up and that is OK because what I get is a lot better than what I got before and the candy is dandy.
There is no doubt about it. The women control it and we men talk about it. I don
I probably get less sex here than before I signed up and that is OK because what I get is a lot better than what I got before and the candy is dandy.
There is no doubt about it. The women control it and we men talk about it. I don
MISSSMITHNSIRNEWBY wrote:
Lots of females are doing it to keep and satisfy their male.
SN
Ugly truth, right here. Applicable to both sexes, of course, but this angle is often overlooked.
BANSHEECOUPLE wrote:
don't pay the bills and help raise the kids just so some single asshole can try and sweep my wife off her feet.
That isn't something exclusive to single assholes. There are plenty of married assholes that do the same.
Assholes are assholes, and that kind of asshole tends to not respect relationships.
BANSHEECOUPLE wrote:
I don't know that I full agree that the female half controls it. It's a relationship and that takes two people. Yes it's usually the female that has the final say in some aspects. For the most my beautiful wife and I make joint decision.
And I would agree with that
Ok that's my twenty four cents worth. Lol
.24 worth I gave you a Quarter I want my other pennie or at least a few more words.
If the wife ain't happy ain't nobody happy. This makes wife happy. Plus, when wife says she is bisexual, you do anything in your power to get her females to fuck.
Neither one of us "contol" anything. Either we're both on board or we're not. Our experience is nothing like the OP's.
A no from either of us is a no from both of us. It's odd to hear people say only the wife has the final say.
We approach everything as a couple. We look for couples we both 100% agree on and have chemistry with. Yes, that can be hard to find, but we aren't here for notches on our belt.
I find the whole idea of one person being in control or having the final say to be completely foreign to how we approach things. There is no right or wrong here, just putting in our perspective.
A no from either of us is a no from both of us. It's odd to hear people say only the wife has the final say.
We approach everything as a couple. We look for couples we both 100% agree on and have chemistry with. Yes, that can be hard to find, but we aren't here for notches on our belt.
I find the whole idea of one person being in control or having the final say to be completely foreign to how we approach things. There is no right or wrong here, just putting in our perspective.
FUCKCHASTITY wrote:Now here's someone on my level lol
If the wife ain't happy ain't nobody happy. This makes wife happy. Plus, when wife says she is bisexual, you do anything in your power to get her females to fuck.
I don't care if the girls want me we don't have to swap or have sex with other people I do like me some girl on girl though
I'll try and find an "opening" somewhere and jump in I may get tossed aside but I'll be back damnit
STARSHELL1212 wrote:
Neither one of us "contol" anything. Either we're both on board or we're not. Our experience is nothing like the OP's.
A no from either of us is a no from both of us. It's odd to hear people say only the wife has the final say.
We approach everything as a couple. We look for couples we both 100% agree on and have chemistry with. Yes, that can be hard to find, but we aren't here for notches on our belt.
I find the whole idea of one person being in control or having the final say to be completely foreign to how we approach things. There is no right or wrong here, just putting in our perspective.
Quoting because this can't be posted often enough.
Fine! If y'all are gonna keep this thread SERIOUS!
Good points about the aspect of one partner being pressured in any way to swing. If we have one "prime directive" in the lifestyle it's that we only go at the comfort level of the person who is the most hesitant. Does that make sex not happen sometimes? Absolutely. It's actually pretty fucking easy (if you're paying attention) to tell if someone is being pressured to play when they don't really want to.
Good points about the aspect of one partner being pressured in any way to swing. If we have one "prime directive" in the lifestyle it's that we only go at the comfort level of the person who is the most hesitant. Does that make sex not happen sometimes? Absolutely. It's actually pretty fucking easy (if you're paying attention) to tell if someone is being pressured to play when they don't really want to.
MISSSMITHNSIRNEWBY wrote:
I think it is an illusion that females control it. Lots of silly "single" dudes running around with their aching willies in their hands who distract from what is going on. Factor them out and it is still largely a male's world. Lots of females are doing it to keep and satisfy their male.
SN
Yeah, and that's kind of unfortunate. Personally, I think that if either one is doing it to "keep" the other, they have a big, bad boogeyman hiding in their closet, ready to jump out and tear them apart sooner or later. Doing it to help your partner be happier is fine, you're supposed to do whatever you can to make him or her happy, but in the case of swinging, only if you're truly OK with the whole thing yourself. Doing it to keep your partner sounds too much like doing something you'd rather not do, just because you feel you don't have any other options. And what's really and truly sad about a situation like that is that it won't work, not in the long run. As I said earlier in this discussion, in that 95 page post I wrote, sex is something that goes with that permanent relationship kind of love, but it isn't what determines it. If your relationship is going to fall apart just because one partner isn't happy with the sex he or she gets in that relationship, then that relationship isn't built on a firm enough foundation. And there are probably other problems that you aren't seeing, ones that letting him or her have more sex with more people just isn't going to solve.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
Frankly if you wrap your self image and your relationship etc., etc., around it and make it a big priority you very well might end up wondering what happened to your life.
Not that it means much of anything, but this is why I always took exception (with few very dedicated and very successful and very happy exceptions) to people calling this a "lifestyle". Most of the swingers I've met would honestly lose their shit if they made this a big priority. Most of the ones I knew that did so, did lose their shit. And much more.
(from Terry)
I have to say that I believe it IS a lifestyle, because it involves, to me, a lot more than just having sex with people. It involves a way of thinking, a way of seeing the world, a way of seeing relationships. And that way of thinking, and of seeing things, does carry over into the other things you do. Not to say that it's also a life by itself. Not to say that it's even the most important part of one's life. But it is an important part.
It's more that being the way you are, swinging is something you can do and enjoy, with the sex being a big part, but not all, of what you enjoy about it.
But I agree that if someone gets so wrapped up in it that it becomes the reason they get up each day, it's a problem.
I have to say that I believe it IS a lifestyle, because it involves, to me, a lot more than just having sex with people. It involves a way of thinking, a way of seeing the world, a way of seeing relationships. And that way of thinking, and of seeing things, does carry over into the other things you do. Not to say that it's also a life by itself. Not to say that it's even the most important part of one's life. But it is an important part.
It's more that being the way you are, swinging is something you can do and enjoy, with the sex being a big part, but not all, of what you enjoy about it.
But I agree that if someone gets so wrapped up in it that it becomes the reason they get up each day, it's a problem.
Why doesn't anyone know the swinger rule that the woman is always in charge?
Reason.
Because us dicks may not get what we want when we want it, but we will get it a lot more often.
Reason.
Because us dicks may not get what we want when we want it, but we will get it a lot more often.
She dragged me kicking and screaming into the lifestyle. I hated the validation it gave her and worse the validation it gave me that I was still attractive and desirable. I hated the fact that we could have a little variety and then actually enjoy ourselves with each other even more. I hated the fact that I could get a little strange on the road and not have to hide it from her and lie to her about it and feel guilty about it. I hated the fact that we don't get to keep evil secrets from each other that we could actually be open and honest in our relationship and talk about anything without fear of repercussions. Yes, I'm still kicking and screaming about it...
Let's party!
Let's party!
***** I have GOT to stop posting shit drunk sorry lol *****
However some good discussions going on I must say. I am very much into psychology and what makes people tick in any given situation and how that can change in a heartbeat.
My original point of not posting drunk still applies
However some good discussions going on I must say. I am very much into psychology and what makes people tick in any given situation and how that can change in a heartbeat.
My original point of not posting drunk still applies
Yeah I've always thought "lifestyle" was a sort of vanillified generic term to make wife swapping sound a little more palatable to more people. If it were truly a lifestyle people likely wouldn't be so quick to hide it from their friends and family. Maybe it is a lifestyle for people who own a club or a website or something and their livelihood depends on perverts like us. But other than goofing around in the forums, swinging makes up such an infinitesimal part of our lives. I guess if you're always in chat, or writing people looking for a hookup, or hitting a party or two every weekend it would be considered more of a lifestyle...or a HUGE hobby.
As to the female centric/controlled aspect. It is and it isn't. When we started I was the one that brought it up at first but we did things at Ms. Evil's pace. Hell I was just happy to be in the game even if it wasn't even triple A ball at that point. But I was surprised to see Ms. Evil and many other women we've known, once more comfortable with the concept of swinging and more relaxed about it, take the swinging football and run with it (sorry about all the sports metaphors). I think women innately have more to lose, so to speak, in swinging and most would at least initially likely be more hesitant at first. JMO
Any old timers remember the good old days of the early local Swingular parties? They were ALWAYS very female centric and would basically start as the females dancing together and playing and much later MAYBE the males, upon invitation, could join in. Very strict rules and a reason we stopped going as often as Ms. Evil isn't really bi.
As to the female centric/controlled aspect. It is and it isn't. When we started I was the one that brought it up at first but we did things at Ms. Evil's pace. Hell I was just happy to be in the game even if it wasn't even triple A ball at that point. But I was surprised to see Ms. Evil and many other women we've known, once more comfortable with the concept of swinging and more relaxed about it, take the swinging football and run with it (sorry about all the sports metaphors). I think women innately have more to lose, so to speak, in swinging and most would at least initially likely be more hesitant at first. JMO
Any old timers remember the good old days of the early local Swingular parties? They were ALWAYS very female centric and would basically start as the females dancing together and playing and much later MAYBE the males, upon invitation, could join in. Very strict rules and a reason we stopped going as often as Ms. Evil isn't really bi.
It's agreed that the females have all the say but at some point in time I'd think that there should be some type of attraction between the females towards the males in this lifestyle. All I hear is the guy side saying we don't care as long as we get laid and I start to think WOW that's the most pathetic remark ever made. Yes I as any normal male get butt hurt if I don't know if the other female is attracted because every man wants to be felt desired at some point in time. I've been guilty for many things and my biggest is getting all butt hurt over a female that didn't display any form of attraction. It's like great you're willing to have sex with me but then again you don't care who you screw that night I just happen to be there is all. I enjoy seeing my wife being pleased but I also want to be pleased as well. Swinging is one sided that's no secret and I recall the time I tried to be the center of attention and it blew up right in my face to the point of almost losing my wife I wasn't trying to be the MACHO man but I felt that I should have had a say in it but as any guy I took it to a level that violated the rules of engagement in this lifestyle. We don't play anymore due to my actions and for that I regret ever trying to over take the FEMALES ALWAYS RULE concept. To any guy out there enjoy the sex and remember you're just a penis in waiting. From one ex-swinger to others please learn that it's not about you it's all about making sure she is happy.
It's agreed that the females have all the say but at some point in time I'd think that there should be some type of attraction between the females towards the males in this lifestyle. All I hear is the guy side saying we don't care as long as we get laid and I start to think WOW that's the most pathetic remark ever made. Yes I as any normal male get butt hurt if I don't know if the other female is attracted because every man wants to be felt desired at some point in time. I've been guilty for many things and my biggest is getting all butt hurt over a female that didn't display any form of attraction. It's like great you're willing to have sex with me but then again you don't care who you screw that night I just happen to be there is all. I enjoy seeing my wife being pleased but I also want to be pleased as well. Swinging is one sided that's no secret and I recall the time I tried to be the center of attention and it blew up right in my face to the point of almost losing my wife I wasn't trying to be the MACHO man but I felt that I should have had a say in it but as any guy I took it to a level that violated the rules of engagement in this lifestyle. We don't play anymore due to my actions and for that I regret ever trying to over take the FEMALES ALWAYS RULE concept. To any guy out there enjoy the sex and remember you're just a penis in waiting. From one ex-swinger to others please learn that it's not about you it's all about making sure she is happy.