My entire life has been spent in training not to touch another man's wife/girlfriend/S.O. and it's a hard habit for me to break when in a group of people that are like-minded (ie; swinging).
I suppose it's a fine line to that determines when it's ok to give a pat, squeeze, or stroke. I've heard from many women in the past (not in the lifestyle), that it makes them uncomfortable and gives a creepy vibe when it's done at an inappropriate moment. I don't ever want to come across as that "creepy feely" guy at a party, but at the same time, being more reserved makes me come across as uninterested, when in fact, all I can think of is how NOT to fuck up when I start talking. It's that shyness come to bite me in the ass again and while it can be overcome with the right application of alcohol, I'd like to be relatively sure that I'm doing the right thing.
Any other guys feel this way?
How do women feel about it?
-Greg
I suppose it's a fine line to that determines when it's ok to give a pat, squeeze, or stroke. I've heard from many women in the past (not in the lifestyle), that it makes them uncomfortable and gives a creepy vibe when it's done at an inappropriate moment. I don't ever want to come across as that "creepy feely" guy at a party, but at the same time, being more reserved makes me come across as uninterested, when in fact, all I can think of is how NOT to fuck up when I start talking. It's that shyness come to bite me in the ass again and while it can be overcome with the right application of alcohol, I'd like to be relatively sure that I'm doing the right thing.
Any other guys feel this way?
How do women feel about it?
-Greg
Yeah I (Mark) feel the same way. I am pretty shy and I think people take that as I am not interested.
Yep same here, I'm not the best looking guy out there, and I've never really had the talent of just starting up a conversation with a pretty lady, so I too come across (in my opinion) as to most seeming as if I'm not interested.
I too feel the same way.....
I have become known as "The guy that holds up the Bar"....lol
but one thing they do know is that when someone is in trouble or needs help with "that creepy guy" I am the one they come too.
What i have tried to do (sometimes it works) Is when i find a lady i try to talk to her about something NOT having to do with the lifestyle ,and once i get her to laugh i ask her point blank about her getting rubbed up on .I have even gone as far as " Do you mind if i was to reach out and touch your breast/ass/legs? They look sooooo soft and inviting."
Guess what 9 out of 10 times i get a yes for asking.and a thank-you for asking and not just doing without permisssion.
Just remember guys and gals.......just because you have played with someone ,doesnt mean you have permision to feel,fondle,or grope them.
ALWAYS ask permision or at least make sure it is ok with them,FIRST!
papa smurf
I have become known as "The guy that holds up the Bar"....lol
but one thing they do know is that when someone is in trouble or needs help with "that creepy guy" I am the one they come too.
What i have tried to do (sometimes it works) Is when i find a lady i try to talk to her about something NOT having to do with the lifestyle ,and once i get her to laugh i ask her point blank about her getting rubbed up on .I have even gone as far as " Do you mind if i was to reach out and touch your breast/ass/legs? They look sooooo soft and inviting."
Guess what 9 out of 10 times i get a yes for asking.and a thank-you for asking and not just doing without permisssion.
Just remember guys and gals.......just because you have played with someone ,doesnt mean you have permision to feel,fondle,or grope them.
ALWAYS ask permision or at least make sure it is ok with them,FIRST!
papa smurf
Kim and I have been in this lifestyle for 6 years I'm alot older and I would never offend anyone out there on purpose I watch Kim and she can touch anyone and I think thats great but I'm unable to do that I'm like (Mark) not comfortable doing it. I do see other guys do it. I think if a women wants a man to touch her she will let him know some how. I honestly think if I didn't have Kim I wouldn't be enjoying this lifestyle at all I'm so lucky to have her. Mark you are also very lucky to have your women she is very sexy. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one out there with a very sexy women that is not comfortable touching somelses women/wife with out permission
I don't think it is appropriate if it is unwelcomed. If there is some flirting going on, even then, you must use your head. I can be a touchy, feely person, but, I would never do it if I did not feel a mutual understanding.
We have been in situations where the male of another couple became touchy, feely with Chrissy, and it was very uncomfortable for both of us. She was not ready for it, and it was a bit awkward. We are both big flirts, and if that is going on, okay, but, if it isn't, you may want to think before you act.
Just my $0.02.
Ron
We have been in situations where the male of another couple became touchy, feely with Chrissy, and it was very uncomfortable for both of us. She was not ready for it, and it was a bit awkward. We are both big flirts, and if that is going on, okay, but, if it isn't, you may want to think before you act.
Just my $0.02.
Ron
The female half here......being relatively new to this not knowing exactely what is appropriate and what is not.......but do most certainly know if it is uncomfortable. Having said that have never had any inappropriate advances made to me. When the flirting has become more intense have had the man ask if it is OK.
So maybe if you feel the moment might be there ask......all one can say is no and who knows you might get a wink, a yes and a responsive touch!
So maybe if you feel the moment might be there ask......all one can say is no and who knows you might get a wink, a yes and a responsive touch!
First of all I would have to say I would have a hard time keeping my hands off Mrs Hunt. :-) I would of course do the gentlemanly thing and not just grope. I might start by gently touching an arm or sliding a hand across the lower part of her back. ( And this is the approach I would take with most). Then of course as I received a good reception to that action I would probably ask to do more. :-) I would probably say that she has such a wonderful neck would it be OK if I nibbled it? :-)
Gentlemen,
I have experienced and felt the same feelings. I am always a gentleman and only touch when given permission. One of our best friend couples are both VERY touchy and the male gropes at every opportunity (in public and private). My wife and most of the couples that are in our local group feel that he is way too forward. My wife finally learned to watch for him and simply catch his hands everytime he came her way and most of the wives have found some comfortable way of protecting their space. At socials he tends to overdo the drinking and becomes even more forward. For a time, I observed that he always seemed to have a female in "hand" which made me feel that I appeared uninterested, shy, akward, and maybe a little impotent.
I had a good heart to heart with my wife and found that all of the females in our group felt the same way about the handsy guys and that I should observe more and see what/who they were handsy with. Well I did, and was surprised to learn that for the most part, they were limited to the women that I had absolutely no interest in. I am average in looks and build, and mid-fifties, so I am not one that has women hunting me down. However my taste in women is for the ones that have self-confidence, poise, take care of themselves and know what they want out of life.
What I have learned is that if I see a female that interests me, I first ask my wife about her and, sometimes, I learn her name and a little about her. I ask her to dance and it gives us an opportunity to spend some one on one time together. During this time I/we are able to determine if we want to spend more time together. I never stray lower than her lower back with my right hand, always thank her for the dance and walk her back to her table. I try to meet her husband and visit briefly. If I feel interested in her, I ask if she would like to dance again later. If I get an enthusiastic yes, I ask what music she prefers and file it away for later use. During the second dance I can sense if there is any interest from her and simply tell her that I am interested in getting better acquainted with her and that I will not grope, fondle, or touch her without her permission, so please don't interrupt my restraint as a lack of interest in her.
What I have found is something we all know, but don't pay enough attention to - COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO ALL RELATIONSHIPS. I have very comfortably been given accesses to beautiful women that the forward males have only dreamed of and will never get even close to. Basically, do you want fast food, or would you prefer to take a little time and enjoy a seven course meal? I much prefer prime rib to a Big Mac!
Ladies, we have yet to hear from you. What approach do you prefer?
I have experienced and felt the same feelings. I am always a gentleman and only touch when given permission. One of our best friend couples are both VERY touchy and the male gropes at every opportunity (in public and private). My wife and most of the couples that are in our local group feel that he is way too forward. My wife finally learned to watch for him and simply catch his hands everytime he came her way and most of the wives have found some comfortable way of protecting their space. At socials he tends to overdo the drinking and becomes even more forward. For a time, I observed that he always seemed to have a female in "hand" which made me feel that I appeared uninterested, shy, akward, and maybe a little impotent.
I had a good heart to heart with my wife and found that all of the females in our group felt the same way about the handsy guys and that I should observe more and see what/who they were handsy with. Well I did, and was surprised to learn that for the most part, they were limited to the women that I had absolutely no interest in. I am average in looks and build, and mid-fifties, so I am not one that has women hunting me down. However my taste in women is for the ones that have self-confidence, poise, take care of themselves and know what they want out of life.
What I have learned is that if I see a female that interests me, I first ask my wife about her and, sometimes, I learn her name and a little about her. I ask her to dance and it gives us an opportunity to spend some one on one time together. During this time I/we are able to determine if we want to spend more time together. I never stray lower than her lower back with my right hand, always thank her for the dance and walk her back to her table. I try to meet her husband and visit briefly. If I feel interested in her, I ask if she would like to dance again later. If I get an enthusiastic yes, I ask what music she prefers and file it away for later use. During the second dance I can sense if there is any interest from her and simply tell her that I am interested in getting better acquainted with her and that I will not grope, fondle, or touch her without her permission, so please don't interrupt my restraint as a lack of interest in her.
What I have found is something we all know, but don't pay enough attention to - COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO ALL RELATIONSHIPS. I have very comfortably been given accesses to beautiful women that the forward males have only dreamed of and will never get even close to. Basically, do you want fast food, or would you prefer to take a little time and enjoy a seven course meal? I much prefer prime rib to a Big Mac!
Ladies, we have yet to hear from you. What approach do you prefer?
I'm getting some great advice and comments here. I think I've identified a few commonalities that we're sharing. I think the hard part for me is identifying WHEN that first touch is appropriate.
Because I know Amy so well, I can tell when she wants to be touched, but it's quite different with another man's wife. I suppose it's getting to know the nuances of someone. The better you are at that, the easier it is to determine that first contact.
Where's Hitch when I need him?!
Because I know Amy so well, I can tell when she wants to be touched, but it's quite different with another man's wife. I suppose it's getting to know the nuances of someone. The better you are at that, the easier it is to determine that first contact.
Where's Hitch when I need him?!
LOL love the movie Hitch. I find that gentle touching in a general way is a good opener. :-) If they don't like it they will let you know and if they respond well you can ask from there. I have not been much of a "ladies man" all swave and debonair. But I have also touched both men and women as a friendly gesture. Touch has magic. :-) Just avoid the obvious sexual areas. If they don't want touch they will let you know. If they want more they tend to let you know that too. :-)
Wow, a subeject I can realy relate to.
Yes I to am a very shy gentilmenly man. The worse thing I beleve I could posabily do is to offend someone. A first impresion is everything. Even if you are a fantastic person, if you make one wrong move your dead in the water. Even when I've "had a few" my shyness drops a little, but I am allways a gentilman.
I think Kandsok has a very good idea. I may have to use that. But again there comes the part of asking to touch or rub. I look in alot of these chat rooms (even in this site) and see those guys that try to direct asking ladies to remove something or show more and and tend to think that they come off as iggnorant. What I mean is how do you ask a women if you can touch her brest without sounding like one of these internet pervs just out for a cheep thrill?
Grant you, if a women comes up to me and starts rubing aganst me I do get the hint. But I'm not the type to go doing that to someone I just met. I'm am a very big flurt once I get to know someone, but even that takes time. And I'm not talking minutes or even hours, I'm talking days or even weeks of chatting or talking with someone.
I guess the worse part is not knowing when the moment is right. Sometimes I may come off as someone that is not intrested, but beleve me, I am. But I'd rather be the quiet guy sitting over there then that guy with 10 arms that can't keep his hands off anyone and is anoing the ladies. I guess my thinking in this is that eventuily someone will get to woundering enough and come over to me. Once that happends, I tend to open up. And a lady who comes up to me will have me wraped around her finger.
Mr. Eagle.
Yes I to am a very shy gentilmenly man. The worse thing I beleve I could posabily do is to offend someone. A first impresion is everything. Even if you are a fantastic person, if you make one wrong move your dead in the water. Even when I've "had a few" my shyness drops a little, but I am allways a gentilman.
I think Kandsok has a very good idea. I may have to use that. But again there comes the part of asking to touch or rub. I look in alot of these chat rooms (even in this site) and see those guys that try to direct asking ladies to remove something or show more and and tend to think that they come off as iggnorant. What I mean is how do you ask a women if you can touch her brest without sounding like one of these internet pervs just out for a cheep thrill?
Grant you, if a women comes up to me and starts rubing aganst me I do get the hint. But I'm not the type to go doing that to someone I just met. I'm am a very big flurt once I get to know someone, but even that takes time. And I'm not talking minutes or even hours, I'm talking days or even weeks of chatting or talking with someone.
I guess the worse part is not knowing when the moment is right. Sometimes I may come off as someone that is not intrested, but beleve me, I am. But I'd rather be the quiet guy sitting over there then that guy with 10 arms that can't keep his hands off anyone and is anoing the ladies. I guess my thinking in this is that eventuily someone will get to woundering enough and come over to me. Once that happends, I tend to open up. And a lady who comes up to me will have me wraped around her finger.
Mr. Eagle.
great topic! I too am "Gentalmanly" or "Shy" which ever you choose. We are new to the lifestyle and have gone to a few partys but usually keep to ourselves due to the "shy" factor and not sure how to approch people. I (the male half) feel that we are one of the couples out there that are only half appealing... the mrs. is great looking and sexy and me well..... Not so much.. so I am always afraid to approach a couple for fear of getting either 1. laughed at or 2. looked at and them going Ewwww! no way... LOL.. so with all this in my mind we wnd up being "Wall Flowers" and just observing...
I just skipped over most of the responses after motorcyclecpl's, so bear with me if I'm repeating something someone else said.
Being on the younger side of things (I'm 26) I am unused to good manners from my own generation. I appreciate them and teach them to my children, but to be asked permission from someone in a setting where groping and/or fondling is almost expected is a little odd for me. Having said that, my reaction to being asked would likely be much more positive than if someone just randomly walked up to me and grabbed a handful of ass. I might not be sure of how to respond in that situation; I might blush ten different shades of red. And I might grant permission even if I wasn't especially attracted to the person just because I'd be so surprised at the request in the first place. (That's my own issue, though, and one to work on for sure!)
I just lost my train of thought, but basically I think I'm saying I appreciate being asked although it's a little disconcerting at first. It all depends, I suppose, on how I'm asked. If someone just comes out and says, "Hey, I'd like to touch you" I'd be less likely to respond positively than if they said, "Those are beautiful breasts, would you be offended if I indulged my curiosity as to how they feel in my hands?"
~Ang
Being on the younger side of things (I'm 26) I am unused to good manners from my own generation. I appreciate them and teach them to my children, but to be asked permission from someone in a setting where groping and/or fondling is almost expected is a little odd for me. Having said that, my reaction to being asked would likely be much more positive than if someone just randomly walked up to me and grabbed a handful of ass. I might not be sure of how to respond in that situation; I might blush ten different shades of red. And I might grant permission even if I wasn't especially attracted to the person just because I'd be so surprised at the request in the first place. (That's my own issue, though, and one to work on for sure!)
I just lost my train of thought, but basically I think I'm saying I appreciate being asked although it's a little disconcerting at first. It all depends, I suppose, on how I'm asked. If someone just comes out and says, "Hey, I'd like to touch you" I'd be less likely to respond positively than if they said, "Those are beautiful breasts, would you be offended if I indulged my curiosity as to how they feel in my hands?"
~Ang
Ah yes good manners is good to have. "Please pass the pussy" :-)
And have to say the ladies on here are very nice. Sure would hate to offend any. :-)
And have to say the ladies on here are very nice. Sure would hate to offend any. :-)
Ok, BigDaddy's 2 cents on this... I think we ALL have wonders as to when touching is appropriate. I try very hard to be a gentleman, and in doing so have missed the boat on a lot of occasions. I've chatted with a girl I met at a party after the fact, and despite the reality that I was VERY interested in them, they said that they had no idea... D'oh!!! The 'lifestyle' has really brougt me out of the shell that I hid in for 30+ years, and I think it's safe to say that in the swinging world you have to take some risks. I FIRMLY believe that women are to be respected and their mates are too! If Mr. Paws attacks Mel at a party and I can see she's not 'feeling' it, I feel like she's being disrespected. There are 'safe' ways to know if a woman is interested without grabbing her or invading her space. We're all at a swing gathering, and we know why we're there right? We're also adults, and communication is key in the lifestyle! My approach is to SPEAK to them... lol.. Novel idea right? Seriously, speak and see if you have anything in common, from home decorating ideas to favorite kinks. Then if you're feeling it, reach over and give her a 'brush by', just touch an arm or the small of her back. If she jerks away, arches her back like a black cat on Halloween, you'll know not to try that again and move on... At that point, I usually know if there's a spark... then move forward with the 'attack plan'... lol. I know the author of this thread to be a tremendous gentleman and an extremely charismatic guy! G-man, use what brought ya to the game bro... You 'got it', and when you get your confidence (swing legs) for you sailors, ain't nuttin' gonna stop ya! My best advice, be a gentleman, be respectful, read the signs both verbal AND physical, and be yourself! By the way, I know at least one girl who wants you to touch her... hahaha
we are both pretty shy around new people as we dont want to offend anyone, and we often feel like some of the rest that others dont think we are interested or maybe even snobby, we are just a couple of people that are looking to meet others and enjoy things. We get into chat to kinda break the ice with some of you and sometimes feel ignored. Maybe we shouldn't feel like that. Even though we are not real close we will be able to come down to meet or party at times. hope we didnt ramble or offend anyone